the most unfortunate person

i was already on my way home after an exhausting day. when something happened that made me realized a lot of things. i can say that the past two days would probably the most drooling day for me.

first, i think i failed my final interview because of a crap i made up. yeah, i know my fault! aside from the fact that the hr staff told me that i overdone the exam. what do you mean about "overdone," miss?

when i applied as a quality assurance officer nobody actually told me that what it really meant was proof reader. so when i did the exam i actually copywrote it. hahaha.

but rules are rules to quote the hr staff. well i wanted to tell her that the instructions that was given to us was not clear. i checked for grammar, typographical errors, redundancies, content consistencies and even reconstructed improper formats, which i think and even them would agree that was incorrect, but i didn't. because i don't want to sound defensive as well as scape goating.

last, was the enrolment. i never really understood why this law school i enrolled into, only has 4 staffs in their college that would facilitate the entrire enrolment process. not to mention fact, that the other one was already the dean.

it took me 5 hours just for my papers to be passed. but surprisingly, their student population for their law college is not that big compare to other big schools and its not even a state university for crying out loud! it literally took them 3 hours just to finished the 6 students ahead of me, just to get their papers. when it was my turn, they just gave me a number and instructed to come back the next day to follow it up, just like the rest of the students ahead of me. i was, "what? why didn't you just put a box in front of your counter. so that us, students will just put our papers there and then file our number and not swaiting (sweating and waiting)? god, is it that hard to be resourceful or even logically, nowadays?---but ofcourse, i tell it to them again. because i remember that u haven't had anything inside my stomach aside from a bottle of orange juice.

the following day, after the most frustrating trip that i need to endure, coming from my final interview, i saw the girl who was infront of me yesterday. she was also in san beda and surprisingly she still remembers my name (almost 75% of the faces i saw in that school was from san beda, believe it or not). then i asked her what will we do next.

she told me that the college announced earlier that they will just accomodate the first 44 students for today. surprise, surprise i am mr. number 104. so i just decided to return back next week.

i thought of not going home yet. because of the fear that i might just tie my neck to the ceiling out of extreme frustration if i go home. so i met up with a friend in ortigas and just had some talk. we said our goodbyes around 2 am already. i rode a cab home and when i thought that it was over. the cab went dead in the middle of katipunan-c5.

"what a day," i thought and to add up the embarassment, i saw people coming out to the streets. i thought are they going after our cab? is it burning? is it about to explode? fortunately, they didn't. they gathered to this spot that was already filled with curious crowd, just right infront of us. i heard sirens. the first was the tanod cab, next was the ambulance then the towing truck.

when the tanods were clearing the people, i saw a detached and still burning car engine in the middle of the avenue. then probably a meter away from it was the car's bumper and then the actual car. from the looks of it, it seemed like the car went over the bridge's barrier and fell over. just imagine the impact.

i found myself stuck just looking at the ruins of the smashed car. i even didn't realized that the cab driver was already pushing the car, to give its engine a kick to ignite. until the car finally moved.

on our way, i realized that i am still lucky for that day compare to the poor fellow who was driving the car---actually we all are.

when we usually complain and admit to ourselves that we are the most unfortunate person that this sadystic world loves excruciating, always think that there is someone who, in that very moment, is experiencing 10 folds of the pain that you are experiencing.

i admit that i feel sorry for myself and most of the people i know. because when they keep on complaining about problems regarding work, school, family and especially lovelife, we fail to realize that these are just petty things compare to the wide array of what others have.

ofcourse, some would actually say that its actually relative. a reason that each person happens to have their own context and ways of handling problems. and for me, i have no problem with that! probably what i just wanted to point out, is the fact that one should never lose grip of what s/he wants to achieve. while also having the realization that the world will not stop for us. it will just continue to revolve and continue with life. and basically, what we just have to do is to hold on to it and make our way eith what would really make us happy and fulfilled.

poor country. poor people. poor me.

a friend once told me that "here in the philippines, if you know how to drive you'll be alive! (ehem! it doesn't contain the exact words, its just that i find it cool if i'll make a rhyme out of it)". simply because if you know how to drive, you can always be a jeepney driver, taxi driver, tricycle driver, trucker and all of the "ER" that you could think of. no wonder the traffic in manila looks like the human digestive system.
so the next time, you'll ask yourself, how the philippines' poverty level is doing? just try climbing the roof deck of a building and try looking at edsa. if there will be a day that the ratio of private vehicles will be higher, even by a single digit, than the public ones, shoot it! then forward it to me and we will celebrate! i would even personally visit the president and hang her a necklace of everlasting and sampaguita with anthurium as the pendant for a job very well done.
back to what my friend said, i really never doubted the ingenuity and resourcefulness of somebody who is being digested by his own stomach, especially the filipinos. but i told him, its not always the case. imagine: with the rise of the oil price in both the national and international markets, not to mention the boundary that they have to save before these drivers could realize there job's worth, there's no telling if they'll be able to stir the wheel by the next day.
i always admire drivers especially those who drive taxis. i remember when i was in my first year here in manila. my shift starts around four in the morning. since katipunan avenue is so exclusive that it just have one jeepney route that passes from UP Diliman to Katipunan and vice versa (and its not even 24 hours), i would always ride a cab to go to tomas morato for work.
i noticed that there was no day that i've rode a cab with a driver either smoking, has puffy eyes and just woke up, or with a bottle of extrajoss on hand. but what was really surprising about this folks, is the fact that they actually drive their cab for one whole day, as in 24 hours straight. ofcourse, they can sleep during their shift. but if you're a cab driver always thinking of how many hours and oil left in your shift, you'll always think of the rides/income that you'll miss if you're going to take a rest. tendecy: they push theirselves to their limits!
probably, these are the reasons why i always make sure that there is always a P10 tip aside from the round offs that taxi drivers ask. left hand down the floor. while my right is doing my highest salute!



