Sunday, December 30, 2007

a tribute to david poarch

its almost a year ago when i started maintaining a blog. surprisingly, with the type of personality i have, i never thought, i am still maintaining it up to now.
it was also the same year when i bumped into this blog site that gave me the inspiration of writing my blog and continuing life with a distinct perspective. this guy has everything one would dream for: a good education, good profession, good looks and a promising future in the modern time land of flowing milk and honey, the united states. but he turn his back against all of these to prove something: that the best things in life are not on what you luxuriously have but on the simplest things that you wouldn't expect.
thus, my highest respect to him, david poarch or commonly known in the blog community as the coconuter.

here is a video documentary of his life as shown in nagmamahal kapamilya.




holiday vacation

i have been for a week long holiday vacation for work last week and i just kept on posting pictures to substitute my supposed written updates. excuse my laziness and stubborness.
anyhow, after my last shift, i went to UP diliman's lantern parade and met some of my bedan and baguio friends for our exchange gifts. we proceeded to one of my friend's place after the parade for a party. while we were waiting for our trip to baguio to attend the annual pasiklaban (its UP baguio's counterpart of the lantern parade and the campus version of the mardi gra). compare to the previous pasiklabans' that i have attended to, this year's event was quite passive (due to lack of the appropriate word to describe it), since the campus implemented a stricter rule for booze and smoke (which UP baguio is quite known for during such event). previously, 3 in the morning was just the start of the main highlight. but for this year, you could actually notice the drastic difference with regard to the number of people during that time. since, most of the people either opted of drinking outside the campus or find the event quite boring and went home after the oblation run. though i wouldn't really say that my trip there was a waste, since i have met some old faces from college and even my closest friends. i've stayed there for a couple of days and savored the nostalgic feeling of being a free-spirited and care-free individual(?!) again.after the event, i immediately went back to manila to catch my 6pm trip to bicol. it was already around 11 in the morning when i got into a bus. when it passed beside my former university, flashbacks of college memories just flew in my head and obviously it made me sad. well, college years for me would probably be the best part of my life. i have learned a lot of things even beyond what are thought in the academe. i have met a lot of wonderful people that i still cherish up until the present and even the worst that you would wish you don't meet. while the best part of it all, i have experienced the best and worst things life could offer that better equiped me of what life has stored for me.i've arrived manila 5 in the afternoon. unfortunately,. there were still some important loads that i need to fetch back to my pad (for christmas, obviously). it took me another 10 minutes for me to be able to pack them. i have also unloaded my soiled clothes and packed new ones. just my luck, the taxis in katipunan were as scarse as stars in a stormy night. 25 minutes were wasted just for me to get a crabby taxi and a very opportunist driver who was asking for additional P20 just for a cubao ride. since i was really in a rush, i have no choice but to agree with the deal. but it doesn't stop there. i suggested to take the xavierville avenue then turn left to anonas, so that we'll get to the bus terminal faster. but we where just about to turn right coming from esteban abada, there were already a long pile of vehicles blocking the entire road. so we've decided to turn left instead hit katipunan avenue then take aurora boulevard. although there were quite a number of waits, atleast the road was wider compare to xavierville. but when we reached anonas, my eyes almost fell upon looking how the traffic was. it was undescribable. it took me almost an hour before i have reached the bus terminal. aside from being anxious missing my trip (since there will be a lot of people going to the provinces and i might not get any more trips), the driver doesn't know how to get to cubao from katipunan. argh! yes, i missed the trip. but fortunately enough, since the owner of the bus company was a relative (with all modesty), the driver and conductor were kind enough to offer me the conductor's seat or the seats at the back of the driver's seat. i have reached sorsogon around 10 am already and basically spent the entire christmas holiday.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

mt. bulusan








" the misty bulusan"

out of empitness and boredom

12/26/2007

7:01 am

kahit ang luneta madaming sinasabi

"dapat ipabatid ng malayang
pahayagan sa pamahalaan ang
tinitibok ng damdaming bayan"
luneta park, manila
november 2007

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

up diliman: lantern parade


la musikero "the musicians"

the oblation (of course)

this is really really witty: bencab it is surprising that many UP students don't know ben cabrera,
considering his one of the most highlighted national artist for visual arts.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Monday, December 17, 2007

the picture of a forgotten poverty.

once, i've heard a story of a little boy who lived in a very remote barrio. no electricity, no potable water, no means of communications and the road is only passable by foot.
everyday, this boy walks atleast five kilometers just to reach the nearest school. the trip comprises the cliche scenes of countless rivers, stony terrains and rigid mountains. he wakes up earlier than the roosters to prepare for school. then he immediately leaves school to wash the very same uniform to use in the next day.
the boy carries a small dusted bag bigger than him. inside the bag he only has an inch of an about to run out pencil and thin paper pad. it was given to him last year when an outreach program was conducted in there place. after that nobody attempted to go back.
one day, his teachers noticed how the paper pad becomes thinner and thinner everyday. he was often scolded because the teacher claims that he was so stubborn in taking down daily class notes. the boy then, would just remain quiet. this aggravates the teacher more. he was spank by a long stick and forced to write down the entire lesson for the whole day. the boy held his tears with all his might and wrote on the paper the smallest letters he could.
after a while, the teacher announced in the class that it is already their break. the boy immediately went outside and headed at the back of their classroom. then curious teacher cautiously chased him.
she found the boy at the back of their classroom, where all the scrap rusted roofs and scrap wood were piled. she saw the boy sitting on a corner covered with plywood scraps. then, she was surprised on what she witnessed. she saw the boy pulling a piece of paper on the pad and tore it into small pieces. then he put it into his mouth, gently chewed it to moisten then forcefully swallowed it.
the teachers immediately approached him and asked him why is he eating the paper? the boy was silent for a while then confessed that he haven't had a single meal for the past two days. he admitted that his parents weren't able to provide him anything for 'baon' because his parents earnings weren't enough to sustain even his studies. so for the past months, he kept himself from writing into his paper pad. afraid of getting starved again, once the paper ran out.
the teacher just can't help bursting into tears.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

just a thought: repression

there are people who can't control themselves that is why,
its fine for them to be repressed.
while there are people who can control themselves that is why,
they revolt when they are repressed.

*while walking along gateway in a scorching hot december afternoon.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

in response to kiddo

awww,, it is quite difficult to answer since i am an agnostic by choice.but i have a proposal, i could discuss the probable argument that could be thrown against you. then from that you could just try formulating a rebuttal.in reference with taylor and morgan(anthropologist), they argued that primitive religion, being the earliest and source of all forms of religion, was basically brought about to answer questions of events and phenomena in nature that could not be answered by primitive minds. furthermore, the creation of deities or god could be held extremely illusional because early societies have formulated beings beyond our senses to answer absolutely anything. following the logic, to respond to an unknown is to answer an unknown. as time passed by, rationality began to flourish. although men are still enclosed on the concept of religion, since his knowledge is still limited, they have began to concretized images of gods at the very least with the aid of arts and literature (which was probably at that point was just beginning). in a way, the illusion had materialized. but come to think of it, these images were still mere representations of men's naive illusions. although they were embossed with social values, veneration and importance, it is still a lifeless object.on the other hand, marx(sociologist) stated that religion is the opium of a society and this was supported by weber when he said that religion was used to sustain the status quo by propagating the doctrine that the oppressed will be blessed. suppressing them from revolting against the oppressive order. making men (specifically in the lower class) passive against the hostilities that are being brought to them by society (or the status quo) for the promise of paradise in the after life. to conclude, illusion is simply define as something to make somebody to believe for the existence of absence. regardless of the purpose, men should live in the reality to survive. they need to believe to themselves in order to acquire knowledge and survive his ever changing society.

