while i was walking home alone yesterday. i passed by two women sitting on a bench facing back of the road in up diliman. one was laying her head on the other girl's lap, holding hands. the girl who was sitting has a shorter hair. while the girl who was resting her head on the other girl's lap was wearing a pony tail.
the girl with a shorter hair began leaning her face and reaching the other girl's forehead by her lips. while the girl with the pony tail was just clossing her eyes, giggling and anticipating the kiss. then the girl with the shorter hair would pull her face up and then starts leaning back again. as if torturing the laying girl with anticipation.
observing them, i have noticed that people who was passing across were not really paying any attention at all on what they were doing.
then, i remembered a friend, h. one day when we were walking along the same area, we saw the same scene but a different pair. she pointed the couple to me and said, she finds it really cute seeing two girls making out (if its proper to use the term). she added, she finds it very sincere seeing such. then i thought, would it be different to see two men, doing the same.
although i remember that i never bothered to ask her this, it just came to me.assuming it is actually different, what makes lesbian relationships more tolerable and sincere than gay relationships?
i've read, heard and seen various issues regarding man-to-man relationships. usually, it is comprises of infidelity, open relationships or inexclusivity, lack or absence of faith, and even abuse and violence. though i am not generalizing the idea that these doesn't happen among woman-to-woman relationships. but i just find it more blatant among in the former. in addition, basing from experience, i also noticed that relationships last longer among my lesbian friends than my gay friends.
then, i have formulated these assumptions:
predominantly the filipino society is patriarchal. although filipino women nowadays are beginning to make and mark their ways into institutions that were once male dominated and vise versa, it could still not be denied that consciously or unconsciously, most of us still believe that men are above women.
men, whether reared through family or by society, has integrated to themselves the believe they should always be in control. thus, the concept of machismo comes in. the more partners you have regardless if this is of opposite or same sex, the more it uplifts your ego. i assume, this might be one factor why infidelity is rampant among men.
women, on the other hand, don't have a counterpart of this attribute. the closest you could get would probably be feminism. but i doubt it. since it is still under a different context. women could be considered as more affectionate, sentimental and emotional. thus, valuing their partner is always at the top of their list when it comes to relationship.
but then again, i am reiterating, this is in GENERAL, not all.
second, religion. aside from patriarchy, catholicism would probably be the next most dominant characteristic about the philippine society or probably it would the other way around. basically, one of the doctrines of catholicism states that sex outside of marriage is a sin. so contextualizing it, sex outside of marriage with the same sex is probably spelling an instant-one-way-ticket-to-hell.
but come to think of it, this religious rule or law weights differently between men and women. if a man had sex with his married wife and he is no longer a virgin, it wouldn't really matter. because society is pointing out that there is no way to prove it to begin with. but if a woman had sex with her married husband and she didn't bleed on their first night, and from here prejudices arise. she is immediately considered immoral, infidel, unpure and even unworthy of marrying. never would society accept the possibility that what if her husband happens to have a very small penis or probably the woman is a ballerina or a biker in which as simple as those activities could lasserate the hymen.
living with this belief, it might be safe to believe that men are more eager or sympathetic in having sex with others because basically, they have nothing to lose. while women regardless if she is a heterosexual or homosexual, values her virginity or atleast more hesitant on having sex with someone because of the social consequences that having sex outside marriage entails.
lastly, venues. i remember one time when we went in malate to celebrate my lesbian friend's birthday. we decided to call it her night. since she was single that time. we scanned the entire place, every street, evry alley and even the darkest road in search of a place that would suit her night. but we were surprise to see that there were a lot of establishments that caters to gay men than heterosexuals and even way more compare to lesbians. we ended up going to bed hoping that we could find a partner for her. as expected, we just enjoyed the night and celebrated our friendship instead. it was just later, when i found out a lesbian bar in taft near csb actually exists.
probably the basic point that i am driving at is, compare to lesbians, homosexual men have been successful in establishing various venues in which they could meet and interact with fellow homosexual men as well as finding potential partner/s. they have marked their comfort zone virtually almost everywhere: through the internet, chatting channels, bars, gyms, parks, club houses, cinema houses, malls, and even buses. compare to lesbians in which they are still beginning to establish their own space, or probably strengthening or expanding it, if they already have one.
on the other hand, with the presence of these venues, the more gay men meet, the more they are being vulnerable in commiting infidelity. compare to lesbians in which it is so hard for them to find one. thus, having one is considered as something valuable and worth treasuring.
in conclusion, there is a possibility that we are already aware of all of these, consciously or unconsciously. thus, we may find lesbian relationship more sincere and tolerable than gay relationships. or secondly, it may also be a fact that it so rare for us to see lesbian couples than gay couples that is why we tend to recognize them more tolerable because they are more exclusive and discreet. or lastly, i might be incorrect and probably there are really no difference at all. because in the first place, there context are quite different. thus, it is not proper to compare them.
argh! i don't know. i am already draining my brains out. gender topics for me, are always interesting topics but very difficult one as well.