me, my friend and mareng oprah: in being "wise" and single

the other day, i am with one of my closest friend in baguio. lately, she has been my constant buddy here in manila after her graduation. reminiscing our college life and people from the campus were the usual topic of our conversation.

suddenly, she dwell on the issue of me haven't had any (known) relationships before. knowing i am not really comfortable talking about my personal life, she has able to save all the guts she needed to ask me that. although surprised of the question, i realized i also haven't had asked myself that question too.

" you tell me," i said.

" well, unlike most of the people i know, i think it's because you're smarter," she answered.

i jerked laughing. " why do you say that?'" i asked.

she bursted laughing too. i felt she's throwing sarcasm on me again. then she paused.

" i dunno. knowing you for the longest time i just realized you're too smart to engage into some petty relationship," she explained i think on her defense.

" so you think, college relationships are petty relationships?" this is the que of a good debate. i can just sense it.

" not all. probably what i am referring at is more with regard to the set up that you have chose," she retaliated. i know where exactly she is leading me.

" well, open relationship is not really that bad and complicated. i mean, if the main purpose of having someone is for mutual growth. then why would we need to restrict them or restrict ourselves with the conventional set up? probably, what i am just driving at is i find it very selfish to expect something to your partner if not always, just because you have committed yourself to one another---the conventional norm. well, it worked for me for the past six years. less expectations, less hurt. call me hypocrite, call me manhid but the thing is i have lived and became happy with it," i explain imagining myself as a love therapist.

" well i couldn't argue with that it is you're choice," she doted the issue.

"exactly!'" end of the conversation. there goes the victorious smile and the evil laughter within.

then that night, i've watched a replay of oprah. there she said, "the wiser a person gets the harder for him/her to find a partner."

hearing this, i tried myself shying away from the assumption. not because i finally found myself getting smarter everyday ( which i think is normal by the way) or i haven't had any stable relationship for the longest time. i just realized, it would be such a dilemma if i am going to choose between staying smart or being single (that equates to being lonely) for the rest of my life.

no worries. there will always be hongkong if you know what i mean. no visa, cheap plane ticket and more demands.

then, i sighed and went to bed.

cooking incest

incest or any romantic and/or sexual relationship between two or more individual within the same and near descent.
for many in the philippines, it could probably be one of the most heavy and sensitive issues to tackle about. admittedly, even i haven't had any chance of thinking and rationalizing it up until now. maybe because it is deemed taboo for us to discuss it and/or we could not actually picture ourselves engaging on it. thus, we could not really relate.
but come to think of it, we all know it is existing. but why couldn't we tackle it? for some cultures, incest has already been integrated and accepted within their societies. it is deemed that such set ups are intended for various purposes commonly for preservation of either wealth, genes and mana. but for some it is simply because of love.
while i am walking on my way home. i passed by four children playing bahay-bahayan along the streets. it amazes me to know that such children's game is still being played, nowadays. despite the fact that most of the children i know are now infront of their computers or inside internet cafes playing on and offline computer games. so i decided to make a halt to see how it differs from the one's we have before.
these children have actual cooking utensil toys.
"sosyal!" i screamed inside my head.
before, we are contended with empty tin cans and bottle caps. in which we are pretending to be cooking crushed wild grass, flowers and leaves. i even remembered myself tasting an unknown concoction of water, wild grass and a spoonful of brown sugar just to proved a discovered the next cola. i had a fever that night.
going back to the kids, one of the girls called another boy who is busy picking up leaves on a nearby grassland. something is cooking, i thought. while waiting for a jeepney to pass by, i lit a cigarette and observe the kids playing. pretending that i am not minding them and they continue doing their business as well.
the girl played the mother while the boy acted as the father. the innocent role playing is a must see. when suddenly, they began acting as if the entire setting is already at night. then the alarming thing happened. they are also doing the hugging and making out things probably like what they are seeing with their mother and father. i am surprised like big time, who wouldn't?
when i thought, i saw enough a loud whistle cut the thin air. a woman is calling names. then the two kids stood up and run toward her. she was actually their mother, making the both of them--- siblings.
when i finished my stick, i stood up and headed home. still thinking of the kids, of course. although the two kids may not have attached any malice on the role play they are acting, i just realized that this reflect a big impact on the issue of incest.
basically, prejudice and discrimination always lie on the third person. ironically, these are the person who are outside the relationship. they are the one who doesn't know the real story, and individuals who doesn't feel what is it being on the situation.
being on the third person position earlier, it made me realized that in the environment that we are differently reared at, we have unconsciously developed our own prejudice and discrimination toward other people who happens to have live different from ours. it is inevitable to happen and should be noted. but, i think what man really lacks, is the ability to understand and consider fellow men. the question of who we are and what we are, should not always deemed to be ideal and acceptable. because the very essence of individuality would contend to this assumption of every individual. thus, keeping this on mind, the process of at least minimizing hate would be finally at reach. then, i realized, if homosexuality, priests and religious ministers getting married, artificial insemination that were once deemed irreconcilable in our society are making its way in being accepted or atleast tolerated. i think that incest would also do---one day.
as i headed home, i imagine that day to arrive. then, i realized i just thought about it, all because of cooking toys.
*if you're still in doubt tried watching starcrossed on one of my previous post. then, just make a quick deep thinking of it.

