10 signs that you don't like your job anymore and you need to move on.

10. the first thing that you do every morning is to think and say: " haaay, trabaho na naman!"

9. there is this instance in which you are laughing so hard with friends and having the time of your life. when suddenly one of them said something about your job. immediately and in the most anti-climatic way you suddenly became quiet, trembled, stood up, approached your friend, slapped his/her face and then walked away.
the next day you invited him/her for coffee to inform him/her this guy/girl that you met after you've walked out yesterday. thinking s/he has the right to know, because your close friends, after all, right?

8. whenever its your off and planning to go out. you tend to find a different way, just to avoid passing your office's building. thinking you just don't want to spoil your day/night.

7. you begin buying broadsheet news papers every sunday. despite the fact that you don't read the news.

6.you suddenly realize that you are beginning to be very creative, resourceful as well as a good actor just to come up with a very realiztic excuse of not going to work.

5. you always tend to look at the time and counting how many hours more do you have to wait before going home.

4. you always think of resigning but for some reasons you tend to lock yourself to your office. you'll notice that your so lazy and easily get tired in looking for a new job.

3. you just then realize after reading this, that it was indeed a long time, damn and forgotten , since the last time you have smiled inside the office. you noticed that most of your colleagues are avoiding you or not accompanying you for lunch anymore. just because you are beginning to scare them with the always irate attitude.

2. you finally knew the meaning of the word burn out that was once before just a song of a local rock band.

1. the worst day for you is the latter part of your last day off. thinking and asking how come time flies so fast when you are enjoying and how slow it was whenever you are at work. you are also regretful in the fact that you haven't fully maximized or done something more productive during you day offs. thus, day offs for you is always short and a brief relief to fully understand how torturing and devastating your work could be.

guess that mystery song...

my life today is as boring and as slow as molasses.
so i figured testing my childhood cartoon and tv shows memories. i quite enjoyed it and wanted to throw it to others.
post your answers in the comment box. then, i'll reply back how many correct answers you got.

open letter

one of the most common chartacteristics of modern day man is to easily get tired and shy away from repetitions. most of us, resign at work and even stop school, whenever we feel that the thing we do is beginning to be a routine or very mechanic. we get tired and eventually lose our hope for change.

probably this is one of the main reasons why filipinos are no longer that politically active, nowadays. despite the wide array of scandals and corruptions our government is facing. and i must admit i am beginning to feel the same thing as well.

last night, i dine in a nearby canteen along katipunan. they have the evening news set in the television and as usual it was talking about the current political and economic situation of our country. our politicians were just singing the sames songs over and over again. they are being very so pretentious about everything that is happening, claiming that they have the truth and what the others have are lies.

seriously, i am a news person. my day isn't that complete without watching even a part of today's news. but lately, i am beginning to crave more of the local news that typically completes the metropolitan life like holdups, car chases, raiding prostitutes, gang wars, rapes etc, than the national news. i even like it more than the oh-so-scripted showbiz news and the ever-trying-hard light news by marc logan. but don't get me wrong again, i am no advocate of crimes. its just that i find such local news like a banana split on my regular and boring pantry lunch---a variation to the monotony, as one of my peers once said.

suddenly, the old woman who is managing the canteen reacted very violently at the news about the supreme court favoring ched chairman neri's petition for executive privelege. 'manang,' which i commonly call her, is very vocal about her political stand. she might not be that factual and objective as she should be, but i admire her being politically aware and involve to whatever issues our nation has. she quite reminded me of so many things about myself before---when i was still politically involved. although my social and political awareness is still there, i admit that i lack in participation. probably because in a way i am having doubts regarding the efficiency of rallying for almost everyday.

it actually breaks my heart whenever i hear people saying rallyist under the hot schorching sun as eyes sores in the street, causes of traffic jams and loose parrots that never stop from yelling. after i decided to take a rest from this involvement, i just then realized, that i have always see things within the rallyist side and failed to see a different perspective, not on the side of the administration, of course. but within the side of the public.

i noticed that the calls for rallies, mobs and vigils against various social issues, no longer have the same great impact than before. probably because we kept on calling for one, over and over again. the repition, as earlier mentioned, makes the people get tired and eventually losed their hopes. i think that frequent social mobilizations among streets create antoganism and in a way disheartens the masses, the lay men and especially the middle and the upper class. then i realized its about time to device another method where we could express truth and the essence of democracy.
i must admit, if you'll going to ask me what new method this is? or how could we express such in a different way? expect silence from me. i still don't have any answers to my own recommendations. but believe me, i never stop searching for these answers as well especially whenever i hear and read the news and watch rallies.

honestly, i am having second thoughts if i am going to post this sentiment. considering the reaction that it might trigger to my fellow comrades. nonetheless, all i could hope for is for them to consider this a constructive critic. an opinion that is written not only as an essay for those who acts in finding truth. but as an open letter for everyone who should also be involve.

what incest and uly is telling me...

