Saturday, September 20, 2008

to define hiatus is to define one's self

ewik defines hiatus as a momentary absence from one's social activities and/or responsibilities. despite the presence of means to accomplish it, for the purpose of fulfilling one's self.



ugnayan. etching. 09/15/2008

i immediately went off from office and hailed a cab to cubao. even the weight of my bag didn't slow me down in reaching the bus station in cubao before it hits 6. the excitement of getting there in the soonest possible time became my extra joss against work exhaustion and lack of sleep and for some reason, also made the cab to take a 30 minute trip to less than 20.
when the bus went off to baguio, i had the hardest time of catching sleep. literally because, the only things in my mind were where to go first, who to meet and what to do for my entire stay there. i promised myself that i need to maximize my two days rest before i go back to manila again. but eventually i was able to take a short nap.
we were already at the bus stop in sison when i woke up. when the bus went off again for the remaining hour and a half, i couldn't put myself to sleep again. there was this unexplanable feeling in me when i felt the bus' inertia pushing and pulling me on my seat. i knew we were already in marcos highway. any moment now, i am already back in baguio.

the moment i stepped off the bus, the first thing i have appreciated was the mysterious effect of the highland fog. in such way, like when i first went here during my freshman year.
i took another cab and headed to my first destination, up baguio, to meet some friends. the first thing i noticed inside the cab was the road routes were not like before. the taxi driver informed me that the city government is actually experimenting this scheme to minimize traffic volume.
at the back of my head, i said, "baguio is really beginning to be overcrowded."
one thing i love and miss in baguio is the taxis. taxi drivers here literally give back your change up to the last 25 cents. although the additional 10 peso from the actual metered fare policy is also being implemented here, i can say that it is still more convenient to ride one here than in manila. the flag down rate is 25php and 1.50php for every additional 200 meters and aside from the fact that drivers here are more courteous, friendly and good-looking (unfortunately, i failed to take a shot as a proof of evidence).
when i arrived in up baguio, the place was almost entirely different from it used to be. there were a lot of new buildings and new faces, that made me realized what my age really is. there were also new POLICIES! like no SMOKING! honestly, this surprised me. since smoking before was one of those things that other universities envy us. but oh well, the university seems to be really serious when it comes to environment advocacies. well, who is not? everyone nowadays, is really into the green movement. no problem with that. but the ironic thing was, the vacant land which is owned and infront of the campus, is being planned to have a condominium be built.

anyhow, i immediately went to our beloved tambayan, hoping that some old friends were around. but when i went there, i just saw a bunch of new faces. so i then introduced myself as this and that and as expected the welcome was ridiculously funny but warm. later on, old friends started to appear and i was really overwhelmed with their kisses, hugs and "kamustahans'."
for a moment, i thought i was still in college talking and having the time of my life with them. but time is harsh whenever you are having it great. it is treacherous: it flies swiftly when you are enjoying it and can also be slower than mollasses if you are not. by the time, they told me they have to go their respective classes those are the moments that made me realize that i am no longer in college and i need to move on.

