have you ever wondered, where they are now?

*sponsor muna! special thanks to NOVA, who made my blog template possible.

last night's dream was totally out of this generation and would probably be the weirdest dream i ever had. it was about meeting and actually working with movie artists of my childhood. but like most of my other dreams i forgot the details of it, sorry.

then i thought where are these artists now?

if you do have any information about them can you post please post a comment of it. i am really curious about there life and where abouts. thanks!

10. cynthia luster

cynthia luster is a japanese martail artist and actress who extended her talent during the early 1990s in the philippines. i first remembered her as fara's sided kick in the tv flick, bioman. but i forgot her character's name. she made more or less 10 filipino films. b when action film was being replaced by ST films in the mid of 1990s, her stardom was beginning to flunctuate and she ended up going back to her home country.

9. anjanette abayarri

one of the most sexiest women during the 90s. if she'll still be in the industry, probably she would still make her way in the FHM sexiest list.

8. red sternberg at bojo molina

well, the last things i've heard from these guys are red is working in a call ceenter, which would probably be a rumor. while bojo is managing full time his bar somewhere in the metro.

7. priscilla almeda

she started as abbi viduya in that's entertainment. then went to priscilla almeda when she made a comeback, to do sexy films in the latter part of 1990s.

i just wondered what her name is now and what she's up to.

6. antonette taus

popularly known as one of the main cast of the hit teen show, tgis in the late 1990s. she paired one of the most eligible bachelor in the countrty at present, dingdong dantes.

the last thing i've heard from her was, she went to california to try her singing career. but up until now, we never heard anything from her again.

i wonder if she is or still bitter with karylle?

and would you believe her online fan site is still active and ongoing? hehehe.

5. tom taus jr

if there is antoinette taus, there should also be his brother tagging along.

believe it or not, he happens to be my role model when i was growing up. when he played cedie the munting prinsipe movie for star cinema. after he reached puberty and his pimples were going out of control, i never heard anything from him again.

4. serena dalrymples

she would definitely be tom taus' counter part for me. serena has made her way among the list of the most notable child actress of the philippine film industry. she was the only child actress that made me cry in the film: bata, bata, paano ka ginawa.

***

okay, i admit. i also cried at agatha tapan's portrayal of trudis liit... as much as its hard to admit.

3. leandro baldemor

before jay manalo, he ruled the world of sexy men. he was probably the only man that could make a last wo/man standing against rosanna roces. now, i don't know where the heck is he. if i am not mistaken, i think i saw him in the latest episode of MMK.

2. amanda page

probably after tatsulok, i haven't heard anything from her again. i even remembered one time, i was already on the verge of texting this local showbiz show that has a segment in which they'll answer any of their viewer's showbiz question. unfortunately, i still lack the guts of doing so. sigh!

but still, for me, she is one of the most brilliant actresses we have in the industry. atleast during those times and i'm also lookign forward for her come back.

1. and finally, liz alindogan

most of the younger generation wouldn't probably know this actress. but for some personal reason i happen to know her and i think even one of the bloggers i know know this person. right, nova? hehehe.

anyhow, before ST and bomba films. wet look reigned the cinema houses in cubao and recto. and liz alindogan happnes to be one of the most successful sexy stars during those times. and this i wrote without any personal biases at all.

*sorry for being so show off, about my expertise in the field of philippine show business. basically, that's what you get when your mom rears you in watching only showbiz news shows every sunday since we were kids.

**to end it all, isn't it just right to be curious where they are now?

is skin color really matters, nowadays?

disclaimer: the following article would probably be one of my lengthiest post ever. but please just get the gist!

the other night, i found myself hook to this us talk show out of extreme boredom. i got really interested on it because they were talking about racism brought about by skin colors. they've discussed the common notion that the lighter your skin complexion is, the more attractive and advantageous you are in the us.

check here for details of the episode.

the entire audience was extremely furious and yelling "racist" to this woman guest. the reason?
the woman confessed that she kept on telling her 12 year old boy, not ever date or bring a dark-skinned "chick" in her house. well, i guess, we couldn't blame the crowd, can we?

but surprisingly, the woman was also an african-american. although her skin is 'quite' lighter than most of the black audience in the show, or what most south black americans as yellow-skinned.
then everything went worst, when this woman actually told the host, who was also black, that she doesn't want to have dark-skinned grand kids with big noses and full lips. simply because she found them less attractive and intelligent. well, just beat that guts dude.

while watching the show, i just can't stop myself from getting disturbed and at the same time relate their rants to our context. then i thought, is there also a room for racism in the country? or is it just that we don't have the term for it, thus, we (also) lack knowledge and/or sensitivity for its existence in our everyday life?

for me, racism is very obvious in our society. by just mere seeing hundreds of skin whitening product ads and billboards along edsa, we could already tell that there is indeed a prevailing racism against the general filipino population in the country.