starting a dialogue: minding other's ass

" it would really not matter to know what other people's life would be, as long as they won't mind mine too," brian, a newly acquainted friend exclaimed. he said it with firmness and the absence of compromisions in one of . you could just not miss sensing it if you were there.
then, i thought, is it really possible for one not to mind another's business/es?
for i always believe that it is innate for human to mind other people's ass. it chooses no race, gender, sexuality or class. it is a universal psyche, if i may say. it supports the undying statement: no man is an island. that man needs his fellow men in order to survive and for one to be able to ask for support or support another he'll be needing to know the other's concerns or background.
so it just intrigues me someone as petite and young as brian would actually claim such.
okay. let's say, probably he really didn't mean it, just to prove the universal claim. but it could not be denied that there are always "what ifs" for every arguement. and what if an individual really doesn't mind.
well, honestly, i can't clearly tell. is it really possible? what do you think?

trinoma mall's siesta chairs

for five days now, i admit. i am beginning to be a trinoma addict. at first, when i have heard that a new mall was opening last june. i really didn't pay enough attention to it. since i know for a fact that i am not really a mall rat. but when the office gave me five fucking day offs straights meaning four days of straight 11 hours each day work, i've decided just to be optimistic about it and spent the whole free days with my friends.
its hard to admit that i've spent a lot of bucks to coffee, pig outs, cigarettes etc. but as a whole, i really had a blast.

any how, today, when i just realized i am really broke. me, my friend and her boy friend decided to hang out on a place in the mall that would not require us to spend some cash. this was after lunch by the way. so we searched for the perfect place, away from the coffee shops, ice cream parlors, fast food chains and restaurants. we could really not go outside because the crazy temperature was either soaking us with smog-concentrated rain or sizzling our porcelain skin (huh?). leaving us with no option but to stay inside the mall. until finally, we saw a number of vacant sofa chairs on both ends of the food court and we called it the "siesta chairs".

wonder why?

here's why...

then, i realized it was impolite and rude of me to take pictures of people sleeping. but it was a public siesta space. so i think it was already given for them to be seen sleeping. the only difference: mine was on camera pictures. hehehe.

a piece of birth

i remember one night, me and my blockmates were driving away from school. we took a detour to avoid the traffic jam in recto. since it was manila, i really don't have any idea where or what were the roads that we took.

