Sunday, August 10, 2008

bedsheet

disclaimer: this my ultimate emomoments.

source

a lover is a mirror through which you can see yourself clearly.

-zhou yu's train


its been almost 8 months since we broke up. but the picture of you lying on my bed, watching my dvds and playing with my stuffs are still clear.there are even nights when i can still smell your scent lingering in my bedsheet. there, my arm will automatically move and hug the pillow beside me. it will squeeze it tighter and tighter as if its looking for any familiarities. then i will wake up and realize that you are no longer there--- and we're no longer together.probably as of now, just like me, you are still wondering the actual reason why we split up. the only thing that i can remember is the day before it happened. you were standing infront of the tv set, gathering all your dvds in my rack. it gave me a hint. but i rejected the idea. the next day you sent me a message, telling me that there is someone at your office, who is flirting you. you asked me if i am jealous and i answered the usual: no, i am not. then we talked about your ex. you told me the things that i have already heard before. but i still entertained it as if its the first time i heard it.
even without the exact words, i know at the back of my head, that you miss those moments: those moments that we both know, i could not do for you because my personality is not allowing me so. you asked me if you can date someone and i said yes. you were delighted. but when i told you that as long as i can date another as well, you went hysterical and withdrew the deal. i smiled.i know that your just making me feel jealous. so that you'll know how much i love you and confirm whatever doubt you have in yourself (or we can also say that i am assuming too much). but as i've mentioned to you on the onset of our relationship, i am not a vocal person. hearing me saying "i love you" nonetheless, i did the best that i can do to work this relationship out. but it seemed like you still demanded for more. probably whoever came up with the line, action speaks louder than words, haven't met you yet when he said this. you can now call me bitter.aside from the fact that it is my personality, i also want you to feel the real value of those three simple words, whenever i utter it to you. i am sorry if i cannot say this to you every minute just the way your ex usually do. but i just don't want to say it just for the heck of saying it. and besides i never really deprived you of those words. i just don't want to over use it.
i don't want you to hear it just because we are together. but because i really mean it. i don't want you to get used of it because i am afraid of the day that its meaning may no longer have any value to you. or probably, above all, i am just paranoid about everything between us.and now, 10 minutes before the exact 8th month we broke up, i decided that it is indeed time for me to put a dot to whatever we had. not because, i haven't moved on yet. but i just want to clear things out for the both of us. you may not read this post. but hopefully someday you'll stumble into it and if that will happen, i just want you to know that i am sorry for everything that i didn't understand and lack with this set up we had and thank you for the memories that would be forever kept underneath the scent on my bed sheets.

27 comments:

Myk2ts said...

sad.
it's always hard to miss someone.

Lance said...

moving on is so much harder when we know the person still do occupy a space in our heart...
but if you think now is the right time, then go ahead and pull off those blankets and say, it's time to change sh*ts... i mean sheets.. =)
cheer up, buddy....

dabo said...

oh eric...

dabo said...

now i understand the short story..

no wonder the short story was bundled err magulo like that..hehehe.. i mean it so hard for you to write the its because like blurry dreams you are still figuring things out.. it is so personal


take care pare

mrs.j said...

*hug..

u read na ba my post na ganito din?

hay

jericho said...

i am sorry also. chos! hindi pala ako ito.

halatang emo nga ewik. still.. better out than in. ;)

dak said...

reminds me of someone from the past.

not recent.

[pats your back]

Mugen said...

i also want you to feel the real value of those three simple words, whenever i utter it to you. i am sorry if i cannot say this to you every minute just the way your ex usually do. but i just don't want to say it just for the heck of saying it. and besides i never really deprived you of those words. i just don't want to over use it.
i don't want you to hear it just because we are together. but because i really mean it. i don't want you to get used of it because i am afraid of the day that its meaning may no longer have any value to you


nagkakaisa tayo dito. Sayang, masyadong nakabaon na sa baul ng mga entries ang closure entry ko sa ex ko. :)

boying said...

Ouch! C'est trop pénible.

"Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes. I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life. Its you that I live for, and for you I die. So, I'll lay here with you 'til the final goodbye."

-rihanna

"Sometimes we never see the warning, and the voice in your head tells you not to go. It really makes me wonder why some things happen when they do. It really makes me wonder why it wasn't me instead of you."

-michelle branch

Kyogre said...

you are who/what you are

and you're beautiful as is

pare

Kyogre said...

no apologies

xxxborgexxx said...