so please, manong taxi driver, through this post i wrote in your behalf, kindly return back the envelope i left in your cab. it holds their the realization of my life. sad because i also forgot to check your plate number because i am so drunk that night. i just hpe that you are also blogging and reading this!

poor people. poor country. poor me.

eyeball

I started maintaining this blog a couple of years back.

it was the early part of this year, when she started reading and posting comments on my blog. she is a filipina lawyer based in new york. she stays in manhattan with her italian husband and one year old daughter, jada. together with them is her pet akira, a one year old female alaskan wolf.

akira's actual photo courtesy of nova

yes you read it right. a wolf. uhuh. its not a huskie. its a wolf and don't ask me, how it play bites because i don't want to know either.
i remember the first comment she gave me:
"Just browsing through and saw that you're a fellow Filipino, and studying law..."
after that, there were already exhanges of thoughts and ideas. but it was just this holy week, when we both didn't expect something to happen.

i think it was black saturday when i've posted something about the film "kailangan kita" by aga mulach and claudine barreto.

basically the film was quite nostalgic for me and very well done. for it captured atleast the real picture of bicol and the families living within it. with my delight i also wrote something about my dad in the same post. I described how he basically looks like, his roots and how he is inside our family.
the next day, she left a comment, "Chinese bicolano father? My heart raced just a bit faster as I read about your family background. My father is also chinese bicolano, from Juban, Sorsogon. "
"what?!" this was the first word that came out of my mouth after reading it. juban, sorsogon is my father's hometown. i spent my four years of highschool living there, when the entire family migrated from manila to this place because of my dad's job.
and she continued, "the way that you described the typical bicol personality, well, I can honestly say you have just described my father in detail. Perhaps, we may be related in some way. How strange that would be, but in a good way. My family name is Alindogan."
i literally fell from my seat. Alindogan is not a common surname compare to cruz, reyes etc.

"this woman is probably throwing a prank at me," i thought. then i realized, i am blogging anonymously. so there's no way she'll know anything about me. i asked her if she can send a sketch of her family tree.
coincidentally, we found out that we're closely related. surprise! surprise!
then last week she flew here to the philippines and invited me for a meet up. at first sight, i was really hesitant since i really never do eyeballs before. but i realized that it was a different thing. so i agreed.
the moment i saw her sitting at starbucks, i already knew that we're related. she looks exactly like most of my female counsins. She is fun to be with and we share a lot of things in common: travelling, art, piercings (she has atleast four: two in her L.ear one in her R. ear and one on her nose. she also has tattoos) and movies. except for the wolf, ofcourse.
we walked and strolled all day. it was actually a good thing that she speaks and uderstand perfect filipino. although she was born and raise in the US.
unfortunately, we weren't able to have a drinking session to test if we really are both alindogan. because some relatives actually say that aside from the bold star reputation brought upon by our aunt, liz alindogan, we are also deemed as heavy drinkers.
she already left last monday back to new york. but we both assured ourselves that it would not be our last eyeball.

see you in october, novasan!

this year's rainy season started MAY and would probably end in DECEMBER

that night, both friends were happy to see each other after receiving an award that they've seperately won in a prestigious national competition. not to mention the fact, that they were one of the youngest people who won such an award, in their early and mid-20s.

B immediately ran across the correigdor upon seeing M, assisting an older woman on his elbow, probably in her late 40s.

the two hugged each other. they were already doing small hops without them realizing it, because of extreme happiness. probably it was because it is their childhood dream to atleast be a part of this competition.

B introduced M to her mother for the first time. both smiled as they reach other's hand. after the sudden brief exchange of politeness. B noticed the woman who was with M that night. she immediately asked if the woman was her mother also. then there was an ackward silence that covered the air.

M answered,"no, she is my girlfriend," after gaining his self again.

B blushed in her surprise and said sorry. but people around them, who looked at them with THE stare. but the woman smiled and accepted her apologies.