as i lean my head on the passenger's window, blankly scanning the blinding lights outside, a sign catched my attention. the sign came from a relatively small hospital being hidden by elevating buildings of review centers and dormitories among one of the roads in espana. the sign reads: our lady of perpetual succor. the name sounds really really familiar. then, i realized it was the hospital were i was born. i remembered it because of the difficulty in me in pronouncing the last word of the hospital's name ("succor" how do you pronounce this? i am really uncomfortable pronouncing it...say it and find out why). upon realization, i screamed! embarassing me, i know. it's on my birth certificate.

unfortunately, my blockmate who was driving the car couldn't make a halt since our lane was in green. so i promised myself to go back on the same spot.

the next evening, after school again. the block called for dinner and knowing us, it would literally take us an hour just to think of a place to pig out. so to cut the story short. i suggested to eat at any place near espana. although my blockmates were a bit odd of the suggestion, they still grabbed it since our stomach were beginning to digest us.

we found goldilocks, another odd place to eat. but since were already there, we just grab all the food we could get. i finished my dinner early. so i excused myself to smoke. the place was dark although there were still a number of people on the alley, mostly students. then, there it goes. the hospital where i was born.

the feeling was quite exaggerated, sentimental and overrated, i admit. i was actually picturing the place 22 years ago. my dad driving in. carrying my mother inside and my first hello to the world. the scene was all in black and white or sepia, ofcourse, just to make it more cliche.

i really don't have too much realization on this one. i just thought, probably not everyone had the chance to know atleast a piece of their birth story. especially if the hospital was already closed, or the house was already demolished or their kumadrona already died. those sort of things.

i wanted to go inside but i've decided that would be enough for tonight. then, i walked away from it with a smile and lots of things running on my mind.

talking about faith

on my way home, i took a halt on this church somewhere in quezon city. it was our lady of mt. carmel church. from my distance, i took a glimpse on what was inside. it has been sometime now, since the last time i set my feet on the floors of a church. i saw the priest inside, some old folks and even children, who were on a faction having some talks. what a cliche, i said to myself. then, i began reminiscing and assesing my spiritual/faith life.
for six years now, ironically, i have been an 'active' agnostic. i was born as a roman catholic and raised in a rather traditional and conservative catholic family. i was enrolled in a private, catholic, and exclusive school for boys in my primary years. then i transfered to another private, catholic co-ed school in the beginning of my secondary years before i entering a state university. thus, i may say that i know catholicism relatively well.
even before entering college, i was already asking questions regarding my religion. but often times,either i wasn't being entertained by adults or answered the other way around. they say my questions are blasphemous: a disrespect to god. even thought of being possessed and used by the devil for his workshops. threatened that i am going to hell and be burned in the seas of eternal flame. thus, i dwelled into silence to look for the answers on myself.
when i was a kid. i remembered asking, if god was absolutely good and merciful, then how come there is hell, the seven plagues, the great flood? how come adan and eve were cast away from eden and wasn't given a second chance? there were a lot of questions that spurred in my mouth stressing the words: "absolutely good and evil". there were actually attempts from my teachers and priests to answer my questions and me on my end maintained an open mind. but everytime i followed up my questions, for some unknown reasons, they were able to divert the discussion on another matter and there were also times that they would directly halt me on high voices and end the conversation.
"your too young to understand" or "those were not the words of children. stop it!"--- the usual lines i got.
when i entered college, my questions found its roots on deeper soils that eventually bore new questions. such as does god really set these rules and laws to its children? isn't that the bible and its doctrines were all devised by people themselves? how could we determine if these were authentic scriptures? are we secured with the intentions and interests of the church? or is it really the words and will of god that is being carried by church?
these may be blasphemous for some? but for truth to strengthen faith, such should not be repressed and be allowed to flow on an active and open dialogues or conversations at the very least.