the other night, uly came up with another good conversation after a long time of exchanging "hi's" and "hello"s" over sms. he is from up los baños and a batch younger than me. we are friends for over a couple of years now and i must say he is one of the few good conversationalist you'll ever text with. although sometimes, he has the tendencies of monopolizing the conversation. focusing only unto himself, his crushes and work, which i have later constructively addressed and positively accepted. what i like about the friendship we have is we take everything as objective as possible.
probably because we happen to be in the same university and same college. although different in campus and school of thought. although he is an economist while i am a social anthropologist. i could say, that we could jive on the same beat.
then, the other night, he challenged me for a sociological discourse.
he asked me, "why is there incest?"
"i can say that incest is a universal relationship deviced across all societies and time. generally, it serves for a more practical purpose of preservation. in terms of class, genes (mana) and wealth," i answered.
"is there actual cases of incest in the country?" he followed up.
"of course, although there are limited studies of such, there are essential number of incest cases in ilocos, chinoys and some muslim groups in mindanao."
"why so?"
"well, my theory is because of land and wealth preservation among some ilocanos and chinese-filipino groups. while for some muslim groups in mindanao, it is brought about by being polygamous in the discourse of marriage."
then he thought of his good looking cousin that he kept on rubbing about for over a couple of months now. i could already feel that his thoughts were beginning to be go the other way from what i am trying to point out. then i just thought it's not uly without those thoughts. sometimes we just have to be contended of what we have because not all things would go the way we wanted it or them to be.

talking about bureaucracy

yesterday, i went back to san beda to process my clearance and exit papers, that i'll be needing for theh next next academic year--- another law school of course.
probably its been a year now, since the last time i have been here. but the feeling was so nostalgic. the feelign that my chest's pounding and the anxiety was rushing telling me, i still need to finish something, was still there. the typical feeling i have to endure everytime i walk to mendiola from work.
although its been a year now since i've took a break from law school. nothing basically changed. its still the same building erected along mendiola. there are still a number of squatting stores along the path way, children and old people scavenging or asking for empty bottles and tin cans and most of all, the screaming woman who kept on shouting to her sons because of the parking space. i could never forget that voice.
if there is one thing that i don't like about the school is talking to their departments. whenever i tried requesting for something, like any burueaucracy, they keep on passing me around to one department to another. if i haven't informed them about what they need to do, they wouldn't basically figured out what i am therefore and save my legs from standing for almost 20 minutes.
there was this department that told me to come back after a couple of hours since the person whose going to sign my clearance was not there yet. although its already 2 in the afternoon. another personnel asked me to go back tomorrow because she claimed that her supervisor who is also going to sign my paper is on leave. there is also this department that you wouldn't believe that it would actually exist because you have to go to the other side of the building just to find their office.
but i was decided to complete everything yesterday. i returned back after an hour to the first office i have went to. fortunately, the supervisor was already there and signed my papers.
then, i also returned back to the next office and asked if there are other representatives that could sign it up for me. i made an alibi to her and said that my documents need to be urgently accomplished today because i need to fly it by tomorrow abroad. then i found out that her supervisor was actually there she was just scared giving her another load because her boss was already quite pissed off. eventually, she gathered all of her courage and went to her supervisor and asked to sign my paper which she actually did. thus, i was able to finish my papers!
basically, one thing i find quite interesting about the bureaucracies i have encountered was, some of the bureaucracies that we have in the counbtry, regardless if this is a public or a private office, doesn't happen to have a clear and concrete specifications regarding the support thay are intended to. in effect, people that they are bowed to serve ended up confused and exhausted because they are being bushed around to one department to another. probably this is one of the many reason why most of us, would either not go to a particular
administration. unless we gravely need it.
nonetheless, i am on my way to another school's bureuacracy and i have heard its crappier.

good luck!

usapang kubeta: top 10 comfort room boo-boos

10. for me, it is a mortal sin to pee without pulling up the seat cover. this is a problem that not only men should address. but also among girls. based from some girl friends, they normally squat when they pee. but this skill should not excuse them from pulling up the seat cover because there is still the possibility that it would wet it. for boys, it is already given. as much as possible try using the wall urinal. but if all of the wall urinals are occupied or you're just scared of being peeped on, try pulling up the seat cover. all of us don't want to poo squatting, right?

9. be neat on disposing your comfort room items. neatness doesn't stop on mere throwing it out on the bin. but the effort of making it more discreet and not too public, regardless if you fold, crumple or how you do it is very imprtant. indeed, we already know what inside of it. but nobody wants to see what's swimming inside of you.

8. washing your hand after going to the cr is something most filipinos take for granted for and beginning to be a habit. no wonder diarrhea is still one of the major ailments killing our country today.

7. it doesn't mean that if you have a clean and neat comfort room at your school, office or home, it is already bacteria free. basically, the moment you touch your dingdong dantes or wipe your tina paner, you already have acquired 100%concentrate of bacteria on your hands. and don't even give me the excuse that, "how come some people would actually put it on their mouths?" because it would be a different issue. they just happen to have strong immune system and not all people has such. end topic!

6. avoid peeing bombshells! people who pees and releases a nasty sound is just too much... one hole at time, my friend(s)!

