Friday, October 30, 2009
moving out from betweens: an open letter
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 9:39 AM 20 comments Links to this post
Labels: emomoments, events, mushiness, people
Thursday, October 29, 2009
ang paghahanap:a visual novel project
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 4:16 AM 17 comments Links to this post
Labels: emomoments, mushiness, short stories, visual crafts
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
the street raconteur



Posted by wanderingcommuter at 9:06 PM 13 comments Links to this post
Labels: dialogues, events, experimental, people, places, streets, thoughts
Friday, October 23, 2009
ang gabing hinimay ko si dave: laglagan time
9. one day, nakita ni dave si bea. sabi niya, belo is so overrated. while me, only perla touches my skin and so is our class christmas tree.... connection?! basta! mahirap mag explain! hahaha!
8. may absurd definition si dabo sa salitang talent partikular sa singing. mahilig si dave kumanta, pero ang kanta, o kayo na magtuloy nito para naman may audience participation din kayo.likas na mapagbiro si dave kaya naman nung una kong narinig siyang kumanta, akala ko talaga nagbibiro siya. kaya mangiyak-ngiyak ako sa kakatawa. pero lumipas ang madaming birthday parties at mga videoke nights, duon na ako nagtaka, nagbibiro pa din kaya siya?
7.
tatlo lang ang pinapanuod ni dave, maliban sa porn; national geographic, discovery at animal planet. kaya naman hindi matatawaran ang appeal niya: kinky nerd, ika nga nila. dagdagan mo pa ng mga CR mishaps "daw" niya. hahaha!pero madalas kinatutulugan niya ang mga ito. yes, mantika kasi siya matulog at madalas sa sobrang mantika niya matulog, umaapaw ang laway este mantika sa bibig. hahahaharrsssshhh!!!
6. madaming nagsasabing hot si dave. ikaw ba naman ang may daan-daang portfolio ng body shots sa kwarto, sa sala, sa banyo, sa dressing room ng mall etc. ewan ko na lang talaga?!
sabi ko nga sa kanya minsan, kung nasusuot lang ang katawan mo siguro may show at sariling line ka na para sa fashion week.
paano nga naman siya hindi magiging hot. ako nga na bikolano na, naweweirduhan pa sa tuwing nakikita kong inuulam niya ang hot sauce. at minsan hindi lang inuulam, sinasabaw pa.
5.
masarap kasama si dave kumain. masarap siyang kumain. ay mali!!! rephrase. rephrase. rephrase. masarap siyang tignan kumakain. best in rice ang kaibigan kong ito. may palagay nga ako na dahil sa kanya kaya wala ng eat all you rice sa tokyo tokyo. well, theory pa lang naman yun. mahirap nang mademanda ng libel.guiltless din kumain kapag kasama si dave. hate niya ang mumo. dapat walang tira sa pinggan, walang laman ang balde, walang bara sa lababo, kaya wala din siyang pet na pusa o aso.
4. basta ako alam ko, kundi laway at luha, pawis ko pa lang ang natitikman ko galing sa katawan ko. si dave nag more than three... HAMAZING!
*aminin mo nagbilang ka din ng iyo? hahaha!
3. kung si superman ay may kryptonite, may sarili ding kahinaan ang ating bida. at ito na marahil ang pinakamalaking revelation/ scoop tungkol kay dave. siyempre liban pa yun sa sex life niya. ayaw ni dave ng anumang nilalang na may higit pa sa apat na galamay.

pagdating sa pagkain, sumusuko ang tiyan niya sa pugita/ pusit. para itong gatas sa isang lactose intolerant. pero hindi naman siya allergic sa seafood. infact, siya pa nga ang nagsuggest mag halloween party kami na under the sea ang theme. siya daw, ang sirena. ako naman black shirt and pants lang na may glow in the dark spots. tanong niya, e ano ka? sabi ko naman with conviction, PLANKTON! hahahaha!
in relation sa number 8, may mga pagkakataon din namang nakakahit ng mga high notes si dave. tipong makabasag pwit ng baso/ pero yan ay kung hagisan mo siya ng gagamba. yes, gagamba. kahit anong gagamba tinitilian at kinikiligan ni dave. malaki ang phobia dito... pero siyempre iba na ang timbre ng tili at pagkakilig niya kung si peter parker na ang nakita.
2. at sino ang makakalimot sa classic line niya na nagpatahimik sa lahat ng scandal. one night, while we were driving along serendra para maghanap ng makakainan (legitimate term for cruising), naisipan nami siyang tanungin. dave, how do you find sex? may panginginig at kagaralgalan pa sa aming tinig.
ang sagot niya, finding sex is so easy that IT ACTUALLY BORES ME.
naglactate kaming lahat ng dugo sa loob ng kotse!!!
