Tuesday, November 3, 2009

and i am not even 25

when i decided to take social sciences, i never really considered what will i become after graduating. it didn't occur to me if i wanted to be a lawyer, an artist, a teacher, an ambassador or a corporate person. i never thought if this degree will promise me a house, a car or a business of my own. basically, what mattered that day was just to follow what other people and i say, to pursue what i love. and so i did.

while i was in college, i was able to nourish my talents and acquired some other skills that i didn't even know i have. i was able to develop my passion in visual arts and also discovered my caliber both in writing and theater works.

despite the academic loads and extra curricular responsibilities, i can actually say that i really had the time of my life, for each day gave me a sense of fulfillment before i went to sleep. i even remember telling myself that i couldn't wait to continue this in a larger picture, outside college.

so after four years of cultivating the soil of my interests, packed with confidence knowing i have all that it takes (or i thought i was), not to mention that i came from one of the prestigous universities in the country, i decided to go back to the lowlands to practice what i finished.
here, i saw myself holding a copy of my three page resume stating all my accomplishments while standing along the busy side walk of ayala avenue. but unlike some fellow graduates that day, i was pretty much confused of where to go: first, for i am not familiar with manila and second, because i just don't know where to try my luck.

so i decided to go online to check for any job openings. i signed up and filled all the necessary information required. by the time i hit submit, the website gave me a list of job openings associated with my references. there were in the fields of education, human resources and call centers. yes, call centers. at first, i never really understood how my degree is associated with the BPO industry. so i crossed it out from my options and went ahead with the first two fields. i even tried advertising and marketing just to have more chances of getting hired; that basically means, more options of which job contract to sign. see, i was really that optimistic before.

one by one, i patiently click every job positions in the list. i thoroughly read the company information, nature of the position and most importantly, the requirements. but as i move from one page to another, i realized that after opening probably a hundred job positions, only a good quarter of it, was i able to send my application. and out of those, only one or two replied back. now, i consider myself lucky if i get three.

afterwards, you'll undergo mindwrecking screening processes, endless interviews, and exhausting long waits, just to know, that you weren't able to make it. tattered and frustrated, you finally realized that you just ended up on the same option that you've actually crossed out--- being a call center agent.

i've worked as a technical support agent for almost three years. ofcourse, the pay and benefits were good. incentives were simply exceptional and i can say that i've learned so much about the corporate operations because of it. aside from these, i was able to send myself in pursuing another degree, buy things i always wanted, go to places i've never been and ofcourse, pay my rent and other dues. basically, i was terrifically starting a life of my own.and eventhough my degree is no way related to my profession, suprisingly, i was considered among one of the outstanding agents of our account.

but despite all of these, i was always the quiet one at work, contrary to who i really am outside. sitting away from other agents, never befriended any coworkers and turned down a number of promotions. for the simple reason, i just don't see myself here, not because i have something against it, but because it was different from what i picture my life will be after college; dynamic, free spirited and fulfilling.

well, i guess life doesn't really give what you want. but still, i chose to pursue it.

i thought, it would be easier for me to move out if i don't have any friends from work. however, it didn't occur to me, that this was not the only reason that would stop me from resigning. it also included giving up the lifestyle i have already adjusted myself into. that is why it actually took me almost three years before i could actually file my resignation. i call it, my complete detachment from taking calls and graveyard shifts.

now, i am free. six months and counting. financially broke, stuck at my room, eternally waiting for my pending applications, but humanistically happy.

but sometimes, especially during my lows, i can't help to catch myself, still wondering and asking: did i actually make a wrong decision of following what i want? if i aspired to much than i should have been? or if i should need to drop everything i was before and face the harsh reality ahead of me, for this is no longer college, that this is actually what life really is?

nevertheless, whatever the answers maybe, i chose to believe that i'll have my own share of life someday and that what really matters is that i took the risk of opting to be happy.


rudeboy said...

I've learned that life is a series of trade-offs, and that yes, you can have it all - just not all at the same time.

The trouble with academe is that it doesn't quite prepare us for the shocks of real life. Then again, school is mostly theoretical; life itself is praxis.

I admire your courage in sacrificing material comforts for what you feel in your heart is a more real kind of happiness. But as you've discovered, we pay for the choices we make, whether they turn out to be right ones or wrong.
I hope your choice in this case turns out to be the right one for you. But in case it's not, you're not even 25, as the title of your post says. So make all your mistakes while you're young. Later in life, you'll be more fearful and take less risks, because the price of your choices will be steeper than they were in your youth.

john stanley said...

i agree with rude. there's no better time to make your mistakes than now. because at the end of it all, these experiences will guide you towards making the right decisions in the future.

jericho said...

introspective mode?:D

Anonymous said...

*hugs* wiwik! Don't worry, you'll get your much wanted break soon. Sorry kung minsan nana-nag kita ha. I'll pray hard this time for you to get all the blessings you so much deserve. Basta pag malungkot ka, madami kami ditong magpapasaya sayo... kasama na ng mga pumipila na makadate ka. Gagawa na ba ako ng kalendaryo?



xtian1978ii said...

ewik ganun talaga. tyaga tyaga lang. tama si rudeboy, life in school is nothing as compared to what awaits you outside of it. don't be afraid to take risk, in time you'll be ok at alam mo na ang mga dapat gawin. everday is a learning experience so enjoy ka lang.

mikel said...

we all have our (idealized) global maximum, but sometimes we have to settle at one of the local maxima, given constraints. ano daw? haha. and i don't agree with rudeboy, like emer has said, the state university has not--never--shielded you from the realities of the world. sa mga salitang mas malapit sa puso: ang laban nating mga estudiyante ay hindi iba sa laban ng lipunang ginagalawan natin. baka phase lang yan erik, frictional unemployment or what have you. >hug<

Galen said...