but ironically,most of us, don't really feel discriminated with such. the intriguing question is why?
some would actually argue that,
* not all filipinos are dark-skinned---uhuh! good point. but not enough.
**we are raised believing that white is good. while black is bad---huh?
***many of us perceive and agree that whiter complexion as clean. while dark-skinned as the opposite---"...".

first of all, i think that there is a need to understand the concept of race thoroughly. as defined by webster, race is any of the different varieties of population of human beings distinguished by physical traits, blood types, genetic code patterns and inherited characteristics. while racism basically as the belief and practice that directly or indirectly asserts the superiority of one race over another.

filipinos are classified as mongoloids. indeed, we are mongoloids as connotative and retarded as it may sound. we are technically identified as such from the two remaining primary race: caucasoid and negroid, because of our black hair, round dark eyes and medium brown to dark skin.

nonetheless, same with the us, it also goes that not all of us share the same physical characteristics. our rich (prehistoric and colonial) history and the growing (or disturbing) cases of online mail-order marriages and OCWs at present, would actually tell us that country has become the melting pot of all colors of the world. it is even becoming problematic nowadays, what a filipino really looks like or is, if you're going to watch pinoy big brother or any other local reality show or beauty pageants alike.

i get the point that these shows would just like to promote and highlight the diversity of the filipino race. however, it always occur to me that what if such is just a mere excuse for what is in fact a form of racism in our media. or probably, i am just being too pessimistic.

take for example, a friend's experience., she was a singer who i met in baguio and auditioned for a reality singing contest here in manila last year. basically, she blew the judges away with her voice. in fact they even made this aware to her. but one of the judges blatantly told her that they don't actually accept dark-skinned hopefuls. they even advised her to try auditioning to the other stations instead. because they've heard, they were accepting dark-skinned talents.

i felt sorry for my friend upon hearing this. obviously, after that audition she never tried to such anymore.

now, it aggravates me more to watch people, especially those typically pinoy dark skinned talents not passing the audition just for the reason that they don't have that "star quality". probably, even you couldn't also blame them from thinking that the concept of star quality is equated to beauty with/or having whiter or lighter skin complexion.

another case was this little aeta boy i've seen in a documentary show. he was interviewed primarily for the topic of child labor in a sugar cane plantation. but when he was asked what he feels whenever people from work tease him because of being an aeta. he answered that he just ignore them because he believes that he is no longer one (aeta). simply because he is already in the lowlands and has no intentions of going back to the mountains.

like the documentarist, i also felt alarmed and dismayed with what the boy said. i was alarmed about his life. because atleast for me, i believed that a future is always vague and hopeless to be determined or taken by somebody, who doesn't even know himself. where will he even begin?

but come to think of it, you couldn't also blame the poor kid. because for those who are like them in a society where opportunities to prosper are determined by the color of your skin, there is no other way but to deny the bitter fact of their fate, in order to atleast survive.

then i look at my skin before i went to bed that night. it was not that fair nor dark. but in a way, i still couldn't stop myself from feeling fear.

the shiva in me--- now, i am screwed!

i am the worst blogger ever.
in my pursue of changing the template of my blog, i ruined everything.
at first, it was quite fun and exciting. checking for some cool templates and sorts. i have decided that i would get a three column template. so that i could maximize the space of my site.
but in my attempt of doing it without supervision, i've lost all of my blog link list, my cbox, everything! and to top it all up i didn't even made a back up of my previous template.
now, i need to force myself to understand these html language.
it has been almost 8 hours now, infront of my computer and i am still trying to figure out how will i change my header's color. so that it'll compliment the back ground.
how come state universities like my alma matter never gave us a curriculum for html-related courses? huhuhu.
i've already tried deleting the html info of my current template and tried changing it to a different one of my choice. but it would still not accept it.

* i am already on the verge of giving up. so please if there's somebody who is techie enough to fix this for me. please send me your email address. i'll be more willing to send you the template. hehehe!

by the way, i am beginning to reconstruct my blog list again. so if you don't see your name on the list, just inform me.

now, back fore more destruction of this!

10 things i want to do before i die

10. i want to learn how to fly a kite.
when i was a kid, we lived in a condo type building and everyday i would go to our terrace and check if there are any kites flying around.
there, i would just let myself to be envious with those kids below, flying their kites. wishing i know or i could fly one too.
nobody actually taught me how to fly a kite. my dad was abroad by that time and we don't have any neighbors that i could play with. so i grew up just watching kids buying and flying kites.
i tried buying one before. but the kite didn't even take a day. whenever i tried running the kite, it would just keep on hitting the ground.
now, i am just wishing that i was piolo pascual's son so he could teach me how to fly a kite. hahaha.

9. i want to ramp as a model for a clothing line.
i know its already something big just mere thinking about it. but you can't take my admiration to those people walking confidently on run ways. probably its because of the confidence or probably their body too. and i have heard that models never pass a week without sex. hahaha!

