Thursday, January 24, 2008

differences(?)

while i was walking home alone yesterday. i passed by two women sitting on a bench facing back of the road in up diliman. one was laying her head on the other girl's lap, holding hands. the girl who was sitting has a shorter hair. while the girl who was resting her head on the other girl's lap was wearing a pony tail.
the girl with a shorter hair began leaning her face and reaching the other girl's forehead by her lips. while the girl with the pony tail was just clossing her eyes, giggling and anticipating the kiss. then the girl with the shorter hair would pull her face up and then starts leaning back again. as if torturing the laying girl with anticipation.
observing them, i have noticed that people who was passing across were not really paying any attention at all on what they were doing.
then, i remembered a friend, h. one day when we were walking along the same area, we saw the same scene but a different pair. she pointed the couple to me and said, she finds it really cute seeing two girls making out (if its proper to use the term). she added, she finds it very sincere seeing such. then i thought, would it be different to see two men, doing the same.
although i remember that i never bothered to ask her this, it just came to me.assuming it is actually different, what makes lesbian relationships more tolerable and sincere than gay relationships?
i've read, heard and seen various issues regarding man-to-man relationships. usually, it is comprises of infidelity, open relationships or inexclusivity, lack or absence of faith, and even abuse and violence. though i am not generalizing the idea that these doesn't happen among woman-to-woman relationships. but i just find it more blatant among in the former. in addition, basing from experience, i also noticed that relationships last longer among my lesbian friends than my gay friends.
then, i have formulated these assumptions:
first, patriarchy.
predominantly the filipino society is patriarchal. although filipino women nowadays are beginning to make and mark their ways into institutions that were once male dominated and vise versa, it could still not be denied that consciously or unconsciously, most of us still believe that men are above women.
men, whether reared through family or by society, has integrated to themselves the believe they should always be in control. thus, the concept of machismo comes in. the more partners you have regardless if this is of opposite or same sex, the more it uplifts your ego. i assume, this might be one factor why infidelity is rampant among men.
women, on the other hand, don't have a counterpart of this attribute. the closest you could get would probably be feminism. but i doubt it. since it is still under a different context. women could be considered as more affectionate, sentimental and emotional. thus, valuing their partner is always at the top of their list when it comes to relationship.
but then again, i am reiterating, this is in GENERAL, not all.
second, religion. aside from patriarchy, catholicism would probably be the next most dominant characteristic about the philippine society or probably it would the other way around. basically, one of the doctrines of catholicism states that sex outside of marriage is a sin. so contextualizing it, sex outside of marriage with the same sex is probably spelling an instant-one-way-ticket-to-hell.
but come to think of it, this religious rule or law weights differently between men and women. if a man had sex with his married wife and he is no longer a virgin, it wouldn't really matter. because society is pointing out that there is no way to prove it to begin with. but if a woman had sex with her married husband and she didn't bleed on their first night, and from here prejudices arise. she is immediately considered immoral, infidel, unpure and even unworthy of marrying. never would society accept the possibility that what if her husband happens to have a very small penis or probably the woman is a ballerina or a biker in which as simple as those activities could lasserate the hymen.
living with this belief, it might be safe to believe that men are more eager or sympathetic in having sex with others because basically, they have nothing to lose. while women regardless if she is a heterosexual or homosexual, values her virginity or atleast more hesitant on having sex with someone because of the social consequences that having sex outside marriage entails.
lastly, venues. i remember one time when we went in malate to celebrate my lesbian friend's birthday. we decided to call it her night. since she was single that time. we scanned the entire place, every street, evry alley and even the darkest road in search of a place that would suit her night. but we were surprise to see that there were a lot of establishments that caters to gay men than heterosexuals and even way more compare to lesbians. we ended up going to bed hoping that we could find a partner for her. as expected, we just enjoyed the night and celebrated our friendship instead. it was just later, when i found out a lesbian bar in taft near csb actually exists.
probably the basic point that i am driving at is, compare to lesbians, homosexual men have been successful in establishing various venues in which they could meet and interact with fellow homosexual men as well as finding potential partner/s. they have marked their comfort zone virtually almost everywhere: through the internet, chatting channels, bars, gyms, parks, club houses, cinema houses, malls, and even buses. compare to lesbians in which they are still beginning to establish their own space, or probably strengthening or expanding it, if they already have one.
on the other hand, with the presence of these venues, the more gay men meet, the more they are being vulnerable in commiting infidelity. compare to lesbians in which it is so hard for them to find one. thus, having one is considered as something valuable and worth treasuring.
in conclusion, there is a possibility that we are already aware of all of these, consciously or unconsciously. thus, we may find lesbian relationship more sincere and tolerable than gay relationships. or secondly, it may also be a fact that it so rare for us to see lesbian couples than gay couples that is why we tend to recognize them more tolerable because they are more exclusive and discreet. or lastly, i might be incorrect and probably there are really no difference at all. because in the first place, there context are quite different. thus, it is not proper to compare them.
argh! i don't know. i am already draining my brains out. gender topics for me, are always interesting topics but very difficult one as well.

14 comments:

Bulaang Katotohanan said...

apir! i am also puzzled! pero mas puzzled ako dahil dumadami sila kahit di nanganganak! (corny joke - boink!)

Marocharim said...

Ewik:

I look at homoeroticism in a less-tasteful and on a very gender-insensitive light. To me, it's all about the id.

For one, girls are more "creative" when it comes to homoerotic actions: you can only have so much fun with two penises.