1. kapag natrap kayong dalawa sa isang isla. kawawa ka! humanda ka na sa mga kung *blank* questions niya. eto tip, madalas niyang tanungin, kung bibigyan ka ng isa pang etits saan mo gusto ilagay sa noo o sa gitna ng ilong mo? o kaya naman kung ikaw bibiyaan ng malaking boobs saan mo gusto ipalagay sa earlobes o sa armpits? o di ba, mind boggling?
at ito na ang inaabangan ng lahat, ang tanong na: ano ba ang tipo ni dave sa isang partner, romantic o sexual man.... mahilig si dave sa...
ay 10 nga lang pala noh?! sige next time na lang yung ika 11th. hahaha!
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 9:43 PM 21 comments Links to this post
Labels: dialogues, kick asser, people, social deviances, thoughts, top10
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
weekend pebbles
something came out from the back, crossed above my shoulder and reached my hand. i heard a name despite the beat pounding music. while a wide and warm smile illuminated against the flickering darkness as i turned for its source. it was one of the shadows that were seating infront of our table that dragging friday night.
so i gave a name as i reached for that hand.
"hey kirby, my friend actually wants to meet you. i hope you don't mind?"
surprised but still calculating, i turned to my friends to ask them for their opinion. and with their approval, i excused myself for a minute and followed the shadow as it made its way to its friend.
compare to other people of my age, i must admit i am a newbie when it comes to this kind of acquaintanceship. perhaps because i can't get along with other people that easily. for me, if i am already having a hard time talking to my friends' friends, then what more to people you meet inside bars. or probably i still haven't outgrown what my parents had taught us when we were kids, to never talk to strangers.
but i realized in a place like that, any gesture of politeness is the best response to any act of appreciation.
J was older than me. but J looks younger than i am, and definitely more fit. i offered my hand and gave the same name i gave earlier. but J didn't greet me with a smile. instead, J grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward its body and gave me a tight hug, one of the tightest hug i could remember. then that was the time, confusion began to sink in.
this was not the same response i used to read in knoxx's entries, nor the same scenes in tristan's tales and definitely, not among the perfect moves of THE tripper.
i might missed something, i thought. but what?
being the paranoid me, the first thing that came in mind was to check for my pockets. but it seemed like everything were still there, and that made me more confused.
J didn't talk that much and neither do i. most of the time, i would catch J just staring at me that made me really conscious. there were already a number of things running inside my head: and most of them were fruits of my own paranoia, meaning, its not good.
after three dances or so, i felt i had to go back to my friends, so i had to excused myself to J. but even before i left, J then grabbed my hand and gave me a tightier hug. and i don't know if it was just me, or i didn't really feel any malice from it.
it was warm but at the same time it felt very lonely.
as we made our way to my friend's place, i have realized two things that morning: one, that appreciation is so rare these days for it seems like everybody keeps on striving it for themselves, that they have already forgotten on noticing and giving one to others; putting so much effort solely on how they look, act, behave and even to their works. call it a pick up move, but receiving one from others is such a precious and wonderful feeling. and by saying this, i also realized that perhaps for most people, appreciation is also one of those simple things that keeps them from going back to such places.
***
going out the next night was not in my list of how to spend a saturday night that day. but because of my rampant reputation of being kaladkarin, it didn't take a sweat from another set of friends to convince me to accompany them.
but honestly, i am really hesitant with the idea. not because, i am only wearing a simple gray shirt, a pair of jeans and hiking shoes, but because of many virtual memories of the place. not to mention the fact that aside from my friends, A also tagged along.
the place was filled with a concoction of expensive perfumes, decorated with moving sophistication, and gorgeous smiles. never thought that my eyes would dance that intense than my body.
but when the crowd started to clear the ledge to give way for the special acts, faces emerged and all the virtual memories began to materialize. the hesitations became regrets and the rest of it left me to become as hard as a rock.
i remember a friend, who once asked me, how do you manage to keep them?
i answered him, i don't. i just try.
sometimes you just have to bear the hurt in order for you to keep what is left from it. and at the end of the day, you just hope that you'll forget it, eventhough, you know it will be difficult.
i admit, i over rationalize things, to a point it over boards to the negative side. i lack spontaneity when the situation needs it. i shut down my emotions eventhough its just about to ignite. and above all, i pretend to be brave just because i know i am scared: scared of doing the same mistakes again and getting hurt. but what i didn't realize was that those impulses, mistakes and fears can also come up with good things, right decisions and timely actions, because that affirms other people that one is still human, capable of loving and being love.
thus, as we left the bar, i allowed my impulse to finally embrace me. an act was made not to restore anything from the past rather to come up with an answer for the next day. until the answer stood infront of my window, waived me goodbye and ran as fast as it could until it disappeared for the second time--- again.