8. i want to sing for a band (done)
everybody knows that i am not a good singer. but whenever i think of the fact that gretchen barreto and judy ann santos have their own record, i couldn't simply think of any other reasons why i can't. you could argue the fact that there rich and possess lots of opportunities. but mark my words greta and juday, i will also get into that status and no matter or how much it would take, i will make sure that my album will reach the international market and go 5x platinum.

7. i want to be a travelling artist/philantropist
basically, this is what i want to be, once i am already retired. haay. i could just imagine the serenity of the white sand beach then there goes the ripper in his hawaiian/flowery cloak coming for me---smiling.

6. i want to visit the following countries:
spain because of its beautiful people, rich culture and history.
italy because of the romantic accent and delicious food.
hongkong because of tony leung, wong kar wai and the night market.
mexico because of gael garcia bernal, chilli tacos, buritos, thalia and the mayan civilization.
thailand because of the phuket shows and the temples.
amsterdam because almost everything is legal.
nepal for their marijuana bonnet although i don't smoke pot.
and india for taj mahal

5. i want to establish a foundation that would cater socio-civic developments against poverty and lack or maleducation.
you could only live your life once, so i always believe that you just don't have to live it to teh fullest. but you should also allow yourself to be an instrument for other people to live their life to the fullest as well.

4. i want to play for a broadway musical.
after watching rent. somehow it inspired me to play for a broadway character. i thibnk its so much fun and more emotional than the usual theater play.

3. i want to launch my own art exhibit.

although i still don't know what i'll put in it. but i am thinking of putting visual arts. although my folio is not yet that big to occupy an entire gallery. hopefully, by the time i am already at my 30s, i can or i will accomplish this.

2. i want to mount my own short film and/or video coumentary.
well, i am so into visuals and film and video documentary are one of my favorite. although i don't really want to sound like a poser just because indie films are making its way to the main stream. but i have already been into the craft even before almost everyone joined the wagon. but probably, this would be sooner than any of these on the list.

1. i want to have a child.
as most women nowadays would say, its fine to me to have a kid even if there is no husband.
well for me, this is not only because of social security issues when i grow old. but more with regard of still thinking of having a family of my own.

kiss MARK

it just occured to me, how come kiss marks are so controversial amongst us filipinos or probably to other nations?

i remember one time, a classmate from college walked in to our early morning class with band aids in her neck. i dropped my jaw saying in my head she should have just not done that. people in college are not preschool not to know that it was kissmarks that she was covering with band aids. but it didn't end their when one of our mean and playing naive friend asked her about the band aids. she answered that she fell from her stairs and got bruises on her neck.

i knew, i have one hell of an imagination. but i am really having a hard time imagining, how you'll get bruises on your neck by falling at the stairs.

later on, she confessed that her boyfriend just went up to baguio for a visit and probably miss each other a lot.

second incident was at my previous work (naks). he was a good looking lad, probably a bit older than me. he has this northen spanish features in him with long, dark brown, curly hair. he was the fanatsy favorite on our floor, i must admit. then one day, he sat beside me like he usually does. it was hours before i have noticed that for the first time ever he was wearing turtle neck that day. yes, the office is quite cold bvecause of the air conditioning. but that clothe is always on the bottom of the list because you still have to consider the weather by the time you go out of work.

at first he was really hesitant in spilling it. but eventually he confessed, when another officemate saw kiss marks on his neck. he said that he went out last night and saw some of his guy friends. he was really wasted that night and just woke up seeing those marks on his neck. the thing was they were all boys that night and he's straight.

well it seemed like some of his guy friends weren't. hehehe

anyhow, going back to the question i posed earlier. how come some people tends to hide it?

well, it should be given right that if you have a partner, you'll definitely kiss. and most of the time, it could be so intense and it would not always be on the lips.

in addtion, i don't quite understand as well why people are ashamed of having one. they tend to hide it and conceal it with anything that they could think of and come up with the weirdest possible alibis for it?

tell me the most cliche reason again; conservatism of filipinos. yes, it will always be the reason that we could tell for almost millions of questions especially when it comes to being moral. but i am proud to say that we should not be ashamed of it, we should not conceal it and i must admit it i am even missing the feeling of it.

hahaha.

