on thinking and moving

tonight, after many years, the memories of you suddenly lingered in the deep solace of myself as i lay my soul to restlessness.
later this day, as i walk myself home, i saw someone who was blantantly looking at me and would just not drop the stare inside the train. i just ignored him. but by the time i walk off the cart, he called my last name. alas! it was no hook up rather someone who actually know me. when i looked back and studied who could this person possibly be, i realized that he was a former highschool classmate from bicol. we exchanged a quick update of ourselves and i learned that he was trying his luck here in manila and hopefully go out of the country. then, he asked me, if i know J? at the back of my head, how would i not know of this person? but ofcourse, this person has no idea. so i answered, "yes, remember him." then he told me that that person is currently back in the country. from there, all i could do was to control my facial expression.
from that point on, all i could think of was the time when we were together, spending decadently the naiveness of our youth. exploring all sides of curiousness and ourselves: in search of who we are. while we are enjoying the privacy of our own hidden, illicit and make believe fantasies. until suddenly we reached the peak of your selfish realization that we were not meant for each other.
i am now telling you this, not to praise you for your victory because there is no such thing that happened or will ever happen. but to make you aware that despite the face that i wore for each day i struggled to see you--- i never lose myself to desperation. infact, i have gained more of myself more than you could possibly think of. you may be able to drag me to your will whenever you asked me to---as you usually tell me i could never say no, right? but behind those things that i could atleast say we had, you have empowered me more than any learned experience that have passed my life. i have learned to love myself and love others more with the proper disposition and balanced between rationale and emotions. i am even living beyond a thousand leap ahead of my age.
no, this is not sour graping nor any form of defense mechanism, not even something to boost my ego, its my own way of expressing gratitude: telling you, that despite those times that i keep on figuring out what kind of set up we had, how you played with my gullibleness, and drafted my hopeful thinkings, i am still thankful because if not for these i have not become what i am now.
now that you're back in the country, after the last time you put a smile on my face after i learned that you have already and finally settled down. i really don't know if we still a chance to meet up or if you or i will have the guts to contact each other again. nonetheless, whatever happens, i just want you to know all of these, just in case you'll bump into this page (which i know, you won't) or probably just to keep myself reminded that i am already happy of whatever and whoever i am with now.

my top 100 films (60-51)

60. duda/doubt (2003)

what life will be ahead for someone who have had sex with 1001 for a year, then finally decided to settle and tied himself to commitment?


i say: like most cris pablo films, very good screenplay. but lack in direction, portrayals and executions.

59. power rangers the movie (1995)

five teenagers destined to protect the whole word and even the entire universe.
i say: cmon! don't tell me you didn't cry to your parents to see this in the big screen before. i even bet you moved as if you were red lion!

58. getting to know you

a shortfilm that tells the story of a lesbian cartoonist and her quest of finding the right partner. after engaging in a steamy chat and phone conversation with an acquiantance she met from her bestfriend's bachelorette's party, she will learn that there are a lot of surprising things at the back of everything she sees---and feels.



getting to know you -










i say: one of the few lesbian films i really enjoyed. very, very witty.

57. lost in beijing

the film tells the story of two couples intertwined not with lame concept of fate rather by the real face of poverty, lust, infidelity and greed.

i say: moving and too realistic to be true...

56. magnifico

tells the story of an innocent boy who keeps a positive spirit that lifts the morale of everyone around him, despite the burden of poverty casted upon him.

i say: the movie that made or considered jiro manio as a gifted child. i just can't stop myself from crying after watching this film...

55. brokeback mountain

two alabaman cowboys hired to look for a herd of sheeps. isolated from everybody else, the two found something that they will forever keep along those mountains.

i say: 8 words that keeps on running in my head whenever i hear this film, "i wish i knew how to quit you."

54. carmen

set in medieval spain, it tells the story of a woman named carmen and how she have used her beauty to make every man in the plot, who is in control.

i say: the movie was too strong and moving that you'll forget sex--- but in second thought...hahaha!

53. wild side

a story of a transexual prostitute and how he deals with his relationship to his customer, lovers and his mother.

i say: disturbing. i breathe of fresher but more pungent air.

52. mumbaki

what happens if a native cordilleran went to the lowlands and pursue a career as a doctor and was needed tor eturn back to pursue his fate to be the next mumbaki (native medicine man)? how will he combine two concepts without sacrificing or crossing the other?

i say: the movie that gave the lowlands a closer look of the cordilleran culture through a popular media.

