Friday, February 29, 2008

top 10 wandering wonders

earlier, without anything in mind to write about i have thought of something quite cool and different, that i even convinced myself doing it every week. basically it would be my top ten list of anything under the sun post. and for my very first post, i have decided to list down my top 10 wandering wonders (just to be consistent with my blog's name).

10. whenever you are on the verge of panic in a middle of an unfamiliar place. always remember that security guards are you're best friends, money (for taxi fare) is you're best weapon, keen eye sight is you're best skill and taxi drivers are you worst enemies.

9. if you are quite depressed and home sick, soul searching walks in manila will likely end you up finding pimples or an inch thick concoction spread of dirt and oil on your face.

8. if you find something moving in a garbage spot that you've passed by, don't be alarmed. usually, it is no rabid monster that would attack you nor a rapist waiting for a victim. they are actually just rats but as big as cats. just hope they still have fur on them because the last time i saw one it was already blushing bald.

7. if you are in financial shortage, jeepny 1-2-3 as a modus operandi is not advisable. because at times like this, jeepny drivers are keener than what we think. and they could be awful naggers than stand up commedians. but the thing is they still really couldn't tell if you're a student or not. so just pretend you are one. atleast you still save some cents.

6. one of the best body figures are not in gyms but among constructions sites. in writing this, i am now considering in transferring a different profession.

5. whenever riding the mrt, always bring an open mind in anything that might happen.

4. the worst thing that could happen to you inside a train station is to wait for a hundred mile line just to find out on your turn that you lack a peso in an exact fare line or infront of a vending ticket machine.

3. taxi drivers are nicer after midnight. no extra baggage fee, traffic fee or what ever fees. they would even give back your change.

2. never walk streets with head raised too high, not only because you might end up with tambay or gang tripping, but also because landmine problems are not only a persistent in cambodia. they are even nastier here in the philippines, believe me.

1. this is my all-time classic (as this might already been indicated on my previous post): remember, ped xing is not a street named after a chinese man who provided gun powder to help the colonial revolution. neither a relative of bike xing rail road xing etc. its just that some smart ass guy improvised it, to abbreviate pedestrian crossing. so if you're lost never call your friends and asked them to get you in ped xing st. its definitely a lesson learned for me.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

for every man

it is everywhere, women empowerment. bold, italicized, underscored with a smiley icon at the end.

i watch it, i hear it, i read it, i study it, i even interact with it.

indeed, society is ever changing. i could say that our society nowadays, is more vigilant and aware of our individual rights, more particular to gender. the sexuality (biological) that was once (or up until now) deemed as lower than the other is now making a stand for equity. while the issue of gender (social) is making its own way as well when it comes to acceptance and recognition.

i have always been an advocate for social equity (not equality,) particularly in the concept of class, race and gender. but after reading the poem of simone de beauvoir, for every man, i have realized a different perspective regarding gender advocacy. i realized that for every advocacy that we pursue, we fail to recognize that the opposite party also has a right that we should consider as we go about our goal/s.

the poem, basically states that, patriarchy is not always a one way inclination or advantageous to the male gender. it argues that both sexes are actually victims of the system and i am saying this not because i am a man but as an individual who have realized something he thinks is important.
to quote one of the lines of the poem: for every woman who cries, there is a man who is holding his tears. come to think of it, while women are deemed to have the stereotypes and prejudices of being emotional. men are also suffering the consequences of being a patriarch. simply because they are expected to be strong because if not the prejudice and discrimination of being a homosexual, eventhough he is not, would likely follow. although being homosexual couldn't be deemed as something negative, but in the status of our society as of the moment, unfortunate it still is.

being emotional is deemed to be weak because it is putting your emotions above your rationale. in addition, being emotional is also being idealistic rather than practical. these are characteristics that are believed to dispower an individual in a particular society.

yesterday, i took a sit after wandering around trinoma thinking where to go or what to do. then i overheard these three highschoolish-kikay-looking girls with those really annoying fake eyelashes while having frap on the next table. they were actually talking about their boyfriends. the girl with the longest eyelashes with a freaking highlights on it said that,
"well its his responsibility to drive me home everyday. i don't care if he has something else to do or what not. he's a man and a man should take care of his girl friend very well whatever may it take."

from the looks of it, it seemed like this girl wasn't beenfetched by his boy friend that day after school. so she was frustratingly (and annoyingly) telling it to her girl friends, which instead of pacifying her actually push her more to get mad to her boyfriend.

"i don't care what happened to him. i don't care if he bumped his car, or his mom wanted him to drive her or he got sick. i no longer believe of his alibis. he is so unfair."

wow!!! talking about fairness, girl!

well, i just hoped i made my point.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

gimme (us) a break

lately, i am beginning to love local police segments among news shows. i literally jumped for joy over my bed whenever their are news that somebody was robbed, kidnapped or what not. its not that i am psycho-criminal advocate or something. it is just that i am beginning to appreciate such segments even if its only a flash one minute report more than the national poitical news. in which in my opinion, is beginning to be a hybrid of melodramatic telenovelas and scripted wrestling matches that is competing for ratings against other primtetime shows.

i know, it is pathetic not to be involved or atleast not to be aware of the political situations of the country. but we must admit the fact that such news are already over exposed. in which, in my view, is not actually empowering the people rather exhausting them from the things they have to think over or act upon with especially for those who couldn't see any essential progress about it.

hearing a different news is a relief knowing there is actually something else that is happening aside from the ZTE scandal. everybody has a right to have a break in everything that they do and i exert my right to have one atleast just for this day. but everytime i turn on my television or radio, open a news paper, and listen to tambayan talks, i just can't let myself be isolated and remain ignorant about what is happening like some people could actually tolerate.

haaay, i just hoped this would end soon and ofcourse, for the greater good and truth.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

weird habit with the cotton seed

a friend asked me, what is your weirdest habit?

sometimes raising this kind of question out of nowhere could be weirder than the actual answer itself. nonetheless, just not to spoil the moment and not to be called a killer joy, i entertained the question.

when i was a kid, i have this pillow that only i could used. it was a very rugged and stained but extra ordinarily soft pillow. it is different from the other pillows that we usually have from dakki or other commercial establishments. it is stuffed with the actual cotton buds (not the ear cleaner, the one that directly came from the actual cotton shrub). the pillow also have seeds inside of it, that makes it more special for me.

what's with the seeds?

while most of my siblings and friends were still sucking their thumbs when we were little, i was already on the next level of my oral stage. i would grab my pillow and start pinching it to look for seeds. once, i've located one, i would bite each one until it cracks. i remember doing it when i am bored, while watching tv, and before going to bed. i always do it as long as i have my pillow with me.

it also came to a point that my mom was already tagging the pillow against me because the pillow was beginning to smell and she wants to burn it. i remembered myself very furious that time. i wouldn't let go of my pillow. i even remembered that i made my very comprimision to my mom that if she allowed me to keep my pillow i promised her that i would bring a star stamped on my wrist from school the next day. but my mom didn't accept the bargain and deemed it as a cheap deal because it was actually my responsibility and not basically that was my first rejection as well.

probably i had atleast five pillow with the same kind until i reached high school where i left for the province to study for highschool. the pillows in my grandmom's house where different from what we used to have. in a way, i eventually forgotten the habit.
but recently, i just realized that i still carried the habit eventhough i am already an adult. one day, i visited a friend at their house. while i was waiting for him in their sala. i grabbed a couch pillow and by the first touch, i knew, it was the same kind of pillow i have when i was a kid. subconsciously, my fingers immediately moved and gathered a handful of cotton seeds inside. i found myself already crashing them with my bare hands and even my nails. i could feel my hands and nails already aching but i couldn't just stop myself from crashing it.

the pleasure of cracking cotton seeds by barehands and nails where different from actually biting them. i was struggling against myself of whether to bite it or not. what if my friend came in and find me chewing their pillow? what if somebody, her dad or mom for example find me doing it? what if somebody is actually watching me inside the room?

i thought that was so immature for a grown up like me, to do this to other people's pillow? its gross and very unfair. but while i was thinking these things out, i found my face moving clsoer and closer to the spot where i gathered all the cotton seeds. they were already rattling against one another. the excitement and urge went bigger and bigger. i could already feel the tenderness of those seeds crashing on my teeth and the music of it cracking to my ears. it was a struggle of the year for me. but eventually, i gave in to my drive. i immediately feast on it like a hungry beast and in a matter of seconds i have finished crushing all the seeds that i have gathered on the people. just in time, my friend went in again on the sala.

i was still crushing some left over pieces using my nails the entire time we were talking. but i really felt guilty thinking of the pillow while walking myself home that day.

nonetheless, i still think that raising questions like this out of nowhere is weirder. isn't it?

