Saturday, July 19, 2008

outside the circle: the crossdresser (part2)

next was nat, a cross dresser.

i must admit that ever since i was a kid and even before i met nat, i had an irrational fear against cross dressers: and that was solely against them. i can be with effeminates, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, asexuals, fems, fairies, butches and what have you. but not crossdressers. it was something irrational and baseless. thus, i can't really explain why. probably the least i could think of, is the impression that was instilled to me by my environment and i have carried over when until i grew up.

although i don't really have anything against them personally (or so i thought), i just feel uncomfortable when i am near them. that despite millions of pages that i have read about homosexuality and probably thousand of discussions about it, it was still insufficient to eradicate my fear completely.

then came nat.i met him at work. although we really didn't talk that much at first.

nat is your typical crossdresser that would enter the office with his louis vitton bag, shiny scarf wrapped around his neck, body hugging statement shirt, skinny jeans, oversized dolce shades and stilletos. probably if you are new in the floor, you'll be nailed in your seat, looking at him and thinking whether or not he is a dude or a babe.



but the thing with nat was, he was always reserve. you will seldom see him laughing or talking at the top of his voice. though he is always approachable and would never ever raise his brow on you.

one day, i met him in the pantry and we took lunch together. in a moment we were both overwhelmed with silence. then he decided to break the ice. i must say that he is a very good conversationalist. i haven't heard a single term from him that refered to fashion and hollywood stars. probably, he knew that my interest didn't rest there. we talked about various things: from the operations in the office to society and politics.

i invited him downstairs to smoke, in which he gladly accepted although he don't smoke. we continued our talk there and waited until our lunch break was over. in a way, i felt quite guilty. for i thought that probably he was just refraining himself from talking about his own interests. but in second thought, from the way the conversation went, you would not feel that the topic was actually alienating him. in fact, he was so good and hooked into it that my words are already failing me. for the first time, i dropped my walls against a crossdresser.

the next day, he invited me over for lunch in the pantry. in which, i also accepted. from then on, we became regular lunch and conversation buddies until i resigned last april. thus, when i was asked to do a character in an independent film. but i didn't fit the character sketch. so i immediately referred nat to do it. fortunately he was able to get the main character and now the film was already done with its production. it will be shown in a local film festival so better watch for it.

meeting nat made me realized so many things about crossdressers. i realized how pitifully ignorant i was and people like me as well, to throw such things against them. you'll even be surprised to learn that they are experiencing probably the gravest of discriminations. for it is not only coming from heterosexuals. but also among fellow homosexuals.

in the society that we currently have, determining a homosexual in a crowd can probably be as difficult as looking for a needle in a haystack. by the introduction of various homosexual classifications such as bisexuals, straight-actings, gay males etc. especially within urban/metropolitan settings, the image of a male homosexuals have transcended from the typical cross dressers into a more "tolerable image." some would actually argue that such introduction have benefited some male homosexuals for the gradual change in the picture of them have lessened the effect of discrimination. some actually called it as chamelioning: camouflging or adapting to its environment to avoid potential attacks.

however, this did not appraise the status of the cross dressers at all. in fact, if you're going to look at it, this actually made their status in a way, worst. for they are already being discriminated by bisexuals etc as well. most of the latter argue that they don't want to be near cross dressers for they open themselves (in terms of cross dressing being too loud and effeminate) from the discrimination of others. in addition, this also made finding a lover or a partner very difficult than before. for almost all male homosexuals nowadays, prefer to have a more masculine and straight acting partner than having an effeminate and cross dressing one.

but i don't really feel bad or worried for nat. some may think that its something like parents feel, worrying about the future and happiness of their gay child. thus, they repress it. but i will never advice nat to be more masculine in order to be happy. for i already know that he already is and simply being himself will even make him happier than everybody else. and who knows, if he was able to realize and made write me these, he can actually do the same to every person he will meet in his life. that they will also learn, just like me, that the personality of a person should not be judge by how they look, what they wear and what there preferences are. they should be treated just like any other individual: respected based from what you have gained from them and value for the things that they have marked and thought you.