mochaccino and my career limbo

yesterday, i met another friend in trinoma who was trying to struggle herself against the dizzying crowd of the jobfair---her name was kat. Although she has managed to secure herself with a teaching job in a seminary in makati (yes, indeed, in a seminary! it is like KAT+100 seminarians = law suits, to quote one of our friends, pedro), but it was only good for two months. so she'll be needing to look a stabler one or a job that that would atleast occupy her for one month while she is not yet starting the job.
kat, knowing that i was also thinking of resigning on my current work, invited me to try it out as well. although i went in trinoma, i really don't have any plans of going into the job fair for some personal reasons. as of the moment, i am still undecided.
what i really wanted was just to have a cup of coffee with her and talk. nothing romantic, if you're thinking about that.
we grabbed ourselves a large coffee-based mochaccino. while kat was complaining on how expensive we could be just to maintain our friendship, it struck me. but still bursted laughing. simply because i think it was one of the typical lines said by newly grads turning into bums then realized the call of productivity. basically, they begun to be more sensitive about spending which was unUS (if there could be such word). well, i couldn't blame her.
i also experienced what she was feeling that time. the fact that even if you hold a degree from a prestigious university by the time you hit the road off your campus, things don't always go the way you want it to be. most of the time, a good education only leads you either answering calls, being a bum or working for a NGO (which i don't really find a waste and actually the most ideal work i could have. although practicality-wise, it is insufficient). the good thing about her which i also admired was, she was able to stand on her ground in choosing the job that she really wanted and would make her happy.
as of the moment, i couldn't really say i am happy and productive with my work but talking about financial stability i may say i am stable. but it is just a shame on my part that i am currently on-chain in considering a work on the ground of salary and not mainly on the nature of it: whether i am going to be personally, intellectually and emotionally productive on it.
last night, as i sip the remaining drops of my large coffee-based mochaccino, i asked myself if it was worth the taste that i am willing to sacrifice my own happiness over it.
i find the answer very easy and obvious. but i thought, sometimes it is very easy for us to rationalize things if we are not on the situation. thus, i am still in a career-limbo---floating.

what are these?

a. ancient voodoo scriptures

b. alien signs and warning

of an upcoming global invasion

c. a 3 day old shaved penis
d. pieces of an art puzzle

c'mon tell me about it

kit belmonte talking about 'no to political dynasty'

hahaha

while riding a trike in quezon city

no further explanation needed

one day inside a PUFX

one day i rode a FX and said to myself, " he looks like me."

so, i got him an angle.

for those people who knew me: what do you think?

solitude

in the midst of solitude lies depression and fantasy.

geno by request.

i still have another shortfilm for your request. but i haven't downloaded it yet.
this is just an experimental film i bumped around. enjoy!

christian bautista scandal

the other day, i was riding a cab on my way to north edsa to meet some friends. while the traffic jam was really testing my patience, i noticed this tarpaulin ad of christian bautista for a nursing school. at first, i thought it was just an ordinary ad (that alarmingly swarms the streets of the metropolitan, competing with the fast growing number of philippine population in terms of figures), when i noticed something.

"was christian baustista's zipper actually open?" i asked myself.

i immediately and thoroughly wiped my glasses and gave it a second look.

yes, christian's zipper was really open (naks, first name basis. close?).

it seemed like someone actually slashed the pubic area of the picture making it look like the zipper was open.

then suddenly the cab finally but slightly moved, giving me a sideview perspective of the tarpaulin. from there i bursted laughing.

the person who actually did this, created the effort to slide a MMDA steel sign that was being covered by the ad on the slashed part to create a bulking illusion of christian's pubic part. hahaha.

then i realized, indeed, an idle mind may be the devil's workshop. but i must say and give it to the devil for the creativity it produces on us.

kudos to you! whoever you are who gave me a smile that day.

getting to know you

a story of a lesbian who never gets tired of knowing various people until she meets the right one.

for a lesbian friend: barbara---may you finally get to know her. enjoy!