5. i remember a friend from baguio, who was fearefully running out of the comfort room of a mall. he confessed that he tried using the air dryer but he could not locate the off button. what he did was, he stood for almost 20 minutes infront of the dryer and waited until nobody was left inside. then he immediately flew out of the room. he was devasted after we told him that the dryer automatically turns itself off once you take off your hands infront of it. hahaha.

4. if you respect your privacy too much, never enter a cubicle with a neatly wiped and shining dark tile flooring.

3. never be shy too ask for a maintanance personnel's help, about the toilet bowl that got clog after withdrawing your fiber rich diet into it. shit happens---and swim as well!

2. in using a cubicle always make sure that there is enough tissue paper, the flush is working and the seat is dry.

1. never over-internalized everything you do inside the comfort room. basically, stop moaning. it disturbs everyone inside.

kailangan kita, bicol

last night, kailangan kita was aired in channel 2 as part of their holy week presentation.

this film is one of my favorite philippine movie next to richard gomez and dawn zulueta's hihintayin na lang kita sa langit, which drained my tear ducts at such early age. but this is, if we are talking about main stream movies of course.
what i like about the movie was it was indeed carefully studied and if i find out that the creator of the film was not really from bicol i would be really impressed. eventhough i haven't read any reviews or watch any interviews from the writers or director, i know it was. simply because i could feel it as a bicolano.

i grew up in manila. but we have migrated in bicol when i was in high school because dad joined the politics. i was born with an ilocana mother from tarlac and a chinese bicolano father from sorsogon. although we were raised with a very diversed custom, food ang language, we can, or atleast for me, say that we were more acquainted with our bicolano lineage. not only because we have lived there but also because we have a patriarchal family. my father is most of the time, decides for the family.

watching the film is like watching my own family, literally. the old house, the number and type of food serve, the custom, the gestures and even familial issues we everyday encounter. can you even guess which character could i be related with in the film? claudine barretto of course? hahaha. just kidding.

basically, the film made me miss my family and the province life more. especially knowing that most of my friends are going home with their families this holy week.

i remember our old house that belonged to my grand parents. when we moved in from manila, the house was a lonely construction literally sitting in the middle of the capitol. we don't have any neighbors and being new to the place made us more difficult to have friends.

the house was surrounded with the municipal hall in front, the health center on the left, the multi purpose hall, the seminary, the orphanage, the park, the church, tennis cuourt, police station, the elementary school, the fire house and the basket ball court. the next residence will be around 30 meters away. the house has already been renovated for a number of times. until, the family decided to turn it into a cemented home because of the numbers of storms that frequently visits our province.

in the family, one thing that we have learned from our father is always prioritize food. no wonder, i am not fond of shopping. he would always tell my mom to have atleast three dishes on the table and as much as possible avoid repeating the same dish in the next meal. my mom is an excellent cook not because she is my mom. but simply because she is.

i love spicy food but i am not a seafood person nor fond of coconut milk cured dishes, especially laing, like my siblings do. there are just some specific seafood i eat, particularly those that would not require too much effort in eating like tuna and squid. my parents would either prepare me a different dish whenever we are having crabs, shrimps or seafood if they are in a good mood: or call me lazy because of my stubborness in peeling shells.

the character of johhny delgado reminded me of my father so much. the typical bicolano head of the family that is very silent, dominant, full of pride, full of rage whenever he is mad and very conscious of the family's name and reputation. i was laughing out loud to this specific scene where johnny delgado was on the verge of getting what he have ordered to his wife when she paused in getting a can of sardines after the daughter have served the dishes she have cooked. i was laughing on the thought that it was also a common but distinct gesture of my fatherl, whenever he orders something and we have second thoughts of doing it. he would get up of his chair and warned us he would do it by himself: that would be our cue that we or someone needs to do it or else. although i never had the guts to discover what is the else would actually mean. we just knew that it is something really really grave.

my mother on the otherhand, is the subtle and submissive one. you would either see her inside the kitchen together with our helpers, perpetually cooking almost anything she could think of. probably one thing, this is one thing that i don't like about going home: the temptation of eating and gaining weights beyond i could ever imagine. nonetheless, i would never exchange my mother's dishes to anything else. probably one thing i feel for my mother was the fact that she have sacrificed her career for her family. one thing that i have observed among my bicolano friends especially on our place.

regarding the people, i can say that bicolanos happen to have a certain distinction from the rest of the filipinos aside from the love of spicy food. for me, with the various places i have been to and people i have met, i have developed this talent that i could tell whether or not someone is a bicolano or has bicolano descent based from his features and gestures.

typically, bicolanos are popularly known as being uragons. although the local word encompasses a wide array of positive and negative meanings depending on how the speaker is using it, most still used it to connote someone who is strong and excel into things he does. most of the people i know, putting the derogatory meaning aside, find most bicolanos to have maintained the moreno type beauty that other people find exotic not to mention their naiveness that most people find it cute and adorable. no wonder i can't still forget my first love which happens to be from the same region. thus, be warned.

but at the end of all of these, basically i just wish i could go to bicol this weekend. despite the large possibility that i cannot.