51. bangkok love story

an ironic lovestory that was formed between an assasin and the victim, and the life running at the background: the life inside the bangkok ghetto.

i say: a story that will make you realized that at the end there is no one really to blame.

kwestyon en answer

minsan may mga bagay na mas mabuti pang hindi na lang pag usapan. what you see is what you get, kumbaga.

ito na marahil ang isa sa mga pinakapopular na pag iisip nating mga pinoy. sabi nga nila, sobra tayong mapagmahal subalit nahahadlangan tayo nito dahil likas daw sa atin ang hindi pagiging expressive o takot sa mga komprontasyon. marahil dahil hinubog tayo maging konserbatibo ng ating kultura't henerasyon (teka, parang hindi ko na ata naabutan yun).

noong nakaraang araw, sa unang pagkakataon matapos ang mahabang panahon, nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataon ng mga kaibigan ko'ng magkita-kita muli para sa book launching ng isa pa naming kaibigan dito sa quezon city. madaming pamilyar na mga tao ilan ay nakilala sa baguio habang ang iba ay dito na sa baba. subalit mas marami pa rin akong mga nakamayan ko at nais makamayan.

at para sa isang taong napaka sentimental, napaka-nostalgic ng pakiramdam ng lahat. ang ilaw, ang set up, ang pagiging busy ng mga tao, ang tawanan, ang kawalan ng pag iisip sa mga bagay sa labas ng venue at ang kabuuang aura ng lahat. haay, para akong bumata ng 3 years. hanggang sa naimbitahan akong magbasa ng ilang excerpt ng libro. siyempre noong una ay pakipot pa dahil matagal-tagal na rin ng huli kong ginawa ito. sa una'y kinabahan subalit matapos ang pagbabasa ay naging orgasmic ang lahat para sa akin---rejuvenating!

matapos ang book launch, napagpasyahan namin na dumiretso sa bahay ng kaibigan upang doon ipagpatuloy ang kwentuhan sa harap ng mga bote boteng halimaw.

inabot ng tanghali ang inuman at sa lahat ng iyon ay naging pinakamainit ang naging tanong na binato kay paolo. si paolo ay isa sa aming mga kaibigan subalit hindi ko masasabing close kami- nagkataon lang sigfuro na same circle of friends.

tanikala, ink and paper, 01/25/2007

isang taon ang tanda niya sa akin. metikuloso sa pananamit, ingelesero, mataray, baliw kay nicole kidman, madaldal, nahuhumaliw sa japanese boy band at nasabi ko na bang baliw siya kay nicole kigman (kinakailangan kasi ang labis na diin duon)?

naalala ko pa nun sa school, siya yung tipo ng tao na kapag naglakad sa lobby ay maririnig mo all of a sudden ang soundtrack ng sex in the city sa isip mo, kasabay ng pagtalbog ng lahat ng bagay sa katawan niya and with the pout in his lips. subalit sa kabila ng lahat ng ito ay tago pa rin siya sa kanyang pamilya.

papaano? yan din ang hindi namin alam... ibang iba si paolo kapag andyan na ang buo niyang angkan. akala mo may kausap ka'ng ibang tao.

hanggang sa ang kasama ng isa pa naming kaibigan ay nangahas magtanong at hindi inalintana ang lagim ng kanyang pagiging mapusok.

"bakit hindi ka na kasi mag-out?"

"why would i, if i don't feel the need of it?


"wala lang. parang maging malaya ka."

" who told you i am not free??! each of us has our own definition of the word and for me, i am happy with how my family is treating me as a man because no matter how we look at it and rearrange things, the truth of the matter is, lalaki pa rin naman ako and in this stage of my life, ayoko ng baguhin yun. ayokong kapag sinabi kong, mom, dad your unico hijo is gay ay magbago ang lahat. not because they might takwil me because they can't do that. but because i just don't want this relationship we have to change. i don't see myself living with my family in an entirely different treatment from what we have now."

natahimik ang lahat. inubos ko na lang ang bote ko sa isang lagok. matapos nun nagbukas muli ako ng panibago. naisip ko, para sa mga pilipino marahil hindi talaga ganun kahalaga o kabigat ang konsepto ng coming out kumpara sa US. lahat tayo ay nasanay na malaman at maintindihan ang mga bagay batay sa ating sariling pagtingin at kung ano ang pinapakita at pinaparamdam sa atin ng mga nito. ang dilemna nga lang ay kung sa papaano sa paghugot ng mga kasagutan ay magawa natin itong maunawaan at irespeto.

marahil nga, mahalaga para sa lahat ng tao ang pag alam sa mga kasagutan sa kanyang buhay at marami sa tin ay nasanay sa schoolic na paraan ng question and answer. subalit narealize ko matapos ang inuman na yun na hindi lahat ng mga tanong ay kinakailangan sagutin dahil mas madalas hindi naman lahat ng bagay ay dapat kwestiyunin in the first place.

kung ikaw si kuya eddie o tiya dely, anong maipapayo mo?

mahal kong kuya eddie/ tiya dely,

ako po ay 23 anyos, binata, employed sa isang kompanya dito sa makati at solid vilmanian. lumiham po ako sa inyo upang idulog ang isang problemang lubos na nagpapagabag sa akin.

mali po. hindi po ako buntis dahil hindi naman po ako hermaphrodite at wala rin po ako'ng matris, at lalo pong wala ang matris sa wish list ko this christmas. wala rin po akong nagnanaknak na sugat, pangangati o sakit na dinadaing sa aking ari o anumang lagusan ng aking katawan, maliban na lang sa tumubong pimple sa loob ng aking ilong. hindi rin po ito tungkol sa paghingi ng payo tungkjol sa aking buhay pag ibig dahils o far BONGGANG BONGGANG BONG BONG! naman po siya--- at take note hindi po siya yung dati kong penpal sa sampaguita dormitory sa muntinlupa, tapos na ang fantasy stage na ganuns a buhay ko.