MWAAAHHHH!!!!

hoping it mark something in you too.

being green is always in

if you met me six years ago, you might knew me as an environmentalist rather than a social activist, a blogger or even a bum.
and the feeling is quite nostalgic. since i am currently here in bicol enjoying the rest of my vacation grande, communing with nature and mt. bulusan. hahaha!
anyhow, before i entered college, my activism-life started as green before it became red. i was religiously attending seminars, conferences, activities such as clean drives, tree plantings, eco runs and camps. i even remember one time that i've had the chance to work with some celebrity environmentalists such as chin chin guttierez and roy alvarez.
then when i entered college, i've became more socially inclined. nonetheless, i am proud to say that i was able to carry with me my environmentalist self.
i thought of posting this, because i just noticed that this year's earth day would probably be the most celebrated and recognized specialized day in the world.
when the world ought to celebrate international days or months for the lungs, heart, kidneys and even the prostrate, most people could not be even aware that such exist. thus, my loudest applaud to the various organization that made all of these possible.
well, i wouldn't tackle anything regarding various threats and effects of global warming, illegal logging or being a carnivore for crying out loud because considering the large amount of information that the media has already feeded us, i might bore people with the redundancy of it.
basically, i believe in a different perspective in dealing with environmental issues. although the aims are still in the same advocacy or goal. i believe that by the time human beings has prospered and developed their rationality to intelligence, they have become so human-centered. we have developed science and technology always inclined on our advantage and at the expense of our nature and the billions of other beings just like us who are tenants of the planet.
people should always consider that in everything that we do, we should not only think of the benefits to ourselves as humans.
indeed, life is the survival of the fittest. but how will the process of natural selection takes place if there is no longer any (natural) thing left to perform it?
yes.
i also don't want to sound really cheesy or too hard core in dealing with such issues. probably the only thing that i could contribute is for people to understand and comprehend these things to themselves. because at the end of all these, only our selves will be the one that would decide the future of our environment.

have a fruitful earth day!

jobs i wish i wouldn't do or be

whoever said that an idle mind is a devil's workshop, is a genius.
for me, the first week of being unemployed was a blast. i tend to realize many things that i have taken for granted before. there were also times when i felt that i have never been this productive.

but by the time you realized that your wallet is beginning to thin and the days that you don't have anything else to do but warm the couch infront of the tv is becoming a very common thing in your life, somethign would just hit you that its already enough.

so i thought of moving ahead with my being a bummer and find a new career path.

nonetheless, unlike most people, i thought of making a list first of the jobs that i don't want to be. i had a lot of fun thinking about it and decided to post it.

8. security guards aka living scarecrows.
my best respects are always in these brave men. not only because they risk their lives to guard and protect the establishments that they are employed to, but also of the boredom that they have to endure for hours and even days just standing infront of their etablishment.
they are already lucky if they happens to have somebody with them for their shift. but most of the time, they only has a small, old black radio that could only play am frequencies with them. and the surprising thing is i still haven't heard of a security guard that made his way to the news reporting industry or politics perhaps.

7. sales clerk aka the human balete tree
if there was an award for the most number of times called by my teachers to stand and face the wall, it would probably the most common thing that you'll see among my awards when i was a kid.
aside from the embarassment, standing there with no one to talk with for hours would probably be the most grueling experience i have to bear for my entire life. thus, seeing and knowing those saleslady as you walk by department stores standing there for their entire 8 hours shift without sitting would definitely be something.
something refering to the number and the sizes of the varicose veins they have in their legs.

6. promoters or the flyer and ad givers
if there is one thing i used to do in baguio whenever i walk along commercial streets and buildings, that would be collecting ads.
i once asked a friend who actually worked as a promoter before as a part time job, how is it like seeing those ads that you give to be crumpled and thrown into trash cans after you gave it to them.
"nothing," he answered me, " as long as they've received it, its fine with me. basically, i have nothing to do with it anymore once they got it from me. because the profession only requires me to empty my hands with all the flyers my employer gave me and thats it."

after that, all i could think of was, what a very fulfilling job it was.

then when i went to manila and realized how many piece of ads are stored in my bag, i thought this being a good samaritan to them just need to stop. atleast, for mother nature's sake.

5. plumbers
probably one of the most common line that you'll hear from a businessman is that a healthy competition is always a good thing for your business. but with the rare demand for a plumber (for most filipino would actually tend to learn how to fix tehir sink or bowls tahn to pay for someone to fix it) and the number of tubero ads you see on each electric post in quezon city alone (for me its not a complete pinoy electric post without it), is very close to being a bum.

i actually wonder if some people just post such ads to excuse themselves from their family for being a tambay.

4. jolina magdangal's boutique manager or sales lady (i'll be damned if they happened to have more than one sales lady).
haven't i just said enough? i think its self-explanatory. nothing personal jolina. its just that i couldn't believe that i actually bought your album for the movie: labs kita okay ka lang when i was in high school. just think of it as a pay back.

3. care takers
i never really understood this job or if this is indeed a job. probably if we're going to talk about being a thing sentimentalist then this could be perfect for you. but fulfillment and practically-wise, i think i'll pass it.
living inside an abandoned house and just preserving it would probably one of the most boring things to do. not if, you have another job and you just bear it because you're quite uncomfortable with the soaring prices of renting or owning a house in the metro.