***

i always imagined myself with an older person as a partner. infact, i already dated a couple before. both were atleast 15 years older than me. unfortunately, we weren't able to move it to the next level. because as much as we want to, our schedule never met half way. up to now, i still wonder where they are?

anyhow, the story above was a story shared to me by my friend, B. she was actually blushing while recalling and telling the story. i know that B had no intentions of judging or humiliating both of them that night. but what bothered her (and me as well) was actually how the people around them reacted upon hearing their conversation.

i never really understood why may-december relationship is an issue as big as if like having a rebound relationship or nothing at all. people are so doubtful about it as if it should not be legitimately or legally accepted. what is more surprising is the fact that it is more accepted to see couples in which the man is way older than the woman: than a woman who is older than the man.

patriarchy, is one possible angle that we could look into. under such societies, people tend to look at age as a decisive factor that determines knowledge, experience and even the role of an individual in a relationship. inshort, the older you are to your partner, the higher authority you have in that relationship.

so applying it in a may-december relationship, where woman is older than the man, the society would view the woman as the one who is in control. unfortunately, as we all know, being a woman in a patriarchal society happens to have the words "doubt" and "failure" tagging along with them. thus, such relationship is often deemed as a relationship that wouldn't really work and last.

there are also people that caters the reason that men in a MDR engages to such, because they don't have or extends the mother image to their female partners.

but i believe that whatever reasons we have toward such or whatever form of relationship, it is actually the mutual reason that binds both couple that would truely matter.

nothing more, nothing less.

what symbolizes us?

i was laughing really hard while watching this local game show the other day. the game basically is like jeopardy. contestants will choose a category with a corresponding amount. but the main twist was, its a correct-minus wrong game: answer it correctly, you gain the corresponding amount. give a wrong answer, then the amount will be deducted on you.

there was an intense race over two contestants: one was in his mid-20s and the other one was only 18 years old. my money-bet was on the former.

my bet was doing well on the latter part of the game. he was already 3000php ahead of the other. he chose a 5000 "pambansa"(national) category and the time was already running out. its a make or break question.

the host asked the question: what is our national tree?

the buzzer lit on my bet. YES! (i realized that in game shows like this you don't only need the brain. but also the proper breathing skills and fast reflexes). i found no trace of hesitation and difficulty on his face. i love the confidence. he will sure bag this, i thought. then he answered: KAWAYAN or bamboo.

i fell down laughing at my seat. the answer was supposed to be narra. ofcourse my bet didn't win.
then i asked myself, if i will be asked about these national symbols, will i be able to answer them as well?

hmmm...sure can! hahaha.

national hero: jose rizal
national anthem: lupang hinirang
national language: filipino (tagalog before)
national bird: philippine monkey-eating eagle (maya before)
national leaf: anahaw
national dress: barong tagalog (male), baro't saya (female)
national animal: carabao or water buffalows
national fruit: mango
national game: sipa
national dance: cariñosa (tinikling before)
national flower: sampaguita or philippine jasmine
national house: bahay kubo or nipa huts
national fish: bangus or milk fish
national dish: lechon or roasted pig (which i contest, i believe it should be ADOBO!)

see.

when i was a kid, my grade school teacher told us that basically these things symbolizes the entire philippine nation. ofcourse, when i was a kid. i just nod when i am asked, "wouldn't you agree?" by my teacher.

its already a long time arguement that these symbols are quite bias: manila or tagalog-centric as they used to call them. and i really couldn't blame these people that claims that these symbols are. because obviously they indeed are.

nonetheless, i am not in the mood of arguing to this issue. instead i thought of adding up other symbols that i believe could also be considered by the government. here are some on my list.

national vehicle: jeepny
national pasta: instant pansit canton
national breakfast: tuyo or salted fish
national condiment: bagoong or fish sauce
national college course: nursing
national profession: call center agent
national clothing line: bench
national mall: SM
national reataurant: jollibee
national cellphone: nokia
national past time: texting
national host: kris aquino
national beer: san miguel pale pilsen
national drink: empoy (rhum)
national modern day hero: manny paquiao
national matinee idol: piolo pascual
national ambition: to live abroad
national dream wedding: to marry a foreigner
national website: friendster
national nightmare: oil price hike
national dream: peso devaluation

thats it for now, i'll just add up another set next time.

pondering ploning

the other day, i was telling a friend that i would already stop myself from thinking too much about things. because i might overanalyzed it and end up being more frustrated. so to calm myself from the insurgencies i have inside, i thought of watching a local movie of judy anne santos from a pirated dvd i bought in baclaran. a light movie but with a sense always do the trick for me.

as recommended by friends, i watched ploning.

then, i heard this line:

"siguro kung naging matalino ako, hindi siguro ako magiging ganito kasaya," alma played by meryll soriano." (probably if i were that smart, i might not be as happy as i am now).





*silence.




then, i said to myself, "HUWAW! NATAHIMIK. MATALINO KA?!" (wow. are you smart?!)

hahaha.

but seriously, she has a point. i realized, knowledge is not always that good without contentment. both should always be in a harmonious and "perfect" balance in order to appreciate the value of one's life.

what talk shows dont tell you about job interview tips

its been a while since i last did this. so i thought of posting another to get back with all of my responsibilites in this blog. hahaha.

disclaimer: no offense to HR personnels. you have my highest and greatest respect when it comes to the corporate world. hehehe

after my first day for a job interview, here are the things that i've realized and deeply regretted.

7. don't ever bring a brown envelope for your resumes.
although i felt so uncomfortable wearing long sleeves, black pants and leather shoes that day, i really felt that i already look like an executive and gained 2457854123 pogi points as i walk the street to the interview venue. i was beginning to own the entire ortigas as my fashion ramp. i could even see people staring at me on my silhoutte as i pass them by.
god! i am so gorgeous that day or so i thought.

then i noticed that they immediately retrieves their attention by the time they see my brown envelope. i could already hear them saying in their heads,
" hahaha..walang trabaho. nag aaply pa lang!"

all i wanted to do from that point was to throw away the brown envelope together with my resume and personal documents. then go home and cry on my bed. and drown with myself with frustartion and blame the world for being evil and cruel.