Second, the male anatomy is not configured very well for homosexual intercourse. We are limited to two orifices. Females have three, so they have more options for sexual stimulation. Men are only capable of one orgasm: women can have multiple orgasms. Also, the vocalization of orgasm among men is akin to constipation: women vocalize their orgasm better than men.

Finally, the erotic value of gay sex is less erotic than lesbian sex (no studies I know to back this one up). Men find lesbians appealing because it stimulates the id. Most men would prefer watching two lesbians get it on, with the repressed desire to join in and spoil the fun. Men who watch two gay people have sex are naturally averse to the idea of two men playing the bedroom version of Darth Vader vs. Luke Skywalker.

Watch out: I'll blog about this soon. :)

dazedblu* said...

well that's really the difference!

Bryan Anthony the First said...

love and sex and relationship are 3 entities people tend to consider as one and the same or worse take them as a package deal, and that's the biggest mistake one will ever commit when it comes to relating

Bino/Geno said...

Well, gender studies is a broad field. That is why it is a specialized field in psychology. I don't really know why people like women more. I totally abhor the idea that people would favor women just because they do not have something hanging between their thighs.

The feminists always shout for gender equality and yet they expect that men should prioritize them! WTF! How about us!?

jericho said...

the irony of lesbian relationships is that they appear to be more tolerated than gay ones but (my personal perception) they are also more hidden in our society.

wanderingcommuter said...

marx:
i think its still relative. it might be all regarding the id but homoeroticism could still have something to do about it. some would might argue about this, but the basic foundation of such would definitely be social repression, in which they could not actualize their sexual or personal determination anchored by our humane urges, desires and even drives. for the very reason that our norms actually forbid it.
hahaha. i just can't stop from laughing reading your comment. hahaha. i don't know if this was seriously written or one of your pranks again.
probably, what i could onlys say is that, i know some men who actually discovered other orifices, aside from the two you are pertaining, that they could actualized. its just a matter of looking for the right and feasible spot, believe me! and this might answer you first assumption that girls are more creative because i find men more creative and at the same time resourceful. hahaha!
i bet you haven't heard a man's actual voice while in orgasm, that is why you're saying this. you might be surprised.
but if you did, you might not be the same marx, i knew. hahaha!
remember, medieval politics under prof. salinas, he actually asked the same question. how come men would prefer watching two lesbians getting it on than two men. well, its basically because of patriarchy. seeing two men having sex with one another poses a threat to the patriachy and all the concept under it.
fortunately for the greeks in which patriacrchy so extreme that two men having sex couldn't be considered as homosexuals because they don't have this concept during their era.
nonetheless, i had a blast imagining darth vader and luke skywalker fighting with their sabers in bed with the sound effects...zink! zeeennkk!!! hahahaha!

bulaangkatotohanan: i think it is actually inevitable. homosexuality could already be considered universal. since it exists across all societies. it is brought about by society's dynamisms, i think. eventually, you wouldn't be surprised that there would come a point that homosexuality is already accepted. then incest will be the next issue that our society needs to tackle.
some economic-anthropologist would actually say that, homosexuality is one way of the society to regulate population. while some would even argue that it is used to pass on traditions and culture for societies that has no "formal" educational system. earlier greeks and some tribes in papua new guinea practices "homosexual" acts to pass on knowledge from an old male of the group to younger males. in terms, of sexual acts or by living inside the same house. so that young males would be taught of how to be better citizen of their group.

dazedblu: is it really?

bryan: you can't really blame them if in the first place both parties didn't set the line clearly.

bino: well, ayoko talagang linalagay ang gender studies more into the field of psychology because it adds up to the conotation that this is psychological disorder, the gay genes etc.

i tend to look at it in a more social anthropological perspective.

jericho: indeed it is...

Bino/Geno said...

No. Homesexuality is not anymore a psychological disorder. And let me just correct the stereotype that psychology deals with crazy people and disorders. A lot of fields in psychology are dealing with normal cases actually.

DN said...

hehe...stereotyped na kasi ang mga lalaki na malilibog. so i guess, that's what the others think about us. panay kalibugan lang ang ginagawa.

so ok lang sa kanila na makita ang dalawang babae na magkasama kasi di halata sa itsura nila na nagtu-*toot* sila.

Anino said...

With those places for a dude to find a partner, does that mean male homosexuals are more promiscuous than female homosexuals?

Pare,nominado ako!Pwede ka bang bumoto kapag may libre kang oras!
Salamat!

wanderingcommuter said...

bino: wow, thats nice to know. when i took my intro to psych (which i fail) we were actually discussing the issue and i was really surprised with the information that were given to us. from that point, i lost my enthusiasm for the school of thought.

dn: marahil nga. yun nga din ang iniisip ko habang sinusulat ito. hahaha., nagtutoot talaga?! hahaha

anino: congrats dude! yeah i think so...following the logic of it. but this just an opinion

DN said...

bwahahaha! baka kasi di mo kayanin ang tem na "nagpopompyangan". bwahahah!

theTripper said...

why do men tolerate two women making out than two men?

think about life and death, love and aggression, sex and violence, nurturance and protection. where women are ought to be frail and gentle, they should exemplify life and love. where men are ought to be strong and agressive, they ought to be dominant and hostile. so men would rather see themselves fighting than making love, and women would like themselves expressing love and affection. that's how human psychology makes out of men and women and translating it further to culture where roles are defined and enforced.

just my two cents. ;)

wanderingcommuter said...

the tripper: by saying that i remember a sms i received, in which society tends to be more hostile to see two men holding hands than two men carrying guns. haay, too much of availing unlimited promos.
on the otherhand, should everything really be bipolar? can't we have something in the middle or something as a side dish? how bout diversity?
there goes my three cents! :-)