Thursday, December 11, 2008

in the name of infidelity

they say, infidelity is as natural as love and sex. it is the product of something and not just a spur of a moment. either it is cause of a break away from monotony, emergence of someone deemed better or even a search of challenges and fulfillment of potentialities in life.

in a monogamous society like ours, infidelity is considered as a tabboo, a fruit of immorality and an icing on top of a pryer's tounge.

i met charles and alex way back during my college years. they have been together for three years during that time and they were the first people who introduced me to the concept of open relationship. based from them, an open relationship is a kind of an arrangement from which two individuals loving one another are not bound exclusively. for them, they can date and have sex to whoever they want as long as they know where they are going home and who they love at the end of the day.

probably by now, you are having hard time picturing it. i guess its a normal thing since i also have quite some difficulties digesting it as well the first time i heard it. but then i realized that it has something to do with how our society have reared us to only accept monogamous relationships. we were not informed nor even educated with the presence of such relationships in the sphere of humanity as a whole. and just like infidelity, it is a form of social deviance in our society that slowly climbing its way to our awareness.

surprisingly, the two confessed that despite being in an open relationship and dated several people, they haven't had sex with anyone yet. charles joked that they still consider themselves as conservatives. of course, a "yeah right?!" response immediately came out of my mouth. but alex butted in and defended his partner. he said, for them it is just a matter of exploring one self to life's wide possibilities and options. he added that it works for them and as a matetr of fact having such arrangement actually developed their relationship and gave them assurance that they truly love one another. sweet!

hey, but don't get me wrong. i am not saying that for you to have a good relationship with your partner, you need to have the same arrangement. open relationship is not as easy as it sounds. it is not like you are just fishing someone over mIRC, YM or text groups. although you might be hearing open relationship all over the place these days, sometimes even love itself is still not enough. it requires maturity and open mindedness. it transgresses above the concepts of trust and love. and above all, it is not something that you just enter just to justify one's infidelity and being polygamous. at long last there goes the connection that i am driving at.

basically, the bottomline of all these is that infidelity and open relationship are two different things. both don't mutually equates each other. open relationship is a mutual decision and actions given out by both parties involved. while infidelity happens one sidedly.

so please, stop claiming you are in an open relationship without your partner's knowledge--- and by the way, saying you're into it, doesn't make you look smart nor liberated either.

eat this!

*sometimes i just have to be mean to stress my point.


Chyng said...

Maybe it's the same as: you dont need a commitment or need not to be bf/gf to be loyal to each other. Mas ok nga na despite wala, you still remain faithful.

amicus said...

parang may angas (bitterness?) a? hehe
a monogamous society, as some posit, is a natural consequent of the rise of private property. it makes making wills easier. [although the burden to show proof of monogamy really are on women. among men? who cares.]
mm. about infidelity and open relationships: (almost) perfect knowledge of the situation is the only difference.

Abou said...

i don't like open relationship. how could you claim you two have something great going on when you agreed on sharing that person with others...

bulitas said...

cliche, but methinks it's all about the perspective and the collective morals and ideologies of the persons involved.

if both persons are 100% okay with the set-up and if it works for them perfectly, making them better individuals and a stronger couple,then may the universe bless them- that is as long as they don't intentionally ruin other people's existence.


sometimes, its really tempting to dive into an open relationship. right. freedom you got it. pero, in a way, it precludes the elements of security and intimacy.

i dunno. single ako. magagawa ko.

Najua Scribbles said...

ok lang yun. Sabi nga, don't get even.. just be mean. \m/

Niel Camhalla said...

"open relationship...saying you're into it, doesn't make you look smart"

Good come back. It shows where you stand. Hahaha!

Ito naman stand ko.

Importante pa rin talaga na pareho ng values yung mag-partner. whether they value a monogamous relationship or an open one, as long as pareho sila at hindi napipilitan lang, I guess it could work.

Kaso yung "same values" wala sya usually sa criteria ng mga taong single na naghahanap ng partner.

Luis Batchoy said...

call me old fashioned but I still believe in finding that "ONE" true thing. ONE! Just one ot of eight billion and conting... just one... as for open relationships, my experience with this is that it usually works as an 'after a while' set up for long time lovers to justify the 'nagkakasawaan factor. Anyhoot, I will try to make a post in response to this.

Anonymous said...

A lot of gay relationships are actually open relationships. But I don't agree to this setting. Mahirap may third party especially if it is called, HIV.

coffeethursday said...

it takes a lot of maturity and trust to be in a open relationship.
After all, men are born to be polygamous.


john said...

An excellent new book on this topic is Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel, Harper Collins:2007.

It is the best discussion of the topic and what we can do about it that I have found, (other than 'just say no' which even Nancy Reagan eventually concluded is a bit too simplistic.)

wanderingcommuter said...

chyng: exactly. feeling ko from here madidistinguish natin ang faith from trust.

amicus: naku, walang wala. hidni ito kwento ng buhay ko no. hehehe. wow bagong perspective yan ha. but come to think of it logical naman ang posit na yan. pero hanggang ngayon parang hirap pa rin akong ipicture na ang lahat ng bagay, which would include human emotion, as a public property tulad ng republic ni plato.
abou: kanya-kanya lang siguro yan. depende sa experience at personality ng mga tao and what would work or fit for them.

bulitas: i definitely agree. it will still be the collective morals and ideologies of a society pa rin. but we still need to recognize experiences and personalities of each individuals that belongs to certain collectivities.

prosetitute: tingin ko, as i have mentioned sa post, open relationship will not justify one's action just to get out of the norm and grativify one's anarchic perception about love and sex.
masaya naman maging single ha?! hehehe. gusto mo hanapan kita.

najua: hey welcome to my blog!!! hahaha... gusto ko yan... bagong mantra!

bino: kanya kanyang lang yan... its finding the right set up to survive, emotionally. huwag ka mapraning masyado sa HIV. it seemed like you are too into it na. polygamy doesn't necessary equates to HIV. same thing with homosexuals equates to HIV...

coffee thursday: i agree with the first line. but i find the second line quite stereotypic. i believe that men and women are both capable on such.

luis batchoy: kanya-kanya naman yan eh. i myself i can't see myself on this set up din naman for the moment eh. hmm. tingin mo tempral lang ang mga ganitong relasyon? hmmm...

niel: tama. i couldn't agree more... nasa morals at decision pa rin yan ng mag partner. at siyempre nasa pag acknowledge din naman ng mga parties na papasok din.

john: hey, thanks john! that will be noted.... ill try looking this up.

Yj said...

the only relationship i had was an open one. surely there was nothing smart nor liberating about it. but it was the only way to keep it. yes, i blinded my self for love.... but after five years of working so hard to achieve what we achieved, it ended.... so i guess it doesn't work.....