6. the most intimidating interviewers are those who are so nice and smile a lot.
nice HR personnels are angels from hell.

my interviewer was a pretty looking lady probably in his mid-20s. she reminded me of kara david, the gma7 reporter. probably if i didn't know myself too well, i could have probably fall into her spell. but on second thought, i think i actually did.

i forgot what i was supposed to do and say the moment i entered the room and saw her. damn! if she just knew how i carefully foresaw and studied every minute of that that interview. i even created a character sketch of the person that i am going to portray: a very corporate, serious and knowledgable person of course. and i also retrieved and acted my notes for proper techniques in conviction and internalizing a character when i was in theater.

but just because of that nice face being radiated with the room's gentle fluroscent light, gentle and fragile voice, and that conscience-fishing-and-guilt-sprouting-smile everything, was put into waste. my thoughts went black empty. my tounge and grammar were already revolting and chanting ANARCHY!!! inside. and even began asking what is the meaning of the word "confidence?"

so be very careful. the moment you stepped in the interviewer room, look and study your interviewer. if the person inside looks like your old-maid elementary librarian and gives you the brows. REJOICE!!!

5. online job search sites are convenient and very accessible. but don't depend on it too much. remember: the more convenient it is to the public, the more competitions you will have.
just for the record, based from my online account in jobstreet, i already have 2584 (pending) applications. 5 failed , the rest are in process and the oldest one is february 22 of this year and its still in process. beat that! i can imagine how difficult a HR's job could be with all these competition. hahaha!

4. be firm on your expected salary, when asked. especially if you think that you deserve it. there is such a word as non-negotiable. but always think that this answer would either consider or break you. don't ask for 50,000 as your basic pay in an entry level job. "hindi ka artista, ate?!"

3. wear your lucky underwear or any object that you believe is lucky. although there is no scientific claim, it still provide a facade confidence to a person. if i only knew about this sooner. atleast i have a pangotra to that interviewer from hell. tsktsk!!!

2. always prepare for the most dreaded question in a job interview: why did you leave your previous company?
based from my HR friends, this is the reason why 75% of applicant didn't make it is because of their answer in this question.
and since i am a very generous person and an advocate for the elimination of unemployed in the country-although i myself is still unemployed, i'll tell you the best answer for it that would lead you to the position.
plain and simple. no more, no less. it should always be for career growth, not world peace. hahaha!

1. in every job interview, don't ever as in ever show any, even in the slightest way of hesitation or intimidation. oops, a 3 second dead air is already a sign of intimidation, my friend. because HR personnels are vicious power trippers. they would drain even the most minute ego you have for their entertainement. no wonder i wanted to be a HR personel as well. too bad i don't have the working experience...

label: for kabel

korona, etching, 05/18/08

its just a loss, hearing that ka crispin beltran just died after falling down from a roof. nonetheless, this post is not about him. but i just couldn't contain it. probably i'll blog something about him soon.

anyhow, when i was in my last year of college, that was doing my thesis, it occured to me how life could be so complicated, without you even really seeing it coming. how the c(o)urse of time and modernity could greatly affect and pioneer various modes of lifestyles. and how men have utilized and and lived with it.

But it was just the other day, over a brief text conversation from a fellow blogger, that i have realized a simple but unnoticed concept of life: labelling.

basically, labelling is categorizing oneself based upon physical features, socio cultural contexts (class, race, ethnicity etc) anbd preferences. this determines the position of an individual in the society, s/he belongs.

after me and my thesis partner, dianne, finished our thesis, i realized that the worst thing you could do in your life is to label yourself. simply because if you label yourself, you're constrainting yourself from your potentialities and other possible things that you could do and explore in your life. in addition, it also opens yourself from the vulnerability of being stereotyped and discriminated. for every labels happens to have its own derogatory stereotypes.

probably, it is the reason why most people are not comfortable in answering questions that refers to their class, race, ethinicity and even gender. especially if they belong to what are called the "marginalized group". thus, sometimes they tend to either conceal it or device other labels that would move them away from the connotations and derogations of the label or group that they belong.

now, i am thinking. is it inevitable for one to label him/herself? is it vital to have a label to have something to start with in life? is it true when they say you need to label yourself, meaning to know yourself so that you could have order and directions in your life? is knowing one self actually labeling?

here now, even blog post needs to have labels on it as well. tsktsk.

fight or flight: rationality or instinct

the other night, i was walking home unmindful of the rain. the only thing that i could think of was to reach home before the rain pour harder. probably that night was the only time that i remembered making those large steps.

when suddenly, i saw a thin black stray dog walking ahead of me. its head bowed down and tail almost reaching the ground. you could tell from the stance of it that it didn't like the rain as well. and its so helpless probably knowing that no barking could actually stop it.

i decided not to overtake the poor animal and shifted my focus to it. i was closely observing the dog as it tried, in its best effort, to squeeze to small openings or cracks of abandoned establishments along katipunan avenue.

until it reached a dark and abandoned pavement. it shook his entire body to remove the moist in its body. when suddenly something moved out of the darkness. it was a male vagrant who immediately woke up upon feeling those droplets as it touched his resting body.

the dog was also in surprise. but it seemed like it refuses to go somewhere else. nonetheless the vagrant was also determined not to give up the shelter, he first found. the dog began to bark. it showed off his teeth to pull out fear from the man. but the vagrant didn't show any sign of intimidation. instead, it tried looking for something in his dirty bag. until he drew out a long metal rod and swayed it to the thin air. the animal stepped back a little. while the vagrant was already standing. the entire scene drew out a number of audiences---passerbys slowed down from walking to witness the scene.