the road back to chinatown

the other day, a chinese friend was kind enough to accompany me to chinatown when she knew that i haven't been there yet. we've roamed around the entire place, with my camera on one hand, i looked like a complete tourist. chinatown was exactly what i imagined it to be except the undescribable scent of horse pee and shit. narrow streets, chinese scripts, lion and dragon images, streaks of red and gold, chinky-eyed people and lots of buddha monuments.melody, my chinese friend, was very well-versewhen it comes to her chinese roots. she 'sounds' fluent in mandarin and reading the language. i knew she was really getting annoyed the whole time because i kept on asking her to translate different things and read boards along binondo. but i really can't help it. chinese culture was beginning to interests me, bringing about the blood in me. yes, although it is not dominant in me because of my dark skin and round eyes, i have a quarter of chinese descent in my blood. my grandmother's father is an UY, a pure chinese merchant who made his way into the markets of bicol and married a chinese mestisa. they've raised a family of nine, my grandmother being the eldest. eventually, my grandmom married a filipino and needed to buy from a filipino cousin their last name for legal purposes. fortunately, i was still able to familiariaze myself with our chinese custom when i was a child. since my great grandparents were still living. when they died, nobody else in my father's side coninued the tradition.along the way, my chinese friend introduced me to her ama (grand mother) and her (uncle). she warned me to prepare myself and just ignored any unusual gesture that they might give towards me. so i just gave my best warming smile. fortunately, i didn't notice any unusual gesture from them. we were eating authentic chinese dumplings, (the ones that were way different from those served in chowking, for they were filled with bashful of herbs and minimal meat. suprisingly, you'll still be able to sense the strong taste of pork) when she told me about the last time she introduced a filipino friend and was discriminated by her relatives when she introduced him to them. her friend didn't know this since they've expressed it in mandarin. hence, my friend didn't bother informing it to her friend, in which i understand.from there, i really got worried believing they've alreadyy discriminated me. since i really looked filipino basing on my features. on the other hand, my friend assured me that they've didn't. i just took her word for it. thinking about it. it is surprising to know how each individual regardless of class and race, has there own prejudices against one another. for instance, the so-called upper class has one against lower one. while the lower class has their counter prejudices against those at top. same logic follows in terms of other contexts. it is like a survival apparatus in order to survive the vicious nature of our social life. it seemed like each individual or group of people needs to have something to keep in themselves in order to value whatever status they are at. these keep them from going through life.most sociologist and political scientist would actually favor the conflict theory, claiming that it is inevitable for conflict to be relinguished in a society. they've viewed this a vital impetus or driving force for societal survival. each individual needs to have something to conflict with to avoid staleness and to look for other means to go through with whatever problems they maybe brought about to them. probably, as i emphasized the value of conflict in terms of discrimination and prejudices in this post, you might be thinking that i am promoting racisim or sexism. please, don't get me wrong. actually these are the top of my list when it comes to my petpeeves. the point that i am trying to drive at is conflicts are everywhere. probably, when life was created, conflict was the primary ingredient they've mixed. nobody can't escape it. for it is not life if you are going to eradicate it. but atleast we still have the option of atleast minimizing it from each of our system.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

100th post

i was in surprise earlier, when i was about to put in my previous post, it struck me to know that i was about to reach my 100th posts(this post being so). so i have decided to celebrate it the typical way---by commemorating it.
as a brief history of this blog, it all 'diligently' started last year when i decided to take a break from law school. if your going to browse back to my previous posts, you will actually read their the hardships that i need to surpass everyday for me to be able to juggle my time as a full time employee and a full time law student. unfortunately, i have learned that whatever push i might tried to myself for me to be able to hit two birds at one throw, there were still things that were beyond my control. that despite a wide array of options that may be laid into you and no matter how tempting those could be at the end of the day you still need to decide to choose and sacrifice one for the other.
i have decided to open up and maintain a blog in english for the reason of coping up with it up until the time i'll be going to law school again. in which, english is the primary medium in communicating. i was scared that time of losing the grip of it by the time i go back. i was very hesitant at first. since english was not really my forte and i am more into writing in filipino. i was really scared of showing my mistakes and gramaticall errors. but i still gave it a try.
what's with the blog name?
when i started this blog, i was actually thinking of either using my pen name which is pulang chico or my name attached with a distinct characteristic about myself. probably nostalgeric, like my very first blog site when i was in college. but at the back of my head, i thought of making it more detached from my old self. something new, something to start with like what was going on with me during those days. trying to cope up with an entire different environment: living alone, managing a very busy schedule, meeting new friends and especially memorizing streets. yes, memorizing streets!
honestly speaking, i am a big loser when it comes to directions and memorizing where to go. usually i would rather take my instict than following street signs and names. i know its my bad. but what i just noticed that even if i follow street signs, i always ended up getting lost. so it was already integrated in me to just follow what your heart says (just to make it more cliche---hahaha).
eventually, i found myself enjoying the habit of 'always' getting lost. i enjoyed it in such a way that i am learning alot among the streets that i haven't gave any notice before i even graduated. true as they say, that true education is outside the pages of our books and the walls of our classrooms. its actually the streets that teaches us real life and that was the time that i have decided to carry on the blog name, wandering commuter. and it proved me indeed that there are wonders when you wander.
as months swiftly passed by, i found myself religiously posting entries atleast twice a week. that despite of my still busy schedule, i was still able to make it a point to post something on my blog. it ranged from my thoughts, events and scenes in my life and among streets that were usually taken for granted. i eventually developed the behaviour of appreciating small and unnoticeable issues that lead to a more higher and complicated topics of discussions.
in effect, i also gained constant readers. although this was not my primary concern, instead it was intended more of a personal journal in order to track down my thoughts about certain ideas to remineace them whenever i wanted to, i am still grateful of having them. for these people in some point gave me the motivation of keeping my blog updated.
as of the moment, i am still thinking of maintaining this blog. because of some personal reasons. personal in a way, that i am still struggling and getting the hang of exposing my personal life to almost everyone. for i am not really a very vocal person in terms of opening my life even to my closest friends. infact, there were instances, in which i needed to edit my entries for several times before deciding to post it. there were even entries that were supposed to be posted here. but ended up being stucked on my email's draft folder because i find it very intrusive. although i know that i am the one who wrote them down. i am still on the process of gradually opening myself to everybody at least anonymously over the internet. then eventually, among my friends. thus, as of now, the wanderings of the wander will still continue to search for remarkable wonders.
happy centipostings for me!!

Monday, December 3, 2007

kabayan, batangas

last weekend, i went to kabayan, batangas with some of my officemates. despite the rumored bad weather we were still able to push through the trip. fortunately, it seemed like nature gave us a wonderful favor by making the sun peek visibly compare from the past days.
anyhow, it was almost a five hour trip, quite long than the previous trips i had before whenever we go to batangas. at the back of my head, i am thinking that probably we were lost somewhere in one of the towns of batangas as we went through to kabayan. it was already dark when we arrived in kabayan. with back and butts aches, it was still worth it when we saw the place.
as usual, after dinner we began our drinking session. surprisingly, i may say now that i already surpassed my alcholic stage. its been probably two months now, since i've last drank this much(with a stress to the word much---hahaha).

i wouldn't say that the place was a perfect paradise because it doesn't have fine white sand or clear sea water or smooth sea breeze. nonetheless, i commend its imperfection because it brings out the true hue of nature. most of the time, for our prime beaches we were often times overpowered with the scenery that all we tend to do is to appreciate it, stole a scene from it or just making a big fuzz of everything we see.


but for these kinds of beaches, where everything is not overrated. it gives us time to think clearly of ourselves and of life, of course. it gave me chance to breathe --- true life again. in which there are full of imperfections.

note:
this was my first time to try snorkling---a must see.