missing laughing

yesterday, i met one of my girlfriends, sandy in up diliman to chill and kill time. it has been quite sometime since we last met. so i thought of giving her a sms. good thing, she has no more classes and graceful enough to accept my invitation.
we nailed ourselves in one of the tambayans at the side of the main library and got ourselves fruit shakes. as usual, i got myself an avocado. almost all of my friends knew that avocado happened to be my favorite seasonal fruit and i usually get kilos of it as birthday gifts. for a change, i thought of having it with banana, not a tummy-friendly combination but i thought of giving it a try. well, it was not really that bad. but the effect was as expected when i arrived home---scratches all over the bathroom wall tiles, just kidding again.
then, we took a jeep to tomato kick a nearby pasta restaurant and wanted to grab a bottle of beer or two. but decided to jump off it and took a cab to trinoma. we thought of giving it a visit and see what was inside---this is what we call make-up-your-mind scenes when you don't plan your lakads (i surrender thinking of the english term for it and refuse to call it gimik, eew!), which we always do.
the place reminded us of sm baguio with the open space theme, the terrace-like structure and i can't just wait to see it when the typhoons hit it. but trinoma was bigger and have lots technologically-synchronized fountains. while sm baguio is just a small mall (i hate the sound combination of these words) sitting in top of a hill and only has one giant water fall like the great niagara in the middle of the mall when the rain pours hard on it. i remembered before, i was literally blew away a meter away when i forced myself to go to one of the establishments along its terraces on the top floor. pretty cool huh?!
inside trinoma. we found a coffee shop which was in the third floor i think that has table outside where you could smoke. i am not really sure if it waqs coffee experience but who cares. it was the location and the coffee that i am interested about. you couldn't just resist loving it.
anyhow, sandy and i made a quick update of ourselves and other people's life as well---tsismisan in other words. we concluded among our friends that it was a season of break ups. out of 8 pairs of friends we knew, that were able to find their way to another person's heart last semester and later (baduy! hardcore! hahaha), they were actually trimmed down as far as we knew, to atleast two pairs. alarming isn't it? we wondered why? probably because the university freshmen gaming season just started, i kid. hahaha.
oh, i just miss those times were you fancy and fool those naive and naive-looking freshmen, the wicked me talking. hahaha.
the classic:
freshie: kuya, saan po yung room TBA [or to be announce]?
me: straight ahead, go down sa abortion stairs (because it was long, steep and uneven now go figure the logic/application), then turn left again once you reach the end of the stairs, (the girl was actually writing it down). then turn left turn again once you've reached the bastketball court. after that turn right to pass the library then climb the other stairs and finally just go straight ahead and at the end of it you will see the room TBA.
(the direction, would just basically, lead her to the same spot where she was standing at that moment).
freshman: wow, thanks kuya! see you around.
(there goes my finale: the innocent and helpful smile that eventually fades away and ends up with an evil grin). nyahaha.
well, sometimes you just need to release the bad side in you. wouldn't you agree? i think its healthy. hahaha
we separate late (around 3 hours before my shift and i still need to sleep) and i realized, i just love and miss laughing...
*still having some hang overs. excuse me. hahaha again....

...

... then the evil grin.

y tu mama tambien: my stayl

thinking about the film y tu mama tambien, i withdrew all the money in my card, had my bike's tank full, invited a friend and off to discover my very own 'boca del cielo'.








looking on all the natural greens along the way, was just perfect for my computer strained eyes. so refreshing, hypnotizing and quite dangerous too. i actually slipped twice on sharp curves while driving. the scenes were just overwhelming.

moreover, being the driver and photographer at the same time, taking pictures while driving gives you all the thrill that one will be needing especially to spark up a very monotonous and mechanic life.









without knowing any directions, we found our way to a beach that was my first time to visit. supplied with enough bottles of beer, pack of cigarette and bunch of stories to tell, it was the mouth of paradise indeed.









after burning ourselves up along the shore, we have decided to visit a nearby hot spring resort. a perfect treat! me and my friend decided to stay at the resort for the night.

too bad, i wasn't able to find a threesome at the end of the trip. hahaha. just kidding!









