the nostalgic difference

papaano kung sasabihin ko sa inyong ako yang nasa ibaba?

na ako pala ay isang cross dresser?

na i am a loud and proud gay cross dresser who just want to have fun,


may magbabago ba?

98% ang titingin sa avatar ko sa kaliwa at ikukumpara ang picture sa itaas.

94% ang magsasabi ng "owwwwssss?"

89% ang magsasabi ng "talaga?"

85% ang magsasabi ng "ayyyyy...sayang naman."

83% ang magsasabing, "okay lang, wala naman magbabago."

pero, 62% sa mga ito ay maaring nagsisinungaling.

50% ang maninindigang open minded sila at tanggap nila homosexuality.

subalit, 42% sa kanila ang ilag naman makisalamuha o makatabi ng bakla o lesbiana.

40% ang magsasabing, "masyado kasi silang 'loud'."

samantalang 38% masyadong kasing obvious in public, takaw-biro-at-pito-ng-mga-tambay sa kanto at tampulan katatawanan.

30% ang takot dahil baka ma-sexually harrass sila,

habang 11% ang natatakot baka maassociate sila bilang karelasyon,

at 9% ang natatakot baka pagkamalan din silang kafederasyon.

minsan, hindi sapat ang sabihin mo'ng tanggap mo sila. sa simpleng kadahilanang malaki ang pagkakaiba ng salitang 'accepted' sa 'tolerated'

at

'tanggap' sa 'okay lang, basta wag lang nila ako'ng lalapitan' .

o pwede rin naman nag assume na naman ako at gumagawa ng kwento.

katulad ng pagganap ko bilang isang drag queen sa play na ito sa baguio, 3 years ago.

at the end of the day, you'll know that i am not a cross dresser. pero i wouldn't mind being one. hehehe!

actually, bigla ko lang ito naalala. tapos kung ano-ano na naman ang naiisip ko.

isang masagana at bonggang bonggang bong bong na bagong taon sa inyo!

the banshee's boy

once there was a boy who wandered in the woods. he was amazed of how colorful everything was. he played with the fairies and pixies of different colors and sizes. he even saw trolls and goblins who were friendly at first. there were also playful leprichauns who allowed him to slide on the heights of great rainbows and even gave him a piece of gold. they spoiled him with sweets and too much attention until the boy didn't notice that it was already dark. from there everyone slowly disappeared and what was left was his lost self. he doesn't know his way back home. the boy couldn't think of anything else but to cry. he tried calling his new friends but no one showed up. he felt very helpless and scared. for the first time, the boy felt loneliness.

then suddenly, he heard noises behind the big leafy shrub. scared of the image hiding behind it he moved back. suddenly, a sad banshee appeared out of the bushes. she was humming a very depressing melody. the boy felt and understood where the emotion was coming from, the banshee like him, was all alone. no one really wanted to play with her for she was and the only being of the night in the forest.

the boy approached the banshee. he talked to her, played and roamed the forest with hands holding each other. for the rest of the night, it seemed as if they owned the entire forest. the boy and the banshee never felt this happy before. the banshee even wished for the sun not to rise up anymore so that she could just be with him. but both of them knew that it will eventually rise up and they will have to wait for it to set again. but the boy left a promise to the banshee. he promised he will be waiting. thus, the banshee expected.


the next night, the banshee waited behind the same bushes. she waited and hummed a beautiful melody, believing that it would direct the boy where she was. she waited and waited until the darkness of the night slowly faded and there was still no trace of the boy. the melody faded to a sadder hum. the banshee then realized that the boy would not return back again. as the light guided the banshee back to her sanctuary, she smiled. she realized that instead of blaming the boy of what she was suffering, she should be grateful. the boy made her realize so many things about her, that she has emotions, capable to cry and be happy again regardless, where their journey ended.

for her, the boy gave his best efforts all throughout her most lonesome moments. he have actually expressed it more than what she or anyone could possibly give out. she thought probably the boy was not really meant for her and was only there, for her to realize so many things that she could do and be aside from living behind shadows. thus, she felt very grateful for knowing him as she crept back to her cave. she figured that the least thing that she could do is to actually set him free and be happy for whatever decision he will make.

my nightmare before christmas

as years passed, it seemed like the essence of christmas are for kids have been shifted to chrismas are for those who are fortunate. it was 4 hours before christmas and i was still outside, doing some last minute shopping for some friends, which ended up going home with only a take out dinner.

