the kuya instinct

latak, paper and color pencil, 041408

last night, i met my sister for dinner in gate way to celebrate her recognition day.

two days from now, she will march her way out of college and get her degree in physical therapy at up manila. well i just can't wait to welcome her in the world of un(der) employed.

i was almost half way there, when my sister informed me that she will be with somebody. then i thought of her best friend from mindanao which is always with her whenever she goes out. although i've met her best friend for quite sometime, i am still not really comfortable meeting with her or my sister's friends. probably because i am really having hard time reaching out to people who i really don't know--- personally. nonetheless, it was my sister's night, so i just have to bear with it.

then, my sister told me it was not her best friend rather her boy friend.

i was shock. it was mix emotions.

probably because it was my first time to hear from a sibling that she is already in a relationship and being the eldest in the breed of four, its something really unexplainable. this is the the time where your blood rushes to your head and floods your rationality.

i know, it is inevitable. because sooner or later my siblings will have the family of their own. i also want to see them happily married and with children of their own. but this came unexpectedly. (although love indeed, comes unexpectedly...ewww, cheesy! BANG!)

probably this is what they call the kuya instinct, where you tend to be very protective with your younger siblings. this is the time, when you see every man as a cunning wolf waiting to attack you're vulnerable baby sister: and the state, where you don't have anything to think of than to hit every being that would approach her.

my imagination that time was so concrete and morbid. as if you are watcing a quentin tarantino or an eli roth's film. i have the urge to see somebody being beaten up to death. but without blood of course, since i am hemaphobic. i want the word "torture him" to be embarked on that man's forehead. i want to see him drying his tear ducts out and begging to stop. oh, the sound of him screaming at the top of his voice was a delight to my ear drums.

then, there they were. my sister smiling back at me as if nothing really big is happening. then she reached another person's hand (WHATTA!!! THEY"RE HOLDING HANDS!!!). she introduced me to her boyfriend, calvin.

calvin was short, dark and typically looking. at first glance. you'll know that he was the silent and shy type. i am probably almost a foot taller than him and i can just feel the power gathering inside my forefinger where i could just flick him and the impact will just fly him wherever the hell he came from.

he offered me his hand. the initial thinking was: crush it! crush it! but i gently reached it, gave him a type of smile that you can buy in a hobby shop and introduced myself.

then i went back to my sister and gave her something. i just told her my congratulations and excuse myself because i'll be needing to meet someone. from the tone of my voice, she already knew what i meant---it was something urgent. oh! i am such a good actor.

but i promised her that i'll be at her graduation and make it up there. i waived my goodbye to her and to calvin. he asked why i am not coming. my alter ego wanted to shout back: the hell you care! but i told him that i need to go somewhere else.

while i was my way home, i felt that it was indeed a weird experience. the feeling, the thoughts flying in my mind, everything.

then i thought is it really the kuya instinct that is making me feel this? or is it the fact, that i am just envious that my sister currently has one while i don't? hahaha.

well. whatever that be, i still think that it is something worth to post.