Friday, October 30, 2009

moving out from betweens: an open letter


between love and goodbye
i wont be living in the middle this time
between love and goodbye
i got a heart of gold you'll never find

- kyle, between love and goodbye

never stay in a relationship only because of time, memories, assurance nor of promises. stay because of no other reason rather than you want to, or better yet, you need to; for the feeling of staying and growing with that person is really what that counts.

relationships are always a mutual thing. you don't stay because of pity nor leave out of your own whims. its not even a matter of responsibilities nor obligations. for in the real world, people will never meet in the middle.

yes, there are sacrifices and compromises. but what matter most is our sensitivity to each other's needs as partners. because all of us have different levels of how much to give and how much to take. but sometimes, with the absence of sentiency, we reach to a point where we are already exhausted and that there is no longer other way but to end it and move on.

i remember a friend, who once told me, "before helping others, we should think of ourselves first." and being the social activist me, my immediate reaction was how selfish of her to think of such thing, considering the fact, that we, both, are studying in a state university, where people are actually paying for our degree. that if people have the same mindset like her, then probably we are indeed living in a world full of apathetic and self-centered morons.

but when the time came when i was set into the same situation, then that was the time i have realized what she truly meant.

we could never give what we don't have nor we've already lost. sometimes there are things better ended than giving room for hopeless chances.

for there are no remedies for broken trust, even love for that matter. we can only patch what is left for it will never be restored back. and thats the time we skip the page where happy endings happen and face what reality is really all about.

but making a decision is just half of the whole picture. for holding to that decision is more difficult than the prior leap.

when freedom is achieved, expect that someone will try to tag it away from you. it will either be the person whom you got it from, a person outside where both of you came from or for most unnoticed cases, it can even be yourself.

being single after a burning out relationship can be a breath of fresh air. but too much of it can also leave you drowning.

the moment we say our farewells, we start exploring and appreciating things that we didn't have the chance doing before. but at the same time, it also make us lose our focus towards our real reasons and intentions why we are moving away from them--- that is to grow, atleast, as an individual.

eventually, we meet people along the way. people we failed to notice before. people that would make us see and feel a brand new us. but don't let your guard down just yet. don't ever allow your heart to jump into another person unprepared again. as cliche as this may sound, learn from experience. i know its difficult and painful, but hey, who said love is all about saying i love yous?

perhaps, above everything else, don't ever expect an easy parting ways from your former partner. there will always be moments, where you will see him crying, crying his heart and sanity out. pridelessly begging you to come back, asking for reconciliation whatever it takes, sometimes and worst, even his life. expect memories to come rushing in, old pictures of both of you having the time of your lives, as if their priceless and something you can only experience from him.

truly, there are feelings that you can exclusively experience from certain people alone. but who said that life stops there? there are so much ahead of you, so better start packing and moving your things out from his place and finally embrace your true self, before it actually leave you first.

lastly, i am not closing the possibility that you'll come back again. probably because its indeed worthy of giving another chance. but if ever that will happen, always remember, love not because you feel pity for the man. love because there is indeed that feeling in you craving to have him back, that will make you love yourself even more.

i know, this letter is beginning to be preachy, lengthy and all. but i just thought of writing you a letter to give you angles you may misst, especially at times like this, where everything can be quite blurry and confusing. but whatever decision you'll make, always remember, you will always have a warm embrace in me. so don't ever be scared in taking that risk--- that decision.

all for the best,



rudeboy said...

Beautiful post. Hits home.

the geek said...

why do you have to be so good at what you write?

ayan, humaba na naman buhok mo. ;)

Anonymous said...

"the moment we say our farewells, we start exploring and appreciating things that we didn't have the chance doing before."

One of the reasons why i haven't let go of the last one i loved is because I wouldn't want to explore anymore. Kuntento nako sa kanya kahit hindi pwedeng maging kami. I can stay at my current relationship knowing that at one point, I found that alternative dimension and that one person who "fulfilled" my what ifs.

Kaya sorry kung mamimitas lagi ako ng prutas ng kae-mohan. Alam mo namang hanggang ganon nalang ako. At least hindi nako nagloloko diba? Though never naman tlga, choz.

- kiko

@geek, ligawan mo na kasi eh!

xtian1978ii said...

ewik, galing naman

sometimes when we're hurting we do things that we so often regret later.

tama ka naman e, it's just that sometimes ang hirap :(

<*period*>; said...

hindi ako si k, pero sasagutin ko yung post mo.

kaibigan, salamat.tinamaan ako.

the geek said...

anonymous aka kiko: ay, MEGAKNOWN????!!!!wahahaha

Galen said...

Had I read this letter so many years ago, I might have saved myself from all the jadedness that has come to wrap what was known as my heart.

I might give reference to this entry once I begin composing my closing for October.


Yj said...

tumatak nanaman sa akin toh.... ibang klase ka talaga wiwik :)

at kapag dumating ang araw na hindi mo na maalala ang mga naisulat mo sa post na ito... huwag kang mag-alala, ipapaalala ko sa iyo....

Mr. Scheez said...

in time, who knows, bumalik sya. =)

lucas said...

i miss reading this kind of post from you ewik! :)

"being single after a burning out relationship can be a breath of fresh air. but too much of it can also leave you drowning. "

---i am drowning!!!

Anonymous said...


nice. beautifully written and hits the right spot.

Chyng said...

fuck! ang ganda!


bampiraako said...

Beautifully written.

Nice one.

wait said...

yeah there may be harm in risking,
but remember that there can also be regrets in doing nothing...

Anonymous said...

"for in the real world, people will never meet in the middle."

right, but we need to work just around it. at least we tried.

Boying Opaw said...

ang tawag sa pag go through sa lahat ng ito pero hindi naman natututo at naggo-grow as a person ay pag-aaksaya ng panahon. no?

Boying Opaw

♥nova-san said...

You are really are so good at expressing thoughts and feelings that a lot of us feel but just don't quite know how to put into words. Somehow, you find exactly the right combination of words that place our hearts right on the page.

I bow down to you.

mikel said...

i agree with you on most parts, erik. pero being me, i will stay as long as there is a morrow to look forward to, no matter how slim the chance that there would really be one. nice post.

kiel estrella said...

does k stand for kiko, kawadjan or kiel?

(buzzer goes off) wrong answer.

kidding aside, nice post. apt for araw ng patay - parang the death of love.

dabo said...

really really nice.