Monday, November 26, 2007

fame price

everyday whenever I go to the office, I always see a long pile of people either patiently waiting or sleeping outside the audience entrance of the building. probably they've been there since the other night. making sure that they are first in line by the time the audience entrance gate opens. surprisingly, most of them are old women and children, only having a thin sheet blanket, small umbrellas and carton boxes against the discomfort of cold dusk and dead concrete pathways. there are also instances in which you could see an entire family lying flat on the concrete floors. while either of the parent is preparing a hot drink for their entire folks.

at first, I thought that poverty was the only reason that drives these people to tolerate these situations. but last saturday by an invitation of an officemate, I have found out other subtle reasons for such cases. we were invited to fill in a dry run for a local gameshow, 1vs.100. we were asked to pretend that we are the actual contestants because they are trying a new approach to develop the show. whereas, the one is required to choose 10 people from the mob and he needs to defeat them all before he could actually be given an option to choose for the money.

anyhow, I was designated at the top row. there were no other people sitting beside me that point. when two guys took over the seats. they said that they were talents and was able to get the slot after one of the coordinators of the show approached their manager. they were asked to pretend that they are college students. I didn't know that they were talents that point, so I taught they are really college students and asked from what school they were. they answered me with a pause and told me that they are actually talents not students. I felt I have offended them in a way.

nonetheless, we were able to know one another since it was almost 4 hours before the dry run started. these guys where not really from manila and came from visayas and mindanao. they went to manila to try their chance of becoming celebrities and be seen in tv. I was surprised hearing from them their struggle of making it on each of their screenings just to be waiters, passer bys, extras etc. among various shows of the network. they have mentioned that everyday, they go to the network's premise waiting for a screening or dry runs like these. its like a break for them if they were able to make it. when I asked what else do they do aside from these, they've answered none. although they've admitted that they are college graduate. I felt sad for a moment.

when for me, these are just things you do for the first time and for the experience. these people are actually doing this for living. saddening in a way, that despite a good education, they are willing to exchange it for the price of fame.

after the show, we were paid P500. I went to starbucks, bought a toffe nut frappucino, completed my sticker card and claimed my planner. when I was about to go home, I saw them waiting again outside one of the studios.


come to think of it, fame really pays. but not guaranteeing anything in return.
so I've made up a decision regarding applying for a non-degree course. I've decided not to take it anymore. weighing down the advantages and disadvantages of pursuing creative writing 10, a 3-unit course subject for P5,046 in up diliman.
here are my formulated lists:
advantages
1. aside from work, I still have something productive to do for the entire semester before I go back to law school.
2. it would allow me to meet my friends often. since they are studying in the same university.
disadvantages
1. there is no assurance that this subject will be credited as an english unit for law school.
2. the tuition fee for a single subject is way unjustifiable for a state university. this is almost my entire tuition for an 18 unit semester when I was in my undergraduate (mind you, that is just two years ago).
3. once, I've enrolled to the non-degree program, I'll be needing to reapply for cross enrollee program again by the time I am already enrolled for law school. such a hassle.
4. if I'll be needing to take an undergraduate subject, it would be a lot cheaper since I am just a cross-enrollee and not a non-degree enrollee.
5. with christmas season approaching, expenses is also about to soar. not to mention, I am needing to buy a new phone. since I am still using the old school phone that I have bought in cubao.

no regrets.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

hike me, not

i have arrived manila by lunch time after an out of town trip from fontana in clark field, pampanga. after my friends dropped me off in philcoa, i immediately headed home and dropped off my things. then went to up diliman to follow up my pending non degree application.
yes, my colleagues, i am still on vacation for law school because i still find it quite difficult to continue the pages of my law school life in a new school starting from scratches again---no friends, new teachers, new environment, new blockmates and new studying habit. so i have decided to just finish the required english units for my curriculum.
the line was really long and there were still lots of stubborn students like me who decided to enroll on the last day of enrollment. nonetheless, i was still able to manage to keep my enrollment for a day. disheartenedly, from almost 50 sections that offered the general english courses, only two sections were available: one starts at 7 am. while the other is at 8:30. unfortunately, it went across my work shift, so it was the shedule conflict taht made me not to take it.
still optimistic, i tried looking for another general english elective. then, i saw another which was creative writing 10, that starts at 4 in the afternoon until 5:30. although i am really in doubt wheter or not this would be credited as an english unit. without any option left, i enlisted on the subject. thinking atleast i still have something to do aside from work.
the manangs in the registrar's office were kind enough to process my papers without the hassle i have previously experienced regarding public offices.


but when i assessed the fees that i am going to pay, i was surprised when i saw that it was 5,046 pesos for the 3 unit subject that i am enrolling. its about a 18 unit load that i usually pay per semester when i was in my undergraduate degree.
the lady in the counter told me that even if i have graduated on the same university since the 300% increase was already implemented across various campuses in up, i am already covered by the hike.
i was on shock that i remained speechless the entire time. i suddenly thought where was i when rallies where been mobilized regarding this issue for UP? i felt guilty thinking about the answers.
now, all i was left, was in doubt of whether or not i am still going to continue a subject that i really don't know if it would be credited for law school?
considering the pros and cons, i am really confused. please help me. i think i'll be needing divine intervention. whatever that means.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

jeric raval: the comeback of philippine action cinema

have you ever wander, how there are no longer action films being shown among philippine cinemas?
i just realized this after seeing jeric raval as one of dennis padilla and long mejia's guests in kapamilya deal or no deal.
when dennis called for help in the second set of the game, he called in JERIC RAVAL. it was a long pause before i was able to recall the name. i finally remembered him as one of the action stars in the 90s. he is often partnered with either jennifer sevilla or shirley fuentes. he also contributed to the era of black leather jackets and maong pants together with robin padilla.
i immediately grabbed my phone and sent a group message to all of my friends indicating the comeback apparition of the former action star. most of their response was, who is jeric raval?
at the back of my head, how come these guys don't know jeric raval? i am just an older or probably a year younger to them. so how come they don't know him?
probably, i thought its been a while since we've seen jeric raval. or better yet, its been a while since we've since a philippine action movie.
philippine cinema today, is bombarded by either fantasy, comedy, drama or love story movies. the golden years of both action and sexy movies had begun losing its spot in the movie screen except on specific movie houses in recto and cubao, which still shows cynthia luster movies. come to think of it, probably our country just have had enough of the fights, violence and high volume of rape cases over the past years. so the movie industry decided to uplift the masses' morale by giving lighter movies to watch.
just a thought that i pondered.

propaganda: if filipinos would also learn how to make things upside down



thanks kat!

