Tuesday, January 8, 2008

no better way of saying goodbye but to say no goodbye: quits part 2

okay, its official---we've already parted ways.

i have received a call the other night from my partner. unfortunately, i wasn't able to answer it since i was drinking with a friend in tomas morato. she wanted to see me because her boyfried just broke up with her after an almost-a-year relationship. talking about perfect timing.

knowing my friend, tin would probably be one of the most bubbly and strongest women i have ever met. she was one of my classmates in law school that would stand up and contest against our professors regarding something that she finds wrong or unfair---without any hesitations. but that night i have seen the other side of her persona. although she kept on smiling and kidding around, i know that she was crying inside. somehow i felt what she was going through.

after knocking out two buckets of San Mig Light, we have decided to call it a night. she insisted to drive me home. but i preferred taking a cab instead. i brought out my cellphone and checked it again. it already felt unusual seeing my partner's number on my phone. then i received a message asking: if i were mad? i felt provoked reading the message. for me, it would probably the most insensitive question i have ever read.

i am not really the person who gets easily affected whenever my partner would not contact me that often or would not bring me gifts during special occasions or celebrate anniversaries. basically, i don't confide with the standards of what a relationship should be or should not be. its enough that you give your best and you understand your partners's considerations and shortcomings. nonetheless, i believe that the moment you commit yourself into a relationship, you are responsible in mutually growing it. its not an one-sided set up in which only one party is responsible of nurturing it. there is no such thing as a free lodger nowadays, especially when it comes to a romantic relationship. everybody breaths with expectation at the top of their lungs, no matter how they deny it. but just like my friend's case, no personality or experiences could prepare you for what is about to happen.

we both confessed that we were unsure if we still love each other after everything that happened. we both have our reasons and shortcomings that we still have to settle within ourselves as well as the realization of the fact that we don't have a perfect relationship to be regreted, after all there is no such thing. so i have decided to officially call it quits.
it hurts to know that you have just ended a relationship that you have put your best effort to work, considering this is your first commited relationship.but on the other hand, i am still happy that i was able to experience and felt it regardless of its outcome. honestly, now, i don't feel any bitterness or hatred against my partner. because after we broke up whenever i tried thinking about our former relationship, i only remember the best moments of my life: my first holding hands, my first and sincerest "i love you", my first formal date etc. etc. etc.

i realized that i may not get my partner back or be the best of friends after this relationship. but its already enough for me to know that we were able to respect each other's freedom and decisions for the benefit of our personal development. mushy as it may sound but that is the only words that i think could describe what i am feeling right now.

as i was about to end this entry, i remembered: today, 8th of the month, should have been another monthsarry for the both of us. then, i close my eyes and decided this would be the last time i am writing about my 'former' partner---at least, for now.


Zigcarlo said...

Ang Huling Entry Tungkol Sa'yo... haha! habang binabasa ko naalala ko 'yung pakiramdam habang sinusulat ko dati 'yung Huling Tula Para Sa'yo...

wanderingcommuter said...

zig: hahaha. shet naalala mo pa talaga yun. hahaha. ang komento mo na ang batayan kung ang gawa ko ay emo. hehehe