at the end of the day, i just realized that the route we have took from home to the beach to the hotspring resort, would probably be around 75 kilometers. but we only passed roughly a number of people and vehicles along the way. i just thought how come people would desert such place for an unguaranteed promise of success in the cities?

silence.

well, probably desire could be more blinding than love (chumminess! hahaha).

what???excuse me for the lack of connection, still experiencing vacation hang overs!

an early and lengthy introspection

last week, as usual, i woke up late for work and we are talking about four hours from my shift this time. surprisingly, there were no hastiness on my preparation to work. i wasn't even alarmed on the idea that i might get terminated for the number of occurences i already have and i even didn't mind calling office to ask for free hours or a half day to cover up my tardiness. everything seems to be in slow motion and my day's introspection arrived way earlier than the usual before bed schedule. it seemed like i am just damn exhausted with my work and needed to become an astronaut and get space (corny!). then, i suddenly wanted to go for vacation and celebrate my birthday in the province. and in an instant i have made up my mind to go there as soon as possible.
so right after my shift i have booked myself for the earliest trip to the province. i quickly picked some clothes on the laundry shop in which some of them were not yet properly dried. but who cares?! then, i hurriedly took a cab since it was already 15 minutes before the actual trip. all of these just to know that the trip was moved to 5:30.
the entire trip took me roughly around 12 boring and butt-aching hours. the sun was still about to rise when i arrived. the entire ambiance and feeling being finally home again was way different from what you usually get when you wake up every morning in manila. the cliche fresh wet grass scent, the loud chirping morning birds and even the scent of fresh carabao feces were just just simply unique. simple things i have failed to notice before.
while enjoying my over rated feeling of our home, my phone rang and an unknown metro manila landline number was calling. when i picked it up, it was my supervisor.
"here goes my attendance issues, she already knew it," i scaredly told myself. since i haven't had any good alibis yet, my heart was undescribingly pounding. for me my mother scolding is tolerable. but somebody raising his/her voice to me is beyond my league.. but in my surprise her gentle voice informed me that i'll be needing to return back to manila despite the approved leave i have for tomorrow for the departmental transfer training that i have accepted. now, i was the one who was raising my voice.
just a flashback: i agreed the departmental transfer (i could not really call it a promotion. since i am still doing the same shit) because of the following reasons: (1) salary increases by another P3,000, (2) since i am already going to be one year in the company it would mean an appraisal of 10% at most, (3) the shift is way preferable than my current schedule, (4) my attendance occurence that could be the grounds for my termination will fall back, (5) and i've decided before i would resign atleast it would be an added working credential.
at first, it was really really hard for me to decide what i am going to do. i just told my supervisor all the 'truthful' excuses i could tell her: my birthday celebration with the family after 6 years, the 12 exhausting hour trip, i just arrived, i was not priorly informed despite my leave being approved etc. but corporately speaking, i knew, these were no valid excuses or reasons (to be intentionally correct). and it was later then affirmed. as much as she really wanted to the only option she could give was a 'yes' or 'no' option. still confused what to decide, i told her that i would just sms her my decision. she agreed and hang up.
for me, it was a make-and-break situation. probably, one of the most crucial decision making events i have to make. usually, i remembered, when i was in theater, when a big problem suddenly pops up in the most critical and unexpected time and place like the night-before-show-date actors just back out, prop pests attack, still unprepared skits and scenes, mysteriously defecting technical materials etc., just in an instant as well i could think of a solution to patch up the problem and pursue the show to go on. but i realized it was extremely different if this would be applied on a rather relatively personal level like work.
i tried consulting my parents but they only replied back with silence and throwed to me back the same question i am asking myself: "would you go back and take the position together with all the benefits it has to offer for the rest of your office life or stay in the province enjoy the simple happiness the silent province could offer for you for the next 4 days?"
silence.
then i remembered a thought i was able to read somewhere before. it said," life, happiness, love and faith are as fragile as a ceramic that if your going to drop one of them it will just break into pieces. while work being as flexible as a ball when dropped will just bounce back to you." from that, a realization came that made me reply back to my supervisor for a NO.
i just realized that in life, it is inevitable that men always seek for pleasures and avoid pain in the least cost and the longest beneficial effects. nonetheless, most of the time we find pleasure by/after experiencing pain first. but i believe it is always a case-to-case scenario or in context. on this case, the essence of life lives not on matters of costs and benefits nor of happiness or pain, it is a matter of deciding where your self would lead you. deciding staying on the province with your family for four days and dropping something that could be the turning point of your career life, is like asking the question: what would you prefer? the person who you already are or the person who you want to be? and as of the moment, my answer was more concrete and more contended: i wanted simply the way i am and contended to what i currently have. maximizing and enjoying every spect of it before surrendering myself for another change.
now, as i turn myself for another year, i realized there are still lots of things to go back to and to be pick up. things that were vainlessly dropped and ignored along the way. things that i never realized could be the source of simple happiness for a contended self.