Friday, November 9, 2007

a month to celebrate

adobo pork with cheese and brown rice
this would probably be the longest month of my life.
there were lots of things that happened without me going out of my room and meeting with my friends. when everything seemed to run in slowmo(tion) and your doing the same routine over and over again, it is surprising to know that there was something along with it that would still make you smile at the end of each day.
couple of months ago, the entire picture is more likely to be different from the current one. i used to go out, meet friends, and couldn't keep myself inside my room. i am always on the go. scared of thinking and introspecting too much when i am alone. well, i wouldn't dwell too much on that anymore because i may sound too emo. oops! excuse me..
probably the basic point that i am driving at is, the past month may not be the way i thought of it for the past 22 years of my life. but i am still happy experiencing it for the first time, in a more serious way.
i only hope this is already it. well, i no there is no room for guarantee. but i am still hoping, enjoying and making the most out of it.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

in vino, veritas: the modern way of ancient greek's political discourse


for almost 2 years now, i tend to shy away from the issue of philippine politics and ideologies.

whenever, politics becomes the topic of each conversations you would either see me smiling as a gesture or simply giving a nod as a sign of 'yes, i am listening'. often times, i even can't stop thinking that probably these people i am with would think 'what kind of UP alumna i am?! having no stand or doesn't bother at all." well, just in case this paranoia would actually happen, i would simply just tell them," you don't know what you are talking about."

way back in college, i am (not was) an active student activist inclined with the masses' theater (braechtian theater, to be technical). we arouse, organize and mobilize people to political ideologies through the medium of arts, which we believe as the most effective arm in making the people more politically, socially and culturally aware.

later on, i have become a student and youth leader among mass discussions, mobilizations and demonstrations. there were instances in which you'll handle the toughest, most intense and brutal days of your life among streets against firetruck hoses, hard batons and chasing police. while there are moments, where you'll encounter the most gentle and kindest signs of gestures among the people who sympathizes into what you are doing. thanking you that you are bravely doing these things in behalf of them. you can't just keep yourself from bursting into tears.

but despite all of these, at the end of the day, when you arrive home or you're talking to your parents, relatives or friends, the support that you'll be getting is as not as good as what you get in the streets. there are lots of questions of why, how, what if, who, where, and when soaring in the air. well. i couldn't blame them. because i could feel that behind those aggression and sarcasm, the concern of them toward me is overpowering the entire scenario.


what made me to be an activist then? is it just because i am from UP that's why i need to brand myself to be an UP activist too? is it just as a sign of gratitude and obligation, that i need to pay the masses back for this 'opportuniy' to study in this 'prestigious' institution?

well, when i entered this university, i can say that i am your regular naive and 'pathetic' college freshman, that doesn't desire anything else but to get good grades and graduate on time. i came on a relatively middle class family, so by the time i've saw my first mass demonstration and rally in the university. i tend to avoid it because of my connotative impressions against activists. and due to my parents' warnings as well. but as the folds of events went through, in a snap of a second, i found myself a member of a progressive theater (that i have discussed above) that eventually made me changed my perception, not only to them. but more towards life.

me as a salvaged farmer, baguio city. 2005

i have been into places i never thought exists. i have experience life in the most extreme opposite where i was used to. i never thought that 'these' things really happen in real life. when i thought i was living the most miserable life there is, they've shown themselves to me in an instant like they are just there infront of you, waiting for you to notice them. life is indeed unfair. conflicts are needed for life to move on and societies to survive. inequality is inevitable and contradictions are everywhere. everything is a vicous and unending cycle of predator and prey. as the undying quotation of charles darwin goes, it is survival of the fittest.

indeed, these are facts. but irrevocable as it may seems, the nature of life opens the possibility of optimismistic change. we may not completely deconstruct inequality. but atleast, we could minimize its scope and effects. if that would be successful in process, at least there will be a number of people that could enjoy there fair share of life that they are really entitled with. and there will be a person smiling at the back of his head, telling himself atleast, i was able to help.but for every organization, no matter how noble and feasible the objectives could be, you couldn't expect it to be perfect. there will always be persons, things, goals and processes that would tests the principles and ideologies that you (thought) you commonly share with the organization. being an activists is not just a matter of shouting in the streets and clamouring for change in a scorching hot day. there is a lot and i mean a lot of thing underneath. much tasks and responsibilities than you could ever think of: more than you're academic or professional load, if i may say. believe me, like most things we do, there are a lot of times that you'll feel you're already burned out, walk out the door and just quit. but by the time you hit the streets and witness the things that you're giving up, you'll just find yourself going back again.

when i graduated and entered a completely different setting from a state university to a catholic private institution, it was a total culture shock. everything is bound and expected to be conservative and strictly follow the rules, line by line. when you need to live by it, i just thought you need to give a different strategy. attack when you're silent and arm yourself with the best intellect that you could provide. then, make a discourse in a moment they least expect it--- drinking sessions.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

mr.goat and the wind giants

"mr. goat and the wind giants,
who blew away the dark clouds that day"
north luzon wind mill project, ilocos norte
11/02/2007

sing to me your saddest song singapore (naks!)

i have heard the saddest news in the longest time ever. one of my dearest friends, katrina texted me a while ago and informed me that she only needs to fixed her passport and she's all set to go to singapore. it broke my heart. just a week before, she mentioned to me that she's planning to go there after her teaching contract in the seminary. it will expire by this week. for her, she is only doing this just for the experience of working abroad and it would just be meantime. she told me about the success story of her aunt in that country and how cheap rubber shoes were in singapore. these probably inspired her to take the chance. in an instant i felt happy with how her career life was going. but on the other hand, i felt sad thinking that another dear friend is going on the same country.another close friend, che is also in singapore. she moved to spain first after college to meet her lost relatives. then she went to london to work until she ended up teaching in singapore.then i can't stop worrying about them. while thinking of flor contemplacion. delia magat, smoke-free policies, etc.but seriously, at the back of my head, i am just simply going to miss her. hopefully, i will be able to get used of not seeing and talking to her at least for the time being.

Friday, November 2, 2007

...

i miss having going out with friends. talking about almost everything under the sun. discussing life, our lives and other peole's lives. laughing, griefing and goofing around.
i miss those days were we never mind the consequences of time ahead of us. it is always the present that matters. it is always what we do that we value and think of.
childish as it may seems, but there happiness rests. happiness not only in the context of pure joy and laughter. but happiness magnified with the outcome of both happiness and grief of each of our life experiences.
lately, i've noticed that my world is beginning to become smaller and smaller everyday. it is just constrained within the spaces of work and my room. i really cannot tell if this is a conscious matter or not. because i must admit that often times, i would reject my friends' invitations to go out. for the very reason that i have already accepted that something has changed and that something is ought to change.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

lies, plain and simple


how much is honesty, nowadays?
is it really hard to be honest?
how come you're more prone in lying or easier to lie to somebody you're closed with than to an acquaintance?
or is just the intensity of dishonesty that varies depending on which person is involved?
before, a close friend told me that there are times when you need to lie for goodness sake; that is why there is what we call white lies. but for me, i never believed in the benefits of lying. dark lies, white lies, gray lies(?) they are still lies. bottom line, everybody is entitled to know the truth, even if the order is at stake. because nobody can better prepare a person of what's ahead of him if truth will be denied.

well, i wouldn't wash my hands by saying i don't lie because i could give you a million instances where i lied, right now. but despite these, i tend to lead the person to the truth as far as i can especially if s/he is someone close to me. even if, its not my business to meddle.

it is for the reason, i know how it feels to be absolutely clueless when everybody around knows exactly what is going on. sometimes, the outcome of knowing that everybody knew the truth except from you is more hurting than knowing the thing that is being kept from you.

just like what is happening to me right now.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

ilocos food trip


'sinanglaw'

parang beef papaitan

bitter beef soup

cheese pemiento club house sandwich mojos
(not really an ilocos specialty, hehehe)


pesto pasta
(isa pa'ng hindi rin specialty)




ilocano style 'puque-pugue'


a mixture of eggplant, tomatoes,
onions, egg and it has BROTH!
the thing that differed it from
the kapampangan puque-puque
we commonly know.


pata tim
sweetened pork thigh



fish sinigang
dorado fish in sour soup



dinakdakan


ilocano version of sisig


bagnet
ilocos lechon



the original ilocano pinakbet
which has no squash on it.


