the lost me

for the longest time, i have preferred not to talk about anything political in this blog. the choice came from my conscious bias on where i stand regarding the country's political situation.some call it leftist. but for me, its more of being critical--- in the most objective way possible.
i have been an activist during my entire college stay. coincidentally, in a university, where majority of the students are deemed to be one, atleast during my time.


whenever i hear the news, i just can't stop myself from thinking, where will i be now? or what am i doing, if i opt in staying in the movement? will i be happier?


different from the common perception of people that being an activist is an idle person's activity, being cynical or even moves of the hopeless, it is actually the other way around.


honestly, i enjoyed my experiences being one. its not only the thrill of chasing with the police, ranting among rallies and mobilizations, and attending endless meetings. but more with regard to meeting various faces and stories and most of all learning and actually contributing something for the society. i must say that its definitely exhausting. but at the end of the day, i feel somehow fulfilled. regardless, if the results of all these that i am or we are fighting for are unsure. probably, this is what makes us going, believing for what you are fighting for and you know is right. but recently, i began losing track of this essence.


with all the news that is bombarding us, it seemed like regradless, how intense the rallies and movements are, everything ends up to nothing. thus, it makes me think is the country's government already hopeless? i wondered where jun lozada is, now? and how come despite tons of news about corruptions and anomalies in the government, majority of the people still care less?


a friend from baguio, who is now based here in manila, invited me to a demonstration in recto a couple of months back. but i declined the invitation because i felt that i have already outgrown that stage of my life and already have a different priority. but when i reached home that night, i felt frustrated, as if i haven't really accomplished anything. then i realized, what makes me different from these people who don't care about the government?


yes, ofcourse, it easier for us to say that we our contributing in our own ways? and yes, there are indeed a number of other ways for us to contribute. but the question is, are we really doing and living it?


someone once told me that probably filipinos are just tired of all these for they don't see any favorable results in joining such: going to the streets, conducting mobilizations and what have you. but i believe otherwise. for me, i believe that most filipinos just still feel guilty about the mistake of throwing an administration for another, which is worst. thus, no one dares to commit the same mistake again.


but one should know that in commiting mistake, it doesn't stop from just admitting it and accepting its consequences. we should all learn how to correct this mistake. one should also put in mind that there are actually no maximum numbers of committing mistakes in life.what matters is how many were we able to correct out of those mistakes.


upon writing this post, i have realized that if i will stop and will keep on believing that the country will be hopeless, then how can i see another people to believe for the same hope i have turned my back?


that's the burden i have to carry for myself.

and no, i am not the political messiah, this country is needing. i am just a boy sitting infront of his computer asking it to be faster... hehehe