Monday, February 25, 2008

film spoiler: daybreak

last friday, me and andy decided to meet up and watch a movie first before dropping off to dette and sharon's new place for a so called "dinner"(hahaha). andy was so persistent in convincing me to watch lihim ni antonio. but since i have already seen the film. i insisted for jumper instead. we were arguing for quite sometime, thus to settle things out, we met half way and figured out to watch daybreak instead. he wanted a pinoy film with the same genre. while i haven't seen the film either. so it was in favor for the both of us.
after dinner, we went our way to the cinema. there were lots of people who were inside the same house and all of them are males. by this point, i am no longer surprise, after lihim ni antonio in up film institute. although i know, andy, like the last time we saw lalaki sa parola was getting his usual dose of uncomfort whenever he smells something obvious(if you know what i mean).

the stars, who were the only actors in the file, coco martin and paolo rivero were even there to thank the audience together with probably the staff and crew of the film. it was funny seeing the audience cover their face or turn in the opposite side when the camera and its light passed their faces, andy included. hahaha!(just kidding, andy!)


source
the film was a story of two men who were tanggled in the complicated web of homosexual relationship. william, played by paolo rivero is a well-off closeted urbanite gay yuppy who found himself spending the weekend away with his girlfriend, melissa: to be with his lover, jp. JP played by coco martin, was a local boat man in the taal lake, who also flirts with his clients but ended up falling in love with the later.

the what was deemed at first, as a flingy type of relationship eventually found itself to each other's heart. unfortunately, both guys never expected the complications of the relationship would lead them in a very difficult situation that even saying goodbye was hard to do.

the film is rather dragging to quote the guy next to my seat. but for me it was typically the main highlight or ingredient of a substantial movie. for such movies allow the audience to think, to create their own plots, conversations, conflicts and endings. the film basically would just trigger the thought of its viewer to formulate his own story of the film that makes the movie more substantial than the actual "what you see story" that we normally have.

the film was bombarded with lots of signs and symbols that opened itself to lots of interpretations as well. there was the window blinds that was first opened, then gradually closed until it was completely close on the later part of the film. the almost empty space of the rest house, the dinner table, the way they cook the pasta, the half empty pool, the misty ambiance etc, all referring to the gloominess that its viewers have to feel and watch for in the entire film. in a way watching the film reminded me of wong kar wai's happy together, another gay film played by tony leung (hero, in the mood for love, 2046) because of the similarity of the mood they bring out in me.

on my opinion, the entire film could have been made even without the credits of the script writer nor the director because the film was created not by them but by its audience. something that shouldn't be taken negatively by the staff rather as a compliment because in reality not all directors and script writers could do this.

i realized that the main problem with our movies (particularly in the philippines) is the fact that they are simply spoon fed crafts. they don't allow their audience to think deeper or outside the box. they are only allowed to think in response to what the film is letting them see. making the entire industry monotonous, stagnated and worthless.

on the other hand, i chose not to say anything about the emotionless and monotonous expressions of paolo rivero and the highschool-skit-type acting of coco martin.

if you don't want to think too much, i'd rather not recommend you to watch the film. because at the end, the movie like its title, day break, would just be a story of how they break.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

bayanihan

how far more?
02/20/2008


i remember during our sibika class way back in elementary, my favorite teacher, miss santillan, discussed to us how filipinos are unique from other societies. she said with her mellow well toned voice, that filipinos are hospitable (no wonder, we were so easily colonized), respectful because of the use of "po", "opo", "ate", "kuya" etc. (that is why most of us are afraid to express our opinions), god-fearing (we believed there is salvation for all of our hard times) and very helpful to our fellows which is portrayed with what was known as bayanihan.
it just came to me earlier the word, bayanihan. its been a while since i've heard of the word. basically, we imagine a group of people carrying a nipa hut whenever we heard of it. but come to think of it, we're you able to see an actual bayanihan before? because i really never had the chance.
i came up with the picture of bayanihan from movies, television shows and paintings mostly of galang's. as far as i could remember, the practice is usually done among families who need to relocate their house form one location to another. the people who participate it are usually friends and neighbors of the respondent family. they would cooperatively carry and move the house to its destination. after which, no compensation is expected in return. sometimes, the family would just offer food and drinks to the participant as a sign of gratitude.
but not in one chance that i was able to see an actual one. i even remembered before whenever we go to the province of my mom, i always asked if there would be bayanihan that would pass my grandmom's house. my uncle usually tell us that it is seldom happens during those days. because most of the houses in the barrio were already in concrete. there are only a few people left who prefers having nipa huts and most of them lives in the middle of the ricefields. ever since then, i lose hope of seeing an actual one.
i just realized, how does teachers or parents, nowadays discussed bayanihan to the younger ones without them actually witnessing it on their everyday life? is bayanihan only already a part of history and could only be seen among history books?
ofcourse, the absense of bayanihan would not mean that filipinos are no longer helpful. i think being helpful is innate among filipinos because our culture and traditions reared us to be one (bragging aside). but i just noticed that most of the time, people will either help and expect a compensation in return, would not help unless asked or would not help at all.
basically, the reason why i came up with this topic is because of what happened earlier. while thinking of something to post with inside a jeepny, a woman was trying to pass her fare to two passengers who were infront of each other next to her. the woman was struggling to hang her arms to reach the next person and saying 'bayad po! bayad po!" but the two people: a boy and a girl, pretended as if they were not hearing and seeing anything. they were expecting the next person to them to reach it instead. but what was really annoying about this two people was, the girl turned her back on the old woman and stared blankly outside the window. while the man pretended to be sleeping. i really can';t believe that was happening. i even thought that i was in wow mali or noypi and throwing a big joke on me that time. i was really anticipating that any moment somebody will just knocked me and spill the spoof. but nobody did.
i slid my butt against the bench and made the initiative to reach for the fare eventhough i was sitting on the other end. i checked out the girl and the man. but they are still on their act of ignoring the other passenger of the jeep. i was really on the verge of kicking them out, i swear.
for me, riding a jeep is like our modern version of bayanihan. you help each one for you to be able to reach your destination. if you don't want to cooperate then its better you stepped out of the vehicle and get yourself a cab so that no one will bother and asked you to pass the fare. it just give me the temper.

Friday, February 22, 2008

...

10 Years Ago, I...
1. the rite of passage to manhood: i was so proud because our bully neighbor cried when he had his while i was perkying around and enjoying the feeling of wearing a palda.
2. the first time i've learned how to make myself happy.
3. it was the first time i gave a letter to my crush after that i realized something else.
4. i was exiled into the province.

5 Years Ago, I...
1. i was the only guy in our section that passed UP.
2. i went to baguio by my own to enroll without my parents, a boarding house nor anyone i know of.
3. i joined tabak and life has INDEED never been the same-kat nisperos.
4. my early bloom of a non commital relationship that lasted six years---beat that!

3 Years Ago, I...
1. i realized that i was in baguio to join extracurricular activities and not to study.
2. i have formulated my washing machine theory: soak clothes in soap detergent for three days, wait until the water turns dark, collect the collar or ends of each clothes, turn the entire load clock wise for 15 minutes. then another 15 minutes counter clockwise.
3. i pioneered the first one banlawan method. hehehe.
4. i learned how to wear semi-wet underwear because washed clothes in baguio take a week before it would dry out.

A Year Ago, I...
1. i was juggling work (full time employee) and law shool (full time student).
2. i enrolled myself to a gym and witness the excitement of the business.
3. i realized how painful it was to pay a large amount of your salary for your tax and not feeling anything in return.
4. learned the motto, study hard, work hard and party harder after that i discovered what they also meant about beer belly and love handles.
This Year, I...
1. i am enjoying my six hours of sleep.
2. swore never to buy a samsung cellphone anymore after 8 years of having the same cell phone brand.
3. learned how to ride a jeep in manila and realized that to go to tomas morato you need to take pantranco instead of quiapo because the next thing you'll know you're already in welcome rotonda.
4. i had my first television, webcam, cellphone and "serious" relationship.