i roamed from katipunan, gateway, farmers to trinoma, just to look for a book by haruki murakami's sputnik sweetheart, which i promised i'll give as a gift for a friend who just came from singapore. unfortunately, from all the bookstores i have been, including all there other branches within the metro, they gave me just one response, "sorry, sir. out of stock."


walking empty handed, i decided to take the long trip going home. i took a bus from trinoma to cubao. then a train ride from cubao to katipunan and then another tricycle ride from katipunan to my place. all because of lack of taxis around. but despite those rides, i was able to realize a lot of things about today's event, christmas eve.

among the streets i walked into i noticed that there are a lot of commuters than usual. obviously, because of the said occasion. but i observed that there is a certain similarity among their faces. it was despite the spirit the season is promoting, sad and long faces are still prevalent among the streets of metro manila. far different from those you will see among people inside malls like those i have been, where everyone are enjoying, spending and celebrating the yuletide seasons through piles of boxes and gift bags.


while in the streets, i saw a man, probably in his late 40s, rushing towards home and carrying a piece of small bag with probably three pieces of relatively big fishes. then there was a mother carrying her son on her lap while begging for "pamasko" along aurora overpass. there was also this old woman, standing on her bent back, nodding to ask passers by for alms and who would not notice the families sleeping along the same boulevard. not to mention they have babies with them as young as two months lying flat on the hard and cold floor.


after each scenes, i asked myself, how do or will they celebrate christmas? or if they ever celebrated it far different from what they are having now?

probably, that is something i am struggling inside. i have the tendency to create stories within my head from one look among these people and i just can't help it, that sometimes its becoming too fatalistic.

but when i thought how pitiful i am spending christmas at work alone and learning that i am missing 5000 in my salary today, i realized that i am actually more fortunate than these people since i have all the traditional ways to celebrate it. i can still buy food, gifts and go to parties if i want to. but in second thought, they are also fortunate in their own context because atleast, they have their family to celebrate with. regardless what they have on their table or floor. while i am all alone.


i actually fell asleep having these on mind and just thought that this will be just any ordinary day that will just come and go. but when i woke up exactly 12 midnight, i found 45 messages on my phone composed of christmas greetings from family, relatives and friends and they are still coming. from there atleast, i realized that i am actually not alone and have all the reasons to celebrate it all by myself.

my nightmare before christmas

as years passed, it seemed like the essence of christmas are for kids have been shifted to chrismas are for those who are fortunate. it was 4 hours before christmas and i was still outside, doing some last minute shopping for some friends, which ended up going home with only a take out dinner.

i roamed from katipunan, gateway, farmers to trinoma, just to look for a book by haruki murakami's sputnik sweetheart, which i promised i'll give as a gift for a friend who just came from singapore. unfortunately, from all the bookstores i have been, including all there other branches within the metro, they gave me just one response, "sorry, sir. out of stock."


walking empty handed, i decided to take the long trip going home. i took a bus from trinoma to cubao. then a train ride from cubao to katipunan and then another tricycle ride from katipunan to my place. all because of lack of taxis around. but despite those rides, i was able to realize a lot of things about today's event, christmas eve.

among the streets i walked into i noticed that there are a lot of commuters than usual. obviously, because of the said occasion. but i observed that there is a certain similarity among their faces. it was despite the spirit the season is promoting, sad and long faces are still prevalent among the streets of metro manila. far different from those you will see among people inside malls like those i have been, where everyone are enjoying, spending and celebrating the yuletide seasons through piles of boxes and gift bags.


while in the streets, i saw a man, probably in his late 40s, rushing towards home and carrying a piece of small bag with probably three pieces of relatively big fishes. then there was a mother carrying her son on her lap while begging for "pamasko" along aurora overpass. there was also this old woman, standing on her bent back, nodding to ask passers by for alms and who would not notice the families sleeping along the same boulevard. not to mention they have babies with them as young as two months lying flat on the hard and cold floor.


after each scenes, i asked myself, how do or will they celebrate christmas? or if they ever celebrated it far different from what they are having now?

probably, that is something i am struggling inside. i have the tendency to create stories within my head from one look among these people and i just can't help it, that sometimes its becoming too fatalistic.

but when i thought how pitiful i am spending christmas at work alone and learning that i am missing 5000 in my salary today, i realized that i am actually more fortunate than these people since i have all the traditional ways to celebrate it. i can still buy food, gifts and go to parties if i want to. but in second thought, they are also fortunate in their own context because atleast, they have their family to celebrate with. regardless what they have on their table or floor. while i am all alone.


i actually fell asleep having these on mind and just thought that this will be just any ordinary day that will just come and go. but when i woke up exactly 12 midnight, i found 45 messages on my phone composed of christmas greetings from family, relatives and friends and they are still coming. from there atleast, i realized that i am actually not alone and have all the reasons to celebrate it all by myself.

my top 100 films (19-10)

19. flowers of algernon (1968)

charlie gordon is a 37 year old special person that has an iq of 68. but despite his state charlie is contended with his simple life as a janitor in a plastic box factory and a student in an institution that specializes to people of his alike. until one day, a team of scientist invited him to undergo a series of surgeries and experiments that promise him to triple his iq. the experiment was successful and became famous. but this literally changed his once simple life.

i say: this movie tells us that sometimes the best things in life are in simple things.