Friday, October 26, 2007

3210: tall and proud


argh! my cellphone just died on me.
now, back to classic 3210 old school.

planning pagudpod

every semestral break, me and my block mates would head off to the beach. this year, they've planned to go to pagudpod and for me, its a two week preparation.

although i've stayed in baguio and heard a lot of great things about the place, i've never been there. so i immediately filed vacation leaves for a week at work. ever since then, i kept on checking on my account whether or not they were approved: just to know that they weren't.

my anticipation for hitting the ilocos' sands and sun just crumbled down. in my surprise as well, i just recently found out that i am officially (financially) broke. i have reached my credit limit and only have enough cash until the next pay out.

i am totally devastated.

suddenly, my friends kept on texting me regarding my confirmation for the trip. when i've said i cannot go, they were kind enough to adjust the plans in such a way that i will be able to join them. i just can't hate them. but on the back of my head, i wouldn't really enjoy it if it would only be two days of my off. since it is a 8-10 hour one-way road trip that we were talking about here. it means once i reach pagudpod, i will just have to soak myself like a duck in the sea then hit the road back to manila again. it would be quite pathetic isn't it? so, i still need to fix some things on my end for me to able to join them. i gave them a pending response until the actual date.

but last night, while thinking of what to do for the trip, my supervisor called me. she told me she was worried on how my work was going. she have noticed that i easily get irritated these past weeks that it is affecting my work as well as my relations to some fellow co-workers.

"i am in deep trouble," i said to myself.

she even warned me that the next time she catch me with a loose temper at work, she'll not hesitate to give me a citation.

"bring it on! i would really love that," i could feel the mixture of frustration started building arrogance in me. but obviously being professional, you shouldn't voice it out.

then suddenly, she began to inform me how she was impressed the first time she handled me. she even recalled how she talked to her senior supervisor when she heard that i was about to resign because of schedule disputes. she considered me as a lost goldmine for the company if they would accept my resignation. thus, they've compromised regarding my schedules. since it was the only thing that was messing up with my academic and social life that time. i accepted the offer.

on that moment, i felt a little guilt on me when she said these. how could i forget that? considering, it would probably the nicest thing a person from work have done for me (disclaimer: i am not anti-social).

moreover, she advised me to get a vacation because she is thinking that i am just burned out with work. now, she have opened it up. i immediately raised my concerns regarding the denied leaves i have filed. i told her my pagudpod plans and asked if there is any possibility that they could grant the succeeding day after my two day offs. she immediately accompanied me to our staffing department and approved it herself. the guilt in me grew bigger. but i could still see a smile on the side of my lips. i just can't thank her enough. on second thoughts, i now owe her a lot (hehehe).

while the financial constraints was easily settled. i just can't wait for this

coming weekend. here i come pagudpod.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

huwatdapak chronicle1

the past weekend was spent in isolation with someone, at last. we have spent the entire two days in my room watching dvds, reading books, munching stacked food and many more (*wink*). it was only our third date, technically. so nothing much to anticipate (yet).

at first i thought we would not really go along well or so i thought.

so on the day we met up, it was twisted. you know that feeling of something might be wrong with you. so you need to give or portray this certain angst to hide the things you are insecure? i immediately felt that on our first "hi" and "hello". but eventually, as time goes by we were beginning to laugh our hearts out. in other words, the cliché fold of events began until we felt really comfortable with one another and decided to meet again.

well, its been a while since i have been into a relationship and i just realized several things.

first, don't be a TOO hopeless-romantic freak.
when you are single you tend to over rate the feeling of being in a relationship. thus, sometimes you get frustrated once you are already on it.

second, don't be an egoistic, self-centred, i-am-the-only-person-in-your-life-bebe! brat lover.
do not always expect things the way you want it to be. the world would not halt and watch the ups and downs of your love life. remember, there are two of you in the relationship and you have another person to consider.

third, not all love stories are your typical feel good movies.
do not always think that having one would mean happy moments and happy endings. because most of the time, you will noticed that there will be more arguments than 'kilig' moments.

fourth, refer not compare.
it should be a big 'no-no' to compare your relationship to others. especially if your going to compare it to love stories from books, tv series and films. you're love story is not fictionized nor fabricated. since no two persons are exactly the like, no two relationships will go, prosper or end exactly the same as well.you may refer other set ups or stories for you to be able to get some tips on how to either keep it going or throw it away. but never expect yours to fall or ought to fall on how the other story goes.

finally, just enjoy and go with the flow.
it is already self-explanatory. bow!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

ang pangamba ng pag-iisa

ni nestor de guzman

paano sasagutin
ang pangamba ng iba
sa aking pag-iisa?
kung malalaman lang
ang di-lantad kong buhay.
nakalima nang asawa;
ngayo'y limang ulit nang separada.
di kabilang ang nakasintahan
nang kung ilang oras, araw, linggo.
sinamba na't kinahumalingan;
itinuring na ring basahan,
laruan, kasangkapan.
Naging maybahay, kalaguyo't puta.
Ilan nang giliw at muhi,
luwalhati't lumbay
ang isinilang at inaruga.
Kung nag-iisa man ngayon
ay dahil alam na,
at tanggap,
ang uubra't di uubra.
At di na kailangan ng isa
para maramdaman
ang kagandahan ng sarili,
ang kabuuan ng pagkatao,
ang kabuluhan ng buhay.
Kung malalaman lang
kung gaano kakulay
sa dilim at kasukalang nilandas
sa pag-unawa ng pag-iisa.
Ang mahalaga,
natutong magmahal,
nagmamahal ako
at magmamahal.
Ito ang katuturan,
kahit nag-iisa.


note:

that day, after finishing this book, i said loneliness( or being single) goodbye.




