moving out from betweens: an open letter

k,

between love and goodbye

i wont be living in the middle this time

between love and goodbye

i got a heart of gold you'll never find

- kyle, between love and goodbye

never stay in a relationship only because of time, memories, assurance nor of promises. stay because of no other reason rather than you want to, or better yet, you need to; for the feeling of staying and growing with that person is really what that counts.

relationships are always a mutual thing. you don't stay because of pity nor leave out of your own whims. its not even a matter of responsibilities nor obligations. for in the real world, people will never meet in the middle.

yes, there are sacrifices and compromises. but what matter most is our sensitivity to each other's needs as partners. because all of us have different levels of how much to give and how much to take. but sometimes, with the absence of sentiency, we reach to a point where we are already exhausted and that there is no longer other way but to end it and move on.

i remember a friend, who once told me, "before helping others, we should think of ourselves first." and being the social activist me, my immediate reaction was how selfish of her to think of such thing, considering the fact, that we, both, are studying in a state university, where people are actually paying for our degree. that if people have the same mindset like her, then probably we are indeed living in a world full of apathetic and self-centered morons.

but when the time came when i was set into the same situation, then that was the time i have realized what she truly meant.

we could never give what we don't have nor we've already lost. sometimes there are things better ended than giving room for hopeless chances.

for there are no remedies for broken trust, even love for that matter. we can only patch what is left for it will never be restored back. and thats the time we skip the page where happy endings happen and face what reality is really all about.

but making a decision is just half of the whole picture. for holding to that decision is more difficult than the prior leap.

when freedom is achieved, expect that someone will try to tag it away from you. it will either be the person whom you got it from, a person outside where both of you came from or for most unnoticed cases, it can even be yourself.

being single after a burning out relationship can be a breath of fresh air. but too much of it can also leave you drowning.

the moment we say our farewells, we start exploring and appreciating things that we didn't have the chance doing before. but at the same time, it also make us lose our focus towards our real reasons and intentions why we are moving away from them--- that is to grow, atleast, as an individual.

eventually, we meet people along the way. people we failed to notice before. people that would make us see and feel a brand new us. but don't let your guard down just yet. don't ever allow your heart to jump into another person unprepared again. as cliche as this may sound, learn from experience. i know its difficult and painful, but hey, who said love is all about saying i love yous?

perhaps, above everything else, don't ever expect an easy parting ways from your former partner. there will always be moments, where you will see him crying, crying his heart and sanity out. pridelessly begging you to come back, asking for reconciliation whatever it takes, sometimes and worst, even his life. expect memories to come rushing in, old pictures of both of you having the time of your lives, as if their priceless and something you can only experience from him.

truly, there are feelings that you can exclusively experience from certain people alone. but who said that life stops there? there are so much ahead of you, so better start packing and moving your things out from his place and finally embrace your true self, before it actually leave you first.

lastly, i am not closing the possibility that you'll come back again. probably because its indeed worthy of giving another chance. but if ever that will happen, always remember, love not because you feel pity for the man. love because there is indeed that feeling in you craving to have him back, that will make you love yourself even more.

i know, this letter is beginning to be preachy, lengthy and all. but i just thought of writing you a letter to give you angles you may misst, especially at times like this, where everything can be quite blurry and confusing. but whatever decision you'll make, always remember, you will always have a warm embrace in me. so don't ever be scared in taking that risk--- that decision.

all for the best,

ewik