attention

it was an enormous explosion of countless charge that lingered into everyone's senses. bright and flashing light blinded the dark. while loud music left no chance for silence. indeed, it was the perfect sanctuary for escapes.

for a moment, i caught myself standing in the middle of a great battle, where everyone was trying to win attention. confused of everything that is happening, i didn't let my guard down. for deep inside, i still know my reasons for their whys. although choice could really be that hard to ponder sometimes.

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with my age and experience, standing there felt i was an entirely different person. confused, naive and a bit vulnerable. as if the only way for survival was not to look, not to care. being apathetic is a way of marking one's territory, despite the extinction of mere space. its a matter of being the prey or the predator: or someone being or trying to be irrelevant.

i admit, there were countless encounters. familiar faces and even very familiar souls. some i recall, while some i ignore. left me wondering how big the circle really is? how the chains are link?

nonetheless, i just let the vagabonds ship them home. but it just surprises me how they greet each other with smiles, nods and hard shoulder taps; as if they only had coffee and banofee pie from the last.

when exhaustion kicked in, loneliness and confusion poured. then, i've realized this is not the attention, i am wanting--- that i am really needing.

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