there goes a sigh.

holy thursday marathon

last night, i decided not to watch selda in robinson's ermita and went to quiapo istead. bought a number of films to watch for the holy week. since i have heard that most establishments in the metro will be closed today. i ended up getting: rock haven, kite runner and juno. hopefully there are worth watching for.

on the road alone

i seldom see, a slipper or a shoe standing in the middle of the road. and everytime i see one i can't help myself from feeling sad.

what would it actually take for someone to drop off and leave
something once valuable behind? and how would s/he be able to go back home without the other pair?

it may be unnoticed and/or taken for granted, but the importance of foot wears are undenniable. in this bustling and rustling metropolitan roads, i know nobody who can go out of their homes without wearing one. some would even spent thousands of bucks and scan markets to markets just to find the perfect pair that would fit and go along with us as we walk through our daily lives. so seeing a slipper or a shoe in the middle of the road that once part of somebody's life, that is now dusty, alone, worn off and just waiting for something to run over it, just breaks my heart.
i emphatized with it probably because i know how it feels being left alone and for me, that is one of the most horrible thing one could ever feel and not even worthy to experience.

probably the reason why humans were given a pair of feet is to understand that we could not walk in life alone. not even move with only one foot standing. we'll be needing others regardless what the issue is. same thing with our shoes. without the other pair, it would be very difficult for us to walk straight and even go an extra mile.

if only shoes could feel and weep, probably MMDA are already pulling their hair off, thinking of another burden regarding flood control. fortunately, they couldn't. but the problem is, there are people like me, who tend to feel what they should be feeling.

come to think of it, what if someone is indeed intended to walk alone would he either continue walking, find his other pair or just sit there and wait to run over by life?

just another thought to ponder.

looney, interupted!

" you must carry on with your responsibilities, erik," a friend told me this last night after dinner.
the phrase indeed shook and moved me because for the record, it was my first time to be said with this.
responsibility, is such a big word for me. my parents, from the very start, raised us without any rules and let us live our lives based on what we wanted it to be. nonetheless, it is very clear to us, although not said, to take responsibilities on whatever consequences that may go along with the actions and decisions we make.
i find this method very effective for the very belief that the more you regulate someone, the more s/he will rebel. basically, you just need to allow somebody to find the value of something by himself because it is always a case-to-case basis. the lesson you have learned for a particular experience might different with what others may encounter.
going back, as i grow up, i tend to put my best foot forward in everything i do or atleast, i thought it was. making it also harder for me to give up something that i have commited with. no wonder i am still staying on my bad habits---hehehe. i was able to juggle myself to quite difficult and head wrecking decisions, commitments and situations before, believe me. but the position where i am at now, is harder and more complicated than what i used to have or probably i am also just over reacting. for me, its a paradox: the easier it sounds, the more difficult for it to handle.
everytime i take a step into something different, something would go on its way. then it would loop back again to square one. though i recognize that its just actually myself who is preventing me from doing it. it is just damn hard to address and accept it.
i might sound pretty loose in writing this. but it seemed like, generally, we are quite irrational when dealing with ourselves. its like fighting your own shadow but its still you who is receiving your own blow.
oh, i just wish that, one of these days a bigger mass would hit my head. then i will just give up. unfortunately, that previous statement was not that sufficient enough to change me and now i am shaking it off again.
crazy me.

hollers to those bwakanginangpakingshet people who like to assume: same goes especially to this person i know.

00i was really about to skip my weekly top 10. until this person i know, passed by me and gave me the smirk again. so it motivated me in pursuing to write these. although i really couldn't think of three more, so i am just leaving these to other people who shares the same sentiments against these bwakananginangpakingshet people!

bow!

7. don't assume that you look suplado/suplada just because you think you are good looking.

6. for some unkown reason, if a person dresses nicer and more elegant than s/he used to do, it means that they're broke.

5. do not wear all your trendy items in one get up, it would make you look more of a fashion victim than what you intended to be.

4. if a person sent you a message like: how are you (kamusta)? or good day, don't assume that s/he likes you. it might be a forwarded message for all you know.

3. not because you can buy a frap in starbucks or club in embassy makes you higher than everybody else.

2. if a person waved his/her hand or smile at you don't assume s/he's hooking at you. you might consider getting a pair of eye glasses because s/he was referring to the person at your back.