2. pozo negro personnel
just mere imagining it makes my entire system to create an involuntary jerk. no wonder i never liked the bathroom especially common comfort rooms. oh, there's the jerk again.

1. and finally, toll gate clerks
one thing i like about myself is i am able to travel a lot. in which, most of the time i take the land transpo. but whenever i pass by a tollgate booth, i always imagine the amount of boredom these clerks has to deal with everyday especially if you are in the night shift and assigned in a very remote place thats seldom being passed by by motorist.
i could just lose my nuts if i am in there shoe.

but if you're just tired of the fast paced and busy metropolitan life why not try this profession. who knows, you might come up with a great 15000 page novel as a bonus.

a foreigner's nightmare

when i was a little kid, i always dream of having a foreigner partner---either an european or a latin american would do. but of course, if it would be possible, i would like to have both.

believe it or not, at the age of eight, i already thought of having penpals. i've already done a prank collect phone call to united kingdom from a phone number me and my yaya saw in a local tabloid. probably that is why, i always believed that yayas are your child's first bad influence without you or the parents even knowing it.

when i've reached my emotional, intellectual and let's include my physical maturity, then came the internet. such a perfect timing!

i would definitely bald my eyebrows, if someone would claim that they were not hook nor engage with cyber-chatting during their first months of knowing the internet or up until now.

indeed, the internet is such a powerful thus addictive thing. and one of its most amazing features is its ability to minimize world distances. i couldn't just imagine how an almost 3 months world exploration trip by magellan from spain to limasawa, would be just a click away over the internet. if only ferdinand magellan is still alive, he would probably die of extreme frustration.

anyhow, i must admit that i WAS also hooked in chatting BEFORE. for a while, it gave me hope of fulfilling my dreams: of having an european or latin american partner or both without even going to the DFA to get a passport or bug the embassy for a visa. the internet has this unique capacity of luring your targets to go here in the philippines, instead. then let them bring you abroad. ofcourse, provided that you know the language and the operations of the cyber world.

but it never really took me that long to realize that the truth there is in cyber chatting was as thin as a dandelion's petal. while its lies were as big as my own egoistic illusions.

source

now, i am just surprised to see how our streets are filled with foreigners commonly with their filipina partners.

for before, it was always the subdivision's week long chismis topic, if one of our neighbors brings a foreigner partner to their home. but now, as time goes by and as the number of filipinas who walk the streets together with their foreigner partners increase, the more the issue fade away and become a usual scene: like a three year old street children crossing philcoa during rush hour alone.

in addition, if there is one thing i also noticed and i could apply to economics, that will be the issue is in an inverse relation. filipinas who marry foreigners are becoming younger and younger. as their foreigner partners get older and older.

but don't get me wrong. i don't really have any problems nor prejudices against filipinas getting foreigners as their partners. provided that this is indeed love that they found with them.

not to mention that i know, its quite inappropriate to think of something bad to your fellow filipinos. probably the same feeling you have if you believe and favor brian gorrel than dj montano. but whenever i walk inside a internet cafe especially at night and see a group of women sharing one computer station, giggling and keep on fitting their faces in the screen, i just can't stop thinking bad against them.

i even remember one time, when i sat beside this middle aged woman who was talking over the computer's head phone. she was talking to an old Caucasian guy, who could already be his grandfather at the top of her tiny and irritating accent. she kept on saying caring and adoring words to the man. then suddenly, in a flash she made a complete segway and asked for money for her coming birthday. she reasoned that she needs to have a new dress and thinking of throwing a party. i never knew the old man's decision. but at the back of my head, i was really dismayed of what i've heard.

while there was this old american guy, probably in his 80s that i have talked with before. he told me, he has a filipina fiancee in cebu. she was only 19 years old and guess what, they've also met over the internet. isn't it surprising?

but what was more surprising about it was, what the old guy told me next. he told me that he was quite confident with her young fiance because he boasted that the girl and her family were not that well off. so there's no way that the girl will leave her.

i almost fell in my seat when i heard the man's reasoning. like calvin, i wanted to crush his throat and throw him across the pacific and back to his country. i never imagined that some foreigners' actually think this way to our people.

but in second thought, you could never blame them. because as the old filipino saying goes, may usok dahil may nag siga (there is a smoke because someone lit a fire).

now, after writing this, i've just realized that all i really wanted as of the moment is a psp, a laptop and new pair of jeans. and that's it! i am no materialistic nor a delussional hopeless romantic fellow. no more partner. if it would come, then let it be. it wouldn't really matter now if its a local or a foreigner. que sera, sera.

