Thursday, April 9, 2009

what if bottle banks

when companies are laying off their employees due to the so called "global financial crisis," my supervisor handed me a ticket for the account's anniversary celebration. at first, i thought it was a just regular food stub to be given over in the pantry for free food and drinks.
but in my surprise, the ticket was made of photopaper. then my jaw automatically dropped when i read that the celebration will be held in one, if not, the metro's superclub, embassy.
i have never been to such high end clubs here in manila. not because of the crowd or what have you. but in a way i felt like i have already graduated from clubbing during college and settled with just being a chiller. but my officemates were persistent as ever and managed to convince me to go with them.
when we reached embassy, it was exactly the way i perceived it to be. it was spacious, sophisticated and loud. we presented our ticktes to the receptionist and she gave us a number of stubs: for food, drinks and beers. since my officemates don't drink they hand me their beer stubs that would be given after the open bar.
i lost count on how many glasses i have drank that night. the music was just too loud for many to hold my focus. suddenly, i found myself jiving with the beat, just like the old times. when the club closed the bar. i started handing over the tickets i have collected from my officemates. again, i lost track of how many bottles i emptied.
i vaguely remembered my officemates excusing themselves to go home. i told them, i'll stay behind.
right after that, the concoction of the drinks i took, kicked in. while the misty room unmasked the image i projected at work. for the first time, they saw who ewik really was: outgoing and unmindful.
then the last thing i remembered was, i was already giving in to my pulse. i was shaking it, unmindful of the crowd surrounding me. the former life that i have turned my back to, relived. i felt that i was me again.
suddenly, i saw S from a far. the only soul at work that makes me go back to the monotony of this life. S was also stripping off the last pieces of hesitation. i never really thought that S has the moves. the sight was tillating, almost on the verge of being arousing, if uyou'll ask me. i wanted to come near and touch the "nakedness" of S. but when i was about to do it, i backed off. the alcohol started losing its control on me. the entire dance floor became cleqar again and the music stopped. i realized that everything was unlike before. i couldn't really tell if something was added or removed. but whatever that was it stopped me from what i usually do.
i tapped T's shoulder and signalled that i have to go. S followed, we hailed a cab and hopped in. for a moment there was an ackwarding silence inside. then S broke the silence.
"so how did you find the party?"
confused of what to say, i answered:
"nice."
"it seemed like you had a blast there. I never thought you could dance. you were always silent at work."
"look who's talking?" we laughed.
it was the first time we really had a conversation. a good one, mind you. although we often see each other at work, we just usually exchange nod whenever we cross ways or whenever S catches me looking.
from there, i knew that there will be more conversations with S to come: more reasons that will atleast keep me from going back to work. but when we were about to drop S off, S looked at me and confessed that i will be the first person to know about S' resignation next month.
as the cab made its way to my place, i found myself all alone in the backseat. all i could feel was regret, for not having the courage to ask S for that last dance.
another 'what ifs' in life that i have dropped on my bottle bank when i reached home.

5 comments:

Chyng said...

Sayang, type ka din naman nya. Joke! Mangilin kayo, holy week ngayon! :D

Herbs D. said...

when experiencing any awkward silence with someone, i always reply at the end "i like that too." LOL

whoever this S is-best of luck :P

john stanley said...

nasa "what if" pa lang, paano pa kapag dumating sa "if only"?

happiness to you, ewik.

lucas said...

well i just hope you get another chance if the fates permit. :)

sana maligaw ako dyan sa embassy minsan. trip lang. hindi naman kasi ako mahilig sa mga party.

Yj said...

ano bah... may isang buwan pa... gogogo