Tuesday, August 31, 2010


before, i always find myself at ease with words whenever restlessness and depression fall.

writing instantly became a friend, capable of all understandings. regardless, how illogical and irrational it maybe. it never complaints nor throw any prejudices. it doesn't give any unsolicited opinions nor advises, that were never asked; it only listens. in short, it became my immediate sanctuary.

but lately, i just find it difficult to compose my thoughts. there were countless days and nights, when i saw myself stuck in front of my monitor screen. long hours of stitching words after words after words. just to find myself erasing them right to the very beginning. until i then realized that theres just this uncomfortable feeling that pulls me back, as if i lost faith and trust to them. words were indeed starting to hide from me. as if i was a stranger to my own thoughts.

thus, i just can't help from asking myself if my words have already betraying me? or if they're just trying to teach me on how to reach them once again. but regardless, i just cannot afford this bloc. not now, not anytime soon.

words, how fragile and illusive you can be.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


your eyes squinted when you told me,
everything is okay
never dropped a contact
but your stare lingered an indescribable cold
made you not notice
the last shirt you gave meyour shoulders so uptight
slowly moving closer to each other
hiding you from something only you knew
even sense the vibrations of your gentle stomps
as it sang an intolerable rhythm on the floor
it was just then when you pulled out a stick
and held it between your shivering fingers
that i have finally felt your cues
as words carried by soft tones
came out from your burning lips
one at a time,
telling me how beautiful everything was
and how priceless that moment could be

all i could hear was

only silence

how come it never went across?
how it never felt the way they used to be?
how everything was just subtly different

but it was when you stood up,
faced your back at me
and effortlessly dropped your shoulders,
that i have completely realized

that everything was already indeed over

Thursday, August 12, 2010

thinking post


when a close blockmate from college invited me to pass my resume in the company she is currently working at, i no longer hesitated. i immediately updated my cv and sent it to the email address she gave me.

fortunate enough, i received a phone call from an unknown number on the same day. it was a girl on the other end. she introduced herself, the company and a brief introduction with the job opening that i applied for. but what really got my attention was when the first question she asked me was,

"how tall are you?"

"i am around 5'10," i weakly answered. hesitant that i might have heard her question differently.


though relieved that i have heard it right, i was a bit confused on how my height was related to the work i am applying for, until the next day.

i came in 10 minutes before the appointed time. wearing a dark long sleeves and pair of black slacks, which i always wanted to wear. a girl in her 20s, wearing a floral blouse and a classy black skirt welcomed me and took my hand. from the tone of her voice, i instantly recognized that she was the same girl i talked to yesterday.

she handed me three sets of pamphlets as she walked me inside the testing room. inside, were three other applicants answering the same questionnaires. from the looks on their faces, i knew it will be not like the other application test exams i have taken before and true enough it wasn't. although there was the common IQ and abstract reasoning exams, the remaining parts of it was more of challenging your wits which i really enjoyed. some of the questions were:

"there are two US coins that adds up to 30cents but the other coin is not a dime. what are the two coins?"

"the tallest mountain is mt. everest. but what is the tallest mountain before it was discovered?"

"your friend is holding a photograph. when you asked him who was in the picture. he answered you in rhyme, the person has no siblings, the man's father is my father's son. who is the in the picture?"

and luckily, among the four of us, i was the only one who was asked to do the interview and the final test.

it was already after lunch, when the HR manager asked me to join the rest of my fellow trainees who already started their training since monday (i went in on a wednesday). from then on, i prepared myself for the next things to happen.

true enough, i was surprised with the training. it really felt like i was evelyn salt, with lips really pouting in every challenge that were asked from us. we enter malls, hotels, airports, commercial centers, bringing to life different covers. there i played a desperate applicant, an aspiring model, an executive secretary for a certain VIP waiting in the hotel lobby and many more.

there were even times when we were asked to walk certain areas in makati and memorize all access points, traffic flows, street lights and street signs. and even assigned to stand up on a certain spot in ayala avenue during rush hour and count all passing vehicles, their color, brand model and the last two digits of their plate number. while a co-trainee was doing the same thing on the other block, hoping that our tally would match.

honestly, the job is difficult and tiring.

most of the time, i go home with my feet or body killing me: or find it hard to catch sleep because i keep on thinking what my next cover will be on the following day.

but whenever i feel like ranting, i just keep on reminding myself of the days, when i used to wish for a job more exciting than sitting in front of my monitor screen--- feeling so hopeless.