*ding!* uk_hottie: hi!

geez, i never thought that it was this fast?

the kuya instinct

latak, paper and color pencil, 041408

last night, i met my sister for dinner in gate way to celebrate her recognition day.

two days from now, she will march her way out of college and get her degree in physical therapy at up manila. well i just can't wait to welcome her in the world of un(der) employed.

i was almost half way there, when my sister informed me that she will be with somebody. then i thought of her best friend from mindanao which is always with her whenever she goes out. although i've met her best friend for quite sometime, i am still not really comfortable meeting with her or my sister's friends. probably because i am really having hard time reaching out to people who i really don't know--- personally. nonetheless, it was my sister's night, so i just have to bear with it.

then, my sister told me it was not her best friend rather her boy friend.

i was shock. it was mix emotions.

probably because it was my first time to hear from a sibling that she is already in a relationship and being the eldest in the breed of four, its something really unexplainable. this is the the time where your blood rushes to your head and floods your rationality.

i know, it is inevitable. because sooner or later my siblings will have the family of their own. i also want to see them happily married and with children of their own. but this came unexpectedly. (although love indeed, comes unexpectedly...ewww, cheesy! BANG!)

probably this is what they call the kuya instinct, where you tend to be very protective with your younger siblings. this is the time, when you see every man as a cunning wolf waiting to attack you're vulnerable baby sister: and the state, where you don't have anything to think of than to hit every being that would approach her.

my imagination that time was so concrete and morbid. as if you are watcing a quentin tarantino or an eli roth's film. i have the urge to see somebody being beaten up to death. but without blood of course, since i am hemaphobic. i want the word "torture him" to be embarked on that man's forehead. i want to see him drying his tear ducts out and begging to stop. oh, the sound of him screaming at the top of his voice was a delight to my ear drums.

then, there they were. my sister smiling back at me as if nothing really big is happening. then she reached another person's hand (WHATTA!!! THEY"RE HOLDING HANDS!!!). she introduced me to her boyfriend, calvin.

calvin was short, dark and typically looking. at first glance. you'll know that he was the silent and shy type. i am probably almost a foot taller than him and i can just feel the power gathering inside my forefinger where i could just flick him and the impact will just fly him wherever the hell he came from.

he offered me his hand. the initial thinking was: crush it! crush it! but i gently reached it, gave him a type of smile that you can buy in a hobby shop and introduced myself.

then i went back to my sister and gave her something. i just told her my congratulations and excuse myself because i'll be needing to meet someone. from the tone of my voice, she already knew what i meant---it was something urgent. oh! i am such a good actor.

but i promised her that i'll be at her graduation and make it up there. i waived my goodbye to her and to calvin. he asked why i am not coming. my alter ego wanted to shout back: the hell you care! but i told him that i need to go somewhere else.

while i was my way home, i felt that it was indeed a weird experience. the feeling, the thoughts flying in my mind, everything.

then i thought is it really the kuya instinct that is making me feel this? or is it the fact, that i am just envious that my sister currently has one while i don't? hahaha.

well. whatever that be, i still think that it is something worth to post.

life, irony and contradictions

when the government imposed that children 17 and below are prohibited from buying cigarettes, it didn't say that they are also prohibited from selling it.
now, i just wonder how long would it just take him to know how to smoke the cigarettes that he is selling? or probably he is already.

its just sad seeing this in a bookstore.
when the entire academe is struggling to enlighten people that homosexuality is not a psychological sickness, there are still a lot of people and establishment that still lives in this notion.
take for example, this book store that labels homosexual books under the psychology section. the books that were dimly highlighted in red, were the series of ladlad books, gay dar, black pajamas etc. which were supposed to be under philippine literature section. since these books are compilations of poetry, prose, essays and short stories and didn't tackle any concept of personality disorders, hormones, hypothalamus or even the so-called gay genes.


i remember this ad by abs cbn way back memory lane.
i was around 5 or 6 that time. but i could still clearly remember it. there were these children saying their rights and this picture reminded me of one of those lines.
"karapatan magkaroon ng pamilyang mag-aaruga sa akin (the right to have a family that would love and take care of me)"
"karapatan sa edukasyon, pagkain, pananamit at ligtas na tirahan (the right for education, food, clothing and safe home)".

oh well, life is indeed, full of irony and various contradictions.

malisyoso

i was scanning over some pictures in my cellphone, trying to clear some space while waiting for the seminar to start.

when a shadow passed over my silhoutte.

i made a glance and then returned back to my phone.

then suddenly jerik, blatantly told me how malicious i was.

i was really surprised with the accusation.

i could feel the solid conviction of those words. it really came to me in a surprise.

i didn't even do nor say anything. the guts to throw such.

my blood was already rushing over my head and i could feel my face turning red.

then he added, "i know the seminar was not the only thing you came here for."

i already felt my fist tightening.

i want to ask him why or what's your basis.

i was about to punch him on the face, when suddenly i saw these in my phone

then, i just told him. probably i am. hehehe.

note: the image was a chicharon we had as pulutan in one of a drinking session i had with some friends.

a good start for my back-to-bum-life

what happened yesterday would probably be the first (hopefully, not the last) productive event that happened after i resigned from work.