1. just because you always bring top of the line (guess, louis vitton, lacoste etc.) paper bags doesn't mean your glamorous and you've actually bought something from there. everybody knows that you've got those from recto.

in search of being out of touch

i am starting to get out of my touch.
it has been two weeks now since i've started attempting to finish a sketch or plate. but the attempt just left me with piles of crumpled papers and torn canvas inside my room. the reason?
a couple of weeks back, me and my friends were strolling along sm north edsa and came across an art gallery. i immediately pointed out a piece that i really liked. it was a surreal one done with acrylic paint in canvas. it was a distorted figure of a man alone in a dark. it was painted with a piercing cool mixture of blue, green, violet, and black. then accented with maroon. the contradiction of the latter color highlighted a unique mood about the painting.
the feeling was like, imagining yourself waking up alone and sweating in your dark and hot room at the moment were the sun is about set and it so red.
then, a friend, who i know has a good talent when it comes to visuals, told me that he didn't like it. simply because it seemed like it so common for artists nowadays, to draw in a such genre. his opinion made me thought of switching to a different form and i also realized that it is about time that i explore a new style.
now, probably i am still in the conceptualization part and really couldn't think of anything to blog about, even my weekly top ten.
well, hopefully, soon i'll be able to find what i am really looking for (subtext/context).

beLIEve part2

it hurts when you know that the person you love and gave your all only thinks that what you both have is something temporary. indeed, there is no such thing as forever. but still there's what we call a lifetime. and aside from money, fame or power, having someone for the rest of our life is something all of us keep on looking and striving for.
i receive a message from a friend last night that turned into a long phonecall conversation. although we were not that close, we have managed to keep in touch after college. the last time i've heard from him was, he was dating someone at work and fortunately they've ended up with each other. but after two years of being together, my friend decided to call it off.
the news was not new for me. but i chose not to confirm it to him. aside form the fact that we were not that close, i thought he still might be hurting and on the process of moving on. but last night he decided to tell me the entire story.
he told me that they met at work. then after a month of dating and getting to know each other, they have decided to be exclusive. then three months after, my friend moved in to his partner's place and there he have stayed for almost a year. the experience was something he never felt before. there were times that he will be taught to cook by his partner, design their place together and share sleepless nights just talking to one another.
until, he noticed that everything drastically becomes different the moment they've stepped in their office. his partner would let go of his hand and as much as possible would not talk to him. his partner would go lunch alone or with someone else and would go home earlier or later than my friend's shift ends.
in the entire time they were together, he haven't met any of his partner's friend, outside the circle they have at work. there were also times where his partner would go out alone for family gathering or his friend's night out and would insist or make alibis for my friend not ot go.
at first, my friend tried understanding his partner's situation. until they came across a serious fight and ended up bragging out all of these.
there, the reason came out. his partner doesn't believe the relationship and even everything that they have. basically, he just enjoyed the companionship and happiness whenever they were together. it was just a spur or a phase of his life that he needs to pass through.
he was hesitant at first in commiting into the proposed relationship. he taught about what his friends, family and colleagues would say against him. so he tended to shy my friend away from his picture. so that the people who knew and around them would not be suspicious of what they have.
surprisingly, he have sustained the entire theatrics for almost a year and nobody knew about their relationship aside from my friend's circle.
he (my friend's partner) concluded that at the end, he still (will) see himself settling down with a wife and children. everything that they have will be just a part of his past. a dellusional relationship brought about by lust. he laso blamed my friend because he should have not flirted him in the first place because he is straight.
those words just blew my friend away from his sanity. everything that he have loved and believed in with what was he thought to be the meant relationship just crumbled down as simple as that. he broke up with his partner and still trying to move.
after everything that happenend, my friend is now having difficulties believing. the shadow of the relationship he had was something he feared to happen again. now, he is burrying himself to his work and hope that atleast he would be able to move on. hoping that he could start believing again.

ranting bistro

70s bistro

it was my first time to be in 70s bistro last night. although i already have heard a lot about the place and my friends kept on bragging me to go there, it still took me a long time before i could. the place was unnoticeable if you're going to pass anonas. it looks like an old abandoned pub infront. probably if not for the faded sign of 70s bistro on the roof, you also wouldn't find it.
(friends in ayuyang bar, baguio city)
session road was the featured band last night. although i am not really a music person, they are one of the few local bands that i liked. probably because i was acquianted with night outs in baguio watching them. until they've went down manila and pursue their career here.

the place was spaceous hanging around it were paintings and portraits of various pinoy and foreign rock icons such as ponopio, sampaguita etc. there was a grafitti as the background of the stage, old iron chairs and round tables. in general, the place reminded me of ayuyang in baguio.it was already around 11 in the evening when the band started. there were probably 7 tables accomodated making the entire performance more intimate (if it would be the proper word to use).

well, drinking for 5 days now, not enough sleep and 7 in the morning shift the next day was all worth it after the night. i just realized that with the lifestyle and work i have, in which, everything seemed to be very mechanic and routinely done, going out is the only favor i could give to myself. nonetheless, i just missed beating deadlines, cramming and stressing my nerves out. i thought i'd rather be exhausted with something i like doing than something i don't. but still, i can't---for reasons i could not personall resolve.oh well, i just wanted to rant it out.

penis sprout

source

earlier, while browsing over the internet i passed by this article that i remembered tackling before in class during college. it was one of the most intriguing social phenomenon i have ever encountered from the piles of cases that we were given to us. it was the guevedoces of dominican republic or commonly known as the penis sprout phenomenon. click here to read the article.

a number of young girls in a remote village of the country, began growing muscles, testes and penis when they have reached puberty. later they were identified as hermaprodites. but the main problem arose after these young "girls" later learned that they posseses both physical organs of a man and a woman, the question of whether or not to continue being a girl since they were reared to be one since birth or to start over again and be a man as they go on with their life? after hearing this case, it is inevitable for one to put himself in the position of the said dominicans and think for the outcome of the case.