Yesterday, I...
1. i came late again to work after familiarizing myself in riding jeepnies for the past three days now.
2. i only had P20 in my pocket.
3. checked my salary and surpised to see five digit numbers on it, just to realized the next day that there was a system glitch in the bank. unfortunately, i failed to withdraw the entire amount before the bank froze all of our cards. now, define frustration!
4. realized that my work description should have also indicated, waiting for your log out.Today, I...1. broke my oath of cutting my expenses of not taking taxi anymore.
2. disturbed and still nanghihinayang of last night.
3. plan to go to up for jun lozada's vigil4. going to meet brian and h to watch day break in galleria. then catch up, with our team's inuman in west avenue.Tomorrow

I will...
1. drag myself to work.
2. bring 100php only.
3. spend lesser
4. anticipate for my rest days.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

mp3 zombies

source
while I was riding a jeepny back home yesterday, I tried observing the people together with me. it was so silent inside the PUV except for this one guy. this guy was a large man probably in his mid to late 20s wearing a headset probably from his cellphone or his mp3 player. there were also around 6 people inside who has one, which includes me. but this guy was different. the problem was this person was actually singing on the top of his falcetto voice which was really really god! I swear! adding-up-all-the-annoying-adjectives-you-can-think-of to describe him while singing that what goddamn song he was listening. not to offend anyone, but honestly hearing a big guy singing regine velasquez's songs would probably be the most ackward moment of your life.
everybody was already staring at him that time. but the guy seemed to be so clueless of how loud and screechy his voice was and the torment of his voice scratching our ear drums.
I am really not fond of discriminating a person because of his features or what not, but darn it was really unbearable. infact, there were two girls sitting beside me, who at first was giggling at him. but the next time I twist my head on their side, they've immediately transformed into foul mothed bitches cursing him to the extremes. they were also already making 'parinig'. but the guy was still blankly looking outside and singing in his mind ALOUD, as if he was all alone and making his own mtv or videoke scenes inside the jeepny. I swear, I could even see him in black and white that time.
it was a torture chamber being inside the jeep that time. it actually went worst for me and the rest of the passengers, because it seemed like we were sharing this telepathic feeling that all of us including that man are dropping at the same place which was the end of the route---the jeepny terminal.
then when we reached philcoa, people began to dropped off. but all eyes where actually on the man, anticipating for the slightest movement that would tell us it was his stop. but the man didn't moved into his seat. but he paused from singing. the jeep went off after all philcoa passengers were already gone. it was silent again. from that point you tend to really appreciate the pleasure of silence. but when we thought it was already over, the man released something that was sharper, more thinner and more annoying pitch, trying to hit a high note on regine velasquez' song palasyo. it was extremely terrible! believe me, its not something that you want to encounter everyday. I just have my share. I just hope somebody would soon have theirs. hahaha.
by the way, to whoever do the same thing please be considerate. if you want to follow the song being played on your players, please sing with it silently and close your mouth.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

beep!beep!beep!beep!

i've already received my statements for all of my expenses that includes my credit card, space and other city services, and god! i was surprised with the amount that i saw. i really need to cut off my expenses for the next couple of months for me to be able to save for my summer vacations and classes. i tried computing all of my regular expenses for a month and the second surprise came up, when i found out that the second biggest part of the pie is actually being allocated for transportation.
at first, i was really on denial that the fact regarding my transportation was playing a major decadent part of my expenses. i thought it was probably a miscalculation again. since i am so dumb with math. but no matter how i reformulate or recalculate it, it still ends up on the same outcome---i am spending a lot with my transpo.
usually, i ride a cab twice a day. i ride one to the office and another back home. the number of taxi rides will differ if i am going to somewhere else after work. normally, i spend 100php for each ride. so if i take a cab twice a day, five days a week and this is for a no-social-life-month, the expenses would run around 4000php. it also has the tendencies to soar higher. since i used to go out with friends.
well, the problem with katipunan is that there is no direct route for jeepnies from home to office. i need to ride atleast two rides always. for me, it is actually quite fine if i commute all the way to alabang as long as it would be just one jeep/bus ride. but if it is a 15-minute trip but would take me two rides, for some reasons, i am having extreme difficulties.
so started yesterday, i am convinced to familiriaze myself in riding jeepnies again. i actually remembered posting one entry previously regarding my mishaps when i attempted to ride a jeep. where i got lost, got confused (which was not really a nice feeling) and got late for almost an hour.
call me, shallow. but a probisyano like me, as fierce as i may look to taggle my counterpart's stereotypes, still hides naiveness inside and that is so evident once i hit an unknown street in manila. honestly, direction is next to math on my list of my weaknesses. believe me, i just learned left and right last year. when i realized, that since i am right handed, whenever i point a direction i always raised my writing hand before i could tell whether it is right or left.
anyhow, the past two days of riding a jeepny actually went well. it is just that i tend to wake up earlier than i used to do and arrived work almost an hour earlier. but the good thing about it is, it actually gave me much time to think and see a lot about the streets of the metro.

10 unusual things about me

i don't usually entertain taggings. but since kuya joms tagged me, i'll consider him as an exception. and since i have already posted such topics before, i am just recycling it once again to be consistent and to save time as well for i don't really have something to post about at the moment!

10. i have a habit or craving of biting and crushing cotton seeds inside pillows. even if the pillows are not ours.

9.I have an unusual obsession of buying rims of white paper. then scribble just anything into it, crumple it and then throw it a way. up until now, i really couldn't explain why i am doing it. probably, its my version of stress releaser.

8. i have a habit of waking up in the middle of the night. just to look outside of our window, without really looking for someone and something.


7. my doctor prohibited me from drinking alcohol (obviously) and sodas, smoking (another given thing), not having sleep for more than 6 hours, getting stress, wearing clothes other than cotton and eating chocolate, fish and chicken due to allergies.
then i just asked her if i could just drink a bottle of liquid sosa instead.
all of these (aside from eating fish) spells my life. nonetheless, like most patients, i am still into all of these.

6. i can chew atleast two pieces of siling labuyo without drinking any fluid.

5. i am haematophobic (fear of blood), coulrophobic (fear of clowns) and nyctophobic (fear of darkness).
i literally faint whenever i see blood other than mine.
i cannot sleep with the lights turned on. but ironically, i have difficulties of breathing and also uncomfortable not seeing just a spect of light if it is turned off.
don't be surprised if you don't see me eating at mc donald's. simply because i have an unsual fear with clowns. just mere looking at ronald mc donald, regardless if it is a statue or a mascot, gives me the creeps and makes my sweat glands dripping in no time.
probably because i always thought that a smiling clown are hiding or up to something not good and would always get me. special thanks to stephen king's IT! argh!


4. when i was a kid, i could not eat without having the same pair of spoon and fork. i would even look for them in the kitchen before i could begin eating.

3. whenever i am forced to wash my clothes, what i do is: i soak my laundry load for a day with a pack of detergent. then, i gather a part of each piece and spin them for 15 minutes counter clockwise and another 15 minutes in reverse. this is my own theory of a manual washing machine.
and by the way, even before downy launched its isang banlaw formula, i have already been doing it. hahaha.

2. never ever as in, never sleep beside me. aside from the fact that i kick and hurt the person sleeping beside me. i also unconsciously harass them PHYSICALLY.

photo taken from one of drinking session at a friend's rest house in batangas.
in which another drunk blockmate still insisted sleeping beside
the rather tired from work than drunk me
after being warned by blockmates.
the good thing was we both couldn't remember what happened.
but the entire block made a laughing stock out of it
and this photo is one of the probably hundreds of evidences
of this very embarassing moment.

1. i have a long scar on my left knee because of sleep walking.
yes, you heard it right, i sleepwalk. but this is not only an ordinary sleepwalking case.

usually, i sleepwalk whenever i get a fever higher than 40.
the first incident, i was 6 by that time. after my mom brought me to a clinic, she decided to lay me down on the couch and we slept together there. suddenly, she just woke up in the middle of the dusk after realizing that i was no longer beside her. and what bothered her more was she found the main door of the house open.
after half an hour looking, she saw me sitting on one of the club house's swings---still asleep.

second, when i was around 12, my entire family just woke up after hearing crashes and bangs. when they went to my room, they found me throwing things out of my room---eyes still shut.

third and hopefully the last, when i was 16, i jumped over our terrace that was around 5 meters from the ground asleep. the event left me with a broken patella and an ackward feeling of metal inside my knee until sophomore college.

