kite dreamer

i never learned or experienced flying a kite. until it came to a point in my adult life that it became one of my greatest frustrations in life and must-do-before-i-die. as far as i can remember, my memory of flying kites is just a picture of my friends happily flying theirs. while i am alone staring at them and thats it. i never really knew why, up until i paid my uncle a visit the other day. we were sitting in his terrace, when we saw a kite flying pass across his roof, dived and soared up high. i was wowed with the scene and shared to him my frustration to fly a kite one day. then he told me, "you always had a kite when your were little. but you cry whenever your dad teach you how to fly it." "huh?...why?" "well because you're scared that it would never return back" then i asked myself, "was i already dramatic as such young age?" when i reached home, i wondered if such claim holds true. then i saw bunch of movie tickets, signed receipts, stained stones, used coffee paper cups and bunch more kept in my closets and all over my room since first year college. at first, i want to deny it. but i was caught off handedly. i want to insist that i am not a sentimental person because it just can't be. i am as tough and cold as a stone. then these things began moving and gave me a nod as if a person telling me, "yes, you are a very sentimental person, ewik. and we are the proof of that." in a blink of an eye, everything went still. as if i was returned back from an animated wormhole. its just that there are so many memories within those things that i can't simply throw away. and being my forgetful self, i have to have something to relive those moments. i think its beyond being sentimental and more of a self preservation. for me, without these things around, is like sleeping without your eyes shut. but in second thoughts, i realized that for me to know things that i want, i have to learn to let go off other things. sacrifice is inevitable. everything or everyone has to go for nothing is bound forever. i need to make a risk and not live with 'what ifs': if something got lost, i need to learn to accept it for i cannot get everything that i want. its just a matter of how you have lived with it or them and how they have marked themselves in you and vice versa.
having this on mind, i am now considering of having a general cleaning and throw away those things that my mom use to call "trash". then i will create my own kite afterwards. and hopefully i will finally be able to it the next day.


*this post is a subtle way of saying that we all need to move on. hehehe.