Tuesday, April 21, 2009

summer feeling

you remembered the scene but you forget how it felt. 

its quite hard to posit yourself on such situation. for me, its quite paradoxical to know that the same memory that makes you happy is the same feeling that makes you sad. 

last night, i hopped inside a bus on my way home, struggled to look for an empty seat and ended up sitting somewhere on the far end of the bus. when i have finally sat down, my sweat continued to pump non-stop. i can actually feel that any moment now, heat stroke will attack even in the middle of the night. i immediately reached the aircon nossles and directed them both to me. but its emission was still not enough to lend me any comfort or relief. even i gave up. then suddenly, i just realized that it was the same seat that A and I used to take.

alone, i recalled how we touched each others' hand, how i worried about things that happened before i start my day and laughed to the things that passed as A's day ends. 

i held my hand with the other, thinking if it would give out the same feeling, but it wasn't. i surprisingly remember A's hand to be rough, that it tickles mine even in the slightest move. the lines were prominent and deep, that it usually pinch some parts of my palm. A's fingers were big, probably twice than mine and sometimes it hurts when mine goes in between A's fingers. i remember the shiver, the sweat, the butterflies in my stomach. but none of those appeared last night. 

i also remembered that it was always a long ride. but despite the time it takes, we were always glad that it took that long. sometimes we even wished for the bus not to reach its destination. we were fine having that moment, sitting beside each other, holding each other's hand and thinking of the road ahead of us---silently. 

but the absence of how it exactly felt lingered in me as if it was haunting my spine. that no matter what i did, no matter how i convinced myself, i still couldn't bring back the same feeling i used to crave. 

in short, i remembered the scene but i forgot how it felt

then suddenly, the first rain poured heavily in the middle of the summer heat and continued until tonight. i finally felt what it partially felt, at least in a way.

16 comments:

Jake said...

Waaahhh!!! Senti!!! Gustong-gusto ko ng maulan na panahon. It brings back very,very,very fond memories.

Herbs D. said...

and now, I'm hugging you tight and letting you know that there'll be a wonderful future ahead of you :)

Yj said...

someday i will ride my bus... by that time... i will be smiling as i remember the things we used to do.... and will probably try what you did.... try to feel the way it did before....

hindi gaya ngayon na gaya ng ulan, walang tigil ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko......

Chyng said...

As the rain falls, so as the drama.
Perfect talaga ang emotions and rain! Gloomy feeling!

Luis Batchoy said...

and the rains have a tendency to run away with our nostalgias! I love rains...

line of flight said...

now that is karma! the same experience but perceived in totally different terms. a great example of reincarnation.

gillboard said...

talagang pati kung paano kagaspang yung kamay, naaalala.. hehehe...

oh well, ganyan talaga pag tag-ulan.

Trip said...

sana di mabasa ni dabo to at magkahawaan na naman kayo. hehehe

Toilet Thoughts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Toilet Thoughts said...

Exorcism ongoing:

Spirito ni Twinkle toes (alam mo na kung sino un), lumayo ka! umalis ka sa katawan ni wiwik! alis!!!!

After 1 hr...

wala pa din.

Ang emo nga naman, mahirap kalabanin... tsk tsk tsk.

papagawa nalang ako gaya ng t-shirt mo kagabi... "you make me weak wiwik." Ano kaya magandang tag line sakin? La lang hahaha!

the geek said...

and then somewhere, lea salonga sings:

"i remmeber the boy, but i don't remember the feeling anymore..."

eeeyakhee said...

"the memories that makes you happy is the same feeling that makes you sad "
kakaiyak,,i wanna cry..that same feeling has found its way inside of me for the past years..
dont worry darating din ang time that you can look back at memories and smile na lang..hope that day for you will be today =)

Eben said...

hindi ako makailag sa post na 'to. lol. ganyan din ang pakiramdam ko nitong mga nagdaang buwan.

DN / DeathNote said...

hmmm... anu nangyari ba kay A?

sensya na, di ko pa nababasa lahat posts mo e. :D

Mugen said...

Mahahawaan mo ako ng pagiging emo.

:: cb :: said...

nice post. i like how you described A's hands.. very detailed.

i really liked this: "in short, i remembered the scene but i forgot how it felt" kaya lang biglang pumasok si joey albert sa utak ko! haha i remember the boy but i don't remember the feeling anymoooore...