***

well despite all of these, i still believe that i am not psychotic. just a bit crazy just like the rest of us. cheers!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

beLIEve

aside from survival, one of man's biggest problem in life is finding the truth. come to think of it, in almost everything that we do in life, there is always the struggle of finding truth for us to believe and react in.
as simple as living at home, where we tend to look and work as a group to answer our family's issues.at the office, where we work to foresee and address the truth with regard to the outcomes of our professional fields and to achieve its goal. and most especially at school, where we keep on looking for the correct answers in our exams, in formulating truth as we create and debate for a discussion in class and in writing essays to fabricate our opinions.
probably the most concrete thing to explain it is our politics, where it is presently more prevalent between the administration and opposition that is currently headed by jun lozada regarding the ZTE scandal. everyone is claiming that they are telling the truth. but obviously between the two ironic claims there should always be one who is telling a lie.
probably by now, basing from my previous posts, you should know which side i am at. but my stand is not with regard to what my ideology lies nor what my previous experience had been. this is simply depending on the consistencies the claims are being delivered by both parties.
everybody should know by now the details of this controversy. who wouldn't? its been in almost on all news paper (broadsheet or tabloid), radio air waves and it is also being aired for almost every hour in the television. even the internet tells a lot about it.
on my opinion, the truth lies in what jun lozada is claiming. the consistencies of his claims to what jose de venecia jr. earlier exposed are outstandingly and strongly intact and perfect. it even didn't fall against the tough interpellations of various individuals of the administration who are also associated with the scandal which includes the PNP chief of staff, DENR secretary, and the malacanang.
in addition, it just so obvious that the defense of the administration is so fabricated. funny because they were the one who is actually complicating it. in which, they are tanggled with their own complications leaving them pointing into their own noses at the end of the day.
nonetheless, there were some who would claim that filipinos are already exhausted with all the people power issues that the most opposition wing is clamoring. where they are being asked in going to the streets, chanting and asking for the resignation of these people who they believe are involved. that is why they are some who opt not to join to such issues anymore. i could not deny this fact as much as really want to. probably such actions might be indeed already faced out and could no longer be as effective or attracting as it was used to be during the people power 1 and 2. but come to think of it, this is the one of the most effective venue any democratic country could act upon in expressing their disgust or discontentment to their government. nobody has the right to complain if s/he doesn't do anything about what s/he is complaining about, that is the mortal rule for me.
i may not be as gullible as i look but i can say i actually am. but recognizing this characteristic in me made me realize to be very cautious on everything that i believed and should believe in. i am just hoping that it is the truth i am believing.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

marriage part 2


i came from a family where a number of members chose to grow old, single. not because they don't have anyone to get married with. in fact, they have gone with a number of past relationships. but they've just chose not to for reasons they didn't want to tell us when we asked them when we were kids and we wouldn't dare asking when we grew up.
yesterday, me and a friend talked about settling down. she has been in a relationship for nine years now and presently in doubt. this is because her boyfriend's us visa was just approved after a long time of processing and waiting. she confessed to me that honestly for the first time she was unsure. she doesn't believed in long distance relationship. despite the fact that her boyfriend already promised her to get her once he have managed to settle down with a job and a decent(there goes the word again) home.
i asked her, what if both of them then realized that they were not really meant to each other after all. she answered me that she thinks she would cry hard because she could no longer imagine herself without him around and that she is already used of having him for nine long years. but she believes that if it turned out that they are not really meant for one another, then be it.
i really felt sad hearing this from her which such sincerity and hid fear on her face. although she didn't tell me. i could feel that she was already preparing this to happen. she also confessed that she even asked her boyfriend for marriage. but the guy refused. i could just feel what she was feeling that time. considering i know her as a person that wouldn't ask for something out that easily. she is the type of person that would work hard for herself to achieved something than to instantly ask it out to someone else.
when i went out of the office and met my sister in robinson's place manila, i saw a couple of vagrants hugging one another as they sleep inside a small wooden cart. the cart was parked in a small alley along pedro gil st which was being passed by a very busy crowd. then, i wondered if they are married. i actually never bothered asking them. aside from the fact they were sleeping, i really don't have the guts to talk to someone i really don't know. but then i thought what if they weren't? what if they really couldn't afford getting married? what if its just enough for them to have one another regardless how hard things could be for them? those dramatic lines. well, i just noticed, atleast among most of my friends, that they don't value marriage that much anymore. for them, if having kids are blessings before. now, getting married is just a bonus of the entire partnership package. they are pretty much focused and contended of having a child than to get a lifetime partner or at the least, to get married. as early as 16, i already accepted and prepared myself to the fact that i might be the heir or the family's tradition. again, not because i think i am already hopeless or pessimistic about the possibility of getting married. but simply because as i have mentioned on my previous posts that i really don't believe in the concept of marriage. i always believe that such ceremony is just a bind created in papers, which might be very cliche to your ears now. but it really is. i would rather get married with my partner, hands laying flat in a sack of rice (no specific purpose, just for the symbolism of susteinance, i guess) and promising our best commitments to one another than to sign a paper infront of the public. for me, the whole point of the former is a matter of one's word of honor and love to keep a relationship. instead of keeping one outside of love and respect and only binded with the pressure of other people and institutions. probably, now, all i have to think of is how to have a baby in the future. i really can't afford to hire a baby maker yet. but since i think my sperm counts are still on its maximum and just to make sure i could make use of it before it runs out (yeah right?!), i am thinking of depositing in a sperm bank some for the right time to come. does anyone know if we have a sperm bank in the country? hahaha.

Friday, February 15, 2008

open decency

two men in madrid(1954), cecillia de torres

i am proud to say that i didn't spend valentines alone last night. i spend it having an hour and a half arguement with brian and sandy were to dine in. we almost considered the entire quezon city area, starting from fairview, katipunan, north edsa, visayas avenue, tomas morato, east wood all the way to robinson galleria. at the end, we found ourselves emptying our pockets in don henricos in tomas morato.
sandy invited me over after my shift and met them in up diliman. they were already there around 5 in the afternoon waiting for me and zig. when i reached the library walk, it was already quarter to six. but the place was still busy with students, mostly not from up, for that night's concert as a part of the week long up fair, which i really opt not to go.
(i know that i've already mentioned on my previous post that i wouldn't write something mushy about valentines. but i think this post wouldn't really tackle something extreme mushy.)
when i took off the jeep, i saw sandy and brian sitting along the library walk. while i was walking towards where they were at, i saw two guys standing and talking infront of them. they look like the "typical up students," meaning they were wearing tshirts, jeans and slippers, laid back as my former officemate once told me in describing me and other up students.
as i exhaustedly walking near them. i saw both of the guys kissed on my periphery. but the stare of the number of people also sitting along the library walk and that would include both of my friends, actually confirmed to me that indeed the two guys kissed. my periphery and the people's stare infront also in a way, told me that it was a long and sensual one.
i was actually surprised not because of the two guys kissing but on the reaction on the face of the people who saw them kissing. as far as i know, up is considered to be the home of the bright and open minds. but seeing the reaction of those students on their faces, it actually put my belief on doubt.
is up indeed, still the home of bright and open minds? or is just that their students are ought to live with this belief?
by the time i reached and greeted my friends, i took a minute break due to exhaustion from the ride and work. nonetheless, my observation was still turned on regarding the two guys and the people around them. i know the people are from up because they are familiar faces and some of them are actually acquiantances. so there's no way that these people are from other schools or outsiders.
the two guys are still talking to one another but they're holding each other's hands this time. indeed, its not a nice view to look at especially if you're single and its valentines day(okay that's my que to stop from there!). the people came back to their businesses but i could sense that they are still in their ackwardest moment. as if they are keeping a volcano from erupting inside. when the two guys parted ways, there goes what i was waiting for.
being the sharpest eavesdropper mankind ever had, i realized their comments were actually parted in two. one was because of their gender. while the other one was regarding decency.
indeed, you could never generalize an entire population just because the majority of it is like this or like that. considering that this is up where people have the tendency to go against what is the norm or what is popular. you couldn't really expect that an UP individual (*which would pertain to faculty, admnin or students) is an activist, an open-minded person or actually even intelligent. but i am not referring this to up alone. but to all universities.
despite the wide array of curricula, class discussions, fora and symposia that the university is conducting almost every month, it just sadden me to know that they are still students who doesn't recognizes the true essence of gender sensitivity. i even remember when i was in my freshmen year in up baguio. we were actually required to attend a gender sensitivity workshop that is for all freshmen students to undertake during their first months stay in the campus. the student should realized that gender sensitivity is not a fad that they are comply to follow with just because they are up students for a specific duration. it is something personal into themselves. i am not saying that they have to accept or tolerate it but atleast try showing respect an individual's preferences.
i must agree, when they've said respect is something gained. but does respect only focused on what other people would think about a person? or does it starts first into oneself and then it radiates fo the public to follow?
this would now, lead us to the next issue of decency. for me decency is a very vague concept. simply because it pertains to something personal to an individual. but paradoxically, it is being determined by other people or the public. from here, questions arise: who determines if a person is decent or not? is decency fixed and permanent or does it varies depending on the place and generation?
i always believed that respect and decency go along interdependently. it starts into one's self. in which, one should learn first to respect and love him/herself and not the identity other people is imposing into him/her. once a person learned to accept who s/he really is, regardless, what other people would think of him/her and as long as s/he doesn't step into other people's faces then i believe s/he would be able carry on with life successfully. for me, these are the people who can be considered decent: people who respects individuality and their selves.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

the wanderer who spoiled valentines


i think its too early to write something about how to spoil this day. but i can say that i already have done quite a number of things. i woke up quite late this morning though not that alarming to be late for work with a frown in my face. this is one of my pre-set plans that i've came up before i slept last night. the list would include the following:

hope that you'll wake up on the wrong side of the bed or pretend that you did.

