Tuesday, February 12, 2008

faded depressions


solitary
02/08/2008
color pen and paper

i was so faded last night, not because of the fair but because of somewhere else. after sandy asked a very big favor from me, which i really mean big (but not as big as brian though), we went to tomato kick a nearby pub in up village to get some drinks. brian and sandy just decided to get a bottle. while i got more. nothing as usual. i just wanted to get tipsy because i am having hard time of sleeping these past days. but it seemed like i exceeded my limits and still having the hang of it as i walked into work earlier.

anyhow, we were the chill type crowd, not really the party people type. normally, a couch, a bucket of beer, some finger food and lots of talk are basically the main ingredients of a blasting night for us. some might call us boring. but i really like the conversations we have and i find it more productive. although i must admit, we also dance thats if worst comes to worst especially if we are already drunk. go figure.

one of the highlights of our conversation was depression. along with it, it actually surprised me how depression attacks people all of a sudden. not because i never felt it but because of the intensity of its effects and how it varries to each individual. there are moments in which you feel very happy and then in a snap you'll just find yourself silent and depressed. the absurd thing is that most of the time, you wouldn't really know where is it coming from and this makes you more depress.

i know friends and relatives who actually seeked psychological help and medication because of severe depression, the type in which its actually affecting their everyday life and even their relationships to others. I know that going to a psychologist nowadays are just normal. but i find it quite rare especially in the philippines.

what i noticed about most people is that they tend to exaggerate depression. i believe that depression is normal and natural. it is basically essential for us to value and appreciate happiness more. but aside from the clinical depression type, i find most people actually exagerrating it. usually, there are people who tend to over analyze the reasons of their depression by adding up and branching out other non-related burdens. while some would actually create their own problems just to feel depress without formulating a way to resolve it internally. these are things that i really don't understand. probably, indeed, we find pleasure in hurting ourselves unconsciously. i really don't know.

whenever i feel depress, i tend to attack it alternatively. rather than allowing myself to be engulfed with such emotion. normally, i would grab my sketch pad and draw or go else where and meet my friends. i tend to shy away from the feeling by doing something else especially because i am living alone. but of course, its always a case to case basis.

for most people who suffer this condition, it seemed like they are carrying the entire world's burdens on their shoulder. there would actually be people who have just accepted the fact that there case sould no longer be resolve. some would engage into suicide. while some would isolate themselves from the rest. hopeless at it may seems but i think there are lots of people that has relatively bigger problems than theirs.

i remember a book of cris martinez' titled last order sa penguin, where a girl selling roses confronted one of the main characters of the story. she said, "buti nga kayo ang pinoproblema niyo ay pagkakaroon ng karelasyon. samantalang ako prinoproblema ko kung saan ako hahanap ng kakainin namin para bukas (you're rather fortunate because you are only thinking on how to have a relationship. while me, i am actually thinking where to find food for tomorrow)."

indeed, it struck me how we tend to look the gravity of our problems in a very "petty" way and how we can be so selfish to others. then i realized that for us to be able to experience happiness and surpass our own depressions, we just simply need to learn how to be contended on what we have and share to others whatever is in excess. simple yet ideal. but still its so damn practical.

oh, i just wish i could share to others my hang over. its just too much to bear.

17 comments:

jericho said...

nice work of art. whenever i feel depressed, I just think of GMA ... and then I get more depressed.

wanderingcommuter said...

hahaha... eh kasama ka pala sa mga tinutukoy ko eh! nyahaha!

JOSH said...

TAMA ci jeric, ganda naman yang artwork mo, u mean to say u did dat in one sitting?

Depress, pwede bang mag maryP, hehehe. Para ma release ang lahat ng sama ng loob at ma relax and tense na katawan. hehehe.

I dont realy get depressed dat easily, perhaps i just enjo lyf too much (i have my pets/doves/fish, my plants, my music/ my dvds, etc, etc.)

zenzen said...

been there.. I've mastered the art of dealing with depression.

DN said...

mmm...depression...tama ka kuya. kadalasan naiisip ng mga taong depressed lahat ng mga masasamang nagyari sa akanila in the past. (di naman halatang based sa experience?)hehehehe.

Anino said...

I watched Last Order sa Penguin.I didn't like it due to bad casting.

Please include me on your list.

If I am wearing a black shirt, don't expect me to laugh or smile.I get depressed for unknown reason.