what if one day you'll wake up with someone informing you that you are not what you thought you are? would you retain the social and personal identity that you have already established since birth or go otherwise? or if the latter, could you imagine yourself living a life entirely different from what you previously had?

i think its easier for us to imagine the changes towards one self from being poor to becoming rich than switching from one identity to another. in addition, it is also easier to grow up knowing that from the moment you were born you are a hermaphrodite than just knowing that you are one just now.

but for the case of these girls, it wasn't that hard at all. its what the present context of the country that time (being patriarchal, in which, being a man is more advantageous than being a woman), that decided what life is ahead of them.

language hang over

i know i have a lot of catching to do. the past weekend for me was pretty much a very busy one. i met a lot of people a handful of which, i haven't seen for a long time.
the other day, i met che, who came back from south korea and just made a quick visit int he country, with marx (www.marocharim) for a quick mug of latte in gateway. then excused myself because i need to meet up with my mom, who also happened to passed by manila after visiting her hometown province and had breakfast with her. after which, i rushed back to the two to catch up with che's 0100 in the afternoon flight just to know after wards, that it was actually 0100 in the morning.
then, i met jamie and roamed around the vintage shops in marikina shoe expo in cubao. we went for another coffee with marx and che again. until we ended up beer drinking until 2 in the morning.
the next day (yesterday), i went to gateway again, to meet up with my block mate, odette and had a frap. then i drag her to kalayaan, where kuya ben, zig and h are dining for dinner. eventually, i ended up drinking again until 0200 in the morning. i arrived home around 0300 because i still needed to drop odette home. after a couple of hour i drag myself up to bed and tried beating the transpo strike on my way to work.
when i arrived at the office, an officemate gave a pat on my tummy telling me that its beginning to bulge which i was not surprised. considering i was seriously drunk for two straight days.
now, with just a couple of hours sleep and a severe hang over, i am already here at work and writing this entry.
i have learned a lot of things over the weekend. aside from some personal things about my friends, there are some facts and revelations that i was really surprised with.
the newly elected prime minister of south korea mandated english as the official language of the country. thus, it compelled locals to learn the language. in relation with this, che also informed me that the salary of english tutors here in the philippines are almost a hundred times cheaper than in south korea. no wonder there are lots of koreans who would either prefer going here than staying in their country.
my friend was even offered an apartment for free by her korean housemates as long as she would converse with them in english. then, i thought, che don't even speak korean so in what other way could they communicate aside from english?
its just surprising to know how other people would prefer other country's language aside from their own.
then i heard of what happened in the binibining pilipinas...
it saddened and put me into deep thoughts after what happened there.
what exactly is the reason why we kept on using english if we could actually speak in our native tounge?
what is with our native language that we opt in not prefering it in any casual or formal setting?
is there such thing as a superior language?
can we be proud of our language as a filipino?
i thought of not answering the question just for a change and because of my hang over of course. hehehe.

disclaimer (pweh!)*some might think why am i writing such post if i am not even using my native language as well. that is because i wanted to be consistent with my main objective when i created my blog. check for my profile for details.

my top 10 blogging commandments: advises and petpeeves

10. thou shall not over accessorized.
i believe that a good blogsite starts with the content and the simplicity of its format. as they say it, simplicity is beauty.
for people like me in which focus is as expensive as henry sy's net worth, a linear format of the blog site is always the main deal. over accessorizing your blogs with so many informations, like:
*too many cboxes (which i really don't know why),
*moving bling-bling icons with patweetums characters (that first infested social networking sites like friendsters),
*billions of links that routes to nowhere (and would just give you pop ups, malware and crashing computer),
*embeded media files that automatically plays and in full volume (which i really hate because it would surprise then gives you the hardest time looking for the program hidden either at the very bottom of the page or somewhere in the middle),
makes it not conducive in reading and very very very annoying.

9. honor thy blog listings.
the number of your blog links doesn't really justify the popularity of your site. as much as possible i really tend to make my list more personal. i have nothing against people who are asking for exchange links because i am really grateful for people who are asking this and regularly visit my blog and i also do the same. but if you're intentions are just to collects blog links like collecting anonymous friends in your friendster. please don't bug me.

8. though shall not post for posting sake.
there are moments where you are in front of your screen, you have all the time in the world, you're so enthusiastic in updating your blog again after a long, long time. but by the time you lay your fingers on your keyboard, you just couldn't think of anything at all. its natural, it happens, its understandable so don't panic. they call it, writer's block.
indeed, blogging is a personal thing. but posting something just for the sake of posting like " i am bored...," "i woke up, i eat, i go to school, i take a snack, i went home, i sleep, then i wake up again. (like duh!)" are no longer personal things rather a meer display of your senseless self. so if i were you, i would not write anything at all. if you can't write anything out then you could just browse and check other blog sites. instead of posting non sense.

7. thou shall not kiss other blogger's asses.
go figure. hehehe.