i just realized that waking up on the wrong side of the bed with a temperature that drops around the 70s, which is chiller than the past days, was already not a good day to start valentines. knowing that even the weather is actually teasing me and rubbing,

"hey this will be a long cold day for you, erik"

or probably its just me trying to relate almost everything to this day. i just hope i am not the only person who realized this.

wear something that would ruin or divert the essence of the occasion.

i thought of wearing green today. i realized wearing black would actually be something quite obvious. it would either mean you're so bitter about the day because you don't have someone with you or your participating the black valentine event of a shampoo commercial because you think you are sexy. well, wearing red is not actually on my option. people who doesn't have anyone with them doesn't wear red during valentines. its like torturing or putting yourself into fire if you're going to wear red and being single is you're gasoline.

i decided to wear green because of very silly idea that if everyone will be wearing red and i am wearing green, if i go near them we will look like yuletide colors. eventually, the essence of valentines will be replaced and diverted with christmas and atleast, everybody will be happy.

wear a very dark tinted sunglasses.

the traffic in katipunan is still horrible, as usual. but today, it actually took me 20 minutes to get a cab. but the thing that annoyed me most was the burning view of everything in red. don't they realize the view looks like hell? it was like almost all corner you passed through, there is something red on it. as if everybody is overrating the occasion (now, look who's talking?). good thing, i have my sunglasses on. atleast, everything was in black or in darker hue. but i should have brought a .45 magnum pistol instead, and shoot anyone that is either wearing or carrying something red, seriously.

annoy everyone around you.

the traffic jam when i reached edsa wouild already tell me how most people are excitedly anticipating this day. yes, everybody woke up and hit the road earlier that is why the traffic build up came in unexpectedly. but despite the eagerness of most people to beat the road, i still manage to reach work 20 minutes earlier for my shift. nonetheless, the crazy me still decided to punch in late up to the provided grace period of 44 minutes. considering the tons and piles of work i have to do. definitely, my supervisor will be annoyed hearing this as well as my other coworkers that will be forced to carry over my work loads and render overtime.

people were greeting "happy valentines" when i walked in. i figured the best way to annoy them was to tell them, "go to work!" or "what's happy for this day? do you have a date?i bet not" i actually enjoyed annoying my officemates i am and they are used of that. this were the type of the jokes we normally had. i was actually expecting they would retaliate and throw something that would tell me " bitter ka lang kasi" or something, which they normally do. but today is quite different, which i already overratedly pointed out earlier, it's valentines day for crying out loud. they just turned back and work silently as if you drained the perkiness inside of them. i felt bad in a way, thinking i am already late and this guys already carried over my work but i still gave them this. but in second thought, i liked it. once in a while its nice to be mean.

broke yourself.

today, i am officially broke. i only have less than a grand in my pocket that i need to stretch until next week. i have also maxxed out my credit limit and i still need to pay my place. even my cellphone load doesn't have a peso left on it. but looking on the brighter side or simply putting a meaning of it to excuse myself, i thought its a good form of a hunger strike.
comrades, i am proclaiming and expressing to you my disgust to this day. the day of february 14 is not a day to celebrate love between lovers nor an international celebration of single awareness day, it is a deceitful manifestation of the capitalist structure to let us spend more than we are ought to spend for this day. roses, chocolates, gifts and even food are on their highest cost to favor the ones who are in the status quo. come and join me in tackling down such injustice.

never turn back to these plans.

as i ended this long post, i just realized three thing:. first, despite the pleasure of being so mean, it didn't really gave me any good. second, despite the day being so freakingly long, i just have to bear with and live on for tomorrow. lastly, never to write a series of mushy post again---ever.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

a pre-valentine post

earlier while i was riding a cab to work, i was listening to magic 89.9 with sam yg, mojo and i forgot the name of the only lady dj (sorry!). they were giving out prizes for tomorrow, valentine's day. one in which was a P5,000 worth of gcs for itallianis. the procedure was simple, just go in the station and tell the djs why would they give you the prize. the first prize was actually given 20 minutes after they've announced the contest around 12 midnight. then the station just decided to give one more prize after 4 more people swarmed the studio.
the funny thing about this program is that they are not your conventional radio show. as far as i know they are the only radio show that is able to cross the air waves of even the television arena because of being so controversial. djs are so straight forward, if they don't like your answer, they wouldn't hesitate to rebutt you, dump you and move on to the next caller. it seems like sugar coating is not in their vocabulary. so it really takes gutts to call this program and this makes them unique from the other radio shows.
anyhow, the remaining 4 people who came in the studio was given the chance to win the same prize. they just have to convince the djs and some audiences that were doing the poll to choose them by answering the same question; why would they have to choose him/her to win the prize?
among the 4 contestants, my bet was on the only rose among the thorns, baby. she came all the way from laguna that early morning because she and her husband for five years has never experienced a valentine date before. for me. the effort of the woman to get a date for her husband would probably be the sweetest thing a woman could do for her partner during such occasion. i must agree when one of the caller reasoned that when you are already married, the romance and the excitement shouldn't stop there.
aside from the effort, it is actually quite rare for women nowadays to do such deed, that are normally being done by man. kudos to baby for stepping out the norm.
args! now, i am really hating the chumminess of the valentine air.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

faded depressions


solitary
02/08/2008
color pen and paper

i was so faded last night, not because of the fair but because of somewhere else. after sandy asked a very big favor from me, which i really mean big (but not as big as brian though), we went to tomato kick a nearby pub in up village to get some drinks. brian and sandy just decided to get a bottle. while i got more. nothing as usual. i just wanted to get tipsy because i am having hard time of sleeping these past days. but it seemed like i exceeded my limits and still having the hang of it as i walked into work earlier.

anyhow, we were the chill type crowd, not really the party people type. normally, a couch, a bucket of beer, some finger food and lots of talk are basically the main ingredients of a blasting night for us. some might call us boring. but i really like the conversations we have and i find it more productive. although i must admit, we also dance thats if worst comes to worst especially if we are already drunk. go figure.

one of the highlights of our conversation was depression. along with it, it actually surprised me how depression attacks people all of a sudden. not because i never felt it but because of the intensity of its effects and how it varries to each individual. there are moments in which you feel very happy and then in a snap you'll just find yourself silent and depressed. the absurd thing is that most of the time, you wouldn't really know where is it coming from and this makes you more depress.

i know friends and relatives who actually seeked psychological help and medication because of severe depression, the type in which its actually affecting their everyday life and even their relationships to others. I know that going to a psychologist nowadays are just normal. but i find it quite rare especially in the philippines.

what i noticed about most people is that they tend to exaggerate depression. i believe that depression is normal and natural. it is basically essential for us to value and appreciate happiness more. but aside from the clinical depression type, i find most people actually exagerrating it. usually, there are people who tend to over analyze the reasons of their depression by adding up and branching out other non-related burdens. while some would actually create their own problems just to feel depress without formulating a way to resolve it internally. these are things that i really don't understand. probably, indeed, we find pleasure in hurting ourselves unconsciously. i really don't know.

whenever i feel depress, i tend to attack it alternatively. rather than allowing myself to be engulfed with such emotion. normally, i would grab my sketch pad and draw or go else where and meet my friends. i tend to shy away from the feeling by doing something else especially because i am living alone. but of course, its always a case to case basis.

for most people who suffer this condition, it seemed like they are carrying the entire world's burdens on their shoulder. there would actually be people who have just accepted the fact that there case sould no longer be resolve. some would engage into suicide. while some would isolate themselves from the rest. hopeless at it may seems but i think there are lots of people that has relatively bigger problems than theirs.