Galing Cine Cafe
Nestor De Guzman
Lambana Press, Quezon City

Thursday, October 18, 2007

when i found myself in laguna for the first time just for a buko pie

one day, i craved for buko pie. so i went to laguna without any idea of where it was.
hehehe






Sunday, October 14, 2007

the NGO debate: i never thought you could have these kind of conversation over sms

early this morning, i was conversing with a friend from los baños working at a local NGO there. i admire the fact that after graduation he decided to take a NGO work instead of going in manila to make a higher living. somehow, i find my envious and guilty of the fact that i wasn't able to pursue such noble profession.

before i entered college, it never came to me to work for a NGO. low salary, small office space, fieldwork among slum and remote areas, and bunch of paper works. but when i held my diploma after graduating i saw the other face of life. a different story i have never heard before, that was the time i opened myself to the possibility of working for a NGO. but (there is another but again) in a flick of chances, i pursued a different profession. a job your not that as proud to answer, everytime somebody from college would ask you, "san ka na? san ka na nagtratrabaho?"

that is why i admired this man for taking the profession atleast for himself and mostly for other. until this morning.

you: nwei, alis aq maya2x, bday clbration ng opism8 q, aq taya sa lumpia, un n dw treat q sa unang sweldo q sa foundation DUH

me: hahaha.kinonsider talaga ang salary sa celebration.hehe.

you: kainis nga e kakarampot na nga lang sweldo ko ineExpect p q mgpakain. buTi n lang patapos n contract q or bka d q n matapos

me: hehe.baka naman ayaw lang nila maleft out ka.

you: sus, d un ang nakikita q. ala tlaga clang kOnsiderasyon. gusto q nga mgrebeldE e.

me: hidni kaya, masyado ka lang pesimistic or better yet bitter sa mga trabaho nila?

you: bkt naman aq mgGng bitTer?pesimistic?i dont think s0.

me: ok. i stand back at my ground. sorry. well. i just find it nice to be invited. apleasure to cook for a friend on her birthday. kung marunong lang ako. don't you?

you: i find it as mandatory hndi invitation. hay naku, ewan q. bsta ang gusto q n lang mangyari e makaAlis n s foundation na yan.

me: well. atleast now i know.NGO is not that as fun and noble as i think it was then.

you: its a noble job kaya lang im nOt geTting d ryt benEfits dat i shud receive, ngaun n q nkKramdam ng frustrations.

me: what are your so-called'benefits" then? to compare to the people your helping sa NGO na yan?

you: erik, d k mfrustra8 qng sweldo m lang e 217 per day and freE lunch lng mqQHA m0?c0nsidrng dat u r a dEGREe holdER?

me: believe me, a good or atleast a stable salary won't make you happy and contented inside. this is coming from experience. your a degree holder right?! but the other thing is it came from UP. now, and coming from the proudest UP alumna i know. isn't that your claim quite ironic? sorry di kita kwinikwestiyon...im just making a point of a sudden realization.

you: i kn0w mejo lumhs n q s pRncpyo q dati, buT narealize q lng dn n unfair ung gngawa skin, nwei, mtatapos n contrct q at aAlis n q s knila, nid to find a new j0b.

me: isipin mo na lang unfair ang lahat sa buhay. kung lahat ay fair. narealize ko that is not life.

you: 0o nga. s0brang unfair.

me: U

you: ge

me: sarapan mo na lang ang pagluto para atleast kahit unfair ang buhay masarap pa in ang lumpia...

argh, how poetik, putik!!!

you:my choice b q, auq naman maphiya at malait luTo q..

me: everyone has a choice sabi nga ni sue richards kay silver surfer...ano daw???

you's contract in the foundation will end this month. but currently he is already travelling from los baños to makati to find job and work interviews. hopefully, he will still be able to finish his contract not for the NGO. but atleast, for the people he is helping with.

Friday, October 12, 2007

this week's guilty pleasure

i know, i have previously claimed that i really despise eating in fast food chains. but recently was an exception.

while, looking for a place to eat out along katipunan. i found jollibee as the closest i could be: considering my financial constraints, the food in the menu list, the people who hang out and mcdonalds, ofcourse. so i doubtedly entered the establishment and check for something to munch on.

"oh, there goes the manager."

but i thought of having something light.

"the atenista on the next table was too pale though."

my taste buds were requesting diversity, combinations and perfect mixture.

"the entire crew will be fine. but they were too busy entertaining customers"

but i didn't lose hope.

then suddenly, ALAS! i found one.

from that point, the usual hunger gradually turned into a severe addiction. i just realized that it together with a particular combo meal, were a perfect combination. it already became a part of my dining pleasure---three times a day and i just can't stop.

form that moment i knew, my dining pleasure will never be the same again. although the conscience and my built was beginning to stalk me, the appetite and the craving was too intense that at the end it was just total submission. i just can't resist.

the culprit???

beware: view (and taste) at your own risk





jollibee's macaroni salad solo

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

the paradox of yesterday


why can't i give any details? because it is already paradoxical.
get my point?!

Sunday, October 7, 2007

the forgotten philanthroppist




once the greatest man ever lived in our town.
now, nobody knew him anymore.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

a friend named andy


(out of an indirect request to write a friend his biography)

andy is a good friend of mine, way back in my college years. like most of my closest (college) friends, he was three years older than me. i met him when i joined a theater group in baguio. he was the incumbent secretary-general. he was silent, soft-spoken and very-introverted or so i thought. he paints and sketches very very well and i mean really really well. now can you see how good he is? huh? huh?
initially, the reason why i joined the group was because they are looking for visual artists. i find it a very good venue to still maximize my interest. since i was taking a course different from the field i am interested with. fortunately, i passed the audition and immediately transfered to the visual arts pool.
one day, when andy actually showed us one of his works. i felt really intimidated and eventually doubted why i am there. the brush and pen strokes of his pieces were in the verge of mere perfection. colors were distributed evenly and lively. shadings and other effects were jaw dropping because it was so realistic. basically, the totality of his works just made me sketch privately and away from his view.

nonetheless, i noticed despite this wonderful talent, he remained humble and away from most of the members. he never bothered talking to us. we merely know anything from him aside from his name, course and his position in the organization. most of the time, we could caught him day dreaming, alone and out of his senses. that was the point we realized, he was depressed.
we never exactly knew the reason why, even the old members would not tell us the cause. but like cats do it, our curiousity eventually lead us to those answers.

since he is my friend, i won't go further to any more details. its his story to tell. basically, he was dealing with a very traumatic experience for the very first time in his life during those days. it was not easy i am telling you and in a way i understood him.

after i knew it, the interaction were like those days when you wanted to initiate in offering your shoulder to someone in need. but you can't simply do it because you don't really know him, personally. mere understanding was not enough. sympathizing and empathizing were out of the question. and all you can actually do was to smile whenever you will cross each other's way. indirectly telling him, you are there to listen. just in case he wanted to.

on the following year, andy filed an honorable dismissal in the university and decided to pursue another course in the lowlands. i never heard anything from him again. one of his closest friend mentioned that, he is taking another course which i thought would be related in fine arts. but it actually was not.

from that point, i never heard anything from him again.

years passed and i finally graduated. i decided to go back to manila and pursue a so-called 'career' here.

because of a common (close) friend, we met again. on that point, he eventually told me what i wanted to know before, without even asking. it intensified the sleeping depression in me for him. but in a way, he made me feel that everything was all over. it was not easy because after those years after he left baguio, the same problem reoccured. harsher if i may say in his behalf. but luckily, he was able to surpass it with a great smile in his lips now. the scars will remain. but he was able to walk on and continue life with his new diploma and the same brushes, painting life with another sets of colors.

kudos to you andy.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

realistic painting


for the rest of my restdays (which is the entire weekend), i really felt i was very productive. i was able to finish framing two of the artpieces. one of which was a portrait of a friend as a gift for her birthday. the other one was mine, a self portrait that i have sketched when i was still in college.
it was actually the first time, that i tried framing my works. i usually just store them on my sketch pads or on a folder and leave them there to rot. but since i needed something different and presentable to offer as a gift. i thought of framing it up and made a massive decoration on its border.
initially, i thought of sending it over to a framing shop, but i thought of the expenses that it would endure me. more or less around a thousand bucks was on my mind. so leaving my practical side to do the that thing for me. i went on the nearest national bookstore and bought one of those framed life quotations for 150 pesos. then jumbo size crayons.
when i arrived home, i was so eager in immediately doing what was on my mind. i disassembled the parts of the frame and then pull out the paper in it. i coated the white border with different colors as the first layer and then coat it again with black. after the entire border was already coated, i grabbed an inkless pen then make some etches that created a wonderful effect. it was actually thought to us when i was in kindergarten and called it etching.