sumulat po ako, hindi rin dahil sa napansin ko'ng nahihilig akong sumegway ng 'sang damakmak na side dishes, kundi dahil sa mga nakaraang linggo, napansin ko'ng wala po akong gana--- wala po akong bulate at hindi ito tungkol sa seks. wala po akong motibasyon upang gawin ang mga bagay na madalas ko naman ginagawa. aside from the fuck( naks! ingles) pa na, punong puno na man ako ng inspiraytions. wala akong gana pumasok sa opisina, magsulat sa blog, gumuhit, lumabas kasama ng mga kaibigan etc. etc. at marami pang etc. dahil hindi ko alam iispel ang etsetera (tama ba?!)

yes! you herd me tama. sa kabila ng mga bagong bagay, tao, hayup, lugar, pangyayari, tagalog, two syllables at nakikita sa bahay na dumating sa akin, parang wala pa rin akong gana.

sa loob ng isang higit isang buwan, nadiagnose ako ng hypertension at nauwi sa enlargement of the heart. kungkaya't kinailangan ko'ng breakan ang syota ko. masyado namin mahal ang isa't isa na lalong nagpapalaki sa puso ko kaya i have to let go.... joke lang po! hehehe.

tapos isang araw pagkagising ko, hapon ata yun, naisip ko'ng kailangan ko'ng may gawin. so ayun, ngayon po ay enroll na ako ng masters degree sa diliman ng ganun ganun lang---na naman. sana matapos ko na ito, this time.

at ang panghuli, nagbukas ako ng isang online negosyo. sa panghihikayat ng isang kaibigan. medyo kumikita naman siya. pero so far, sa mga kaibigan ko pa lang siya inoopen. sa mga gusto naman po'ng bumili ng mga drowings ko, click niyo lang ang play sa radyo niyo. ooops, pa plug na din po pala kuya eddie/tiya delly. mahal ang advertisement ngayon, hindi naman ako politiko.

nahihirapan na po talaga ako, sinabi ko na rin sa sarili ko na marahil naninibago lang ako. subalit after a few days, habang at home na home na ang bago naming kapitbahay na dumadagdag na sa mga problema ko dahil sa kakavideoke nila hanggang umaga ARAW-ARAW, wala pa rin ako'ng gana. sinubukan ko na rin po'ng tumungga ng isang bote ng latigo 500, pinaghalong gatorade, extra joz at motolite battery subalit wala pa rin...

ano po ang gagawin ko? sana matulungan niyo ako.

gumagalang,

letter M, letter E. put them together its... U

ang paglalakbay

ang paglalakbay

ink and paper

11/18/2008

*huli man daw at magaling, huli pa rin.

my top 100 favorite films (70-61)

70. moulin rouge (2001) a musical film that tells the love story of a poet and beautiful cortesan: and how their love is being interfered with the love of a rich duke to the cortesan.i say: magnificent production and enchanting songs. it will make you "wanna groove".

69. moreno (2007)

one of cris pablo's collection of digital gay films that tells the story of a gay man who escape his complicated relationship in manila and set to work with his friend in lake sebu, mindanao. there, they both work as an NGO employee that tries to unravel the mysterious suicide trends among young girls. i say: the only film in his collection that tackled women rights as well.

68. identity (2003)

a story of seven characters that were trap in one setting. the chase of outwitting one another that ended up in a unthinkable conclusion.i say: if this was the first time you see such twist you'll be amazed of it.

67. sabel (2004)the story of a simple woman who has a complicated life. it highlighted how a woman struggled her life in a male dominated society and how she found love in irony.i say: subtly done but nicely executed.

66. the village (2004)
a story of a simple village with a hidden secret.

i say: the movie reaffirmed the claim that there is no such thing as utopia as mush as you want to push it. very very realistic with a very wicked twist!

65. an american tail (1986)an animated film that tells the story of mouse and his family in the journey of reaching "home". i say: one of my favorite animated film that subtly discusses the issue of migration... no wonder i am like this.

64. munting tinig (2002)

the story about a newbie teacher who was assigned to a remote barrio, as a replacement for another teacher who resigned and took the chance of going abroad to make a better living. the movie displayed the struggles, tactics and the life of a filipino teacher in accordance with his/ her dream to teach.

i say: i am not a happy ending movie goer. although this movie goes under those kinds and the ending was to good to be true, i think it was still justifiable since the movie was already too depressing too watch, it balances it out.

63. thirteen (2003

the film tells the story how two simple and sweet girls explores her adolescence.

i say: alarming, disturbing and full of reality. this made me think if i still want to have a child.

62. frida (2002)
the true story of frida callo, one of the greatest woman painters in the world that believes art is not only for art sake. but also a good instrument of awakening people from their reality.

i say: inspiring. this movie made me fell in love with salma hayek even more!