22 comments:

informaxona said...

hi.. lyk ur post.. i thought ud end up as lovers...hehehe but anyway, i appreciate that uv already accepted them..my bf or lets say girlfriend since she's a lesbian and is to be considered a crossdresser too...that's why i could relate to the topic..

Mugen said...

I'm itching to have a day-long exposure with a Parlorista so I can write about them. :)

Bino/Geno said...

I never liked cross dressers because I taught it was just irrational to dress that way. I call people like them with Gender Identity Disorder. But I think it's a hasty generalization. We can always ask them if their comfortable with what's between their legs. If they said no, then they have GID.

True. They make all the gays, homosexuals and bisexuals look bad just by acting inappropriately. It takes one rotten tomato to destroy the whole cart.

gillboard said...

interesting...

I'm actually thinking of making a list of people I'd like to meet as well. I think it's great to pick on the minds of people of different backgrounds...

interesting

mel beckham said...

Ito lang ang masasabi ko.

NEVER judge a book by its cover!

Calling crossdressing a DISORDER makes me puke.

Sobrang nakakalungkot...

jericho said...

what's in a dress anyway. cheers to you mel!

KRIS JASPER VAN DYKE said...

everything boils down to respect. right?
everyone is entitled to be respected regardless of his/her culture, lifestyle and practices. Nice that you are open minded and you accept and respect other's preference.

joaqui_miguel said...

It's so true that more often than not, the discrimination comes from fellow homos and not from the hetero crowd. Some people just seem to think that the way they hide/flaunt homosexuality is better than the other and it's sad. At the end of the day, we just want to be happy and people should just learn to respect what paths others chose to be happy.

Bogs said...

Mejo naggeneralize ka lang cguro sa crossdressers. You just met the kind witty one. Pero kung mahadera at mapanlait yung nameet mo e i doubt na masusulat mo lahat ng ito. It's his personality you liked and not his crossdressing.

Mugen said...

Bino/Geno: Actually dude, the ones I should be very embarrassed with are the gays who take advantage of other men. Sila yung mga balahurang nangangapa sa jeep o kaya gumagawa ng milagro in public.

I have high respects for cross dressers because of all the homosexuals, they're the ones who bear the brunt of the discrimination that happens to people like us.

WHITE said...

walang masama sa pagiging totoo sa sarili as long as walang inaapakang ibang tao.

:)

Lance said...

ahahah.. no comment.. showing up myself in this post just for the heck of it.. 'never miss a post'...hehehe
but really, me too, i hate gays/lesbians who are crossdressers. especially lesbians. it's so damn awkward. but sa kanila naman un eh. ewan.. hehehe

dabo said...

evryone is entilted to it's own opinion..

yun lang..

dabo said...

bino/geno:

at least you have used "liked" at hindi hate.


"It takes one rotten tomato to destroy the whole cart."

Dahling,you should have never applied that analogy. Your statement made this world an inch lonelier.

lance: hating someone for being awkward.. wow.. that is really, well, awkward.

dabo said...

people are afraid of things they never know... you guys thought you know enough.. tsk tsk tsk..

Mugen said...

Dabo: That is why being observant and not judging people based on their appearance or background alone makes someone...

profoundly wiser in life. :)

Lance said...

ang serious naman ni dabo.. chillax kalang dude...

Princhecha Fiona said...

thanks for this post erik. i love you na.

it makes me sick that some people are so self righteous.