18. hihintayin na lang kita sa langit (1991)

a love story accented with hate, jealousy and revenge. it tells the story of four individuals entangled between the love of twoand how this romance ended up in tragedy.

i say: i was still in elementary when i last saw this movie but until now i could still clearly remember it.

17. ora pronobis (1989)

the film tells the story of a middle class family and how they survived the first world war.

i say: one of the philippine's finest.

16.talk to her (2002)

a story of love and friendship. benigno and marco met in a hospital, where the love of their lives are checked in because of seperate accidents that put them in coma. they found and realized a close bond of friendship between them and their love to their girlfriends. until one day, a intriguing news broke out that put their friendship and love into test.

i say: definitely disturbing but its trageic twist will make you realize the justification of it.

15. love actually (2003)

a comedy romance film that portrays a number of love stories in different aspects of love and how they were linked to one another as the story progresses.

i say: although the movie missed one aspect, i still find it one of my favorite comedy romance story.

14. life is beautiful (1997)

the movie tells the story of a jew father during the nazi period and how he used his imagination in order for his son to understand what was happening and survive the hostile period.

i say: i just can't stop myself from crying after watching this film.

13. blossoming of maximo oliveros (2005)

this depicts the story of a gay teen who is torn between his love for a young cop and his loyalty to his very accepting patriarch family.

i say: probably, one of the pioneers in the philippine indie movies. i love this film for it portrayed an idelistic but fighting gay teen amidst his own vulnerability.

12. cinemaparadiso (1988)

a story of friendship between a small boy and a movie reeler in a remote village in italy and how their friendship blossomed and helped the boy to survive the trials in his life.

i say: if this movie is not a 3 hour movie, i would probably put it on my number 1. nonetheless, it is still worth the watch and time!

11.shortbus (2006)

it narrates the diversity of sexuality among new yorkers while revolving around the stories of two gay couple, a lady sex therapist who can't experience orgasm and a lady dominatrix.

i say: an eye openener. both literally and figuratively.

10. irreversible (2002)

the film's story started from end to beginning. it tells the story of three individuals that fell down in a trageic trap of misidentity and misunderstanding.

i say: one of the most disturbing movies i have ever seen. monica belluci's acting was just superb! a must watch

the unveiling

based from what i have observed, blogging could be considered as the new chatting. it is becoming so popular these days that often than not, most of the blogs that i have hopped into are just plain mediocres.

oh no, if you got offended, don't think that i am claiming authority about it as a backfire. because i am still open with the possibility that at the end of all these, i may still be eating my own words.
so why is blogging the new chatting?

some would claim that it is an escape from the superficiality of chatting just to know someone from cyberspace. if you are looking for romance and/or even sex but you always get rejected in the chatting scene because of ... you know. these people think that if it looks (oops!) is not an option for them. then trying or even sounding "intellectual" might probably do the trick. thus, blogging is the best place of building one's ego and image.

how?

unlike chatting, blogging would not really require you to use any pictures in order for you to get some readers. though some actually do (spare me the video blogs please. hehehe. peace!) thus, you tend to build an image out of the entries that you posts. some are successful, some are not.

its just like packaging sharon cuneta or kc concepcion. its not really necessary to have awesome talents. you just need to know the right strategies and techniques in order for you to sell yourself and have, not only good readers, but also established audience and even friends.

the fisherman

when confucious said, give a man a fish and he'll live for the day. but teach a man how to fish and he'll live for his entire life, he didn't think that it can create an overpopulation of fishermen in the seas that fishing has transgresses itself to land and even in cyber space.

how can someone fish in cyberspace?

simple, you just have to hook a "pa-naive," "pa-humble" and self pitiful image as a bait and then throw it on your post. then if someone sympathizes and kisses your ass--- then there goes your catch.

the ackward

just to make things straight i have nothing against body exposure and infact, i believe that appreciation to body proportion is always a relative thing and i myself doesn't have a good one as well. but the existence of the word ackward made everything quite differently. it set boundaries and the moment you utterly expose your body in a general audience that doesn't appreciate such, then the word pops up.