61. 3 iron (2004)

a story of young lad who break inside houses for a night or two. then look for something to repair as a token of appreciation to the unknowing host. until one day, he stumbled upon a house from which the host needs more than repairing.

i say: this is the evolution of silent films. beautifully crafted, simple production but with a very outstanding story. a must see.

what is the filipino dream?

we popularly hear the american dream, which is more inclined with the economic aspect of living in the land of milk and honey, not only among americans but even among people living outside the us. but then i wondered, here in the philippines, do we actually have a dream of our own? is there such a thing as a filipino dream?

yes, we do. as silly as it can be imagined.

40 years ago, the national dream of every filipino is to become an actor/ actress. it was rooted within the extremity of the fan culture in the country during the late 60s to the early 70s. it was something more than the japanese people are now. it reached its peak when it reached the phenomenal vilma santos and nora aunor rivalry, where the country was literally put into half: the vilmanians and the noranians.

vilma became the icon of the tisay fairness that was typically the common definition of beauty in the country even up to now. but she proved to the people that she is more than that. she excelled in her craft by giving out sheer talent in acting (again, its acting, not singing), the same reason why she was loved and still love by her audience.


on the other hand, nora aunor redefined the philippine film industry by proving that a young, typically looking girl, who was once selling iced water along train rails in the province can actually be big in the industry. thus, it gave hope to almost all typically looking filipinos.


i even remember myself when i was a kid saying that i also wanted to be an actor someday, regardless how embarassing it was. but who doesn't wanted to be one, right? now, i am thinking, is it still the dominating definition of the filipino dream?

if the philippine dream before was reflected on how the show, "that's entertainment" rated. today, we could no longer determine it by watching the same host's show, "walang tulugan." darn, it will definitely show us an entirely different scenario.

if you want to know how is it still holding atleast in the metro, just turn on your tv and switch your channel to the tons of reality shows we have. if you are lucky enough, you might bump into the audition episodes and feast yourself upon the long pile or even seas of people doing everything as in EVERYTHING to win a slot in the show. as an audience we just get tired of hearing all the well fabricated and sometime inconsistent stories of their lives and their common aspiration to lift their family from poverty--- the typical filipino drama. most of these people are stuck with the belief that the only way to help their family is to become a star. but with all the challenges that a common filipino struggles with his everyday life just to land a decent job, who can blame them, right?

nonetheless, i believe that the filipino dream of becoming an actor/actress already seized down. in comparison, with what it was before. probably, after the stardom of nora aunor, no typically looking filipino followed her. thus, the filipino dream shifted from becoming an actor/actress to the filipino diaspora of leaving the country.

accept it or not, today, most filipinos mindset of success is anchored upon leaving the country and having a job elsewhere. this is clearly manifested on the kind of college courses we have. as of the moment, nursing, engineering and maritime are the three most populated courses in the country; and all of which are in demand professions all over the world.

then i wonder, is this really our filipino dream? and how is it different from the american dream? there are just too many questions running in my head right now, that i could no longer decipher how my personal dream differs from both dreams. at the end, i just have to ask myself, why do we really have to tie everything about ourselves to america?

sigh.

my top 100 favorite films (80-71)

80. 50 first dates (2004) the film tells the story about a woman (drew barrimore) suffers who memoryry loss up to the point of her accident, everytime she wakes up de to an accident. and how a man (adam sandler) have struggled to win her heart each day.

i say: how will you love someone who forgets everything the next day? simple, love as if its always your first.

79. magic temple (1996) and magic kingdom (1997)
the adventure of three teenagers as they journey to magical places and meet incredible creatures. in the amidst of their quest, they will find out the meaning of life, independence, love and friendship.

i say: two of peque gallaga's best movie contributions in the philippine film industry. the movie is well thought and probably set the standard of fantasy movies in the country.


78. the elephant (2003)
based from a true story about what was thought to be a simple highschool american life and how it was changed.

i say: the film is extremely slow paced and it is also noticeable how the film was extended in order to fit for a film length movie.


77. tick tock lullabies (2007)
the story of two lesbian couples who have put their relationship, one step ahead--- deciding to have a baby. but in order to do so, they need to lure a man to impregnate one of them. little they know, the complications behind the plan they have in mind.

i say: a breath of fresh air when it comes to kesbian independent movies.


76. brother's grimm (2005)
one of the classic children fairytale come to life. the movie tells the story of a mysterious disappearance of children in a remote village. and how two brothers have unravelled this mystical enigma.

i say: the production was marvelously created and both heath ledger and monica belluci were perpetually delighting in the eyes.


75. babae sa break water (2003)
considered as one of the eye opening movies in the philippines. it highlighted the pictures of manila that have been kept hidden from the eyes of the mass audience.


i say: unbelievablly real but definitely a good dose of reality.


74. ferngully: the last rain forest (1992)
an animated film that tells the story about an inquisitive and mischievous fairy named crysta as she help to save her beloved ferngully, a rainforest.

i say: i was already an environmentalist as such a young age because of this movie.

73. 300 (2006)
a story about a troop of spartan warriors who valantly fought the massive army of the persians, to protect their culture and polis (city-state)

i say:the story is too believable to become a myth.one of the finest 3G animation for me. the details and crisp of its visual effect was remarkably astounding. a must watch!