I'm not sure if they have read this part: person should not be judged by how they look, what they wear and what their preferences are.

wanderingcommuter said...

informaxoma: hahaha. definitely not. i value my friends more than have them as a partner. it sjust too risk to maintain the friendship that you have built once the romantic relationship has been destroyed.
nonetheless, its nice to hear that you have your partner regardless of her gender, sex, preference and prhysical attributes. my salute to you, girl!!!

mugen: its one hell of a experience, kuya joms. but just don't ALWAYS expect that they are all the same, because from the looks of it. some or people, even they are bloggers like us. happen to be still caged in the general picture of what a cross dresser is. and i am also itching to read that story of yours.

bino: i really appreciate your honesty and courage to go away with the usual trend that most bloggers have, which are also against the general norm. and you know, thats what keeps me going back to your post. you tend to be the antagonist that makes the issue more interesting. kudos!
nonetheless, let me emphasize some points: first, i think we need to set first the premise to better tackle the subject. like most people, regardless of sex or gender, we should never generalize a group of people. the very definition of human itself, will already tell us that all of us our unique in our own ways. no two people are exactly the like. thus, we could not blame the eniter group because of the mistake of one or two or more. and it will also apply it the other way around.
second, crossdressing is actually a rational thing. its what we call preferences brought about by one's life descisions.
thridly, probably you already know, how i am against with psychology as a school of thought that discusses issues of gender. as i've mentioned before, on my opinion, psychology is so rigid that they tend to label almost everything that comes into human behavior and mentality as a disorder. even having a lucky pen is a disorder ayt? in addition, they also generalize and has the tendency to sensationalize results from individual subjects as the subject of the whole society. thus, i like sociology more than psychology in tackling it.

gillboard: go ahead dude, keep me posted about the list. i bet you'll not regret it!

mel: probably you can blame it to the psychologist who have pioneered the concept of its disorder, specifically those who are working for the American Psychiatric Association. but come to think of it, as i've mentioned as well to gino, in reality, we could not deny that there are also cross dressers who offends other people, acting upon it INDIVIDUALLY (this being the operative word) and probably this is what gino is specefically referring at. nonetheless, we should all know that such acts are not exclusive to cross dressesrs alone. it could apply to all people regardless of class or group.
jericho: exactly! what we wear should NEVER EVER justify what we are as an individual or even as a group.

joaqui: i could not agree you more. i am really happy that in a way, it assured me that i am sending my message effectively... thanks dude!

bogs: or probably pareho din tayo nag gegeneralize?
but just for the sake of me defending myself, i wrote this on my context. and just like what you have said its his personality and not his crossdressing that i like about him and this is exactly what i want to relay to my readers. it should always be the personality that every individual should loo kat towards them and not their preferences or what they wear.

mugen: and just to tag along what you've said: these "people" are not exclusive under one groups alone. they are present to all. but in a different perspective, you actually have a a very good point, on that ANGLE.

white: natumbok mo yun ang sum up ng lahat!!!

lance: sad naman nun... oh well its your preference. hopefully, they would treat you the other way around, dude.

dabo: naku, naka comment si dabo. well we already talked about it. so what else can i say? ayt?!
"people are afraid of things they never know... you guys thought you know enough"
but i love this line, it basically said a lot of things.

mugen: well there's no absolute truth. so we also can't make claims. hahaha.

(para lang sabihin nilang hindi kita kinakampihan dahil friends tayo---hahaha).

fiona: hehehe. i think everyone deserves to know my opinion, not because i am all-knowing. but more of to give them another person's thoughts...hehehe

chyng said...

i love this post. and i like the way you admitted those thoughts of yours "against" crossdressers are wrong. maybe i should reorganize my thought too before i label others.

respeto!
sino ba ayaw mabuhay ng normal? (--,)

theTripper said...

crossdressing? it's not a disorder, it's a phenomenon. hehehe

ika said...

i agree with informaxona... parang doon patungo. hahaha.

ako naman sanay na sanay na ko sa mga dalagang pilipina. high school pa lang, sila na mga kasama ko. as in ung nag foundation na may press powder pa. nablog ko na nga sila na babaeng babae na sila.

i would have become one of them (not that it's bad) if I haven't studied at dlsu. nasa ust sila lahat.