early part of last month, a friend from baguio invited me to pass an essay for a video documentary seminar by a local documentary show. in which, only 80 applicants will be chosen. he told me he was interested in joining and wanted somebody to tag along. being the "kaladkarin" friend, i tried sending an essay too regarding their topic: what is you favorite documentary episode of the show, and my resume.

jerik, the friend who needed somebody to tag along.

honestly, i was not a religious viewer of the show. since my heart, like my entire family are faithful for the other network, so i really thought of an episode (and i mean really hard) of one that really marked something in me.

then i thought of this episode titled, sa paglipad ng mga gintong paru-paro, a video documentary about the life of comfort gays during WW2 and common old gays, living in a home for the aged institution. it was a nice choice. since gender issues are one of my fortes (naks!).

basically, the thought of the essay that i passed ran like this:

probably one of the greatest fear of homosexuals is to think of one self when s/he grow old. although i know that some would argue that it is something that is being feared by everyone. regardless if s/he is a heterosexual or homosexual. but i think, that in a society like the philippines, where the right of a homosexual to have a family of his/her own through marriage, is not recognize, there is a higher possibility that they would end up being in a retirement institution. In which there, they would just end up waiting for their sun to set and the worst of all---alone. but this episode had boldly entered such stories that most documentaries has failed to capture and showcase. probably because the target topic was not the majority of the general audience, it is unconventional, immoral or what not.

anyhow, the seminar was really informative, fun and fulfilling.

informative in the sense that i was able to know the basics jargons and technicalities of video documentary. i learned how to make a video research (that was quite different from the research that we do on my field) scriptwrite, shoot (i love!) and video editing (i need!).

i think it was fun. although there were no actual games conducted (which i really keep on looking forward into because of the prizes), they've gave away some prizes such as complete dvd set of there winning documentaries and pins, provided that you'll be able to answer the trivia questions about their show (probably by now, you know that i didn't win anything huh?! )

it was fun because i had a good time listening and jotting down notes or probably it was just because i miss shool. nonetheless, i had fun. period!

fulfilling, because if there was something i felt productive (aside from my blog, pieces and drinking with friends) over the past year this was it! aside from this, it was all stomach fulfilling! now and then, food was serve to us. just imagine the merienda. it was a large size famous commercial halo-halo with asado siopao. athough both were weird combination, it was still a feast!

but if there was one thing that i didn't like about that seminar was some of the participants. there were participants who were so ackwardly being pa-bibo and asking questions just for the sake of having questions (not related with the discussions). as if, they thought that there will be a job offer that would be given to them by the time the seminar finishes. i just can't stop myself from getting goosebumps once the mic was on to them.

but all in all it was indeed a good start for my back-to-bum-life!

and now, since i don't have much to do, i beginning to have a habit of looking for some seminars like this online again. hahaha!

10 signs of being "magastos" or being decadent---in other words, being ME.

10. three days after pay day, you ended up asking how come you're running short of money again and you couldn't figure where they were spent.

9. you are already thinking of what to buy or where to spend your salary, a week before the actual pay day.

8. you're brave enough to enter a mall, department store or a grocery shop without any list of what you need to buy.

7. when you arrived home, you always forgot to buy things that are necessities and ended up things that were really not that important. despite the fact, that you have been thinking of buying it before you even entered the store.

6. after a week of decadent spending, you tend to save just the exact money for your fares up until the next pay day. regardless, if you don't eat as long as you wouldn't endure long walks just to go to work.

5. its been years now, since you joined the workforce. but you just then realized that you don't have any savings at all.

4. you keep on promising yourself that you're not going to spend decadently anymore. but always ended up breaking up the same promise over and over again. i bet it would still be on my new year's resolution next year like it usually is.

3. you are slave the slave of your credit card. non-credit card users, be warned!

2. when you tried saving, you always ended up stealing to yourself. isn't that ironic?

1. you always have this mind set, that you deserve and its just right to treat yourself after a stressing hard work.

O

was a person i knew from baguio. O texted me the other night and invited me for a meet up. later on proposed for a dvd marathon at my place---over night (bold and italicized).
as much as i wanted to play as naive as i could be, unfortunately, if you know the business, you'll know what this person is up to.
i met O when i was in college. we got acquianted inside an affiliation i was into before. O was rather unnoticed, petite and silent. until we held an activity in which we got to know each other---deeper (ehem!).

eventually, we became close until my housemates decided to invite O to move in to our house. since O was always there everyday and we'll be needing extra help regarding city services---it
was a wonderful plan, at first. but wait until you hear the catch.

it didn't take them that long to convinced O and i really never minded household matters because i was really not good at it, up until now. usually i would just agree without really knowing what they were talking about.

basically, they've decided to break my whole life of being single in a room.

yes, we became roommates. they confessed that they were actually waiting for me to react violently and realize that since there was no other space aside from my room, it was given that O will share the same room with me.

unfortunately, i was dumb and mute that time. so they've thought it was fine for me. but for a person who values his privacy so much, it was hell alarming. but there was no other option since the person already paid the bills and moved things. i was left with the option to accept the consequence of being pathetic and just to love your housemate for making up the grandeus plan.