i never believe that there is such thing as art for art sake because if you are going to thoroughly understand it, you create art not for art itself. for there is no such being. you create either for self expression or for other people to appreciate. thus, it should have a purpose rather than associating it to art alone. its a lame excuse, if you'll ask me.

the "E" maniac

ofcourse, blogs are created to jot down something about yourself. something personal from which you want to share to the public. but reality will tell us the anything in excess is bad. thus, we need to know that we have to avoid getting an impression from our readers that the world doesn't revolve on us alone. but if you just keep on rubbing in things about yourself, readers may think that you are just one of those ego maniac roaming around this planet. advertising yourself like a cheap product in tv shopping.

ICCCEEEEE BBBBBRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKK!!!

narealize ko lang lately siguro in demand sa states ang mga ganitong mukha.

charice pempengco

arnel pineda

BILUGAN...

in second thought, MAGKAMUKHA SILA!!!

top 10 most common kris kringle gift na ayaw mo

10. angel figurine
nung nauso ang angel figurines, baduy ang mga bahay na walang collection nito. palakihan, pagandahan at pamahalan ang labanan ng mga bahay-bahay. siyempre, dahil uso hindi rin naman nagpahuli ang divisoria at quiapo sa paglabas ng mga murang angel figurines. makakabili ka na ng isang set compose of 4 figurines sa 100. kaya naman patok na patok ito sa mga kuripot na nanay na kailangang bilhan ang mga anak nila ng regalo.
sa isip ko nung nakatanggap ako ng ganito, eh aanhin ko naman ito? nanay ko lang matutuwa dito. e pano ang sariling kaligayahan ko? nang makita ng nanay ko ang regalo tuwang tuwa siya, nilapitan pa niya yung nanay nung kaklase ko'ng nagbigay. nagtawanan sila, yun pala angel figurines din ang binili ng nanay ko para sa regalong ibibigay ko. sana pala nag exchange gift na lang yung mga nanay namin.

9. ballpen
sa mga pangregalong ballpen dinadaan lahat sa packaging. pero madalas hanggang packaging lang sila. sa unang gamit matutuwa ka dahil ang kapal pa ng tinta pero after a while mapapansin mo na unti-unti na itong numinipis at paputol putol hanggang sa mapipikon ka na lang dahil wala pa siyang isang linggo ay ubos na. hindi man lamang nakaabot ng bagong taon ang regalo mo.


8. gift cheque
kapag nakatanggap ka ng regalong ganito, isa lang ang ibig sabihin, tamad mag isip ang taong nakabunot sa iyo at wala siyang interes na alamin ang mga hilig mo. umiyak ka na lang kung crush mo pa ang naka bunot sa iyo. gawin mo, titigan mo siya mata tapos mag ala nora ka'ng magwawatery eyes. lapitan mo siya, pagbagsak ng matatabang luha, sampalin mo sa mukha sabay takbo. tignan mo hahabulin ka nun.

*asa. hahaha. conceited ka talaga ate, hindi ka na nadala.

7. picture frame
dala na rin ng paglabas ng mga digicam (na nagpabagsak sa industriya ng photo films) at mga online social networking websites, madalang na talaga sa atin ang nag priprint ng mga pictures. kaya naman nakakainis din kapag may nagregalo ng picture frame. mapipilitan ka pa tuloy magpaprint. masaklap pa, sa sobrang dami ng mga pictures mo sa mga sites na ito at hindi na regulated ang pwedeng mo'ng kunan dahil na rin hindi mo na kailangan isipin kung may available film ka pa, ang hirap maghanap ng picture na pwede mo'ng ipaprint at ipaframe!


6. alarm clock kung binigyan ka ng regalong ganito isa lang ang ibig sabihin, pansin na ng mga tao na lagi ka'ng late at oras ng magbago. pero madalas sa mga alarm clock na ganito either one time big time mo lang pwedeng gamitin o mas malakas pa ang utot mo kapag mag alarm.

5. wallet sinong makakalimot sa seiko wallet, ang wallet na maswerte? kung mayaman ka bibili ka ng original. pero kung swabe lang ayus na yung mga imitations na binebenta sa cvc sa ilalim ng lrt monumento station. tapos babawiin sa singkwenta na nakalagay sa loob. sa chinese daw kasi swerte yun para lalong dumami ang pera.


