on my way home, i took a halt on this church somewhere in quezon city. it was our lady of mt. carmel church. from my distance, i took a glimpse on what was inside. it has been sometime now, since the last time i set my feet on the floors of a church. i saw the priest inside, some old folks and even children, who were on a faction having some talks. what a cliche, i said to myself. then, i began reminiscing and assesing my spiritual/faith life.
for six years now, ironically, i have been an 'active' agnostic. i was born as a roman catholic and raised in a rather traditional and conservative catholic family. i was enrolled in a private, catholic, and exclusive school for boys in my primary years. then i transfered to another private, catholic co-ed school in the beginning of my secondary years before i entering a state university. thus, i may say that i know catholicism relatively well.
even before entering college, i was already asking questions regarding my religion. but often times,either i wasn't being entertained by adults or answered the other way around. they say my questions are blasphemous: a disrespect to god. even thought of being possessed and used by the devil for his workshops. threatened that i am going to hell and be burned in the seas of eternal flame. thus, i dwelled into silence to look for the answers on myself.
when i was a kid. i remembered asking, if god was absolutely good and merciful, then how come there is hell, the seven plagues, the great flood? how come adan and eve were cast away from eden and wasn't given a second chance? there were a lot of questions that spurred in my mouth stressing the words: "absolutely good and evil". there were actually attempts from my teachers and priests to answer my questions and me on my end maintained an open mind. but everytime i followed up my questions, for some unknown reasons, they were able to divert the discussion on another matter and there were also times that they would directly halt me on high voices and end the conversation.
"your too young to understand" or "those were not the words of children. stop it!"--- the usual lines i got.
when i entered college, my questions found its roots on deeper soils that eventually bore new questions. such as does god really set these rules and laws to its children? isn't that the bible and its doctrines were all devised by people themselves? how could we determine if these were authentic scriptures? are we secured with the intentions and interests of the church? or is it really the words and will of god that is being carried by church?
these may be blasphemous for some? but for truth to strengthen faith, such should not be repressed and be allowed to flow on an active and open dialogues or conversations at the very least.