good thing i saw my crush the next day. Y still wearing that same silent and well-defined face, gave a warm nod at me. i responded with a quick smile. although i was exploding with joy deep inside.
we never really had the chance to talk and know each other before. all i know is, Y is a good musician and always aloof with everyone (thats my biggest turn on). but never fails to surprise everybody with that senseful and authoritative voice. a person with few words, as they say. unfortunately, i have heard that Y is already with a friend.
tsk! well, my line, mas madaling huliin ang manok kapag nakatali (it is easier to catch a chicken if it is tied---whatta translation?!), would not apply since we are talking with a friend here. nonetheless, i made sure that this trip would not end without me having to know Y. so i have decided to invite them for a drink. an invitation that they were forced to accept since its not everyday that they see me.
after watching a school activity we headed to engineer's hill. my first home here in baguio and to most up baguio students as well. its like the up village here. probably this is the only place in the city that didn't change drastically except for some drinking pubs and karenderya that were not there before.
we went to one of this beer bars, kanem, if i remember it right and immediately ordered bottles of beer. the place was full of familiar faces from school. well, drinking in a school night here in baguio is considered as a must. no wonder i have this kind of a belly.
later on, the beer already made us loose. eventually X, the friend who is with Y, opened up regarding their relationship while waiting for Y to arrive. basically, X told us the usual things like we seldom quarrel, the insecurities and what not. but i was surprised when X confessed to us they already broke up. i was aghast, if i may use the word. i feel sorry for X. but a great part of the pie is jumping in excitement because of the news. then Y arrived and later on confirmed about the news. so it was like double excitement. but i just decided to remain silent and pretended that i am not really affected.
well, both of them knew that i have a crush on Y. but its not really a big thing for them. few more of bottles and everybody were already quite tipsy. they were forcing me to extend my trip. but i refused and explained to them that i really need to go to work the next day. i beg them not to force me anymore because the majority of my decision gauge was to not leaving. honestly, i was scared. scared that if i will not leave tomorrow, i might stay there for good and leave everything i left here in manila. but i thought making a major turning point of your life over bottles of beer is almost the same thing as commiting suicide over a busted moment with your crush.
as the night went on, everyone seemed to be busy with their own world and bottle. then Y approached me and asked me about something i already forgot and eventually that question led to a conversation. Y even confessed to me that he already knew about "it" and from the looks of it, i could tell that Y is already tipsy.
then, out of the circumstance, i saw myself asking Y, "sabi ko naman sa iyo, sagutin mo lang ako, hindi na ako bababa ng manila e." then i thought, that was so college!!!
Y still trying to cope up with the conscious world then became speechless. i don't know if it was the beer or the things that i have just said that made Y blushed. good thing i am a good actor with the right timing, the question could be treated as either a serious offer or a joke. but Y remained silent and went for another gulp. so we have decided to drop the topic.
later on my friends, started to convince me again top extend my stay which again resisted. then Y asked, "sa bahay ka na lang matulog, kuya ewik." now, i was the one who became speechless. i wanted to bite the offer but Y is still living with X and i thought that it could be really ackward to stay there after everything that i have heard. so i took my bottle, bottomed it up and decided to call it a night.
the next day, i was already in the bus on my way to manila, still convincing myself that its over. everything was like a dream. but the depressing part was you knew that you were about to wake up and you just stay there and wait until your eyes open up: and that makes the dream more of a nightmare.
indeed, i have had a great time going and staying in baguio. for me, i considered it as my real home from the rest that i have lived in: manila, bicol and tarlac. and if ever i'll be able to settle down with my life i would definitely go back to baguio and settle there. unfortunately, i failed to foresee the part where i have to go back to manila because i was preoccupied about things when i was going to baguio. and now, i have to bear with it.
now, i am back to manila, back to the same routine. but definitely changed. for i have a new thing to look forward to and that is another hiatus. hehehe.

17 comments:

dak said...

taga baguio ka pala dati... miss ko na din baguio... masayahin at bait pa mga tao dun... lalo na sa mga gov't ofc. saya.

Bulaang Katotohanan said...

bakit ganun? yung first love ko andun din sa baguio...
sa baguio ba talaga tinatapon ang lahat ng ayaw balikan ng mga tagametropolis?

odin hood said...

gusto ko rin ma-experience living in baguio. ive been there several times and i really think itd be cool (double meaning) to actually live in baguio.... hay someday.

aw sayang naman si Y... hope the story doesnt end there

Myk2ts said...

baguio has been nice to me when shit strikes bigtime. i so miss the foggy late nite walk while eating mais sa may burnham... awww

Bino/Geno said...

Awwww. Bat ka maghiatus ulit. I missed you. I always message you in meebo. I hope you got them.

RONeiluke, RN said...

of course :) hiatus ulet para makasama mo uli si Y, right? hays... i applaud your sense of responsibility and control over yourself. :)

kelan ba ulit ang hiatus mo? parang gusto ko kayong magkatuluyan ni Y. hehe! parang one tree hill ang storya! hays... and definitely soooooooo college! :) hehe!

you've changed? i hope in a better way... mkapaghiatus nga din minsan sa baguio!

gillboard said...

ano na kaya hitsura ng baguio. it's been 14 years since nung huling punta ko dun... elementary pa lang ako noon.

harmonie said...

kaya pala tagal entry eh nasa Baguio ka. kaya lang matao na masyado sa Baguio, ano?

nova-san said...

For purely selfish reason, I hate it when people go on blogger hiatus! I get so attached to certain blogs and people (like you) that I end up missing them a lot when they're not writing.

I agree that aloofness is sexy in a person. It's mysterious. Still waters run deep.

It's good to hear of change. It means that you're alive and evolving. Like a butterfly.

dabo said...

EMO

NOSTALGIC

EWIK

SENTIMENTAL

Mugen said...

Kaya hirap na hirap akong umalis ng Manila upang mag-out of town. Masyadong bittersweet ang aking pagbabalik. :)

jericho said...

aba at nag-bakasyon. at naging agresibo! hehe

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Chyng said...

my besfren also lived and studied in Baguio too. now she works in Shaw for 3 yrs now but from time to time she goes to Baguio again and she still gets excited, bahay nia daw yun.. iba nag relaxation!

same as yours siguro..

joaqui_miguel said...

I'm so envious of you right now. I miss Baguio already. I have been planning to go there to do some soul searching but it just does not fit my schedule. I'm channeling that it will be realized soon. :)

Ronnan Tristan said...

My Gosh!!! Baguio is the place to be...

The first time I was there... I fell in love with the place... good thing I was with bebeboo hehehe

South Park said...

I was in Baguio late August to attend my cousin's wedding. That was my first in 13 years. It was raining all the days I was there. What was strange was it wasn't as cold as before...and no hint of the famous pine scent.