Lets see where life takes you Wiwik. Truth is, the life you chose is a life I will never afford.

Even when I was 25.

Mr. Scheez said...

i admire your courage in pursuing what you really love.

like Galen, i can't afford that.

Anonymous said...

i'm just starting to realize that money isn't everything. iba pa rin talaga pag gusto mo yung ginagawa mo. no amount of money could buy that feeling of fulfillment and peace of mind.

don't worry ewik, maybe, there is something else meant for you. something better. maybe this resign thing is only the beginning of things to come. i've always believed that everyone is destined for greatness. that the universe would conspire to lead you to your dreams. :D

pucha, yan ang nagagawa ng the alchemist, hahaha.

ghwace said...

i thought ive read one of your blogs about your job a field researcher? hmmm..

anyway, it is a tough decision to follow your heart, but it never goes wrong. there are very few people who can make decisions on their own, and considers the people around who might be affected. and your one those lucky people.

im a believer of divine intervention. and so with the phrase .. that everything happens for a reason.


engel said...

quarter life crisis?

MkSurf8 said...

life is all about taking risks and taking chances. don't be afraid to commit mistakes. life is also about making mistakes and correcting them.

susme wala ka pang 25? enjoy ka lang!

<*period*>; said...

hindi ko po alam ang sasabihin ko para makagaan ng kalooban mo.medyo kasi nasa parehong sitwasyon tayo.pero hiling ko sa nasa itaas na gabayan ka niya.

line of flight said...

were you wrong in following your heart? only if you stop listening to it, when things get difficult. fate is not permanent and irrevocable but to face it with agency involves tremendous, legitimate suffering (that's why its called fate).

Chyng said...

minsan I worry too, and sometimes I got scared. pero pag naiisip kong these are all part of life, in-enjoy ko nalang every moments, pati failure! sounds cliche but they're all part!

elYAS said...

"...for the simple reason, i just don't see myself here, not because i have something against it, but because it was different from what i picture my life will be after college; dynamic, free spirited and fulfilling.

well, i guess life doesn't really give what you want. but still, i chose to pursue it."

this made me smile this 3:40 AM. i always admire the words. i always feel the humanity in your every post. :D

sya sya..

i share the same gut and principle that whatever life will throw at me, i will always find my way to live in my own choice. follow your bliss they say. i always believe that. you made me ponder on the same thoughts. di lang pala ako ang mapangarapin. :D

someday, i will get out of this mad loop of waking up in the dead of night and emphatizing on complaints and go back to pursue what i really want to do with my life. it took you three years. hindi ko alam kung ilan sa akin. :D

someone said that you made the right decision when you pick the hard choice but your heart is at peace. you make me proud and pondering. salamat.


Aethen said...

I so feel you, Ewik. We too much embrace the fire of idealism in ourselves. But since you're not even 25, as the title of your post says, enjoy and take the challenge of each day coming muna. ;)

PILYO said...

u didnt make a wrong decision, trust me. follow ur heart and mind, life is always a cycle of ups and downs. u have a handful of opportunities, just open ur eyes and take action.

Lance said...

i so feel for you ewik.. lucky you! you're out of the call center world..very exhausting but nevertheless rewarding..
Although call center pa rin ako, i just try to enjoy the people around me, since i'm much closer to home and family and the people here in this place are also very nice kind of people.
i too hopes that you would get the job that u truly deserve. Goodluck.:)

Manech said...

Thank you very much for this.

Well, how to begin? Um, I am not yet 25, I am a social science course graduate who ended up in the call center industry as well, and had his share of promotions.

I resigned a month ago, knowing very well that it was one of the better decisions I have made in my life.

I have nothing against people who've worked (or who are working, or who are planning to work) in a call center. But like you, I just don't see myself in it anymore.

Yes, the lifestyle thing kept me going for the longest time, but I realized that it was something that I have developed along the way, and not something inherent in me. I can live, heck, I have lived under bare urban necessities.

Sorry for the rambling. It's just fascinating to realize that I am not alone.

Here's to us finding "the one", the job that would make us completely happy.


JanZeE_tripper said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
_ice_ said...

di mo naman gagawin ang isang bagay kung di mo gusto. dba?

see.. tumagal ka for 3yrs..

sometimes kasi kung anong nasa puso natin, ang gusto natin tuparin agad pero hindi ganun kadali yon, dadaan muna tayo sa maraming bagay bagay bago natin makuha yong gusto natin, it requires tiyaga, tiwala sa sarili and faith..

have a good day.

kamote_ako said...

I salute you for making a big decision early in life. That means more challenges and more lessons to learn.

We all have our choices and you chose to stay away from the norm, Just don't forget that the decision you made today will impact your tomorrow.

Wish you luck!

citybuoy said...

im incredibly envious of people like you who can take control of their own lives. i'm a slave to my vices and unfortunately, this industry supports it. haha hopefully, when i turn 25, my life will be in order.