Tuesday, May 13, 2008

objectifying something purely subjective

what is the right thing to feel, if one night you woke up finding the hand of a person you've trusted so much inside your pants?

this was basically the question that me and my friends were trying to fill in last night over buckets of beers. well, to begin with, it is indeed difficult to objectify something that is purely subjective. but we still give it a try when jiro opened up a revelation tha surprised us.

jiro never thought it would happen. it was in one of their drinking session in his house, when he woke up out of the feeling that someone was feeling him. although his brain was still dipped with alcohol, he exactly knew what was happening. at first he thought it was a prank. but it didn't take him that long to realize it was something indeed different ---something graver.

jiro look at him as a mentor, a good friend and even almost like a a father. he asked him advises, opinion about things especially when it comes to politics and the socials. he is more or less 40 years older than jiro. everybody knew him. but only some really knew about him and unfortunately, jiro knew him this way.

jiro is straight as a post as we usually kid him. he is with his girlfriend for almost three months now. but he is never bothered with homosexuals around for he always believe of putting an open mind to almost everything. but like most things in life, not all things that you believe in are exactly what they are.

now, he is confused. confused not in terms of his sexuality. but more in what he believes in. if he could ever trust someone again and what he is going to do.

there are lots of ideas that flew the entire place.

i just told him that don't look at it as a whole. but individually. one's action would never equates the general. and since all of us are humans that despite our rationality or even intelligence, we are still susceptible to commit mistakes and even the craziest things.

and before we call it a night i followed him that, first incidents are or maybe doubtful. but no one wants a second incident to assure it. so it would always be your choice if you just wanted to be civil with him or give him another shot. after all, i think its already obvious now to him that you are not what you think.

but probably if it was a different person, i'll probably advise him to file a formal criminal complaint.


dabo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dabo said...

hay.. ang hirap naman nito.. ayaw kong mangyari sa akin whether sa sapatos ng friend mo or sa mentor niya..

pero it reminds me of J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, when an ex-teacher of Holden made uncomfortable advances to him while he was sleeping.

But the thing I think Holden did, he left because he had a lot of respect for his teacher than to be overcome by one uncomfortable incident like that.

Anyway kelangan mabasa ko ulet that angst novel..

--- --

I guess if things are meant to end it should end.. sabi nga ni Sandra Bullock (na naman) sa movie na Hope Floats, "beginning is scary and endings are usually sad, but what matters is in the middle." more or less ganon.

nothings keep us more happy than having peace of mind, that is why christ always begin peace be with you...i hope your friend find peace of mind..

amicus said...

katakot naman yun. sa bus twice nako naharass. muntik ko na bangasan yung isa, buti bumaba siya agad. tsk. ang mga tao talaga, ma e L... malalambing :D

Anonymous said...

Hehe. Ganyan naman talaga. Well what can we do. Just be civil. Do not burn bridges.

Mugen said...

I can look at it at two ways, since most likely, I've had encountered such experiences before.

The first one was a MCC priest I sought when I felt that my sexual urges were dominating my life. I thought he was the last beam of light in the website I used to call home. To my surprised, he started mentioning innuendos that ticked me off. Man, it was so disappointing. Kaya nga ako humingi ng tulong sa kanya in hopes that he could pull me up, then all of a sudden he offers himself as my slave. Taragis.

The second one is a colleague, a close friend before things fell apart between us. We were both drunk. I felt the tension but being a proud person, I don't make the first strike. The moment he held my hand and placed it between his legs, I knew what was coming. Since I secretly liked him before the incident, I easily cave in to his request.

Days after, I've become more attuned to his needs at work. Too bad, he thought I was moving to court him. But the truth is, the intimacy that happened made me treat him more than just a tropa.


In the case of your friend, he should feel betrayed. If it happened to me, i'd surely feel the same thing.

♥nova-san said...

There is no doubt in my mind: jiro was sexually assaulted, and by someone he trusted. No matter what, jiro can probably never trust that person again. That person took advantage of a drunk jiro. He is lucky that jiro has not pressed charges. That kind of assault is bad enough, but when committed by someone you trust, it's 100x worse.


It happened to me twice (2 separate occs). Not with someone old, but with people whom I thought were my "trusted" friends.

It's the trust factor, inn'it?

wanderingcommuter said...

hmmm.. curious ako sa nagdelete ng comment. bakit kaya?

dabo: hopefully nga... i think that is the only thing he is considering as of teh moment, leaving. though we tell him that it is more of an act of escapism. but i don't know. its really up to him.
our role is just opening and wideniong up the horizon for him. we're not there to compel him to do the things we are suggesting. because at the end its always his decision that would really matter.

*infairness, well researched ka talaga magcomment. hehehe.

amicus: well lust is a natural thing. an inevitable drive. its just a matter of controlling it. so as ive mentioned to him, don't let himself generalize all people. dahil tulad nga ng sinabi sa values education. every individual are unique on their own ways. smile!!!

bino: siguro nga. nangyari na ang nangyari. siguro the only thing that we could is to take action and necessary precautions para hindi na maulit muli. nakakalungkot lang isipin na nangyari talaga siya.

mugen: wow, kinailangan ko pa talagang hanapin ang meaning ng innuendos. hehehe. para sa mga katulad kong mangmang sa jargons eto meaning niya: An indirect or subtle, usually derogatory implication in expression; an insinuation

anyhow, feeling ko parang mas controversial pa ata yung shinare mo. both of the stories tackled more of trust for me. first, is the given trust and the other is the acquired trust.

well, its better for me to skip the first topic because i am really sensitive about the issue. for most of the time i tend to be very subjective with the structure of religion but not with the concept of it.

nonetheless, with regard to the second issue, i feel pity to such people. i understand that lust/sex is a drive. but there are other considerations that you should think about, which i believe are more significant than sex. i pity those people who roam around others with only sex in their mind. because i think that they're not happy inside and never will be, if they will just keep on looking for it.

my say, as i have mentioned a while ago, its more of self control and discipline. i don't want to sound hypocrite. but i think that its always for the better to control lust rather than lust controlling you. from there, rest assured that it is always a win-win situation and hopefully at the end everybody is happy. wow fairytale. hahaha!

novasan: on one perspective you are correct, nova. but sometimes in a story it doesnt always follow a linear flow. there are always other context and stories to consider.

but don't get me wrong, i am not defending the older guy. since it was my friend who was assaulted. but i think its always best to know the other side of the story as well. before passing judgement.

just to be atleast, consistent with the title of my post. hahaha!!! and that is a point well taken to me as well. hahaha!

kris jasper: bottomline, its such an unfortunate thing to pass on your trust to people who doesn't deserve it! sigh

Ely said...

i could relate to that..If Jiro knew that there's something about this 40+ guy, dapat pinakita na nya na there's a boundary despite the trust. sometimes, it's all about showing "them" that you trust them and with that you deserve to be respected.

♥nova-san said...

So, what's the other side of the story?

Thinking purely in a legal manner, one can only make a judgment based on the facts presented to you. In a courtroom setting, the only question they want answered is: was there an assault committed?

It's pretty much a yes or no situation. I agree that there are multiples sides to a story, but how can one decide on those factors if they are not presented?

Hahaha - ok, I didn't mean for this to sound so serious. But, hey, this is a good topic!