"a battle between man and animal began," i thought.

both of them were already doing the chachacha. until out of nowhere, the vagrant made a direct hit somewhere in the dog's nose. the animal cried and ran. tail already touching the ground again as a sign of defeat. probably. realizing that even his sharp inscisors were still useless against its opponent's ingenuity in utilizing its resources: to make use of almost anything as a form of defensive and offensice weapon.

but come to think of it, if you'll compare dogs and humans, it is undeniable that dogs still happen to have greater anatomical advantages than humans. it has sharper and longer teeth, has four feet that enables it to move faster than any olympic runner and long sharp claws that could easily slash human skin, and did i mention the rabies?

unfortunately, the dog didn't consciously know these. because its instinct and not rationality that drives it to decide and act. thus, it flee.

from here, i realized that our abbot in my cathecism class was probably correct when he said that its rationality that basically separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom.

until the next day, a friend woke me up thru text, telling me that she is pregnant and considering of having an abortion for the second time. then i began to ask myself again, is it really rationality above instict that distinguishes us as humans? or is it the other way around? or i just have a non-typical circle of friends?

whats the nicest thing to do when you're stranded

its just a shame that it is already the start of the rainy season. yet, i still haven't been into the beach.

anyhow, i just came from a dinner with a friend. when suddenly the rain poured. at first, it was a drizzle that i can still manage it and i have to. since for me i'd rather die than bring an umbrella eversince i was in highschool. but after a block the rain poured so hard that i needed to enter a internet shop to save my shoes from stinking again. hehehe!

it seemed like it would take some time before the rain will stop. so i thought of answering a survey from friendster and please spare me because of posting it in my blog. yes, i know, its so highschool thats why i chose the kind of survey that would be consistent with it. hehehe.

1.1st time you tried smoking?- 3rd year high school...camping yun! iba dun sa iniisip mo!

2. 1st alcoholic drink you had?- hindi naman consider ang cali shandy di ba? siguro empoy puro!

3. 1st time you came home late?- grade3. nasira yung service namin. literal pa na tumawag ng pulis ang nanay ko, nag aastang mayaman kami at kinidnap.

4. First award you received?- FIRST HONOR...kinder 2. after nun, puro noisy na. hahaha!

5. 1st hero?- definitely, magmaman...ninuno ni ultraman (ata).

6. 1st time you were sent to guidance office?- hahaha. grade 4. nagkwekwentuhan kami ng bastos at nakakadiring bagay habang lunch time. sinumbong kami ng pavirgin naming secretary! bitter kasi hindi siya naging muse. hahaha!

(hindi marunong magbilang ang gumawa ng survey na ito walang number 7)

8. 1st crush?- hahaha. pathetic. kinder1. servicemate. alam ko pa pangalan niya! ngayon ko napatunayan early bloomer pala talaga ako!

9. 1st person who gave you flowers?- si hanna habang naglalakad sa sunshine park tapos may nakakita sa amin. the rest was history.

10. 1st friend?- papa jesus.

11. 1st real kiss?- stage kiss na lang...hidni exciting yung real kiss. saka hindi ako kiss and tell. dyahe naman sa kanya! naks! heartrob!

12. First album record you bought?- waaaahhhh...i'm sorry my friends sana hindi magbago pagtingin niyo sa akin. jolina magdangal's OST of Labs Kita, Okay Ka Lang...hahaha!

13. 1st song you sang in front of manypeople?- siguro college na ito sa TABAK.

]14. 1st musical instrument you learnedto play?- bato at dingding...hanggang ngayon faithful pa rin ako sa kanila. wala pa akong ibang alam.

15. 1st concert you watched?- hahaha. elona jean live, 1990s.

16. 1st celebrity you saw in person?- elona jean pa rin! hahaha! uy! walang fan sa amin, nagkataon lang ang lahat.

17. 1st tv show you really liked?- koseidon! fighterbomber step, fighter bomber hop, fighter bomber jump...KOSEIDON!!!

18. 1st book you bought?- anne rice siguro...the witching hour!

19. 1st sport?- lacrosse! whatever...sipa!

20. 1st sleepover?- hmmm..highschool! after a concert.

21. 1st terrible fight?- nakasabay-sabay sila eh. hahaha

22. 1st inaanak?- ziel, anak ni ate krish...tsk! malapit na naman pala ang birthday niya!

23. 1st debut attended?- kay osang labitag! kahit arch enemy kami kinuha pa rin niya ako sa 18 roses. hahaha!

24. 1st girlfriend/boyfriend?- pass...

25. 1st wedding you attended?- wala pa...bata pa lang ako nagpaparamdam na ang tadhana.