72. bata, bata, paano ka ginawa? (1999)
the story of a woman who struggled to voice out her right in a male dominated environment. and how she struggled to teach her children, both with different fathers, how their situation is no different from anybody else.

i say: the best vilma santos movie for me. in my opinion, greater than relasyon, sister stella L, and burlesk queen. for it unfolds several feminist issues in a newly emerging filipino contemporary setting.


71. apocalypto (2006)
the film narrates the story of jaguar paw, a hunter who lives outside the great mayan civilization. how he and his village people were captured as sacrifices to prevent a prophecy of their civilization's fall.

i say: this will definitely test your tolerance with gore and your open mindedness with the topic of the primitive man.

karma chameleon

popularity is one of the most sought up things in this world: next to power, money, love, sex and pleasure. most of us will do everything and i mean EVERYTHING just to achieve it. well, just like everything that is hard to possess, popularity requires the will, determination, hardwork, skills, charisma, talent and sometimes even good opportunity in order to own it. but not all of us are blessed with the whole package, thus, there are those who overtake others, regradless if it will cost the other party a lot. as machievelli said it, man is innately evil: and this was confirmed later on by social darwinist with the line, the survival of the fittest.


but pulling up the humanistic me, i feel that human beings are not innately evil rather they are just push by the situation. but don't get me wrong. this rationale will never serve as a justification to the action that has been done or being done. i just felt the need to raise it up for us to understand the other side of the coin.


the other day, a friend sent me a message regarding a person who was bashing another friend through email threads. the person, who was sending this message created a dummy email and hid him/herself anonymously. although the details of the message were not that clear, i still felt bad for him. probably because i know, my friend doesn't have any means to defend himself since he doesn't even know who this person is.


i wanted to advise him to just ignore the person because i figured, reacting will just ignite the spark into fire: and casting a fight will just make him stoop down lower than his level. but then i realized, where is "fighting for your right? line i used to say?


there is a great wall of china between criticism and being cynical - or arguing for the sake of arguing. if someone wants to create and send out a constructive criticism, atleast, one should open up a venue from which the thoughts of idea will be free flowing, not the type of set up that is one way.

i have also heard that this person is not only bashing a specific individual.but also sending out emails about random people. well, from that, you can already tell that this person is buying popularity.

the thing with many people, and i will not exclude myself from this, is that a part of their attention and interest are usually tied with prying another person's life. but aside from the one previously mentioned, one should always be reminded that there is also a thick line between killing time and killing a person: and the latter is something that we usually miss to consider--- karma chamelion.



*sorry, hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan kung bakit madami pa ring papampam. hahaha.

my top 100 favorite films (top 90-81)

90. oro plata mata 1982

the movie depicts the story of a rich filipino family during the World War2. how they struggle together with the people around them against death and violence.

i say: one of philippines pride and finest

89. spanish apartment 2002

it is a story about a group of exchange student all over western europe that found each other in one apartment. it tells about friendship, culture and life.

i say: aesthetically wonderful. best viewed with housemates! hehehe.

88. yossi and jagger 2002

the story is about two soldiers who guard the israel-lebanon border who try to find some peace and serenity. but eventually found each other.

i say: this made me realize the question, how come it is more accpeted to see two men holding guns than two men holding hands?

87. land before time 1-4 1988

An animated film that narrates the story of littlefoot, a small apatasaurus and his friend as they ventured in a number of journeys.

i say: the film explored so many social issues such as prejudices due to differences and conflicts that are well discusses through a child's perspective.

86. august rush

a story of a boy who was raised in an orphanage and how he was reunited with his parents through music.

i say: the only movie which has been wonderful in my ears..

85. sarong banggi
it tells the story of a young man who is trying to find himself and a prostitute who is looking for her son, just to find out the bitter truth of life.

i say: a very slow paced movie though the twist makes everything worth it.

84. dancer in the dark
a woman who never lose hope in darkness, a mother who wanted more than she has for her son and the world she have lived within the music she hears.

i say: a must watch!

83. madrasta 1996

how can a woman fit herself in a home that isn't hers?how can she win someone elses' heart, if she knows that someone already own them? and how can she exert her right, in a position and place that doesn't provide her one?this is a story of the life of a stepmother in filipino home and how it go outside the typical impression about them.

i say: the only sharon cuneta movie i liked... impressive

82. pusong mamon.

probably one of the earliest gay themed movie in philippine cinema that tackled outside the concept of prostitution. it is a story about two gay couples and how there life has been changed when a woman entered their bond.

i say: sana quizon na lang din ang apelido ko....hahaha.

the only feel good movie that i love... funny, and very refreshing! and the only pinoy-inspired movie na may production number na talagang naenjoy ko... bongga ka day! bongga ka day!