4. kalendaryo madalas sa mga ganitong regalo ay binibigay ng mga business man. obvious naman dahil makikita mo pa sa taas ng kalendaryo in bonggang bonggang bold and italicized letters ang business name nila. good advertising strategy kung tutuusin, pero kung tutuusin rin give away ito hindi regalo. as far as i know, magkaiba yun.

3. commercial product tshirts speaking of businesses, isa rin sa mga madalas na iregalo ng mga business man ay tshirts na may bonggang bonggang bold and italicized letters ang business name nila. pero ang kaibahan ng kalendaryo at tshirt ay makikita kung gaano ka kaclose sa namimigay. kung mas hindi kayo ganun kaclose, calendaryo. kung nasa point na kayo'ng kayang magbeso-beso, ayan tshirt. pero bottomline pa rin, give away ito hindi regalo---GIVE AWAY!


2. mga bagay na madaming ilaw hindi ko alam pero feeling ko sadyang may fascination tayong mga pinoy sa mga bagay na umiilaw, mapa trumpo, yoyo, ballpen, lighter o ano pa man yan. kahit wala naman talagang purpose ang pag ilaw ng mga ito feeling natin elegante na siya basta umiilaw.


1. good morning towels dalawang tao lang ang matutuwa kapag binigyan mo ng ganito, kundi nanay ng batang malikot ay jeepny driver. sabi ko nga nung nakatanggap ako ng ganito nung second year highscool, "what am i twelve? thirteen na kaya ako, panyo na naman. malaki na kaya ako!"

why do i like fishes part 2

six years ago, i walked inside our apartment carrying a box of hard glass filled with water and fishes. i remembered i felt bringing back memories of childhood that day that i have decided to buy myself an aquarium, a pair of gold fishes and a water snake. i was so amazed with what i bought that i can't take my eyes off of it. i even thought of buying water plants, more colorful pebbles that would add up to its texture, filters, light bulbs that would intensify the colors inside and more fishes. i wanted my set up to be one of the most elegant aquariums there will ever be. the type of set up that would beat those aquariums in fish museums.

suddenly, one of my housemates noticed that i couldn't stop myself from feeding the fishes with fish pellets. he approached my aquarium and warned me not to overfeed it. it might bloat and kill the fishes. so obviously, i stopped. then he added, "someone once told me that if you'll be able to maintain all your fishes alive, this would tell you that you are already prepared to enter a relationship." i was literally left clueless with what he have said. what does maintaining an aquarium has to do with having a relationship? he just smiled back at me and went inside his room.

a couple of weeks after, the fishes and the water snake died. i never bought another aquarium again because of depression. i just trained myself to be contended with watching them in animal planet.

special thanks to kuya joms for the two tetras and 3 red mollies. i am still accepting for sponsors. hehehe.

but now, i bought myself another set up. while i was changing the water of the aquarium for the third time this week, i have realized the effort that i have put into it. the things that i need to buy like water coditioner, filters etc. just to keep the water clean and the fishes alive. then i remembered what my former housemate told me. i am now getting what he is actually pointing out. entering a relationship is just like having and maintaining an aquarium. sometimes we are so amazed with the idea without really understanding the effort and investments that it needs. thus, most of the time, we sensationalize relationships. we just keep on saying that we need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend just for the heck of having one. we are delighted with the picture of romance, partnership, commitment and even sex without actually looking what is underneath it. the worst part of this is, it takes our heart to be broken first before we can realize these things hiding beneath the surface. believe me, i know. for i had my own share of the deal and hoping it would not happen anymore.

the bottomline story is we are all kids desperately wanting a new pet because they are cute, we want to cuddle them, take care of them and what have you. but without really considering our readiness in carrying on the responsibility. thus, this eventually lead us in getting ourselves depress while watching our pet die.

why i like fishes?

