Thursday, January 29, 2009

battle of genders

"we have this notion that man-to-man relationships are plain sex and not lasting. while woman-to-woman relationships on the otherhand, are stabler because it is anchored upon more on the emotional side." this was one of the points raised during one of our workshops in our creative writing class, that got my attention.


as much as i want to deny this, but by experience, it seemed like the point actually holds true if i am going to compare the relationships between my gay and lesbian friends. i counted and named gay and lesbian friends inside my head and what i found out was these:

generally, among my gay friends, their usual relationships last as fast as overnight to 5 months. although there are still few, which last more than a year or so. but comparing it to the number of my lesbian friends, the fastest i could remember last more than half a year and there were even some, who i knew way back from college, that are still together. one of them is running more than 6years in the record.

sociologically speaking, men, compare to women, are socially reared to believe that virginity and sex is nothing to them, that the burden is all to women, since they don't really have anything to lose nor gain. having this (dis)advantage, men engages to sex more than women do. not to mention, the accessibility and today's mindset towards it, where it is as easy as picking down aratilis fruits all throughout the year.

i remembered, when i did my thesis, i told my adviser that i wanted my study to be emancipatory to my subjects. the first thing she asked me was, is your research indeed leaning to my subject's side? i answered her, no. she said, then, you can't.

but i found my own ways in order to explain such actions. first, repression is one of the factors that greatly affects this kind of behavior. when desire and drives are repressed especially by their own society, these craving intensify in great heights and these people will tend to look for various venues, no matter how unconventional and inconvenient it will be, just to fulfill it. but this is just one point of the entire realization.

last night someone told me that a gay man's life is actually dark. it is dark in order for it to show his humanity.

but i answered him, call me idealistic. but i still believe that its our decisions that turns it dark.

ang paglalakbay

i realized that sometimes, as much as we want to be ideal and believe on people, we need to understand that we simply can't. their emancipation actually depends on themselves alone. there is nothing that we could really do than to show them the "harsh reality" that they too have contributed.

*hoping and believing that everyone deserves to be happy at the end, no matter what decision each one makes.


Niel Camhalla said...

I believe that the things you believe in (fact or fiction) will affect your reality. I believe I don't have to believe completely in generalizations people make.

I believe... Amen! Hehehe

wanderingcommuter said...

wow, himala! medyo mabait ka ngayon, neil. hehehe.. biro lang!

dabo said...

@niel and ewik: hahaha.. in fairness na pacomment back ang ewik sa yo niel..

@ ewik: humanistic ang approach ah.

pero ang sarap ngang i-debunk kung sino man nagsabi nyan. homo men are very in touch with their emotional side.. hence, the claimed that woman-to-woman relationship is stronger base lang sa emotional side is kulang. there must be something more.

dabo said...

i'm finished with the book. im very much impress about his story telling, pero i'm not raving about it. Hehehe..

--- --
reply sa tinext mo kanina: talaga? hahaha.. ampalaya lol :)

Mugen said...

,homo men are very in touch with their emotional side..

Oh I beg to disagree. Tama si Erik, mas emotional ang lesbians kesa sa mga gay men.

Btw, ang sinabi ko Erik, masyado dark ang atmosphere sa Bath House. Gusto ko i-clarify ang statement ko. Hahaha.

Trip said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trip said...

hahaha. this post of yours can be a good conceptual framework for a study. huwag munang paniwalaan dahil kawawa naman ang mga m2m relation. for one na debunk na iyan sa kaso namin. ;)

RBN said...

I guess it all boils down to what the basis of the relationship is in the first place. I believe gay men are more prone to be typecasted as getting in relationships merely because of sex and lust, although I also believe there are many gay men out there who are in search of true love and commitment for a lifetime but just don't get the right luck in finding the one, hence they just hop from one relationship to another. Any relationship based on this superficiality and physicality is bound for doom, whether gay men or women.

jericho said...

aba .. may pinapasulat ba ulit sa'yong thesis? hehe. mas longer lasting ang gay-lesbian relationship ... walang basis sa pagseselos.. charot!

pie said...

i, too, believe what neil said. amen. :)

Mac Callister said...

i hope gyas can be like lesbians towards relationship i simply envy them

lucas said...

i have gay friends...2 years na sila and counting. i guess it still depends the people in a relationship.

Anonymous said...

yeah, it depends on the 2 people involved. if they really treasure the love in the relationship, i guess they'd do their best to keep it. why would you cut off something that makes you happy? haha.

kalansaycollector said...

nako. basta kapag pagibig na iyan yun na yun. haha

Chyng said...

Hi Ewik!

I dont also believe in generalization. There's someone for everyone, nagkataon lang nameet agad yun ng friends mong lesbians! hehe

dedpish said...



agree ako. it depends naman sa `structure` ng tao at un level ng kabadingan at katomboyan. haha!



MkSurf8 said...

there are exceptions . . .

bulitas said...

Ala naman siguro sa kasarian at sexual preference ang itatagal ng isang relasyon. Gaya nga ng mga nabanggit na din nila, nasa tao din yun. Hehe.
Nasa nagdadala, nasa nagmamahalan.
Nasa kanila kung paano nila isasabuhay at paninindigan ang commitment sa kanilang pagsasama.
Yung pagsu-subcribe na lang siguro sa mga stigma na dinidikta ng lipunan ang nagpapagulo ng sitwasyon.