81. blood diamond 2006


A story of a journalkist who is following the illegal diamond trading in africa that ignited the civil war in the same continent. how he managed to infiltrate the business, how he witnessed the world he never thought possible and how he became a part of how the world knew what is inside the diamonds they are wearing.

i say: two thumbs up!

the service crew

my dad taught us to be polite to people especially those who provides customer service. he told us he was once one and he knows the shit they have been going through. fortunately, my dad became successful when he shifted to the maritime industry and later on to politics. but he will never forget his first job as a service crew in a fast food chain when he went to manila.

i can say that i have carried over that attitude up to now. regardless, how poor the service crew is with his/her job, i never fail to give them a smile and a heart felt "thank you."

admit it or not, there job is not easy as it looks. most of the time, they are even required to do multiple tasks for a very minimal pay. not to mention that most of them are even contractual for crying out loud. but still they force themselves to give out a warm smile.

if they mistakenly called you mam or sir, just smile back and greet them with their name. most of the time, hearing your voice call their attention and they would apologize and smile back. you really don't need to give them the frown, tone or the litany because their service don't really change regardless if you are a mam or a sir.

if they served you with the wrong order, just calmly inform them about the mistake. believe me, they will never take it against you. sometimes, they will even give you compliments for the unintended mistake.

for me, the least thing that i will do inside a food establishment is to mess around with its crew. no one knows what a crew can do to the food that they will serve you. they can spit on it, wipe it on the floor and even prepare it with spoiled hands.


i actually feel bad whenever a customer shouts at a service crew and what is more aggravating is that when a customer begins to transgress her frustration from the quality of service to the personal ones. i witnessed one before and the sad part was, the customer was even a close friend. i tried convincing her that she shouldn't do that. but she didn't accept my advise. she kept on ranting me that its the only thing that they do, why can't they perfect it?
i asked her, if she have ever tried being a crew once in her life. but she just kept quiet. then couple of months ago, i received a message from the same friend and informed me that she is currenlty working as a bartender in las vegas. i thought, probably by now, she already understands what i am pointing at before.

i never believe that a customer is always right. a customer only gets what she pays for. nothing less and nothing more. what she is paying for doesn't buy him/her any person, life or even something that is impossible. the tender or exchange is anchored upon certain rules and limitations. thus, it doesn't mean that since you are paying, you can expect everything from that establishment especially to the crew working for it.

***
last night, i went to a nearby convinient store near our office. i noticed that the crews here in makati are more socially interactive with their customers and relatively lively than the ones in cubao, katipunan or elsewhere.

one of the crews' popular protocols is suggesting additional product/s like the ones crews among fast food chains in mcdonalds, jollibee etc. do. but sometimes there are some crews, especially those who work near our place, that give out outrageously funny suggestions. i guess, they are just too sleepy to notice that they are already giving out canned suggestions, that are really out of this world.

for example, if you buy a sandwich, they'll ask if you want to buy a lighter. if you buy a slurpy, they'll ask you for gum, if you buy coke, they'll ask you for juice. there are just so many weird combinations that i could no longer remember becuase of my almost every night encounter with this certain crew.

but there is one incident that really left me rolling on the floor. one night a man infront of me, asked for a box of condom. the crew took one from the cabinet, gunned the condom, then asked, "banana, sir?" the man was left aghast and said a hard, NO!


the response caught the crew's attention, that made him figured out, he just pulled off a worng question. i already felt my stomach turning as i forced myself from not busting out to laughter. when the man reached the door, i almost spilled half of the laugh i was keeping inside. it took me almost 4 minutes before i could step off from the establishment and laughed my guts out. while walking i was still laughing smiling, thinking that the crew really made my day.

my top 100 favorite films (100-91)

i was in college when i first discovered my interest with movies: and up to this very moment, that same movie still marks a lot of things in me. i remember after that screening, i found myself, digging among video shop boxes, stall along streets and even in what i deemed to be as my fantasy land---quiapo. eventually, i developed the eye for a good movie (ehem!), atleast for my taste.
for years, i have been diligently collecting movies, most of which are foreign ones that have either an alternative or art genre. probably, if i haven't been that kind of lending these to friends(?), i already have a whole closet of vcds and dvds that you may mistake me for a pirated dvd seller.
just recently, as i was browsing some blog sites, i found this interesting blog. in one of yoshke's post, he posted his 50 all time favorite films which i really enjoyed. thus, being the gaya-gaya and competitive me, i have decide to list down my top 100 favorite films.

100. perfumed nightmares (1977)

it stars the same writer and director eric de guia or popularly known in the artist circle as kidlat tahimik. it tells the story of a young lad who wandered life from stowing away from his rural village in the cordillera mountains and went to manila and paris. then went back to his home after realizing how lonely his dreams were.

i say:if you have atleast three hours and a good attention span to spare, you might want to check this film. this is one of the earliest "indie" film, we have in the country, that will definitely challenge and escalate your imagination and indie point level to the sky.

99. jeux d'enfant (child's play: love me if you dare, 2003)
(romance, drama)
a story of two misunderstood kids who found themselves at each other's side through a "simple" game of dare until they grew up. eventually, they have realized the things they were betting were already their hearts.


i say:twistedly insane! probably, if i have a friend like this, i would just keep our friendship as a long distance one. in addition, no more carousel for me.

98. sleeping dictionary (2003)
(romance)
a story of an englishman, who took over his father's work and rendered the service of sarawak native, who sleeps with him and teach him the native language. until the two eventually began defining what a forbidden love is.

i say:one of the sexiest and informative films i have seen. never saw jessica alba this appealing and sexy. it was so effortless.