the other day, i went with L to ocean park to start my life list.
i invited L to accompany me. though i know L is not really into fishes, L still accompanied me. our plan was to meet up by 4 in the afternoon in katipunan.
but i woke up pass 4. i was late! but in my surprise, i haven't received a single text from L yet. i tried following it up. after a dozen of messages and still no reply, i decided to call L. it took me two phone calls before L picked up. it affirmed my assumption by the time L answered the call. L fell asleep. i was quite agitated at first. you know the feeling that you were too excited about something and then something went wrong? yes, spell me frustration, please.
i must admit that i was really frustrated that i have realized that i am beginning to be a brat, which i am totally not. its just that i have realized that living independently makes you get what you want since basically you have a work to get it. its been a long time since i haven't get what i want which i always had before when i am still tied up with my parents. its quite a nostalgic feeling. but the bratty self that i have nurtured in me for the past two years is empowering that rationale me. this is bad, i thought. who am i to demand if i am just asking a person a favor? could it be real that i am turning myself into that selfish partner?
i need to cool down, as i told myself. i headed to cubao, grab a cup of blizzard and went online in a nearby internet cafe. i immediately researched ocean park. alas, its open till 9 in the evening. its only 6 and if we could find ourselves a cab we'll still catch it.
by the time L, arrived. he immediately apologized. but i was already genuinely smiling at him. it seemed like that ice cream is already taking its effect.
we hailed a cab and went straight to ocean park. there were only a number of people in the place. it was not too crowded like what my friends told me. and most importantly, there are a lot of fishes---tons of them. i was amazed how colorful, massive, minute, fast, still and dull they were.
i am a big fan of fishes since i was a child. but i felt that my amazement to them now was more intensified.
the tour was not that long as i thought it was. but the images of the fishes were quite worth it. then i realized that probably the reason why fishes are therapeutic is that they make you realized that they're life is more pathetic than what we have inside our own box.

the star i know

i just knew you as a star from this world i have run for sanctuary.

and you were the first people who lent his ears and shoulders to me.

we exchange ideas, opinions, facts and fantasies.

you allowed me to enter you fortress' wall

and toured me around those dark hidden chambers.


then i have realized that there is actually a different sweetness beyond chocolates. there is life beyond being awake.
and despite the beer being bitter, we must admit we still enjoyed it.
we may have a gone different streets.
in a world that i will always understand
but chose just to pass. i value the friendship we have.


so in this special day, let me give back those smile. in my own special way.

hehehe....hempey bewtdey, kuya joms!

the nature of my work environment

in a work place that is dominated by sexists and chauvanists, i admit that, aside from the fact that i don't like my work, it also makes my feet heavier to drag to the office. probably, in such profession that is predominantly for men, it is quite hard for me to look for a circle where i could talk things like these that i post here. although, i know that not all of them are one, i just observed that most of the time, these certain individuals who are not, are easily eaten up by the general norm.

source

i have 16 colleagues in our group, which is composed of a girl, a lesbian, a gay and the rest are heterosexual men. i have been to countless teams before. but i could say that this group is unique from the rest. being with them for almost half a year now, it just occured to me how stereotypes happened.

stereotypes are general characteristics identified to a certain group. but personally, i never believed in such. for me, it is wrong to identify one based from the group he belongs because no two persons are exactly alike. in other words, every individual is unique on their own.

my officemates' typical conversations include basketball, naruto, xbox, psp, beer drinking, girl hooking, girls, girls and more girls. personally, i really don't have problems about girl conversations. but if the topic is already over boarding to pervesion and "pambabastos." there is where my problems start.

regardless of gender, i just find it insulting as a person to hear remarks regarding someone being identified as an object (of sex and prestige). i hate it when people starts talking how big someone breasts, butts and even bulges are. i despise people who keep on putting themselves higher than anyone else just because they think they are better and treat people like things. worst, they don't even have what it takes. but along the entire conversation, what surprised me was how those people which i deemed not to be sexists nor chavaunist, started talking trash as well. it made me wonder.

two days later, i accidentally had the chance to talk to one of the most sexist and chauvanist colleauge.. i just learned that he is actually taking the same route that i take whenever i go home. surprisingly, not a single word regarding being what i perceived him to be came out of his mouth on our conversation. then it occured to me after we part ways that probably these stereotypes that we might have regarding certain groups are actually brought about by peer association and pressure.

given that each individual has their own characteristics, there is a possibility that by the time they are put into their group, each has the tendency to display these stereotypic characteristics.

call it peer pressure. but i call it a burden that still makes me drag myself to work and that is just another of my two cents.

my top 100 films (29-20)

29. lihim ni antonio (2008)

at such a young age, antonio already know what he wants. but in such a young age as well, he have also experienced the downfalls of it.

i say: wittingly done. definitely lifted its director and writer after lalaki sa parola.

28. science of sleep (2006)

how can a young man with a vivid imagination live if he can not differentiate reality from dream?

i say: aside from its another gael garcia bernal, the film is very experimental and aesthetically creative.

27. ken park (2002)

the film tells the story of a group of teenagers living in among abusive home in a suburban community in america and how they have cope up with this fate.

i say: extremely disturbing. the film tends to drag its audiences among the issues posed by each characters.

26. beautiful thing (1996)
a coming-of-age film that depicts the story between two boys and how they have proved to their family and neighbor their relationship despite their innonce.

i say: personally, one of the best love story i have seen.