Hit the sheets at night and cry yourself out in bed. Listen to mellow music and suck up to the lyrics and cry all over again. It's dark outside but you can make your emotions even darker. Remember the person, smell the person, picture the person. When your eyes are so red they'd almost bleed, sleep. Sleep like a freakin' baby. Don't dream. Think this: tomorrow is another day. It's dark outside but no matter what it is, the sun will shine tomorrow. Understand that the world hasn't ended and you've got a life to live. --BTW, thanks for the nice comments.

RONeiluke, RN said...

hays...nako napaEMO ka na din tuloy...i'm sorry mate...ang hirap makarecover sa ganyan...almost everything will remind you of that special someone...but nothing's easy when it comes to loving someone...it will take time...change the bedsheets. i think change will help you alot.

Bino/Geno said...

Awwww. Nakakalungkot. Ako rin. Sometimes I miss my ex. Although it's more than a year now. Sabi nga nila. It will take you twice as long as the relationship to move on.

Pero I believe nakamove on na ako. Hehe.

Meet naman tayo Ewic! :)

bryz25 said...

i will re-read this over and over again, together with mrs. j's.

i have the same sentiments kagabe habang pauwe sa bahay. sinabayan pa ng ulan ang pag-eemo ko...

galing mo eric. for sure madameng makakarelate.

harmonie said...

huhu...bakit ba kasi?

I miss him tuloy! pero tama na ang emote, sabi nga ni Sarah G e 'wag ng umiyak dahil nakakasira ng bait.

Something to remember: (alam ko wala ako karapatan to comment more pero share ko lang para gumanda ang mood mo)

--Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

--No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

--Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

harmonie (cheer up!)

Mel said...

/me is singing "you and i both"

^kunwari nasa mIRC lolz

Ely said...

ako, pinalabhan ko na sampung beses ang bedsheet, hehehe...

ika said...

**hugs**

pensucks said...

it also reminds me someone from the past,haay emo mode. pero nacurious ako anong scent yong underneath sa bedsheet?hehehe

Kiks said...

i think it's time the bedsheets hit the washer.

;-)

joaqui_miguel said...

I also agree with the saying of those precious 3 words. It loses its value in routine. And yeah, those bed sheets need washing. lol

CARLO said...

Im sure the other person missed those moments with you too.

As for you, remember the feeling and get inspired anew. :)

wanderingcommuter said...

ron: tingin ko hindi na naman yun mawawala---memories. it will no longer be you kung binura mo yung mga memories na ganun. tignan mo yung eternal summer for a spotless mind. hahaha... ayan emomoments na naman. hahahaha.

bino: hahaha. sorry for digging those memories again, bino. hahaha! naks gusto ko yun, It will take you twice as long as the relationship to move on.

catch me if you can ito bino... hahaha.
bryz25: i think it must be the weather. ganito lang siguro talaga kapag tag ulan. ang mas sad pa nun. birthmonth ko ay start ng rainy season kaya mas EMO ako. hahaha! thanks dude! sometimes we need to face such things for us to be able to move on. huwag lang umabot sa point na ito na ang nagpapaikot sa buhay mo.
harmonie: hahaha.. natawa naman ako sa iyo. ako may linya ako ngayon: life is too good to be wasted in mourning. hahahaha...wala lang. pero hanapin mo n lang mga linya mo sa friendster. ako yun kapag nabasa mo yan sa shout out. hahaha.
mel: ctc? hahaha...

ely: nasa sabon daw yun ng laundry shop eh. hahaha..

♥nova-san said...

Emo.... in case you haven't noticed, I'm a total emo machine.

Anyway... this reminds me of something in my own life. I had this bf who never, ever told me that he loved me. It angered me that he never said it, even though we were together for a long time. I asked him to say it, and he said he couldn't. I assumed he couldn't say it because he didn't feel it. I broke up with him because of that. It was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I look back now and I realize that he told me in hundreds of ways that he loved me, in the way that he would wait for me at places, how he would do things for me... but he just never vocally said it. I realized too late that the words "i love you" can be said in thousands of different ways, and not just with three little words. But yet, I have been with others that say it all the freakin' time, and to me, it holds almost no meaning.

That's what this post reminded me today.

Beautiful post.

tinay said...

grrr the sheets. my weakness lies on the sheets of paper and the bedsheets. shit! :D

but mine was an odd story, i want to call it odd because it's beyond conventions.

but perhaps, love does not have laws.

i can feel that you are so passionate about life and love. i can see pieces of me in you. sometimes, you feel that you have swallowed a curse. but hold on to that heart, it will bring you to beautiful places, wandered. :)

Kasper said...

very nice post..