97. lost in translation (2003)
(comedy, drama)
a man struggling loneliness, alienation and complete culture change in a busy city of japan.i say:despite, its good story and portrayals, i will still not recommend this to someone who is living alone in the metro, during a gloomy and idle sunday afternoon.

96. beyond borders (2003)
(action, drama, romance)
the movie depicts the life of an international aid worker and how she struggle helping other peoples' lives and her own.

i say:inspiring! my breath just stopped for a full 30 seconds, while watching a toddler innocently playing a thrown grenade.


95. invisible circus (2001)
a struggle of a woman in understanding her sister's mysterious death.


i say: the first film that made me love the versatility of the hollywood actress and supermodel, cameron diaz.


94. ikiru (1952)
(drama)
it tells the monotonous and unfulfilling life of a bureaucrat and how it changed after learning he has stomach cancer.

i say: if you feel that you have already living the time of your life, try watching this film and tell me that again.

93. the laramie project (2002)
(documentary, drama)

The film narrates the story of the aftermath of the 1998 murder of Matthew Shepard in Laramie, Wyoming, who was brutally murdered by two men who mistakenly perceived the victim as sexually seducing them.


i say:one of the most monumental event in human history that gave way to the issues of gender awareness and equity around the world.before mounting the event to a film, it was first seen as plays, books and even gave inspiration for the hbo tv hit, angels in america.


92. tortilla soup (2001)
depicts the story of a mexican american chef and his three daughters. despite the chef's loss to taste, he still continued to cook lavishing meals for his family. while her daughters search for something that will fill their losing sense of fulfillment.

i say:you'll forget the word diet after watching this. but definitely you'll love the word family more.

91. iron ladies (2000)
a true story of a successful volleyball players in thailand, which was all composed of homosexuals. how they strived to dominate the sport, despite the discrimination and ridicule being thrown to them.
i say: funny, witty and inspiring.

the unEXpected

what if one day, you were walking along the university oval talking with a friend regarding a paper that you were cramming to pass that afternoon. while you were busy composing your thoughts and discussing it to him, you suddenly saw a familiar figure from a afar. you wanted to deny the speculation that was running in your head, thus you continued talking to you friend, pretending as if it is no big deal. but you noticed that you can't take away your eyes from the image. then suddenly, it smiled, it affirmed everything. for the first time ever, after an informal break up that left me thinking what went wrong, i saw my ex?

for many nights, everytime i walked pass the streets of makati going to work, i rehearsed all possible reactions i can think of, just in case we cross our ways. since my ex is also living and working in makati.

here are the different reactions that i have devised based from what i have observed from other people's experiences.

first reaction, "the kiber." there is a 94% chance that person will just continue walking and eyes straight ahead, pretending as if s/he haven't seen his/her ex's. although, s/he is too big, too tall or even too loud to miss.

second reaction, "the pretentious papampam." there is a 85% chance that a person will not acknowledge the presence of his/her ex's. but would device noticeable gestures that send out signals to the ex indirectly applying, "look at me asshole/bitch! i am more gorgeous, better and happier than ever. it's your loss, loser!" sometimes, pretending laughing and having the time of their life is the usual scenario with this very pretentious behavior.from there, the air will start to taste bitter and everyone can create homemade bitter herb capsules.

third reaction, "the frustrated action star." there is a 53% chance that a person, from the moment s/he smelled his/her ex, will immediately look, approach and beat the hell out of him/her. especially if s/he came from a very traumatic, nerve-wracking and frustrating relationship with his/her ex.now, you ask why s/he left you?

fourth reaction, "the next chelsea doll." there is a 16% chance that a person will acknowledge that s/he noticed his/her ex. but will give out that devilish stare that will make the his/her ex's eyes to bleed that balls out of him/her and even make him/her hear an echoing fleet of a million curses in his/her head.

it is the kind of stare that cesar montano gave out to dawn zulueta in antipolo massacre and with the goal of driving the person nuts like in the movie patayin sa sindak si barbara. thus, we can hide his/her name under the name chelsea.

fifth reaction, "the freakazoid." there is a 91%chance that a person will freak out by the moment s/he will see his/her ex. this is the kind of person that cannot compose his/her thoughts and action plans toward such scenarios. but these people don;t usually don't freak out because of they don't have any plans. infact, they are able to produce a long list of "appropriate solutions." but since it ends with the letter S, they immediately panic in choosing one among the-guiness-book-of-record-the-longest-action-plans-if-you-see-your-ex list. so usually, they just end up nailed in where they are standing, dehydrating theirselves with sweat and trembling like a horny hamster.

and finally, "the outgoing, care-free and could not care less personality." there is a 50% chance that a person will smile back to his/her ex, make a brief "kamustahan" and then proceed with their own lives. no need to ask for any explanation, upbrading or what your bitter mind have you.

the next question is which among these reactions did i utilize when i off guardedly saw my ex?
well, of course, you are just that darn boring ("HOWS YOUR CHILDHOOD, DUDE?!) if you haven't figure out that the general answer to such question is the last answer. its what we call finale.

when he smiled, i smiled back, gave out an expression of surprise and asked A, "what are you doing here?"

A answered, "I am returning back to school. hoepefully, i'll be able to finsih my degree this time."