i remember a book of cris martinez' titled last order sa penguin, where a girl selling roses confronted one of the main characters of the story. she said, "buti nga kayo ang pinoproblema niyo ay pagkakaroon ng karelasyon. samantalang ako prinoproblema ko kung saan ako hahanap ng kakainin namin para bukas (you're rather fortunate because you are only thinking on how to have a relationship. while me, i am actually thinking where to find food for tomorrow)."

indeed, it struck me how we tend to look the gravity of our problems in a very "petty" way and how we can be so selfish to others. then i realized that for us to be able to experience happiness and surpass our own depressions, we just simply need to learn how to be contended on what we have and share to others whatever is in excess. simple yet ideal. but still its so damn practical.

oh, i just wish i could share to others my hang over. its just too much to bear.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

rubik cube man


*i thought of doing something different today. so i figured of writing my next post in filipino and in a lighter manner.


sabi sa aking psychological test nung college, ako daw ay right brain hemisphere dominated (paumanhin hindi ko matandaan ang pagkakasunod ng mga salita), ibig sabihin mas nakikita ko daw ang mga maliliit na detalye ng paglubog ng araw sa kanluran habang nilalamon ito ng mga piraso ng animo'y nagbabagang basag na salamin. malimit rin daw sa mga taong ganito ay nailalapat ang kariktan ng mga katulad na tanawin sa isang dibuho o obra. in short, inclined daw ako sa arts.

sabi pa ng psych professor ko, kadalasan sa mga taong ganito, dahil aesthitically inclined sila nahihirapan sila sa mga bagay na logically at arithmatically complicated (kung saan, magaling naman ang left brain hemisphere dominated na tao. obviously, hindi ko pa rin alam ang pagkakasunod-sunod, kaya ginaya ko na lang yung nauna para consistent). kaya siguro dalawang beses ko'ng inulit ang college algebra.

pero hindi rin, ang dahilan ko, nakakayamot kasi si miss math teacher na ang kinakausap lang ay black board at libro. tapos magagalit kasi hindi daw kami nakikinig. sagot ko naman, sabi ng mama ko masama daw ang nag eeaves drop.

yun ang unang beses na pinatayo ako at pinalabas ng kwarto. buti na lang may natira pa akong yosi sa bulsa at napadaan si dette para may kakwentuhan ako. pagkatapos ng klase, tinanong ako ng professor kung nagsisisi na daw ako.

sabi ko, opo, nagsisisi na po ako, with matching teatro convictions. sa kabila nito, binigyan pa rin niya ako ng 4 at pinagremoval exams. nagkulang ako ng isang puntos para pumasa. alma ko, maraming factors ang pwedeng ikonsider kung bakit ako nagkulang ng puntos, pwedeng environmental, ambiance, time pressure at iba pa. subalit bato talaga ang puso ng professor ko'ng yun, hindi umubra ang dahilan ng isang soc an major sa kanya. pito lang ang pumasa, lima kaming matapang at magigiting na bumagsak, 21 ang nag drop sa klaseng iyon. sa sumunod na semestre, hindi na narenew ang professor dahil sa mababang survey score at turn out ng mga estudyante.

inulit ko siya sa sumunod na taon. boyfriend naman ng dati kong teacher and nagturo, patay! pay back time! ito lang nakita ko sa mukha ng teacher ng pumasok ito sa unang araw ng klase. pagkatapos ng semestre kahit wala pa rin naintindihan binigyan niya ako ng flat na dos. mataas na yun para sa nag-iinternal hemorrage na taong tulad kapag nakakakita ng numero.
sa hinaba ng kwento ko, side dish pa lang po yun! ang totoo, pumasok sa isip ko ang topic ito kanina pagpasok ko ng opisina. nagulat ako dahil lahat ng tao ay may kinakalikot, linalapirap, binubutingting at pinapaikot na isang makulay na bloke. ang totoo, noong una, hindi ko alam kung ano ang tawag dito. tinanong ko lang sa katabi ko ang tawag, rubik cube daw. hinanap ko pa sa internet kung papaano siya iispell. buti na lang tama ang naitayp ko, kung ano ang bigkas siya namang baybay.

sinubukan ko'ng paglaruan rin, ang goal lang naman daw ay mailagay mo ang magkakakulay na mga square sa iisang mukha. madali lang naman pala. napanuod ko sa tv 7 years old 17 seconds na kumpleto niya.

akala ko lang pala. narealize ko kaya nga siya nafeature sa tv kasi genius siya. bakit genius ba ako?

ayun 6 hours ko na siyang pinaglalaruan ngayon. at malapit na siya makalas. akala ko nanaman kasi kapag napagsamasama mo ang isang kulay, magsasama na rin ang ibang kulay. hindi pa pala, lalong nagulo ang mundo ko. tapos sabi pa ng office mate ko, buuin ko daw siya ng five months. sabi ko sa kanya, eh kung burahin kaya kita sa mundo. tumahimik siya at nagconcentrate naman ako. ilang saglit lang, gusto ko ng umiyak!

sabi ko pa, madali siya kasi may kulay tapos right brain hemisphere dominated pa ako. so naka na lang ito! shet,m mapagpanggap ang animal! logic pala kailangan nito. nagiging illohikal na ako. tumigil ako at humarap sa computer. pucha! gumagalaw na kulay pa rin ang nakikita ko, masama na ito. hindi ko siya matanggal sa isip ko kung papaano sila bubuuin. tinago ko na siya. ayoko na!

bumaba ako ng opisina, nagyosi. tapos may nakita akong nagtitinda ng rubik cube at ang dami dami nila. patong patong. sa tingin ko, isa-isa silang gumagalaw ng kusa. nasisiraan na ata ako ng bait!

boom!

outside this building part 2 na ito, the rubik cube man.

Friday, February 8, 2008

outside this building


working inside a building of a big television network gives you the opportunity to meet different kinds of people. you'll see big personalities, celebrities, working professionals and common individuals who are hoping and striving for an instant better life through chances.

everyday, as early as 2 in the morning, there would already be a long pile of people, sleeping on the cold floor outside and waiting for the gates of respective game shows to open. the thing that was alarming about this was that most of them are old women and children who are struggling the cold of dusk by simply drinking hot drinks that they've brought and sharing a thin sheet of cloth.

you wouldn't imagine how its like falling in line on those piles. everybody are outwitting one another, screaming and engaging to fight cats because everybody claims that they came in first: just to learn that at the end of the day that there weren't able to make it to be a contestant. but this obviously wouldn't stop them from applying again and expect them to be on the next dusk, repeating the same viicious cycle.

there was one time, when i came out of work to buy a cigarette, a man was standing in front of the entrance door holding a wide manila paper that states his dismay for the crew of a local game show, who told him nasty things. the man claims that he crew screamed at him and rubbed into him that he doesn't have any chance to make it to the show even if he kept on applying everyday. he was addressing the letter to the host of the game show. i felt sad looking at the man while he was shouting in tears, requesting the host to go out of the building. no host went out.
one thing i also noticed was that there were a lot of psychologically challenged individuals who were walking around the station.

there is zorro, a vagrant along the vicinity that wears tattered and soiled clothes folded and sewed to form a mask and a cape. usually, he guards parked cars infront of the building and do traffic instructing as well. there is also the torch bearer, a vagrant who wears the same type of clothes. you would see him every morning jogging around the building raising an ice cream cone. there is also the talent scout. compare to the previous ones, she wears the typical clothes. but wears an oddly and thickly applied make up. you would see her roaming around coffee shops introducing herself to have lots of connections inside the network and asking people if they want to be an artist. the funny thing about it is there are still a number of people who would bite her offer.