it took me atleast two and half hours to finish my desired output. when it was done, i could just can't keep my eyes from staring it. i actually thought twice if i am going to give it or not. but since i have already gave my for it, i just simply can't keep it. so i have decide to create another one.
the next day, after finishing my groceries, i went to NBS in katipunan. i grabbed another set of glass frames, paint medium, couple of paint brushes, canvas and a new set of acrylic paints. i even grabbed a book of cris martinez titled, last order sa penguin. though it would be an entire different story.
anyhow, when i arrived home i immediately grabbed my sketchbook and tore the page of a self portrait laying in bed and holding a cigarette. on this piece, it took me almost four hours because of too many details i have to put in. thinking it would make it more aesthetically pleasing. but it turn out wrong. i think i have over articulated it.
i sighed.
when i was done framing both of my art pieces, i am stucked at staring on my own reflection over the glass frames. overlooking the art works, i over-ratedly saw myself changing profession. a profession i would love doing: no constraints, no deadlines, no need of counting how many hours more to stay in the office and especially no boss.
i wanted to be an artist. a matter of, needing to be one and not only mere wanting it. but the optimism on me that was once overflowing within my veins were beginning to fade away and become pure pessismisms poisoning my personality. i thought of the salary i am going to get, the expenses that i am due for, the lifestyle i have become, significant people i need to help with and many others. these immensely became a hole in me that i began doubting my own capabilities.



in life, it is very easy to be idealistic: to fight for what you need and want: to be able to enjoy life and achieve your dreams. but don't forget, in life as well, not everything comes the way you want it to be. the world will never revolve on you alone. while time will never wait nor compromise for your sake. because aside from you, life has billions of other people to worry and think about. probably that is why we have the word 'realistic' on our vocabulary.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

taguanpung

naala ko noong bata ako, hari ng tagu-taguan ang turing sa akin. ako kasi ang pinakamahusay sa aming magkakaibigan kapag naglalaro kami nito. kung di ako nagkakamali, madalang lamang akong nagiging taya. kundi lang talo sa pompyang, marahil di ko man mararanasan ang maghanap at lagi lamang ako'ng nagtatago.

naging kilala kaming magakakaibigan dahil sa larong ito. kadalasan, maraming mga bata ang dumadayo pa mula sa iba't-ibang phase at kalye ng aming subdibisyon para lamang hamunin kami. walang isang litrong coke o pera-perang pustahan. sa murang isip, na ngayon ko lamang napagtanto, batid na rin pala namin ang ibig sabihin ng kasikatan at karalangan ng mga panahong yun, social prestige ika nga nila.

sa mga larong ganito, hindi lamang iisang tao ang taya. isang buong grupo ang sama-samang naghahanap at isang pangkat rin naman ang nagtutulungang magtago. habang ang grupo ng mga taya ay buong tiyagang ginagalugad ang bawat lugar na pwedeng pagtaguan, ang kabila naman ay pilit na sinisiksik ang mga sarili sa kaliit-liitang espasyo na makikita nila. siyempre kapag ang kalaban ang taya, ako ang kadalasang pag-asa ng aming grupo upang hindi makita at makarating sa base ng kalaban. mula doon, nagkakaroon na naman kami ng pagkakataong magtago muli. laos ang kalaban.

kalimitan, inaabot na kami ng gabi sa kalalaro. madalas pa nga ay sumusuko na lamang ang mga humahamong grupo at umuuwi. may mga pagkakataon pa'ng hindi man lamang sila nakapaghanap at buong oras na taya.

isang araw bago nalaos ang tagu-taguan ng taong iyon at nauso naman ang teks, isang grupo ang nakipaglaro sa amin mula sa kasunod na phase. kilalang mayayabang ang mga magkakaibigang ito. siyempre pinaunlakan namin. sa sandaling yun, naramdaman ko ang pagkasabik ng bawat isa na lampusin ang mga hambog na grupong ito. yung tipo ng pakiramdam na napapanood mo lamang sa tv, tulad ng slam dunk at eyeshield21. sa sandaling yun, sinabi ko sa sariling dapat hindi ako mahanap ng mga taong ito.

kungsaan saan ako nagtatago nuong araw na iyon. sa mga lugar na hindi maiisip ninuman pagtaguan. umaakyat ako sa mga matataas na bakod ng aming mga kapitbahay, sa ilalim ng mga silong ng imburnal, sa tuktok ng mga puno ng aratilis hanggang sa mga sumusunod na subdibisyon. dahil dito nakabisado ko na rin ang mga pasikot-sikot ng aming subdibisyon tulad ng aking mga palad. sa likod ng clubhouse ng kabilang subdibisyon ang uling lugar na aking pinagtaguan. doon, matiyaga ko'ng hinintay ang mga taya o mga kaibigan ko. nanatili lamang ako sa ganung posisyon sa napakahabang panahon. hindi ko na nga matanadaan kung gaano ako katagal naghihintay doon sa ganong posisyon.

inaabot na ako ng gabi sa lugar na iyon. subalit walang bakas ng kahit sinuman na aking mga kalaro ang dumating. nagsiuwian na rin ang mga bata na naglalaro sa clubhouse ng subdibisyong aking pinagtataguan. sa sandaling yun, naisip ko na lamang na ako na lang mag-isa ang natira. tanging ang nakakabinging at walang patid na paghuni ng mga kuliglig ang kumukulit sa aking pandinig. biglaan ang pagbabago ng kanina'y matao at maingay na lugar hanggang sa isang malawak na parang na kahit ang pagkilos ng hangin ay hindi gumagalaw. napawi ang tingkad ng mga magagalak na liwanag at napalitan ng mga nagmamadamot na mainit na ilaw.
doon, sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, nagpakilala sa aking ang pangungulila.

umuwi ako ng bahay mag-isa ng gabing yun. walang kasamang kahit isang kaibigan na pwedeng pagkwentuhan ng mga lugar na aking pinagtaguan. kung paano ko nagawang hindi makita ng isa sa mga taya ng muntik itong napadaan sa lugar na aking napagtaguan. at kung ano marahil ang itsura ng mga mayayaba at talunang mga bata.

nang marating ko ang aming kalye, wala ng mga batang nasa lansangan. maging ang mga kaibigan ko ay nagsiuwian na rin sa kani-kanilang bahay. naisip ko'ng marahil sumuko na ang mga kalaban ng hindi nila ako natagpuan. at siguro kinailangan na rin ng mga kaibigan ko'ng bumalik sa kanila ng hindi na nila ako nahintay.

tuluyan akong tumamlay sa aking pagkakatayo sa bungad ng aming kalye. pakiwari ko'y unti-unting nalulusaw ang galak na kanina ko pa tinatago at gustong sabihin sa aking mga kaibigan. sa sandaling yun, tuluyan ko ng inalis ang pagkasabik sa paglaro ng tagu-taguan. sinabi ko sa sarili na hindi na muli ako magtatago, dahil malungkot magtago.

kinabukasan, natutunan ko'ng maglaro ng teks. hindi man limang dangkal ang akin tulad ng mayamang bata sa kabilang kalye, naging masaya pa rin ako dahil nagkaroon ako ng maswerteng pamato na may larawan ni goten at trunks na nagfufusion teknik sa loob.