Bulaang Katotohanan said...

hmm outlet mo ang art at pagsusulat! way to go!

kadalasan yung depression na nararanasan ng ibang mapaginarte SAD lang yun - seasonal affective disorder. cyclical pero pareho halos ng pagkadepress. sakin, tumatama ang SAD pag may okasyon kasi namamagnify ang solitude ko...

tatanggapin niyo pa ba ko kahit baliw na ako?

Quentin X said...

Go visit the mood gym at http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/

Katrina Marie said...

NAMISS KITA BIGLA NG SOBRA dahil sa pagkaka describe mo ng isang masayang gabi sa tomato kick. dahil jan bibili na lang kita ng key chain. hahaha! wait for me!

bulitas said...

sabi nga nila, it's all about perspectives. nasa sau na un kung magpapa depress ka o ano

Mojo Potato said...

hehehe...pointelism using colored pens....astig...matry nga pag sad ako...great art!

elayas said...

grabeh, eto na ba ang bagong problema ng mga blogista? ahehehe siguro dahil lang yan sa di matapos-tapos na eleksyon sa amerika. o kaya yung saksakang gulo tungkol sa hearing ng zte deal. ;)

salamat sa komento ginoong manlalakbay. ;)

hintayan na lang sa katipunan. ahehehe ako yung batang naka-puting unifrom na may bag na trendy le sporstsac na green. :) may dalang libro pero puro nobela. :) sabog ang buhok at yung parang tanga. nabalita ako kahapon sa "mini-stop district" kasi ako yung muntik masagasaan. :) ahehehe

kita-kits!

[yas]

wanderingcommuter said...

josh: yup, kelangan kasi matapos ko ang isang plate before ako matulog. kasi kapag inabot yan ng bukas, tinatamad na akong tapusin.

i admire how you view life. keep it up.magshare ka na rin sa ibang mga nangangailangan! hehehe

zenzen: wow, share mo naman pano? hahaha.

dn: tigilan mo kakakuya mo, sabi ko naman sa iyo, magkaedad lang tayo,. hahaha!

kaya nga may word na, move on, dn, MOVE ON! hehehe (ilag!)

anino: yeah, i was about to watch din nga sa miriam with some friends. kaso something came up that we ended up drinking instead.

but i really like the book!

bk: pareang alam ko ang tinutukoy mo at salata sa bagong term na SAD. normally, kapag umuulan ko nararamdaman yan ganyan!
sabi nga sa psych kailangan daw unawain ang mga baliw...hehehe.

quentin x: hmmm... im going to check this out. what is this about ba?

katrina marie: namiss mo ba ako dahil valentines? teka bakit key chain? di ba rubber shoes na size 10? hmp!

bulitas: kungsabagay pero kasi kapag minsan hangga't hindi mo ipaparealize sa kanila hindi nila ito tatanggapin eh.

mojo potato: yup, thanks for the comment. try its actually fun!!!

yas: samakutuwid, hindi ka mukhang atenista. hahaha! sige kita kita na lang dun. gagawa din ako ng komosyon dun. kunyari mawawala ang ipod ko tapos ipapasulat ko sa hintayan ng trike. hahaha!

pagbigyan mo na ako yas. valentine syndrome eh. nyahahaha!

KRIS JASPER said...

I do get emo really quite easy.

DN said...

hehehe...pasensya na kuya, este, wander pala. nasanay lang kasi ako kumuya sa mga tao sa paligid ko. lol.

kay ate bk nga, hirap akong atehin e...hahaha... unang babae kasi siya na nag-dropby sa blog ko. ^^

elayas said...

anak ng pating...wahahaha sige gumawa ka ng komosyon sa daan! ahahaha ashteeg yun...

sa malamang di ako atenista diba?
may kaklase ka ba dung seminarista? wala! kaya kaming mga endangered species ng kamaynilaan ay nagkukubli sa mas tagong mga pook...alam mo na, bawal ang publicity ahehehe lalo nasa ateneo. dun ang daan ko lang pauwing xavierville. :0

*hihintayin ko ang notice mo sa stasyon ng trike! ahehehehe


[yas]

wanderingcommuter said...

kj: i think its actually normal especially malapit na ang valentine. hahaha!

dn: hahhaaha...ganun ba?! oxa basta wala ng ganun. hahaha...