6. honor thy blog and other people's blogs.
self explainatory.

5. thou shall not be an attention sucker.
maintaining a blog is like sustaining a business. there are people who prefers to be private with their blogs (and i admire them). while there are others who wants to open it to the public.
there are many public bloggers who hop from one blog to another just to gain attention. these are the types of bloggers who would just view your site but not really read your entries rather they would immediately look for the cbox and post a message such as: nice blog you have here! good day! etc. basically, with the main intention of getting the owner's attention and check out this guy's blog.
i will not wash my hands because even i "sometimes" is also guilty with this observation. in addition, i chose not to explain myself anymore. but i think that there are only a number of people who raises this up. but alot of them are getting annoyed of it. thus, i am pointing it out.

4. thou shall post often.
i think that sometimes lazy bloggers should be reminded time to time. so i am rubbing it in! hahaha. eat it!

3. thou shall not prostitute one's self.
know the purpose of why you are blogging. is it to track down your thoughts or to gain income by posting ads or both? this should always be taken in consideration in starting, sustaining and even dropping a blog.

2. thou shall not stagnate to one topic.
don't bore yourself in writing one topic only. there are a lot of things there that could be write about. but if you really want to specialized into it, then try using a different writing method. you don't want your readers or even yourself get bored, right?

1. thou shall not post for others but by thy self.
never allow yourself to be dictated of what to write by your readers. always remember you blog for yourslef and not for other people's pleasure. sometimes, i just noticed that there are some bloggers who write in accordance with their readers and not primarily to themselves.

deeper mark

it was that night ,
when i thought that the silence between us will be clearer
but when you stood up from bed the next day,
without looking back,
i then realized that it was still a dream that i kept on believing at

the picture was clearer than any of the illusions
of all the dreams that i ever had
my arms at the back of your head
while my right hand on your proud chest,
my cheek hiding on your strong back
as my lips were stealing chances

then i felt your grip
stronger than i ever thought it could be
it guided my arms and slip on the widest of your body
and then it began to beg for warmth

if only it could leave a trace on my arm
so that i could prove to you that,
in the most vulnerable moment of your life,
you held on me
during your darkest and most fearful hours,
i was there

but by the time the sun rises,
the most selfish part of me, ends.
you'll lit a cigarette, dressed up
and left the room

no words, no gestures, no goodbyes
the way it has always been
all that you left of me
was a deeper mark
that means nothing to you
but everything for me

if only you could see that mark.

film maniac

last night i was surfing the internet in search for a film screening for any independent films within the area. for me, the best websites to start with will be either in robinsons galleria, because they happen to have a particular cinema house that caters independent films every week or in UP film center, where philippine and international films are being screened every month. you could also signed up to their yahoo groups to get daily or atleast weekly dose infos of the latest films screenings, plays, gigs, launchings etc. of various artists not only inside the university but to other universities, colleges and establishments as well. the next thing that i do is to check for the films synopsis and reviews before i would mark my calendar for it.

craving for more, i would then check for some movie guide websites such as rotten tomatos, imdb. for more movie huntings. aside from the synopsis and reviews, i also try checking for their ratings and other related movies for a specific film. sometimes i also check for the listings of a specific actors, actresses, script writers or directors that i like and check there movies out then, i make a list of the films that i am interested with. after that the real fun begins, going to quiapo.
but there is one mortal rule that i always consider whenever i buy pirated dvds, never buy pirated local movies. if you must, try purchasing one either through odyssey or video city. its the least thing that you could do for your country.

list of films to watch:

ambulancia at ust cine vita, march 6
lababo at ust cine vita, March 6, 4:50 P.M.
selda robinsons galleria cinema 8 from march 5 to 11, 2008
10,000 BC (now showing to all local cinemas)
kite runner (now showing to all local cinemas)



list of films to look for:

science of sleep
the machinist
red, white, black and blue
Deuxième souffle, Le
das experiment
retaso
maling akala
lihim ni antonio
when nietzche wept
moreno

ad: if you guys know, where i could get these movies. please do mack me. thanks!

igorots

earlier, me and my officemates were fooling and dancing around to kill time. then suddenly, somebody in the crowd reacted that the guy who was dancing next to me dances like an igorot with a tail. my sharp ears couldn't really pass nor miss such comment. in a way i felt offended because of her insensitivity towards cordilleran. but still i tried letting it pass and consider her own personal bakcground or probably her misconceptions about them. but nerves just spur out from me that moment, when she began spreading her hanky and started dancing the dance foolishly. i was really on the edge of smirking at her.

honestly, i really felt disgusted with what i saw. but the thing that i made me felt bad was that moment, where the only thing i could do was to sit there and just inform them that i would go back to work. i just couldn't go hysterical because they might deemed that i am over reacting on the situation.

then i just realized that you should also consider the person who is the source of such remarks. for you could never expect a person to know all of these grounds that is triggering this bomb inside. thus, i decided to write something about such grounds.