for myself.

please be informed

no post for the suceeding days. i am currently somewhere with the beaches....celebrating life, finally!

but don't hesitate to post your messages. i promise i'll reply back as soon as possible!

eternal sunshine of a drunken mind

i think most working people would agree that day offs no matter how long it could be, would never be enough. i just finished my two straight day offs. i just realized that i have a lot of things accomplished for the past 2 days. but realized that i still have a lot of non-work related chores to do.

i've attended my friend's grandmom's wake in taytay(as cited on my previous entry).
i finally had a sibling bonding with my sister, where we watch transformer which was, by the way, sooo coooolll! probably, the next film after the 300 which i was not disappointed.
i have downloaded two movies that were burned into almost 10 wasted cd king disks (argh! i just hate there no return, no exchange policy especially when they begun asking you, " is it a dvd-r, dvd-rw, dvd+r, dvd+rw?" what the monay na naging fukien siopao is that?) and songs for my mp4 that ate my entire memory.
i just had our weekly inuman session with my former blockmates.
i have finally delivered my laundries in the laundry shop after almost two weeks of pushing myself. although i haven't clean my room yet.
i have finished two pending films : yossi&jagger and old school.
i have started another painting canvas.
i have made some errands for my family.
i have had dinner with a friend.
and i have watched the grand finals of pinoy big brother that ended 12 midnight while my shift will start at 2 in the morning. then realized, staying my precious sleep just know bea won was not worth the-no-sleep-for-the-day status i had.

thinking what i have done for the past two days. i realized, the presence of the persistent feeling of unfulfillment and abstract urges of doing something worth it, was still haunting me. which could basically be the 99.2% of the problems of employed and underemployed. while 102% of the problems of unemployed. if this was what machiavelli was referring at, as man's incontentment as his human nature or probably what social anthropologists' continues search of man for change and development then i'd rather be a garbologists' in denial subject. and i am still denying the fact i am currently in a great battle--- against time.

take it from the mind of a drunk employee who went to work because anything would just make sense. is it not?

fantasya

" fantasya": ms paint: 010207: 12:50pm: opis

sa madilim na sulok ng aking kwarto
totoo ang kasabihang, bulag ang pag ibig
doon, kapwa tayo sumasayaw sa ritmo

ng ating mga pagnanasa
pikit ang mga mata at malayo

sa nahihimbing na madla

dito, naabot natin

ang mga pinakamataas na awitin
naguguhit ang mga tagong kurba at linya
nanamnam ang mga lason sa paligid at
naamoy ang pinakamasangsang na lansa

lahat ay katuparan
ng isang malafantasyang panaginip, kumbaga

subalit sa pagdama ng huling hininga,
unti-unting babalik ang lahat sa dating ayos
nagigising at makikita ang sarili
na nakahiga sa kama

kungsaan, muling iniisip ka