26. 1st person who greeted you on yourlast birthday?- si borgy calugay ata!

27. 1st friend in friendster?- puta, kung ganito ang mga tanong sa mga exam, naglaslas na siguro ako sa harap ng proctor!

28. 1st cellphone?- hahaha. alcatel, yung buy one take one ng talk and text endorsers pa nung ang whattamen, rico, marvin at dominic! hahaha!

29. 1st cellphone ringtone?- hindi uso ang tumatawag sa akin nun....forever text lang kaya i really didn't bothered knowing it. pasensiya na ha?! pwede ba'ng mag sorry?

30. 1st collection?- mga katoto!!!spare me again, MARVIN the MARTIAN mugs! hahaha!

31. 1st tym u saw a ghost?- highschool, sa bahay ng friend ng pinsan ko. may nakita akong lalaking nakahiga, puro pala sila babae sa bahay. then, my cousin's friend just told me he had a brother who died before---wow naging seryoso ako bigla. pansin mo?!

32. 1st rollercoaster ride?- wala at wala akong balak...napapansin ko'ng nasa leeg na ang mga balls ng mga lalaki after nila sumakay jan eh. hahaha!

33. 1st ambition?- architect!

34. 1st love?- GOD! usapang first pala ha?!

35. 1st time u fell in love?- haayyyy, first year highschool. puppy love, anna larucea and patrick garcia! hahaha.
sa wakas tapos na rin umulan!

remembering starcrossed

this short film would probably already familiar for some. since i have already posted it before.

basically, the reason i have posted it again is because of what i have realized last night.

me and odette decided to meet up in gateway and got ourselves fraps with the same variant again---java chip. "nothing changed!"

as usual, we updated ourselves with the current happenings in our life, which was obviously not that many. since she already joined me in my quest to the world of the un(der)employed. she just resigned from work as a HR personnel in an international money remittance company. for reasons, we again obviously share.

while we were talking, we tumbled upon jopao, another friend from baguio. we greeted and invited him to sit with us. in which, he enthusiastically accepted. probably, like us, he was looking for a sensible chat after along boring day at work(the last two words are not related to me and odette). we talked about ourselves, careers, some friends in the highlands, love lives and films. in which the latter really caught our interest.

then i remembered jopao creating a short film entitled, metro, when we were undergraduate, as part of the their broadcasting curriculum. but since i am a social science graduate, we don't mount such projects. we just keep our nose stuck on piles of readings after more readings, essays and more essays. thus, this was the thing that i would always envy them. if only i have the chance and the proper training, i will do one, as i always tell myself.

then i thought, what really gave me the interest and the idea of doing short films? i remember when i was a kid, i wanted to be an architect. i even remember a fellow classmate whom i made a promise with that by the time we grew up, we will become architects. but it seemed like not all things in life will come the way you wanted it to be. the last time, i checked, i think he is already a pharmacist. while me, i am unemployed (am i rubbing it to much now? sorry i can't help it). then after looking for pages after pages in my about to deteriorate memory, i found it! it was actually this film that made me fall in love with films.

basically, i love the story of this one because it tackled something that is not being tackled by many. in short, a very sensitive issue that discussed double twists of two unlikely events. some called it taboo. some would say its immoral. they even called them freaks and abomination. but after watching the film, i realized, it was more of a simple story of life of two individuals probably in a wrong reality. thus, they were never accepted and the film was entitled starcrossed.

it had been almost 4 years now, since i last saw this movie. but it was just now that i 've realized, that when most people already moved on and have gone back to their lives after seeing this or probably another movie, i am still here stuck and living inside the same screen of this story.

probably, this was the main reason why most of the time i tend to write about very sensitive topics. a way of giving the (being) marginalized voice to tell people that such things happen and we don't have any right to pass judgement to them. probably, like any other social change it would take time before one issue will be accepted. but for now, i am decided, that i'll continue reiterating these topics until change is properly served in its proper place. no matter how long it would take.

objectifying something purely subjective

what is the right thing to feel, if one night you woke up finding the hand of a person you've trusted so much inside your pants?

this was basically the question that me and my friends were trying to fill in last night over buckets of beers. well, to begin with, it is indeed difficult to objectify something that is purely subjective. but we still give it a try when jiro opened up a revelation tha surprised us.

jiro never thought it would happen. it was in one of their drinking session in his house, when he woke up out of the feeling that someone was feeling him. although his brain was still dipped with alcohol, he exactly knew what was happening. at first he thought it was a prank. but it didn't take him that long to realize it was something indeed different ---something graver.

jiro look at him as a mentor, a good friend and even almost like a a father. he asked him advises, opinion about things especially when it comes to politics and the socials. he is more or less 40 years older than jiro. everybody knew him. but only some really knew about him and unfortunately, jiro knew him this way.

jiro is straight as a post as we usually kid him. he is with his girlfriend for almost three months now. but he is never bothered with homosexuals around for he always believe of putting an open mind to almost everything. but like most things in life, not all things that you believe in are exactly what they are.

now, he is confused. confused not in terms of his sexuality. but more in what he believes in. if he could ever trust someone again and what he is going to do.

there are lots of ideas that flew the entire place.