"oh yeah? good. well good luck!"

"yeah. thanks!"

we waived our farewells with the smile still in our faces. then we walk our ways in opposite directions. it was liberating and actually felt really good. it felt like as we were walking away from another, it confirmed me that its finally over. although, i have long moved on but that incident finally put a dot on everything that we had. and the best part was we walked from each other smiling.

*no actual survey or study was conducted. the statistical figures are fictitious. it do not and WILL not EVER reflect any actual accounts. the following article is classified with the second reaction, papampam and just a product of my imaginitive and bored to death mind.

film spoiler: grande ecole, understanding art films

when mecir heard the song his brother composed, he didn't like it. the song was a love song, thus, for him it shouldn't be that tragic. it should implore more of a celebration, where everyone should be at the highlight of their lives and rejoicing for they have finally met the person who will complete them. until mecir finds out how idealistically romantic he was.

the film grande ecole is a french film that tells the story of paul, a rich graduate school student who fell in the depths and complications of both his girl friend's bet another person's love and even his own. the bet is all about who will able to seduce paul's new room mate, louis-arnault. they have decided that if agnes wins, paul will be forced not to explore his sexuality anymore, which was wins, agnes will leave him.

but in between this, paul meets mecir, a young arabic worker, who will eventually fell in love with him. until everyone will realize the meaning of life far from what they it to be.

at the end, mecir will recall one of the lines in his brother's song. "now, i walked with my head up in the stars to keep my tears from fallin." from there, he realizes what love really is, different from what he have thought it to be.

for me, there are four things that make a film a good one. first, if it is able to effortlessly tackle a wide array of issues. second, if it is able to transgress the audience from being one. third, if it makes the audience think instead of just taking what is being fed. and finally, if it is able to make the audience carry the story even after the film has ended. unsurprisingly, grand ecole bagged all these qualifications.

with the emergence of various indipendent movies from all corners of the media industry, no one can blame an audience, if he just get tired of getting the same bitter doze of what most call as art films. typically, the ingredients are low resolution camera, random actors, gruesome story plot that should touch an "immoral" or taboo subject. mix them together and alas! here goes your art film. but putting naked bodies in the film don't necessarily constitute an art film and this is what the film subtly tells us. you just don't put something into a scene and let the audience figure it out and connect it the story. although grand ecole exposed quite a large number of naked and provoking bodies in the film, it didn't leave its audience figuring where to jump to next. it provided a subtle and dimly exposing idea of what is it all about, in order to, to sew the great pattern.

for the new film makers, just please consider this entry.

the lost me

for the longest time, i have preferred not to talk about anything political in this blog. the choice came from my conscious bias on where i stand regarding the country's political situation.some call it leftist. but for me, its more of being critical--- in the most objective way possible.
i have been an activist during my entire college stay. coincidentally, in a university, where majority of the students are deemed to be one, atleast during my time.


whenever i hear the news, i just can't stop myself from thinking, where will i be now? or what am i doing, if i opt in staying in the movement? will i be happier?


different from the common perception of people that being an activist is an idle person's activity, being cynical or even moves of the hopeless, it is actually the other way around.


honestly, i enjoyed my experiences being one. its not only the thrill of chasing with the police, ranting among rallies and mobilizations, and attending endless meetings. but more with regard to meeting various faces and stories and most of all learning and actually contributing something for the society. i must say that its definitely exhausting. but at the end of the day, i feel somehow fulfilled. regardless, if the results of all these that i am or we are fighting for are unsure. probably, this is what makes us going, believing for what you are fighting for and you know is right. but recently, i began losing track of this essence.


with all the news that is bombarding us, it seemed like regradless, how intense the rallies and movements are, everything ends up to nothing. thus, it makes me think is the country's government already hopeless? i wondered where jun lozada is, now? and how come despite tons of news about corruptions and anomalies in the government, majority of the people still care less?


a friend from baguio, who is now based here in manila, invited me to a demonstration in recto a couple of months back. but i declined the invitation because i felt that i have already outgrown that stage of my life and already have a different priority. but when i reached home that night, i felt frustrated, as if i haven't really accomplished anything. then i realized, what makes me different from these people who don't care about the government?


yes, ofcourse, it easier for us to say that we our contributing in our own ways? and yes, there are indeed a number of other ways for us to contribute. but the question is, are we really doing and living it?


someone once told me that probably filipinos are just tired of all these for they don't see any favorable results in joining such: going to the streets, conducting mobilizations and what have you. but i believe otherwise. for me, i believe that most filipinos just still feel guilty about the mistake of throwing an administration for another, which is worst. thus, no one dares to commit the same mistake again.


but one should know that in commiting mistake, it doesn't stop from just admitting it and accepting its consequences. we should all learn how to correct this mistake. one should also put in mind that there are actually no maximum numbers of committing mistakes in life.what matters is how many were we able to correct out of those mistakes.


upon writing this post, i have realized that if i will stop and will keep on believing that the country will be hopeless, then how can i see another people to believe for the same hope i have turned my back?


that's the burden i have to carry for myself.

and no, i am not the political messiah, this country is needing. i am just a boy sitting infront of his computer asking it to be faster... hehehe