Tuesday, January 6, 2009

am i?

i found this in my msn outbox dated 2/01/08 7:36 AM (probably, something i forgot to post----seriously?! hahaha)

indeed, there is no easy way of forgetting. but there is also no sense of recalling something that would just hurt you.
it was just now that i was informed that some of my friends actually see me as someone who has a heart as hard as portland cement and a mind that could format itself at will. i was actually surprised upon hearing this and eventually ask myself, "am i?"
i usually receive messages from friends before, asking me, how was i able to move on that easily? (yes, my friends, this is another of those mushy thing regarding love post!) and normally my instant response is, i just don't see the point of crying and making yourself depress after a night of mourning.
for me, everything in life needs to move on. the world wouldn't stop at your knees, wait, and carry you over as you go ahead. most of the time, i just realized, it is actually us who holds ourselves from moving on. there is this unexplainable pleasure of reminiscing the past and the fear of whats ahead even if it hurts us. we might say that such is probably the innate and unconscious masochist id within us. nonetheless, we should always put into mind that it should be the conscious side of moving on that overrules our unconscious baggages.
we are still the captain of our own ships, as they used to say it. despite the fact, as mentioned by a blog that i've visited before (which i forgot the author), that there are things that the heart feels that the mind could not rationalize.
now, as i think of my previous relationships, they are just mobile numbers accented with certains memories in my phone for me that should no longer be taken with greater weights. but will be forever grateful. waiting that someday, i will receive a message with their names and number on it, saying that "can we be still friends?" (so that i could prove to my friends that i am not really that apathetic as they think i am).



"wanna talk it over a bottle of beer?"

18 comments:

the geek said...

a cliche but quite true: there is no use crying over spilled milk...

cheers to moving on!!!

amicus said...

dahil tayo ay mga eventualities lamang sa iba't ibang branches sa isang punto ng panahon, tutoo, hindi titigil sa pagkakaprito ang mga french fries o ang pag-agos ng sprite mula sa dispenser ng mcdo kahit tumigil tayo sa ating buhay. naman.

nova-san said...

A tough exterior usually covers a soft inside.

Obviously, I don't know you very well, but from what I have read, you seem to feel things more deeply than you might want to reveal and more than what people may realize.

You strike me as someone who runs far away from the source of pain, and as soon as the distance becomes comfortable that you don't have to openly face the pain, that's when you become vulnerable and allow yourself to feel pain.

Of course, I could be wrong... that's just my initial impression.

Happy New Year!

Mugen said...

that there are things that the heart feels that the mind could not rationalize.

Exactly. There are instances when the mind could not understand the heart. It's what you call malfunction.

i will receive a message with their names and number on it, saying that "can we be still friends?" (so that i could prove to my friends that i am not really that apathetic as they think i am).

That, my dear erik, is what you call closure. :)

Tristan Tan said...

@geek spilled milk? hahaha. yes, there's no use crying over that.

moving forward..

Elay said...

"there is this unexplainable pleasure of reminiscing the past and the fear of whats ahead even if it hurts us"

i couldn't agree more.

Niel Camhalla said...

While reading, I can't help imagine a coward (afraid to make another mistake) retreating to his memories - memories he can manipulate to his own satisfaction like someone who finds sense and security in sadness.

If you can easily move on then what's wrong with that?

john stanley said...

did you know that portland cement is the hardest form of cement after the hydration process? that is, compared to the ordinary pozzolan type and the little known masonry variety.

but enough of that. closure is good. getting over is good. but we wouldn't be what we are with all that drama, right? learning is still the best part of the process.

Mr. Scheez said...

Mejo sadista lang talaga ang ibang tao sa sarili nila pag dating sa breakups.

Gusto nila alalahanin ng alalahanin ang nakaraan at balik-balikan ang sakit na nadama. At umiyak ng umiyak hangang sa marealize nila isang araw na ang daming nasayang na effort at luha na sana na-convert na lang sa mas kapaki-pakinabang na bagay.

May sense ba yung sinabi ko? Hehehe =)

I agree with you, mejo masochist lang ang ibang tao.

PROSETITUTE said...

gad. the pain of moving forward, and the subsequent pleasure of starting all over, again.

Trip said...

it's mans nature to build defense mechanisms. the tougher, the better. if you are made like a portland cement on the outside while an ice cream on the inside, so be it. what matters most is how you would defend the inner you. what would you rather be? a softie with a hard covering or a softie with a soft covering? there no such thing as a defined "inside", that is tough or soft. it is an "and". man is both, depending on how we adapt to a stimulus.

btw, portland cement wont be that tough. u need to combine it with gravel, sand and water, better yet with steel, to really make it tough. or is it not? hahaha. joke lang. ;)

lucas said...

i wonder what measure of time is necessary for one to determine whether he has moved on or not?

kung kagagaling mo lang sa isang break-up at nagkaroon ka na ng bago in just a short period of time, most people would think, the love is shallow somehow... hehe!

Lance said...

reminds me of the new song by David.A.

"Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you"



now, breathe............................................................................................................

Chyng said...

And I think Im learning that too. Agree on the world wont stop for you, might as well LET GO and MOVE ON!

Ironically, favorite song ko now yung MAN WHO CANT BE MOVED! ;)

gillboard said...

Makes me wonder about your post, did you just break up?

Mr. Scheez said...

Lucas - "kung kagagaling mo lang sa isang break-up at nagkaroon ka na ng bago in just a short period of time, most people would think, the love is shallow somehow... hehe!"

How true! Hehehe =)

my-so-called-Quest said...

siguro it's one of those things that makes us different from one another. and how i wish i'm like that. hehehe

tara iinom na nga lang natin yan. hehe

dak said...

beer!

hehe.

i soooo much agree!

hmmm... knoe what? it all boils down on us. we are responsible for the things that we feel. if we let it happen, it happens. if we let emotions cover us, it can.

what's important is that we should consider that everything in this "reality" is temporary. people come, people go... things created, things destroyed. everything has it's due time. that is a sad truth. and we must learn how to detach ourselves from these worldly stuff cos they're not there forever.

i knoe a lot of people will say that it's insane, relationships are normal. yes it is but we should knoe our limits, when to accapt and when to let go. and by the time "these" go away, then we should learn to detach...

less drama, less pain, less insanity, less dilemma. right?

cheers!