Tuesday, May 18, 2010

rant

i believe its a common dream for everyone to say in his dying day that he have lived his life the way he really wanted it to be; with fulfillment sliding inside his pocket and mistakes wrapped around happiness and tied without regrets.
after almost a year, i finally saw myself walking along the still sleeping streets of ortigas, with the fresh ray of sun glistening on my face and soft morning breeze greeting my long dreamed corporate attire. i almost lost all hopes for this time to come. very thrilled and delighted, i was really looking forward of what the day have stored for me.
but i guess, the past is something that will not easily let you go. if only i have learned this sooner i should have wondered why its too easy to get in. then perhaps i would have realized the difficulty of going out.
i feel fear whenever i see myself on each tiring face that passes me, heading towards the opposite direction. while calming and telling myself that i will no longer take the same route again.
though it was not really something that i want to do for the rest of my life, atleast i want to believe that it was the next door to that.
until one day, i was woke up by the alarm of my cellphone. the name of my supervisor appeared above the message, telling me its time to wake up from this dream. that the past was not exactly my past rather it was a blot of a sheer possibility that it was my actually my fate to do this for the rest of my life.
i have never asked so much for myself. all i really wanted was to do something not exactly what i want but something that will atleast fill my contentment and give me a sense of my being.
some say just smile. for i have just reached the time of my life, where i have to choose of what path to take. unfortunately, i was born in a country, where options are not as vast as others. no wonder we are set to believe that options tend to complicate life more, to be (under) contended and that its always noble to leave.
but honestly, i have already reached the point, where the question what do i i really want to do in life became very very tiring and paralyzing at the same time. seriously, i would not regret missing half of my life if i would fast track my life five to ten years from now. i just want to do this and go over with it--- or perhaps this is just my frustration talking.
with these thoughts still haunting me, i decided to take a walk. hoping a heartful lunch will calm the turbulence and turmoil i was feeling inside. then i passed by this huge house right across the corner street. infront were two adorable dogs: a pomeranian in full coat running in circles inside a huge steel cage and a proud rottweiler with a leash tied around his neck. both of them were looking at the same direction, restless. so out of curiosity, i traced the direction where they were looking at, wondering what it was. then in my surprise it was another dog. a thin, dirty stray dog, sniffing for small hopes that will satiate his hunger.
from there i saw myself questioning again, who do i prefer the dogs whose master treats them well in exchange of their freedom or the stray dog who enjoys his liberty but scavenge for pity to buy him more time?



i know, decisions are always tough.

*i hate growing up. i hate adult life.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

a thought-provoking post...

i think, it all boils down to choices. in a way, we are a little of both. though not of the same needs, both longs for something...

-geek

Dhon said...

disturbing.. which one do i choose?

Anonymous said...

ay that's a tough question. being broke is difficult. in fact, it's just another form of oppression...

Mu[g]en said...

One must have a master in order to live... materialistically well.

♥N said...

Remember, my dear nephew, it's the journey, not the destination. Don't wish to fast-track your life. Trust me, it all comes and goes in a blink of an eye.

Just be thankful that you are even in a position to make choices. Some do not even have that luxury.

Anyway, enough with the aunt-like lecture. hehehe. You're a smart young man with the whole world in front of him. You can do whatever it is you want! It will come to you when you least expect it.

I ♥ you!

red the mod said...

Be comforted by the idea that despite the apparently grim state of affairs, this humble third world country actually is better off in comparison to our neighboring contemporaries. And that the journey is not at its end, merely a bookmarked chapter, waiting for you to continue its narration. Soon, perhaps. But definitely eventually.

ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ said...

before we can know what we really want, we must come to terms with who we really are -- deep down, what we believe is personally is really collective and thus, what we want is really what WE want and that is no choice at all.

engel said...

are we really truly free?

Anonymous said...

Ako, Singapore pipiliin ko, tapos pasusunudin ko lahat ng friends ko. pwamis ewik, susunod kami. pwamis.

-ang kagandahang si ako

david said...

if the the choice you want is not available from the multiples, then you have the absolute right to create one.

just hold on to your sanity.

may araw din mga yan.

Elias Jayson said...

this is really thought provoking. as in my case, i can truly relate.

haha. mabuhay ang mga kolboy.

Aris said...

napagmuni-muni ako sa post mong ito, friend. lalo na ngayon na may mga gusto akong baguhin sa aking buhay. :)

kalansaycollector said...

ang hiraaaaaap! :x

sakpin said...

"before we can know what we really want, we must come to terms with who we really are -- deep down, what we believe is personally is really collective and thus, what we want is really what WE want and that is no choice at all" very well said from one of the comments, it applies.

Boying Opaw said...

seryosong tanong, bakit dalawa lang ang choices na nilagay mo?

then, again, yes, decisions are tough...pero ang kulit kasi we are 'free' to decide.


girl, ang pagkakalam ko lease ang tinatali sa leeg ng mga aso. ngayon pa lang ako nakarinig ng leech.

Boying Opaw said...

shit, girl, leash pala ibig ko sabihin hindi lease.