Sunday, November 2, 2008

the lost me

for the longest time, i have preferred not to talk about anything political in this blog. the choice came from my conscious bias on where i stand regarding the country's political situation.some call it leftist. but for me, its more of being critical--- in the most objective way possible.
i have been an activist during my entire college stay. coincidentally, in a university, where majority of the students are deemed to be one, atleast during my time.


whenever i hear the news, i just can't stop myself from thinking, where will i be now? or what am i doing, if i opt in staying in the movement? will i be happier?


different from the common perception of people that being an activist is an idle person's activity, being cynical or even moves of the hopeless, it is actually the other way around.


honestly, i enjoyed my experiences being one. its not only the thrill of chasing with the police, ranting among rallies and mobilizations, and attending endless meetings. but more with regard to meeting various faces and stories and most of all learning and actually contributing something for the society. i must say that its definitely exhausting. but at the end of the day, i feel somehow fulfilled. regardless, if the results of all these that i am or we are fighting for are unsure. probably, this is what makes us going, believing for what you are fighting for and you know is right. but recently, i began losing track of this essence.


with all the news that is bombarding us, it seemed like regradless, how intense the rallies and movements are, everything ends up to nothing. thus, it makes me think is the country's government already hopeless? i wondered where jun lozada is, now? and how come despite tons of news about corruptions and anomalies in the government, majority of the people still care less?


a friend from baguio, who is now based here in manila, invited me to a demonstration in recto a couple of months back. but i declined the invitation because i felt that i have already outgrown that stage of my life and already have a different priority. but when i reached home that night, i felt frustrated, as if i haven't really accomplished anything. then i realized, what makes me different from these people who don't care about the government?


yes, ofcourse, it easier for us to say that we our contributing in our own ways? and yes, there are indeed a number of other ways for us to contribute. but the question is, are we really doing and living it?


someone once told me that probably filipinos are just tired of all these for they don't see any favorable results in joining such: going to the streets, conducting mobilizations and what have you. but i believe otherwise. for me, i believe that most filipinos just still feel guilty about the mistake of throwing an administration for another, which is worst. thus, no one dares to commit the same mistake again.


but one should know that in commiting mistake, it doesn't stop from just admitting it and accepting its consequences. we should all learn how to correct this mistake. one should also put in mind that there are actually no maximum numbers of committing mistakes in life.what matters is how many were we able to correct out of those mistakes.


upon writing this post, i have realized that if i will stop and will keep on believing that the country will be hopeless, then how can i see another people to believe for the same hope i have turned my back?


that's the burden i have to carry for myself.

and no, i am not the political messiah, this country is needing. i am just a boy sitting infront of his computer asking it to be faster... hehehe

11 comments:

~Kinesics said...

I am an activist here in SF as well. I think I am part of almost all of the activism here in San Francscio. From equality, gay marriage, abortion issues, minimum wage, to immigrant issues. My newest involvement is the Green Project. I fight for the climate change or what they call Living Green.

And I know what you're saying. It's kinda sad to feel sometimes that you are alone reminding people or opening their eyes that what is really going on in the country. It's like...I’m no different than you. I’ve got a busy life, too, but I am here YELLING and making sure my voice is being heard, you know? Despite that, I’m still doing it and I am glad I am still at it! ;)

And honestly, sometimes I ask myself...WHY SHOULD I CARE? Why does it matter, I say. Whats the big deal?

The answer is: I GOTTA TAKE A STAND. And if we do not change the way we are leading, then we will never be effective in the promotion of whatever is we are fighting for. If we can't even make it work ourselves, then we have no right or whatsoever to push it onto others.

I hope you continue doing what you do and that people would be ecnourage to do the same thing.

I'm proud of you, Mister! :):):)

~kinesics

gillboard said...

i've seen people fighting for their rights on the streets a lot of times (being a student from Mendiola), and I have high respects for those people. enduring the heat, hunger and at times police brutality, just to be heard. I can't do that. my hats off to those people... just like you.

RJ said...

[With your frustration a couple of months ago] I think you'll be standing and be leaving your computer soon...

RONeiluke, RN said...

without ass-kissing aside, i think your very opinionated person and very bold in expressing what you believe in. hindi ako maxadong ganun kaya siguro hindi ako kasali sa mga ganun. laid back lang? hehehe!

Mugen said...

Show me a leader that can inspire and you will find me marching in the streets.

Seriously, so long as I see my sister bumming around with her Tibak associates instead of finding work to help us generate more income, I'd think twice of joining rallies.

amicus said...

i am still an activist, although, yes, critical may be the more apt word. call me disillusioned, an rj, or whatever. i just can't seem to follow the same lines i was chanting a few years back. although i still believe in the cause, the means is kind of off for me now [plus some other ideological differences].
and i don't believe in edsas anymore. it's high time people get punished for electing (or letting someone cheat in the elections) their own leaders.

the spool artist said...

i guess sometimes, we have more activists than people who are actually willing to make the government work...

Niel Camhalla said...

"I am sorry." - Gloria

"...there are actually no maximum numbers of committing mistakes in life." - Ewik

":)" - Niel

PROSETITUTE said...

the issue on activism never failed to excite me, i dunno. i call people who cause traffic in mendiola because of swarming the streets a group of constant whiners.

its quite self defeating to think that these people, who are calling for the resignation of GMA, are the same crowd who pulled erap off his throne.

how many people power do we REALLY want?

Ronnan Tristan said...

honestly, I don't understand activists.. but Yes I salute and respect what they are doing...

Ang tapang nila! hehehe

xxxborgexxx said...

i have stopped wanting to talk about politics as well but... give me back my tax money! that's a lot of money each month and i don't fcukin see how it's being spent! hehehe. cheers :)