25. priscilla, queen of the desert (1994)

the story of three drag queens who journeyed all across australia to perform an annual ritual as a personal celebration of themselves as humans.

i say: an eye opener.

24. in the mood for love (2000)
a secret illicit love affair that blossomed between the walls of their apartments and how they have hide it from the eyes of people around them and even to the eyes watching the film.

i say: a wong kar wai's movie favorite. you'll be needing to watch it twice to understand the entire movie.

23.chungking express (1994)

the film tells two different stories about a policeman who tries to be the best of his profession and a girl who lives the best of her life: and how the film have weaved the unrelatedness of their lives.

i say: another wong kar wai that will drive your brains 250 km/sec.

22. amelie (2001)

the film narrates the story of a free spirited girl who tried to make everyone close to him smile despite the difficulties of their lives and how she hesitated when fate decided to give her, her share of happines.

i say: i find the film a philosophical one in the lightest treatment a film creator can do.

21. in the time of the butterflies (2001)

based from the true story of the mirabel sisters during the tyrannic regime of rafael trujillo. how these sisters made their voices be heard in a very repressive and patriarch country.

i say: a very moving film that will make us realize that political and social change chose no gender. trivia: the International Day Against Violence Against Women was established in commemoration of the mirabel sisters.

20. starcrossed (2005)

a short film that tells the story of two star crossed lovers who also happened to be brothers.


i say: i can't remember anymore how many times i have posted this film on my blog. ironically, its just to good to miss out.

in the name of infidelity

they say, infidelity is as natural as love and sex. it is the product of something and not just a spur of a moment. either it is cause of a break away from monotony, emergence of someone deemed better or even a search of challenges and fulfillment of potentialities in life.

in a monogamous society like ours, infidelity is considered as a tabboo, a fruit of immorality and an icing on top of a pryer's tounge.

i met charles and alex way back during my college years. they have been together for three years during that time and they were the first people who introduced me to the concept of open relationship. based from them, an open relationship is a kind of an arrangement from which two individuals loving one another are not bound exclusively. for them, they can date and have sex to whoever they want as long as they know where they are going home and who they love at the end of the day.

probably by now, you are having hard time picturing it. i guess its a normal thing since i also have quite some difficulties digesting it as well the first time i heard it. but then i realized that it has something to do with how our society have reared us to only accept monogamous relationships. we were not informed nor even educated with the presence of such relationships in the sphere of humanity as a whole. and just like infidelity, it is a form of social deviance in our society that slowly climbing its way to our awareness.

surprisingly, the two confessed that despite being in an open relationship and dated several people, they haven't had sex with anyone yet. charles joked that they still consider themselves as conservatives. of course, a "yeah right?!" response immediately came out of my mouth. but alex butted in and defended his partner. he said, for them it is just a matter of exploring one self to life's wide possibilities and options. he added that it works for them and as a matetr of fact having such arrangement actually developed their relationship and gave them assurance that they truly love one another. sweet!

hey, but don't get me wrong. i am not saying that for you to have a good relationship with your partner, you need to have the same arrangement. open relationship is not as easy as it sounds. it is not like you are just fishing someone over mIRC, YM or text groups. although you might be hearing open relationship all over the place these days, sometimes even love itself is still not enough. it requires maturity and open mindedness. it transgresses above the concepts of trust and love. and above all, it is not something that you just enter just to justify one's infidelity and being polygamous. at long last there goes the connection that i am driving at.

basically, the bottomline of all these is that infidelity and open relationship are two different things. both don't mutually equates each other. open relationship is a mutual decision and actions given out by both parties involved. while infidelity happens one sidedly.

so please, stop claiming you are in an open relationship without your partner's knowledge--- and by the way, saying you're into it, doesn't make you look smart nor liberated either.

eat this!

*sometimes i just have to be mean to stress my point.