everyday, new sets of people come, stay and go. sometimes they'll talk to you, ask for directions, borrow you lighter, ask for spare coins for jeepny fare and even touch your life.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

teach them how to fish

source
whenever i went out of the office i either ride a cab home, take two jeepny rides to up then to katipunan or take two train rides to cubao then to lrt katipunan.
yesterday, i opt out in taking the last option. usually, i take the escalator because of obvious reasons. but it seemed like the escalator was out of order, looking at road pole that was tied across the elevator entrance to prevent from persistent commuters from crossing and doing katherine zeta jones' entrapment acrobats.thus, everybody needs to take the the "road block" either the elevator which would take the rebirth of the dinosaurs to get to the second floor or take the stairs that would give you varicose veins as large as balate roots.
i thought time is gold so i took the stairs instead. while i was struggling with my breath, i saw a little girl begging for some spare coins and food sitting on the next flight. i remembered that she happens to be the same girl who was stationed on the entrance of the elevator. it seemed like she was displaced from her branch.
as i mentioned on my previous post, normally, i don't really give alms to such not because i am a born pathetic. but simply because sometimes sparing some coins or food would not really help them rather they would continue depending to others and doing this for the rest of their life. as the old chinese quotaion goes, give a man a fish and he'll live for a day. but teach a man how to fish and he'll live for the rest of his life.
nonetheless, the look on the little girl's face just basically crashed my chest. i might be very pessimistic in thinking that she is a good actress. but what's on her play is something that you don't normally see among beggar's faces. others might call it conviction. but for me, i call it hunger. it gave me no options but to pull up spare coins on my pocket and gave it to her.
as i walk away from her, the words "salamat po" kept on echoing on my ears like thunders cloud sitting beside my shoulders. i just can't stop blaming so many people regarding the little girl's fate. i am blaming her parents because they springed her without any guarantee if they'll be able to support her. i am blaming the government because it can't provide appropriate social services for people like her. i am blaming the people who just walk across her as if she doesn't exist, i am blaming god for giving her such fate and i am even blaming myself because all i could do is give her spare coins.
there are so many to blame, in which, i then realized is inevitable. but i am thinking that if we could atleast lessen it, then there would probably no street children sitting on those cold, hard and dirty floor asking for something to survive each day.
before i thought of applying for a non government agency or organization, regardless if it would just promise me a low salary. atleast i thought, at the end of each day, i have a smile on my face as i go to sleep knowing that i have helped somebody. for me that was the definition of a fulfilling job. but then, i need to work first and earn sufficient money to bring myself to post graduate school.
there were lots of things, realizations and plans that keep on flying in my head, as i wait for forever to get a single journey ticket. when finally, it was my turn to buy a ticket, a girl guarding a tin can said to me,
"sir, konting donation lang po para sa mga nangangailangan."
she was holding a big tin can full of coins that has the red cross logo on it. then i just taught of the girl again and thought of these organization. when i realized that my sudden pause was already blocking the next person on the line. i just walk away from the booth and concluded: "let's just teach them how to fish, instead."

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

marriage

for those who have hold their silence forever
ink and paper
01/07


it seemed like lost friends are beginning to come out of their shells lately.

last night, borgy invited me to meet up, to have dinner and drinks. its been months since we've last saw each another. so how could i refused?

he would probably be my best buddy during under graduate and even up to now. although we don't have the same interest aside from red alert, war craft and our hectic schedule, we still, in a way, keep in touch.

we were blockmates, roomates and even applied for the same law school after college. unfortunately, i was admitted in mendiola campus. while he was in alabang. when i left law school almost a year ago, i was surprised when he affirmed to me that he also filed for a leave of absence for this semester, which i really find normal for law students. but for borg, its more of a tactic to be retained in the school. such a smart ass!

nonetheless, after updating about ourselves. we came up talking about some common friends and were surprised to know that a number of them have already settled and began starting a family of their own. the word marriage for me has always been a big word. all because of the word life-long commitment associated with it. although i have already surpassed my stage of non-commitment relationships, the weight of the word still has great bearing to me. basically, i find the word very troublesome before. simply because it entails a wide array of risks. knowing the personality i have, i am not a good risk taker. i wanted every decisions i make to be a win-win situation. ideal as it may seems, but i could no longer afford to lose the remains of my ego. but then again it was before. now, i've realized that whenever you make wrong decisions or risks, you actually lose something but you gain more. this gains would actually assist you on how to handle more risks that you may go across along the way.

now, borgy is presently commited on a 2 year relationship with her girlfriend, who left for the us last september. despite having a long distance relationship, borgy told me he is still willing to take the risk. he argued that the longer you haven't seen the person the more you miss her presence.

from that point, i just lashed my pulse infront of him.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

film spoiler: lihim ni antonio


yesterday, me, sandy and zig went to the up film institute to get our regular indie film dose. it was lihim ni antonio that was showing. the film was from the same creator of lalaki sa parola, which we've seen months ago in robinson's galleria.

when we went there, we were surprised about the number of people who were loitering in front of the building. because normally, there would be just a handful of regular viewers that go there every week. we were actually having second thoughts if we were on the correct play date. but the woman who was selling tickets, confirmed us that it is lihim ni antonio that was going to be shown. i never saw the building this jam packed ever since i've started going here. it seemed like there was a grand eye ball meeting to joke with, although i haven't been into one.

honestly speaking, i didn't really like the prior movie, lalaki sa parola. the direction and script play were actually good. but i think they have a very poor actor casts. i don't have any qualms against sexy stars. but for me, actors who can show their genitals or do "extreme sex" scenes don't mean that they are good actors. nonetheless, it seemd like the creators have already recognized this loop hole and kept this on my mind when they mounted their latest film, lihim ni antonio.

we were intrigued on the fact that veteran theater, movie, and tv actress sharmaine buencamino, which happens to have the next seat from jackilyn jose on my top philippine actresses, is going to act on the said movie. not to mention jiro manio, who made me cry when he portrayed magnifico. despite such names, i was surprise to know that they will not going to act for the lead character. instead, the character of antonio was given to kenjie garcia. although, i haven't knew him or watched any of his works. i got interested on how he will be able to portray the big character with such actors.

the film is a story of a 15-year old boy named antonio. it depicts how he handled the breaking up of what he thought was his " happy family" and how he satisfied his sexual urges considering it was the peak of his 'pagbibinata' aside from the fact that he fancies the same sex.

sharmaine buencamino's outstanding performance on the film was full of energy regardless of whatever emotion she radiates. nonetheless, there were just some minor things that i think she has to work on regarding shifting from theater acting to film acting. because sometimes there is the tendency that she might exagerrate her character that actually slipped into some of the scenes of the movie. but in general, she was able to bring over the emotion of her character effectively. i even felt she was indeed my mother, in a way.

on the other hand, jiro manio attacked his character in a very spontaneous way. in which, you'll never even feel that he was acting, which i find very rare among child actors, nowadays. watching the film with him on the scene seemed like watching friends talking with one another in a park or inside an internet shop. you won't even realize that he was actually picking his nose on most of his scenes because of the spontaneity of his character. it also became very advantageous on his part in delivering most of his funny punchlines at first, i was really dismayed when i knew that he was not going to play the lead part. but after watching the film, i couldn't find any other lead characters that would fit the excellence of his acting part.

although this film might be his first launching movie, kenjie garcia was able to pick the "relatively" best emotions to use for the diversity of the scenes his character has. what i like about him on this film was the intensity of the emotion that he gave on the latter part of. somehow, he reminded me of monica belluci on one of her films, irreversible. probably one of the things i hate about dramatic films is whenever the lead character began shouting. its like when you are in a singing contest and singers have the tendency to go with the hit high notes just to impress there audiences. but in reality they don't. usually, actors have the same tendencies as well. but for kenjie, it was different. he has the correct timing, modulated scream that basically controlled the intensity of his emotions. he left me speechless and moveless on my seat for a while.

in addition, there were also quite bold but very aesthetically creative scenes that would make you ask yourself how old really is this actor? at the end of the film, kenjie garcia succeeded in exceeding my expectations.

indeed, redemption is always the sweetest thing to have for every fall we made and probably joselito alterajos and lex bonifed might already feasting on it as of the moment. i couldn't think of any criticisms with regard to their casts anymore. while the story was outstandingly created. in which its twist, plots and climax were very witful and realistic that it leaves this sensation that you thought that the film was already done. then as you walk yourself home, you'll just realized that the film was just beginning in your self.