i just told him that don't look at it as a whole. but individually. one's action would never equates the general. and since all of us are humans that despite our rationality or even intelligence, we are still susceptible to commit mistakes and even the craziest things.

and before we call it a night i followed him that, first incidents are or maybe doubtful. but no one wants a second incident to assure it. so it would always be your choice if you just wanted to be civil with him or give him another shot. after all, i think its already obvious now to him that you are not what you think.

but probably if it was a different person, i'll probably advise him to file a formal criminal complaint.

billboards

there are so many bill boards in the metro, that they have already adapted with the hot weather. like this one.

there are even some billboards that are expressing a completely different thing.

yesterday i went to tarlac to visit a close friend who just came back from the states. then after that i went to my mother's hometown to celebrate my grand mother's new life and the mother's day too. ofcourse together with my mom.

when i went back home earlier, i just noticed there were lots of billboards along my way. i even saw my legal legal philosophy professor who posed as a beauty soap endorser.

i thought MMDA and other city municipalites have already came up with a plan that will regulate billboards because of a previous typhoon incident. haaayyy...

then i just realized, its no longer difficult to imagine the country's color in the map is no longer green rather a picture of archipelagic collage of billboards.

frustrations in the world of the un(der)employed

i am now beginning to believe that it is not always true when people say that one has a greater chance to his/her future with a good education. because in reality, a diploma and probably a couple of years of working experience are still not enough to shield you against life's frustrations.

there are even times when i asked myself, if i am just too picky with work? or if i failed to realize that life is not always the way i want it to be. But then why behind these questions, i can't stop myself from asking: then, what is this degree that i've proudly strived and earned for? is it a matter of a wrong juvenile decision when i was about to enter college?or a fatal mistake because i've followed my own passion rather than what the market demands?

it is really frustrating to know that here in the country, every person's ambition when they were kids are usually not the profession they end up with. such jobs are either not available in the work force or pay way less to support one's everyday expenses. because in the real world, there is no room for fairytale-like dreams and passions. it is only the market that matters. moreover, it is even more depressing to know that it is actually other countries who dictate what our life would be.

although sometimes i envy those people who take board and bar exams: those who blinds the street with their white uniforms: yuppies who wear neck ties and in formal attires: and most especially to those who landed on their dream jobs. because atleast they've become use of it.

if only somebody can tell me where i can buy a ticket to my dream job destination. then i'll be more willing to bring back the hope of getting my last pay and give it to them. but until now, i still don't know what i really want to do in life---a problem every sponatenous people has to think about for the sake of their future.
so help me god! (see im also beginnging to go back to my religion. now, that's frustration my friend!)

when even trust and maturity fails

past sleep rejoice, ink and paper, 05/05/2008

is there something going on that i was not informed? how come i have a growing list of friends informing me that they have love problems? is it because of the summer heatwave? is it because i am bum? or is it because breakups are in trend?
now, i am beginning to believe that i was indeed a sponge in my past life.
although i am not complaining, don't get me wrong. its just that how come i don't have something like this to tackle about. hahaha!
i was shocked when i read a multiply post of a close friend living abroad. then there was a picture that basically gave me the gist of what was happening about her. but it was just yesterday, when we chatted that she explained to me what was going on. she is thinking of breaking up her boyfriend for more than two years. i was seriously affected because in a way i saw how she grew up with him. how she became more mature not only in the aspect of love, but how she views life even more. they even became my inspiration when it comes to relationship.
i asked if it was because of somebody.
she answered, not really. but in a way the guy she just recently met, confirmed her the growing doubts she has about her boyfirend or atleast the relationship they have. she told me that she thinks that everything between them is entirely different now. seriously, i got more depress than what i thought i could be upon hearing this.
then i thought, is it because the idea that they don't see or feel each other that weakened the bond of their relationship? is it because of the inevitably of meeting someone else along the way? or is it always a matter what is at present? is it simply a matter or loneliness? or probably i am just speculating so many things without really understanding the real deal.
i have been in a long distance relationship when i was in college. but the kind that i have back then was something different. because we never really have any commitments with my "partner." so i really don't have the idea about the pain, the considerations and the doubts one has to invest in such relationship.

now, i just felt bad of what i missed. it left me speechless and dumbdead when a friend needed my say about it.
i always have silence to answer whenever i am asked what i think about long distance relationships. because for me, nobody could really tell if indeed such is possible or not. probably the least i could answer, like most people would say, it would basically depend on the people involved: their trust to one another and the maturity they have.
but after hearing what my friend has to say, i realized it is not always the case. trust lacks because it needs more than assurance to be sustained. while maturity fails because it doesn't only consider one context. and if love is already complicated then the idea of long distance realtionship complicates it more.
the entire thing made me restless last night.
but then i thought, if there is one thing i am confident that i have shared to my friend, that would be assuring herself that whatever she takes just always make sure it is a win-win situation. and no matter how selfish it looks, as long as it would make her happy, do it. because everything would just return back to her for she is the only one who lives her life, afterall.

the wizard of us

"everything is entirely different from what most people thinks and dreams about love. there are times when i wish that i was tinman from wizard of oz. atleast, he doesn't have a heart to feel this."

i was stunned and put into deep thoughts when a friend told me this line. we never talked something as mushy as this. thus, the rareness of such conversation would actually tell me that it was something serious.

