"am i?"

indeed, there is no easy way of forgetting. but there is also no sense of recalling something that would just hurt you.

it was just now that i was informed that some of my friends actually see me as someone who has a heart as hard as portland cement and a mind that could format itself at will. i was actually surprised upon hearing this and eventually ask myself, "am i?"

i usually receive messages from my friends before asking me, how was i able to move on that easily? (yes, my friends, this is another of those mushy thing regarding love post!) and normally my instant response is, i just don't see the point of crying and making yourself depress after a night of mourning. for me, everything in life needs to move on. the world wouldn't stop at your knees, wait, and carry you over as you go ahead. most of the time, i just realized, it is actually us who holds ourselves from moving on. there is this unexplainable pleasure of reminscing the past and the fear of whats ahead even if it hurts us. we might say that such is probably the innate and unconscious masochist id within us. nonetheless, we should always put into mind that it should be the conscious side of moving on that overrules our unconscious baggages.

we are still the captain of our own ships. despite the fact, as mentioned by a blog that i've visited before (which i forgot the author), there are things that the heart feels that the mind could not rationalize.

now, as i think of my previous relationships, they are just mobile numbers accented with certains memories in my phone that should no longer be taken with great weights. waiting that someday, i will receive a message with their names and number flashing on my screen, stating that "can we be friends?". so that i could prove to my friends that i am not really that apathetic.

"wanna talk it over a bottle of beer?"