the wizard of us

"everything is entirely different from what most people thinks and dreams about love. there are times when i wish that i was tinman from wizard of oz. atleast, he doesn't have a heart to feel this."

i was stunned and put into deep thoughts when a friend told me this line. we never talked something as mushy as this. thus, the rareness of such conversation would actually tell me that it was something serious.

he confessed to me that he tried being more experimental into new things when he went here in manila. he swinged from one relationship to another. he hooked himself not only to one person among parties and gatherings that he have religious attended every night. he broke his girlfriend's heart, which happens to be a close friend too, in exchange of all these. but it didn't take him that long, before he have realized, and to quote him, that he made his life more miserable.

now, another person has offered love to him and asked him to move in. he accepted the place. but he still didn't give his commitment.

i asked, why?

he answered, he no longer have any love to give. thus, he cannot promise anything anymore other than friendship.

i wanted to make an arguement with him. but i thought probably i am not the only person he have talked to about this. his friends might already argue, advised and persuaded him about the same things that i am going to say to him. then thats when i've realized that probably he only needed somebody that would listen to him. somebody that would respect his decision and still accept him whatever happens.

without another word from his lips, i told him that i just wish him all the happiness he is ought.

***
a week ago, a friend called me from abroad that lasted more than a couple of hours. by the time i heard the tone of her voice, i knew that she is in it again, depression.

she frequently gets depression attacks and already taking medication for it. but sometimes even the strongest dosage wouldn't take its toll for somebody who is living alone in a country, in which most of the people, would just answer her, yes or no, without completely understanding what she've just said. she was craving for a sensible chat.

along the two hour talk, i learned that it was not only the lack of conversation that made her depressed that night. like the previous one, it was about lovelife again.

basically, she couldn't commit herself to another guy because of various considerations. although she admits that she do like(love) the guy, she just couldn't because of the consequences she foresees.

i told her that she might be over analyzing things again, like she normally does. although they are indeed sensible, logical and very intellectual, sometimes those realizations are too soap operish and melodramatic to happen in real life. thus, it hinders her (or us) to make one bold step forward and to take a risk in commiting in a relationship.

oprah once said, "the smartter the people is, the more likely s/he will have a relationship." well in a way, she might be right. because in thinking to much about commiting we tend to eliminate the importance of our own instict, which for most people is the basic point of this emotion we call loving.

after the conversation, i was trying to thrust out in me the question of who is better in love? is it the tinman without a heart or the scarecrow without a brain? or probably the lion who has no courage that i failed to relate a story with?

some may come up with the lamest arguements such as the reason why the brain is put above the heart is for us to know that it is better to rationalize than to follow your emotions. some would even contest it with even lamer ideas such as it is the heart that should be followed because it symbolizes love.

but for me, to top it all, when i fall in love, i make sure i am lying flat. so atleast both the brain and the heart is on the same level. well, talking about the lamest idea. huh?!