Monday, February 4, 2008

simple public service: jerik, will kill me for this

yesterday, after posting the previous post regarding a missing person, det, which happens to be my closest friend, invited me over to their new pad in diliman. she asked me to draw her some barn animal faces for her partner's party. while having a break, det scanned my phone and saw the picture of this post and said the face was familiar.

in a way, it gave me hope that probably she came across this person and we could report him to his family. but said, it was somebody we knew. i gave him a look and stared at him carefully.
indeed, the feature was soemone familiar but we can't really determine who. we were craking our heads and kept on dropping names hoping we would hit the right person. but we ended up surrendering.

then, that night, we had dinner and met some baguio friends for a drink in sarah's. we met zig, echo and jerik, which we haven't seen for quite some time considering we're already based here in manila. then by the time jerik passed by us. dette and i looked at each other and found our answer.

basically, i was quite hesitant of posting this entry because some may find it quite offensive. nonetheless, i don't have any intentions of making this matter as a ridicule because it would contrandict my previous post. what i am basically driving at sometimes it would really help if there would be clearer picture of the person just to avoid mistaken identities.
just a suggestion. :-)

Sunday, February 3, 2008

simple public service


earlier, while i was walking along katipunan after i had breakfast in a nearby carenderia, i saw this post. if not for my full stomach i should have walk faster and not notice it. in a way, i felt the desperation of the family of this person to find him, considering the physical challenges he have.

then i realized, everyday, we tend to think of doing something good to our fellowmen (at least for me). but sometimes the busy and hustling metropolitan life can make us oversee those simple and noble things that are already infront of our faces.

i remember weber, when he contended that urban people are not apathetic. its just that they are so preoccupied in running along with the fast paced metropolitan life that is why they fail to see other people who needs their help.

thus, i am asking you. have you ever tried taking a halt and look at such posts as you go along your way everyday?
yes, indeed there might be some photocopy posts such as the one above that is near impossible to decipher the actual person's appearance and even recognize them if you'll happen to pass across them. but nonetheless, i am still willing to take the chance.

if you can please post a link or a picture in your blog. let's try helping the family of this person to know his whereabouts. thank you.

marital rape vs. religion

"freedom"
paper and ink
012308
indeed, the state should strictly observed the separation of the state from the church. but what if the law being implemented crosses one's religious belief or vise versa?

yesterday, while doing some research over the internet, i've decided to take a quick break and talked to one of my officemate, kat. she would probably be the most reserve person at work. you would seldom see her talking or if she will, it would be near the threshold of silence. she came from an exclusive catholic school for girls in quezon city. so she is quite religious as well. she, like her faith, is religiously attending masses and bible study almost everyday. despite the hectic schedule of our work.

our talk eventually lead us in discussing about religion and gender. she told me, before, when she was in highschool, they have a priest mentor who told them that it was actually a sin for a woman to refuse sex, whenever her husband is inviting her. i was actually surprised hearing that rule. she said it was actually in the bible. although she forgot the exact verse of it. well, i couldn't let myself not to believe her, considering that i think she knew the bible more than i do.then suddenly i thought of the concept of marital rape.

Marital rape is any unwanted sexual acts by a spouse or ex-spouse, committed without consent and/or against a person's will, obtained by force, or threat of force, intimidation, or when a person is unable to consent (ref: by sheri and bob stritof).

in the philippines, it was just in 1997, when the country have finally recognized the existence of marital rape through R.A. 8353 or the the anti-rape law. although this law did not specifically identify rape between married couples, it was somehow structured to cover up generally all kinds of relationships, as long as a man had carnal knowledge to a woman through force, intimidation, and violence: when the offended party is deprived of reason or otherwise unconscious: by means of fraudulent machination or grave abuse authority or when the offended party is under twelve years of age or is demented, even though none of the circumstances mentioned above be present (ref: chan robles virtual library).

then i thought again, what if it is the other way around. strictly following statutory construction could a woman still be charged with rape if she had carnal knowledge with a man under the same circumstances? how about man to man? or woman to woman? or probably this is for another issue.

on my research, i found out that catholicism is not the only religion who recognizes the refusal of a woman to have sex with his inviting husband as a sin. such action is also considered as a wrongdoing in islam. basically, both religion argues that when a woman enters the contract of marriage, she is expected and obliged to serve his husband, in which sexual intercourse deemed as a religious duty. second, both religion is also dominantly patriarchal in nature. in which women or the wives are expected to submit to their men or husbands. lastly, both religion advocates marriage as a venue of procreation which is also supported by our law. thus, any refusal coming from one of the party especially the woman is recognized as a refusal for the growth of the family, which is the life blood of every society.

nonetheless, come to think of it, marriage is a consensual agreement between two parties that is also arranged with mutual respect. both have duties and obligations to one another. if one is forced to do something outside his/her consent through violence and intimidation, then it is no longer consensual and a violation of the agreement. basically, the loss of respect could also be considered the loss of the foundation of the agreement. but not necessarily the effectivity or validity of the marriage.

on the other hand, if a man is charged with marital rape and used the religion clause, in which the “constitution commands the positive protection by government of religious freedom -not only for a minority, however small- not only for a majority, however large- but for each of us, ref: Concurring Opinion of Justice Stewart, Sherbert v. Verner, 374 U.S. 398, p. 416 (1963), to protect himself against the charge, it might change the flow of the case.

but in the case of estrada vs. escritor, the supreme court ruled that benevolent neutrality, does not mean that the Court ought to grant exemptions every time a free exercise claim comes before it. But it does mean that the Court will not look with hostility or act indifferently towards religious beliefs and practices and that it will strive to accommodate them when it can within flexible constitutional limits; it does mean that the Court will not simply dismiss a claim under the Free Exercise Clause because the conduct in question offends a law or the orthodox view for this precisely is the protection afforded by the religion clauses of the Constitution, i.e., that in the absence of legislation granting exemption from a law of general applicability, the Court can carve out an exception when the religion clauses justify it.

in conclusion, a man charged with marital rape could not used the arguement that his religious belief protects him from the law of the state because such might be detrimental to the equal protection to women particularly among wives. in addition, couples should understand the true meaning of love first even before engaging into marriage. it would work on both parties. a wife who understands love would be rather compasionate in understanding the needs of his husband, regardless if this is something personal or for the purpose of raising a family. while a husband who truly loves his wife would understand her considerations and respects his wife with reverence.

today, after writing this, i am going to discuss this post to kat. excited and full of enthusiasm i woke up and came at work earlier than the usual. then when i came in and look for kat, i just remebered, today was her off. darn!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

at last(?)

when my memory card for my camera broke the other day, i have decided that i need to buy a new one. but due to some folds and twists of event, i ended up buying a new mobile phone instead. i have just thought that i've been using 3210 for quite sometime now, probably 5 months, that even the device itself is knocking me for it's retirement.

1. it could no longer make or receive calls more than two minutes.
2. its battery life is only around 5 hours without using it and 3 hours for regular use (that is around 50 short sms). thus i am required to bring over a charger everyday at work.
3. and the most annoying reason of all is that contacts who maximize their unlimited text promos keep on forwarding atleast 3part forwarded messages that often times being sent to me twice, eating up my bloody 20 messages inbox capacity. in addition, these irritating messages blocks other very important messages going in to my phone and ended up coming a day after the sender sent it. how nice is that?

so i took the risk of making a step further and embrace the push of modern advances.
yesterday, my friends drove me to a nearby mall after work and looked for one. i don't have any preferences at all. as long as i would be able to make and take calls and it has a good camera resolution as a plus that would be fine for me.

after a long and tiring walking and bargaining from stalls to stalls, i have finally ended up getting a sony ericsson cybershot. i was actually hesitant at first because it would be my first time to have a sony ericsson for a mobile phone. i have been a samsung user for all my life until my last samsung phone broke and led me in using 3210. the features are quite nice and most of all, it has 3.0 mp for its camera resolution quite big for a mobile phone. although its a second hand item, i was able to have it for a very reasonable price with the actual serialized box and all the original accesories that came with it (or so i thought).

okay, now, i am regretting. i should have just bought the memory card as originally planned. impulsive me! bang!

Friday, February 1, 2008

"am i?"

indeed, there is no easy way of forgetting. but there is also no sense of recalling something that would just hurt you.

it was just now that i was informed that some of my friends actually see me as someone who has a heart as hard as portland cement and a mind that could format itself at will. i was actually surprised upon hearing this and eventually ask myself, "am i?"

i usually receive messages from my friends before asking me, how was i able to move on that easily? (yes, my friends, this is another of those mushy thing regarding love post!) and normally my instant response is, i just don't see the point of crying and making yourself depress after a night of mourning. for me, everything in life needs to move on. the world wouldn't stop at your knees, wait, and carry you over as you go ahead. most of the time, i just realized, it is actually us who holds ourselves from moving on. there is this unexplainable pleasure of reminscing the past and the fear of whats ahead even if it hurts us. we might say that such is probably the innate and unconscious masochist id within us. nonetheless, we should always put into mind that it should be the conscious side of moving on that overrules our unconscious baggages.

we are still the captain of our own ships. despite the fact, as mentioned by a blog that i've visited before (which i forgot the author), there are things that the heart feels that the mind could not rationalize.

now, as i think of my previous relationships, they are just mobile numbers accented with certains memories in my phone that should no longer be taken with great weights. waiting that someday, i will receive a message with their names and number flashing on my screen, stating that "can we be friends?". so that i could prove to my friends that i am not really that apathetic.

"wanna talk it over a bottle of beer?"