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 4:33 PM 16 comments Links to this post
Labels: dances, dialogues, emomoments, fashion, kick asser, mushiness, narcissism, people, places, social deviances, thoughts
Saturday, October 17, 2009
how to get rid of a very annoying sister
one day, my sister was annoyingly watching me while i was playing this game in my laptop.
she said,
"kuya, bakit ang hilig hilig mo dyan sa pokemon, halos hindi ka na matulog at kumain kakalaro niyan, e ang old school-old school naman?"
i paused the game, looked at her and said,
"kapatid, masarap lang kasi yung thought na may nakikipaglaban para sa iyo --- kahit sa isang laro lang."
she walked out upon hearing it.
hahaha!
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 10:11 PM 14 comments Links to this post
Labels: emomoments, family, kick asser
Thursday, October 15, 2009
catching rapid thoughts
i know,
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 9:19 AM 14 comments Links to this post
Labels: emomoments, narcissism
Friday, October 9, 2009
Are Philippine Gay Indie Films Really Liberating?
Many will agree that homosexuality is as old as human history. Nonetheless, societal acceptance is still yet to be fully achieved. Homosexuals are still considered taboo and social deviants, liable for social discrimination and punishment in many cultures. But through modernity, that made the flow of information seemed borderless and endless, there were various attempts, hundreds or even thousands if I may say, that made the reclaiming of the so-called homosexual space in the society, which is basically, not mere tolerance but more of acceptance, possible. And the power of film has been considered as one of the most effective tools in sending over the message of acceptance in both the homosexual and heterosexual communities.
Gay films or gay cinema are theatrical films that deal with or feature important gay, lesbian or bisexual characters or issues and may have same sex romance or relationships as an important plot device.
Gay films are not something new in Philippine Cinema. In fact, as early as the 1950s, Filipino moviegoers are already familiar and patronizing gay-themed movies. Perhaps, the two most popular Filipino actors under this genre would be Dolphy and Roderick Paulate.
Dolphy, who is considered as one, or if not, the most popular Filipino actor, have successfully portrayed various gay roles in the history of Philippine Cinema, considering the conservatism of his time. He have done a number of gay films which include: Jack en Jill (1954), Susanang Daldal (1962), Pepe en Pilar (1966), Kangkarot (1969), Facifica Falayfay (1969), Karioka Etchos de America (1971), Fefita Fofonggay viuda de Falayfay (1973), Sarhento Fofonggay (1974), Jack ‘n Jill of the Third Kind (1979), Ang Tatay kong Nanay (1978), Darna, Kuno? (1979) and Markova Comfort Gay (2000).
He is later succeeded by Roderick Paulate, who also starred in a surprising number of well-acclaimed gay films such as Charot (1984), Hee Man, Master of None (1984), Inday Bote (1985), Praybet Depektib Akademi (1986), Inday Inday sa Balitaw (1986), Ako si Kiko, Ako si Kikay (1987), Binibining Tsuper-Man (1987), Jack En Poy, Hale-Hale Hoy (1987), Mga Anak ni Facifica Falayfay (1987), Kumander Gringa (1987), Leroy Leroy SInta (1988), Me & Ninja Liit (1988), Petrang Kabayo at ang Pilyang Kuting (1988), Penoy… Balut (1988), Gorio en Tekla (1989), and Bala at Lipstick (1994).
But during the 1990s, there were several attempts in changing the single image of the Filipino gay man, being the screaming, effeminate and cross dressers, which are typically associated with the so-called parlorista gays to various images. But this shift did happen gradually. A number of efforts in searching and establishing the multiplicity of gay men’s images in the Philippines was made and the films Sibak: Midnight Dancers (1994) and Miguel/Michelle (1994) were among those that introduced some terms such as transexuality and transgender. Subsequently, another image of the Filipino gay man was formed, one which was almost similar to heterosexual men. In the films like Ang Lalaki sa Buhay ni Selya (1997), Pusong Mamon (1998) and Paraiso ni Efren (1999), gay characters or roles were no longer generally depicted under the stereotyped image of parlorista, rather their looks, behaviors and actions shown were almost synonymous to a typical heterosexual man. From these, a larger amount of male homosexuals was able to relate and associate themselves toward these characters, especially among urban areas in the country, making it easier to come out.
On the other hand, during this period as well, most gay-themed films were chained within the boundaries of commercial sex. In other words, gays were then associated and stereotyped again differently with buying love and/or sex from heterosexual men among gay bars and other establishments. Such issues were prevalent in the movies Sibak: Midnight Dancer (1994) and Burlesk King (1999), which basically followed the tradition of Lino Brocka’s Macho Dancer (1998).