he confessed to me that he tried being more experimental into new things when he went here in manila. he swinged from one relationship to another. he hooked himself not only to one person among parties and gatherings that he have religious attended every night. he broke his girlfriend's heart, which happens to be a close friend too, in exchange of all these. but it didn't take him that long, before he have realized, and to quote him, that he made his life more miserable.

now, another person has offered love to him and asked him to move in. he accepted the place. but he still didn't give his commitment.

i asked, why?

he answered, he no longer have any love to give. thus, he cannot promise anything anymore other than friendship.

i wanted to make an arguement with him. but i thought probably i am not the only person he have talked to about this. his friends might already argue, advised and persuaded him about the same things that i am going to say to him. then thats when i've realized that probably he only needed somebody that would listen to him. somebody that would respect his decision and still accept him whatever happens.

without another word from his lips, i told him that i just wish him all the happiness he is ought.

***
a week ago, a friend called me from abroad that lasted more than a couple of hours. by the time i heard the tone of her voice, i knew that she is in it again, depression.

she frequently gets depression attacks and already taking medication for it. but sometimes even the strongest dosage wouldn't take its toll for somebody who is living alone in a country, in which most of the people, would just answer her, yes or no, without completely understanding what she've just said. she was craving for a sensible chat.

along the two hour talk, i learned that it was not only the lack of conversation that made her depressed that night. like the previous one, it was about lovelife again.

basically, she couldn't commit herself to another guy because of various considerations. although she admits that she do like(love) the guy, she just couldn't because of the consequences she foresees.

i told her that she might be over analyzing things again, like she normally does. although they are indeed sensible, logical and very intellectual, sometimes those realizations are too soap operish and melodramatic to happen in real life. thus, it hinders her (or us) to make one bold step forward and to take a risk in commiting in a relationship.

oprah once said, "the smartter the people is, the more likely s/he will have a relationship." well in a way, she might be right. because in thinking to much about commiting we tend to eliminate the importance of our own instict, which for most people is the basic point of this emotion we call loving.

after the conversation, i was trying to thrust out in me the question of who is better in love? is it the tinman without a heart or the scarecrow without a brain? or probably the lion who has no courage that i failed to relate a story with?

some may come up with the lamest arguements such as the reason why the brain is put above the heart is for us to know that it is better to rationalize than to follow your emotions. some would even contest it with even lamer ideas such as it is the heart that should be followed because it symbolizes love.

but for me, to top it all, when i fall in love, i make sure i am lying flat. so atleast both the brain and the heart is on the same level. well, talking about the lamest idea. huh?!

we are what we drink

it was deemed unimaginable before, when somebody predicted that there will come a time that water will also be sold to people. now, the thought is beginning to proliferate to almost all households that value the health of its family members regarding the water they drink.

history will also atest that many civilizations before, had fought thousands of wars and loss millions of lives for land along river banks or commonly known as fertile crescent.

even the country has its own share of the story. early mid and southern luzon settlers even called themselves taga-ilog or what is now commonly known as tagalog, to highlight the importance of bodies of water to them. but unfortunately many have forgotten the rich pasts and values of these forms of water.



yesterday's weather was going along with my mood and that was, to the extremes. the heat on the early part of the day until noon was way beyond my threshold. i needed to take a shower every once in a while just for me to get hold of my temper. it even took me atleast a couple of hours just to drag myself out of my bed and meet some friends for lunch.
then all of a sudden, a heavy rainfall poured.

fortunately, i was already on the venue and my friends were also there. when lunch was over, the rain was still at its climax. we were stuck inside for another couple of hours. eventually, the rain stopped. we parted ways and i decided to take a walk to my next destination: to meet another friend.

its been a while since i walk down the place. i was really enjoying the fresh scent of wet summer grass, when i stopped by this scene.

a dirty creek filled with all the trash you could ever imagine. it was located at the side of the elevated grass field facing the main road. it was almost an unnoticeable sore hidden in a wide lush of metropolitan greens. no wonder many of the passerbys never really noticed it.

it sickened me thinking that, i might already drank that water or worst, i am about to drink it.

in reality, i know that most people easily get bored when they hear long words or even words that end with isms. simply because, i am one of them. and probably the most fitting example for such word nowadays is environmentalism. but i am really promoting this advocacy. atleast in your own small ways.

well, it is already becoming a fad these days especially the celebration of earth day just ended. everybody are giving there prohibitions, tips, opinions etc. about saving mother earth and i couldn't just add up anything more.

nonetheless, something just alarmed me.

i thought what people should also consider is the sustainablity of such advocacy. how will such advocacy or actions be sustained by the people? or will this be just like a fashion trend that would last for a specific time frame then disappear? or is it more of lifestyle or a culture that should be integrated within our society?

i know that the advocacy's processes and goals are long term processes and individuals have the tendency to lose interest into something that they don't see any growth or changes, atleast in an instant. we need to let them know that unfortunately, these are the bitter truths that we have to bear. there even some that believes that improvements or even the success of the advocacy could not be felt on their time being. nonetheless, they are still hopefully believing that one way or another, directly or indirectly, it would be for the better good of either the present and/or the next generations to come.

now, back to my day dreaming again.