---bizzzeeerrrkkkk!!!

to cut the story short, eventually the simple roommate thing turned into a more sensual fantasy-like roomate relationship.

O made the first move, of course. not because no one will admit that he made the first move, but honestly because it was indeed O, who made the first move (i am reiterating it, close to being redundant. so it should be true).

at first we tried to hide it, making the room as the only witness of that illicit relationship. until suddenly somebody spilled the beans and yes, it was O again---seriously.

good thing, i was an all-in-one-production man and i was able to come up with a good alibi and good acting skit. eventually the buzz faded away and unfortunately, so was those sizzling nights (hahaha, excuse my word).

when i went down to manila, i got involve with someone else and so was O. suprisingly, O was able to run the relationship for more than a year, in which i was forever envious (please don't ask why). until recently, they've decided to separate ways (evil laugh with lightning roars in the background).

but i must admit there was a smile at the side of my lips upon hearing the "tragic news". and being the demoure me, i waited for O to make the first move on and yes! O didn't fail me.

our text conversation lasted a week or so, brought about the boredom and heat of the summer. until the messages was beginning to move in a way as i wanted este expected it to be.

we eventually talked about sex, the relationship that we had, and whatever that came after. O began telling about the reason of their break up, the series of attempts O made to get laid until he began asking for advise on what to do regarding a stranger O met somewhere.

at first, it was quite appealing and i tried being as open as i could be. thinking it was really a turn on for someone to tell these things just for me to get jealous or be challenged. but along the way, i then realized that the conversation was beginning to be brutally and immaturely vulgar. O was sending sick and nasty messages such as "OOhhh...," "all i could think of is sex for the past two months," "i want it to do it right no," "shit!somebody just invited me for sex," and what not.

then everything i struggled to build in for the past week, just instantly crumbled down to its stand. indeed, sex is human and innate drive and i would not wash my hands pontius pilate like for being clean about the topic. as a matter of fact, as earlier mentioned, i am expecting this conversation. but O's hormones was all over the place as if uncontrolable. the messages were indeed vulgar and very nasty. just thinking about it, makes me lose all the adjectives that i have saved throughout years. to sum it all up, it was a major turn off, a disaster, hellish and scary.
seriously, i think O needs psychological help---as soon as possible.

the next day, O texted again asking why i didn't respond back and if i were mad. i was really on the verge of replying back with either "go figure" or "don't text me again, i am going to change number," but i was not that mean. i just sent a message telling O, that i wouldn't be able to make it today because i need to go back to the office and finish some things and then i need to fetch my sister for dinner---which actually happened later on.

O never texted again. probably O was eventuallt ranb over by reality, big time.

then, i just realized if i was just for pure sex then probably it was a nice catch lost considering it has been a long time since rain fell at amazon. but in second thought, i would rather opt with RSJ than doing it with a lunatic, don't you think? hahaha.

choose happiness

well, its been a long time since i've last posted something. but don't worry it has been for a good cause---or so i thought. after hundreds of post regarding my work, now, i could finally say that i am an official bum again.
yes, over the weekends after posting the last entry and tons of soul searching-as cliche as it could be, i have finally decided to quit work.
i didn't go to work for the last two days now and by tomorrow i am going there again( for the last time, isupposed) just to pass my resignation letter to my immediate supervisor. i know, i'll be needing to expect lots of compromissions and sweet talks again. but it would be different this time around. for i really stand firm about my decision of resigning.
i have already informed some of my close friends about it and even my family: and probably your guess is as good as mine about the first question they've asked: what are your plans now?
well, i will stick with my original plans of still pursuing law. in what school? with regard to what school? that is still something i really need to think about. nonetheless, it would still be at the top of my priorities.
second, i'll still be working. basically, because when i was in my first year whereas, i was still a fullt ime law student, i really couldn't imagine myself spending the rest of my 5 or more years sitting infront of law books memorizing and analyzing rigid text. i will still be screwing my self with work and studies at the same time.
where? that is something you need to watch for. but rest assured or as much as possible it would not be the same line of work that i previously had. because that would forfeit the purpose of everything that i have did for the past couple of days.
today, if there is one thing i am really looking forward to, that would be hitting the beach without thinking that i need to be in manila by the end of the weekend. i really miss the feeling and i am not going to put every second of it to waste. before the real and serious thing happens again this coming june.
finally, if there is one thing i have realized for the past days that would be, chosing and taking happiness is not always an easy thing to do because there are bunch of considerations that you need to consider. but with the proper attitude, timing, plans and guts eventually everything would just fall into their proper places.