New millennium came and another genre created a trend in the course of Philippine Cinema, Independent or popularly known as Indie Films. Indie films started surprising and reopening Filipino moviegoers with more daring and challenging issues such as poverty and social deviances. Issues that the popular or mainstream cinema often or would hesitant to tackle, one of which is gay issues.
Perhaps, some of the first and most successful gay indie films were Cris Pablo’s popular works, which would include Duda/Doubt (2003), Bilog (2005), Bathhouse (2005) and Moreno (2007). Here, Pablo had successfully changed the image of gay men away from the stereotyped parlorista as depicted by Dolphy and Roderick Paulate in their movies and the commercial gay roles of the 90s. He introduced a diverse and deeper sense of relationships among gay men and also started revealing the various establishments most homosexuals engage into, in order to realize their individualities and needs. He highlighted the presence of gay cinema houses, bath houses/spas, bars and the use of various modern devices such as the Internet, where gay men could actually meet and actualize their sexualities, without monetary reciprocation.
Eventually, this triggered a surprising wave of indie films makers to follow. Brillante Mendoza (Masahista, 2005), Adolfo Alix Jr. (Day Break, 2008), Paolo Villanueva (Selda, 2007), Joselito Altajeros and Lex Bonifed (Lalaki sa Parola, 2007; Kambyo, 2008; Lihim ni Antonio, 2008; and Little Boy, Big Boy, 2009), to name a few. Aside from various international film festival recognitions and awards, gay indie films also gained a wide audience from both heterosexual and homosexual viewers. These made mainstream film makers and producers to see a viable market among gay themed films. Thus, commercial film invasion and the redefinition of gay indie film were expected to follow.
Commercialization brought and highlighted several issues among gay indie films. First, the bastardization of the male body as the primary vehicle in selling the movie, instead of the body as a crucial subject in exploring one’s sexuality and identity. Second, reducing the image of gay men to mere sexual subjects and its effect in attaining societal or national acceptance. And lastly, its effects to gay indie film in terms of its aesthetical production.
Although sexual images or scenes were also present among earlier gay indie films, it could not be denied that due to the uncertainty of possible viewership during that time, gaining profit was still not the main purpose of producing these films. Rather, it could be viewed that such images and scenes were important elements in the movie to highlight how repression pushes individuals to look for other means and devices to satisfy their needs and identities in an environment where their sexuality are considered as taboo and immoral. In other words, a homosexual is believed to be alienated with his/her body because of various external or social repressions.
Nonetheless, due to emergence of an alarming number of gay indie films that rampantly focuses on scenes of men having sex with each other, the story and the intentions of it become suspicious. Most gay indiefilms could already be considered as mere pornography, hiding underneath the cloak of an art or an indie film just to sell. In effect, it is possible that a society will view gay men, basing from how films depict gay realities, as mere sexual objects, slaves to their own desires and not entitled with acceptances.
Many believe that the main reason of homophobia is anchored upon the irrational fear of heterosexuals that homosexuals will sexually attack them. Thus, if gay indie films will keep on producing sexually themed rather than gay themed films, acceptance and the elimination of homophobia will never be actualized.
But not all gay indie films suffered from these loopholes. In 2005, Auraeus Solito released Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, that gave moviegoers a breath of fresh air against the rampant and tiring sex and flesh ordeal present in most gay indie films. He depicted the naiveness and ignorance of a young gay boy in understanding and accepting his sexuality, despite the corrupting poverty surrounding him. The movie also transgressed over the homosexual picture by immersing in the lives of the heterosexual characters in the movie. It redefined the concept of machismo by putting three very manly
characters, Maximo’s father and brothers, in the plot to be accepting and protective over Maxi, a rare picture in a patriarchal family. Nonetheless, the film didn’t make Maxi as weak and ever dependent to other people. In fact, as the film rolled, one will realize that the supporting actors were actually the ones who were dependent on him and not the other way around, an interesting twist every gay indie film should atleast have and/or should be.
As one of my professors used to say, “Set the stakes higher.” If Filipino gay indie filmmakers want to make and keep the genre rolling, one should not stagnate himself from the superficial call of his/her market and to the fed up “titillating” sex scenes. S/he has to continue enriching the genre by devising and thinking “fresher” means, strategies and stories that would keep its flame burning, that would offer various tastes to the unending crave of moviegoers. And above all, a gay indie film maker should always consider bringing it back to his characters, the gay men, by creating films that would make people understand and accept; and not just to satisfy their petty sexual pleasures.
*special thanks to coach. hahaha!
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 4:30 PM 45 comments Links to this post
Labels: anthropology, film spoiler, people, social deviances
Monday, October 5, 2009
zambales: even before ondoy and peping
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 4:45 PM 16 comments Links to this post
Friday, October 2, 2009
baguio: the first timer
Posted by wanderingcommuter at 1:39 PM 13 comments Links to this post
Labels: people, places, social deviances, thoughts

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