(today, i thought of writing a post in filipino)

Monday, September 24, 2007

grab a copy: kuliti

'kuliti'
an intriguing compilation of short stories,
that tackles about the narratives of filipino life,
religion, incests, homosexuality,
romance, sex and modernity.
such mental treat.
leave me a comment on how to get one

Sunday, September 23, 2007

brainstorming a script

i've got these pictures from a mall in quezon city. while there was an ongoing mall tour or event. on the second floor, the security personnel swarmed the entire floor.
since i can't think of something to write about, just for fun, lets play a game.
below are the pictures i have taken. simply, fill in the dialogues to create a wonderful conversation. its that easy.
well, i have ideas of my own. let's see if most people are thinking the same thing i am thinking about these stolen shots.
scene: (fill in a narration)









scene2: (fill in a description)








manong1 (left guy): (fill in dialogue)









manong2 (right guy): (fill in dialogue)









manong1: (fill in dialogue)
(fill in ending line).
let's see how creative your mind could be.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

mrt mania

before, i have never understood how vicious riding the MRT could be until i was transfered in another work shift.

there would probably a million and one complaints and stories i have heard and read among my friends and blogs i have visited about riding the transit.

commonly, it would be how busy, irritating and compact things could be inside those carts, especially during the peak hours. one good example was what my land lord informed me the other day; that my housemate, jasper lost his mobile phone inside of it. and the surprising thing about it was the cart was half empty and it was even not within the peak hours. i thought, probably he lost it somewhere else. but if he claims that it happened inside the MRT. then i am thinking probably nothing is impossible inside it.

among the blogs that i have read, the titilating stories on how people could be so adventurous, risks and opportunity takers among their MRT rides: being sexual stories would be the top of the list (no name dropping guys. don't worry) would probably support my assumption.

but so far, among the around 8 in the morning rides i have had, the experiences like my arm almost being detached, the struggle of stepping out a station just to know it was a station after the intended station and the dignity-wrecking-standing/riding positions are just the things i have to offer.

i have never thought that the entire MRT experiences and stories i have heard are these brutal. since before, i usually ride the MRT between 2 to 3 in the afternoon going to cubao and early morning going to quezon avenue. thus, the volume of passengers going to cubao isn't that big becasue it is not the within the rush hours. while the same principle applies coming from cubao since the mass volume of the entire MRT passengers generally go off on this station.

it is also the very reason why i am more comfortable working within quezon city compare to areas of makati and ortigas. the mere thought of struggling against hundreds of passengers as if trying to escape a burning building was beyond my league. in addition, the traffic jame and/or the taxi fare that would cost is really unbearable. but now, because of my new schedule, it is preparing me to finally experience and equip myself with the appropriate attitude in order to survive the busy and snobbish metropolitan life.

i miss baguio.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

drinking spree

for the past days, everything seemed to be in slow-mo. i am beginning to be so stubborn in going out, meeting friends, going to the gym or basically the usual things i used to do before.. there were times when i wish i am back in school again. despite being a stress sponge that time, managing both law school and work, i could firmly say that i am missing it. simply because of the very idea that atleast i am doing something worthwhile. the feeling of being so unproductive is killing me right this moment. thinking that days quickly pass with me just watching tv shows, dvds and surfing the net (in which i still can't manage to update my blog). thus, the fear on the question that if i am going to go back to school again while working, will i still be able to manage my time and self better? better, since the very reason of filing a leave for school was to have a break and better perform once i go back: without thinking that i might get used of just working.
friday, 11:00pm

last week, i had a weekend-long drinking marathon. first, it was with my best friend with his girlfriend here in tomas morato. the challenging part of it was i have my shift that time. i just logged in at work and then went straight to them. we finished a bucket. then decided to call it a night. the sound of termination if i am caught was haunting my ears. fortunately, the roll of mint candies that i kept on chewing saved my ass from the suspicious nose of my boss.
saturday, 5:00am
after my shift which ended up early morning, my officemates decided to drop by a nearby bar. and being the polite and ever-friendly me, i joined them. only the cashier knew how many buckets of beer and pulutan we had. we ended with our eyes closing and alcohol kicking us hard.
saturday, 3:30pm

i already woke up around late afternoon when one of my blockmates reminded me that we'll have to meet by 5 in the afternoon for our blockmates' birthday party which was in south bay, paranaque.
i forcely bragged myself to get up and fix. since it had been a long time since i met these folks, i could not convince myself to say 'pass'. what i didn't know, it was actually an over-night party and i didn't bring anything with me: just me and my aching head because of the last night's hang over.
knowing these guys, it would be another drinking up to the last man standing.since, i had already brought them down during the previous sessions. everybody was aiming in bringing me down that night. they wish!
after the party's dinner, which was extremely tasty and fabulous (thanks rich and charles!), we had overflowing cases of beer, unlimited packs of cigarettes, bottles of vodkas and a box of black label proudly towering in the middle of the table.
the night went through and bodies began to drop. but the cases of beer keeps on coming unendingly. a number of my pals were really acting and behaving weirder and weirder each time. good thing nobody cried and ask 'pangit ba ako? bakit wala pa akong boy/girlfriend?' but people began dancing oddly for the first time. some were blubbering and walking in a very strange manner. sounds of crashing bottles and glasses echoed the place once in a while.
but despite all of these, no one would want to surrender.
sunday, 11:00am
the next morning, tension and confusion of everyone was felt as consciousness and rationality slowly subside to everyone. as usual, i was one of the few who have become the storytellers of what happened the other night (as usual---yabang!).
sunday, 4:30pm
it was already late afternoon when everyone decided to go home. but we went first to big apple to grab a slice of pizza.
sunday, 6:00pm

and by the time i arrived home, i remembered it was that night that i have promised a friend from baguio a favor in exchange of a drinking spree blow out together with other baguio friends who were already here in manila. again, being a man of my word also, i just took a bath, waved a taxi and went to a place along up village.
in the place, i said to myself i am only going to have two bottles for that session. but my being kaladkarin pushed me to have three, four, and more bottles that i eventually became numb in the effect of the previous intake i had.
when the night ended, i realize two things: first, the feeling of having companions and the moments we have shared on those drinking sessions as well as the memories it entailed, push me more in going back to school again by the next semester. for now, it would not really matter how stressful or demanding things could be again nor sacrificing nice sleep. for the value of having companions in which you could fool around or talk about deep and serious things was something more precious than having unproductive days and nights.
lastly, no more drinking for the moment. atleast for the rest of the week.

Friday, September 7, 2007

introspection

everything is not a matter of default
we live with our choices
of who or what we are and fancy
of when and where we stand

no one could tell us what is right or wrong
for excuses of fate or tradition
because we are all opt for change
and rights equipped on our wombs

we are tenants of the moment
of a time that would never be ours
of a world that would never wait
and a life that costs us a lot

we live for ourselves to others
and not for others to ourselves
in which, we strive like a battle of spiders
suspended in thin sheet of air---
blown by the wind most of the time

it would not really matter,
if you were knocked hard down the ground
for the struggle always begin
when you begin crawling back up

so take the strike for nobody knows
when will everything stop

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

snapshots

i have tried taking some shots in up diliman out of boredom. these are by the way long and stolen shots.


















waiting

















fashion deviance

















fucking the norm


















cat fight


















nadaanan-nasalisihan


















huli ka!

















boy and car








tambayan
huh?