"igorot"

it really gets into my nerves whenever i hear this word. i am no cordilleran nor happens to have any ethnic roots. but i could say that like most people who happens to have live somewhere where there is a rich ethnic pool, i have gained great respect and love to the native culture.

some misconceptions about the term igorot.

the term was coined by the spaniards during the colonial period as a connotative identification towards cordillerans that means head hunters, to raise fear and conflict among the nearby ilocanos of the north. this was used as an effective mean to widen up their colonial terrirtory by making filipinos to raise war against their fellow filipinos without the colonizers doing anything, divide et impera, as the roman empire used to call it.

during that time, the cordillerans, aside from the moros of mindanao, are among the only people who weren't colonize during the spanish period. nonetheless, as time passed by, eventually the word was pretty much accepted by them as well. but still cordilleran is the more politically correct term to identify them rather than igorot.

igorot does not only refer to one ethnic group. the cordillerans is composed of various ethnic groups (not tribes because in the case of the philippines, technically, we don't have one) composed of the kankana-ey, ibaloi, batak, ifugaos, apayaos, etc.

igorots don't happen to have tails as most lowlander folks perceived them to have. regardless, if it was meant as a joke. they are no lesser no more than us.

igorots are not savages. there culture are actually impressive because they were able to cope with modernity and at the same time preserve their culture.

igorots are no carnival show actors that should be exoticized because they are wearing "bahags". it is their native attire and its not something that they wear just to display there body. our attires shouldn't justify the respect that we are ought to have or give. not like what MMDA displays, magbihis ng tama para igalang ng kapwa.

the true man

since its woman's month this march, i have thought of writing down something related with it.
even before i have learned how to put deodorant, i have already vigilantly boycotting one specific deodorant brand.
i was in elementary when my nose first fell inlove with this refreshing but musky scent my uncle used to wear. but i wouldn't say that everything that came in next was history, dont'worry. my uncle was living with us during those days in manila while finishing his college years. i so like the scent that i dropped using my cologne that time, atlantis. then i was secretly sneaking into his room whenever he goes out and excessively spray it out all over my body. admit or not, wearing cologne during those years makes you stand out in the class.
eventually my uncle noticed that his month use of the product dropped to a week or couple of so. so he confronted us and asked us who was using his deodorant. it was actually the first time i heard of the word and realized that it was not something that you spray on your entire body rather it was something that you put in your armpits. from then on, i just can't wait for my body sweat just to realized later the true essence of the saying: be careful of what you wish for.
nonetheless, i didn't confess of course. aside from the fact that i was stealing something, my uncle would probably running his nuts out hearing that i was using his deodorant spray as a cologne.
but it was not that reason why i started boycotting the brand it was because of its commercial advertisement that i saw a couple of months after.
when i was in highschool, i had this girl seatmate in which i really had a big crush on. we were both transferee and don't know much people at school. so we were virtually inseparable until all of a sudden our class escort, who was for me, the epitome of narcicist-go maniac freak up until now, courted her. eventually, we don't hang out together. he was always tagging along where our class escort was just to find out how a**hole that guy was.
one day, i overheard his circle talking about them and find out that our class escort happens to have girl friends for each of the highschool in the area. i was so mad and could not believe that there is actaully a person that could do that thing. my friend eventually learned about this and decided to broke up with him. but that didn't stop there.
when my friend and our escort broke he began spreading rumors that it was actually my friend who courted him and insisted herself to be his girlfriend. being the diplomatic me, i didn't raise a fist fight. instead, i wrote nasty things about that guy inside the men toilet and even wrote his home phone number at the backseat of a public bus that goes across the entire region. just don't ask me what did i write about him attached into his number. i just don't want to switch the sympathies that i have already established.
the incident was probaly be my launching point of being gender sensitive and knowing the concepts of machoism etc.
a couple of months after the incident, the commercial advertisement of axe aired on local tv. if i remember it correctly, it was man walking a long a street. then after the man put on the deo, women he came across with became hysterical and chased him. somehow, i could clearly see the face of our escort on him and it made me flare.
but the personal angst towards him transgressed into a more bigger setting when i reached college. i can say i began to be more consciously aware and sensitive regarding gender matters.
i feel that airing such commercial ads puts the women back on the position that they are struggling to break away. it is like saying that men is always in control against women by a matter of a spray or two with the deodorant.
it boost the macho ego sexuality in every man and creates a false notion that using the product would enable them to fulfill their sexual pleasures. i really find it very insensitive for the part of the woman. as if the ad is commodifying them into a thing that is controllable and has the purpose just to abide with what the man says.
i am man and i am doing this not because i wanted to brag that i know this social things. but because i have a mother, sisters, aunts and even girl friends who deserve the proper respect that they are giving to me.
for me, a true man is someone who respects others and is willing to make a change into somthing that he finds wrong.

tabak bente uno: ang aming (h)istorya

while i was checking for some files over the internet. i came across our album and decided to reminisce into it. the feeling was so nostalgic again. i remember the laughs, tears, cramming and the companionship as we struggle on our own personal lives, college years and serving the masses.

it moved me again hearing these songs especially: awit ni concepcion, hinihintay at awit ng petiburges (of course, especially now).