life list 2009

sabi nga nila, fast paced daw ang buhay. minsan sa kabila ng dami ng ginagawa mo, marerealize mo'ng sa huli ay kulang pa o hindi pala ito ang mga bagay na magpapasaya sa iyo. worst pa nun ay kung malalaman mo'ng huli na pala ang lahat at hindi mo na ito magagawa.
matapos ko'ng tumambling from katipunan to up diliman ng tatlong balikan upang maghanap ng limang libro na iaanotate para sa isang papel na kailangan ko'ng ipasa kinahapunan, nalaman ko na lang na hindi daw papasok ang magaling ko'ng propesora at ipasa na lang daw ang paper sa susunod na meeting. magaling! magaling! magaling! gusto ko na lang mang gilit ng leeg. buti na lang kamo at nayaya ako ng magsyotang lesbyana kong kaibigan para manuod ng 100 sa the block, as part daw ng kanilang self-proclaimed lesbian day. ito ang ginagawa nila kapag rest day o kapag nakahanap ng libreng oras sa kanilang busy na schedule.
ang 100 ay tungkol sa isang babaeng ginawa ang lahat ng mga bagay na gusto niyang gawin matapos malaman na may taning na ang buhay niya.
kung iisipin napaka cliche ng mga ganitong kwento sa pelikula man o sa totoong buhay. pero natuwa naman daw ako sa paggamit ng karakter ng post it para isulat ang mga bagay na gusto niyang gawin bago man lamang sana siya mamatay.
naisip ko, siguro nga dahil sa dami at maging sa kawalan ng ating ginagawa napakarami nating mga bagay na pinapalampas. at kung minsan kinailangan pa natin ng isang tao o isang bagay para magpaalala sa atin ng mga ito. kungkaya't naisipan ko ding gumawa ng sarili ko'ng life list ng mga bagay na gusto, magpapasaya at magpapafulfill sa aking buhay.
timing din naman ito since nalalapit na rin ang bagong taon. at least, may listahan ako ng mga bagay na dapat ko'ng gawin bago pa dumating ang 2010. dahil alam ko na rin naman na 23 years ng walang epek sa akin new year's resolution.

enchanted kingdom/ birthday party
full body spa
ocean park (done)
beachisdaan gerona, tarlac
sagada

check in a motel
bukidnon
lipat bahay
resign
set up an aquarium
go back to the gymlose 20lbs
open a savings account
bachelor's ref
out of the country trip
fly a kite
teach
write a short story or a compilationmake or star a short film
go to malate
quit smoking
make out with a stranger
be published in a book

buy mum washing machine, aircon and microwave
establish a stable business
have a pictorial
binondo food trip
zoo
watch or act in a playcreate a love potion (my own mix of alcohol)
fill a jar of coins and give it to charityhave an exhibit
walk trip dance all night longchange someone's life
reconcile with my exhave dinner with my first lovetalk to a prostitute
scuba diving
learn a new sport
join a rally
dvd marathon
sleep the whole daycook for family and friendbanana split

partial pa lang ang mga listahan na nandito. and i'll make sure to accomplish atleast isa kada linggo. wish me luck and let the ball rolling, magiging masaya ito.

my top 100 films (39-30)

39. eating out 1-2 (2004 and 2006)

a comedy film that dwells into the issue of sex and sexuality.

i say: a lighter way to put up the issue of gender rather than ridicule and slap stick comedy.

38. ploning (2008)

what is life ahead for a woman who have learned to wait for the love that will never return.

i say: in fairness to this film, aside from the quotable quotes, it will leave you thinking and relating to yourself.

37. The Motorcycle Diaries (2004)

the biographical film of the story, journey and life of cuba's most famous political (and shirt) icon, ernesto che guevara.

i say: don't worry the story didn't dwell to much of the revolutionary side if you are not into progressive movies.

36. boy culture (2006)

it narrates the story of a male escort and how he has been entanggled with his own complicated notion of life, love and sex.

i say: well thought and gives a deeper meaning with "alternative" lifestyle.

35. the dreamers (2003)

how much would give out for the sake of art, film and the revolution? this was the question given to three teenagers during the height of the youth movement in france.

i say: disturbing... it will leave you questioning your own self--- how much?

34. mal educacion (2004)

what if you'll wake up knowing that the education being thought to you was all false? and above all, the person who will debunk this will be your very own teacher?

i say: you know why i like gael garcia bernal? its because he attacks the institution with a valid ground... a real life thing!

33 pan's labrynth (2006)

a girl who created a fantasy amidst the war and internal conflict she is experiencing during the spanish civil war and when her mother married another man.

i say: nicely weaved. never thought that this someone could actually put in something very heavy into a bed time story.

32. km. 0 (2000)

a spanish film that dwells into the coincidentality and inter-connectedness of life.

i say: almost realistic, if not for one character, just look for it yourself.

31. beautiful boxer (2003)

after her appearance, thailand's mua tai personalities learned to never judge someone from what s/he looks like. based from the true story of the first transvestite mau tai champion and her struggle for acceptance and quest for the right place to fit in.

i say: sexist and chauvanist beware!!! be warned, not all people who wear high heels cannot make a flying or a round house kick.

30. bath house (2005)

a story of a man who struggled to look for his self and his own space in the shadows of bath houses in manila.

i say: realistic, wonderfully written, minus the direction and the actors...