a confession of a "gifted" friend

i am gifted.

but not in a mental way. i cannot paint like van gogh nor create tunes like beethoven. i cannot come up with complex formulas like einsten nor invent a life-changing device like edison.

perhaps, you can line me up with those so called mutants like in marvel or to that tv series, called heroes. but this gift is not something in my genes nor brought about by a certain radiation or chemical accident. i just simply woke up one morning, after a series of one night stands, feeling something different.

source

my sexual urge became stronger than ever, to a point were i cannot control it anymore. my sensual perception became keener even to the slightest of details. and my physical endurance became way longer. i felt that i can even run on the thread mill for hours without any hint of catching my breath. it was as if i am on to any challenge and confident that i will beat any man by miles.

so the same night, i tried putting my gift into the test. coincidentally, it was saturday and every potential guinea pig is going to that one place.

as i entered the room, for the first time, i saw a thin wave of pink transluscent beam being emitted by my body and it flew across the entire bar. in an instant, i just noticed everyone was looking at me and started making their own moves just to catch my attention.

a guy in his early twenties, wearing a blue body hugging shirt and a pair of dreamy eyes, approached me as he groove in the most seductive dance i have ever seen. he was literally making love with the dance floor. he continously jumped from a low squat and repeated it in counts. then he suddenly reached me.

in my usual state, i could have avoided looking at him from the start, from the very moment he waved his body like a cheap pole stripper. but the gift overpowered my preference. i started dancing with him on the ledge while everyone started giving us space. i've never thought i have those moves in me all along and i could see in my expectators' eyes that they were craving a piece of me too.

then the beam coming out of me became thicker and thicker as i strot my hips in every beat. the aura i am emiting was driving everyone crazy like i've just farted the strongest drop of an irresistable fermone. until the next thing i knew, the guy was already dragging me inside a dark smoky room.

he aggresively took my face. his hands were becoming insatiably warmer as he pressed it harshly deeper on my cheeks. while i could see in his eyes, that the once dreamy pair of black balls were nothing more than a pair of dark and deep abyss. he was no longer thinking. his urge had finally overpowered him. i told myself, i already have him and this will be easy.

source

but the moment he took over me and i closed my eyes, i immediately saw erratic streaks of lights. it was as if i am riding a fast and wild rollercoaster entering what seemed to be a crazy tunnel without any patterns. then at the end, a very bright light engulfed me.

when i opened my eyes, i saw the same guy. but surprisingly he was no longer kissing me. rather, he was shouting at someone else, a tall, dark person with a fierce and edgy face. tears were rolling down their cheeks. they were exclaiming words i cannot decipher but you know they were filled with very strong emotions, from the way they delivered it with very stiff and contained gestures. until the shadow headed to the door and left the room. more faces appeared afterwards, in very fast shutters. but all of them were moving inside the same frame. while the guy was still crying in a very slow pace.

suddenly, i felt my blood rushing in. it felt like a long and hot coil crawling all over my body. then i heard an unfamiliar heartbeat. it took me a while before i have figured it was not mine but his. i felt how cold and restless it was like the first time i saw for myself, my first love going out with a close friend, who i have trusted and confided with my all my secrets and affections

it felt very empty although i am not even sure what it really meant. for me, it was something untolerable.something i should have not dared venturing into, like building all the guts and finally confessing my feelings to someone i really like just to be rejected and laughed at afterwards.

it felt like my chest was being torn into two by an unknown force. like knowing that your partner for years have cheated on you behind your back. that your partner have exchanged all the years you've shared together for a one night stander.

i wanted it to stop. i was already crying . screaming and pleading hard to let go. it was the most miserable feeling.

after all this time, i never thought i could still feel that vulnerable, weak and alone. then everything turned pitch black. it was as if i have passed out.

when i opened my eyes and gained consciousness, i saw the same guy again infront of me. his eyes were still close and lips still tucked into mine. then i moved back. he opened his eyes and i saw the remnants of all those pasts i have witnessed earlier. i felt a bit sad for him but far worst for myself.

i guess, it was the downfall of the gift. it would attract all people to my whims but at the same time, it would show me their misery, that would eventually show my own humanity.

at first, i thought, the gift was just like any free online products. that since they have just been released in the market, it is normal that there are still bugs and inconsistencies in it, that it would eventually correct itself. so i tried and repeatedly used it. trying to understand, control and use it for my own advantage. but the downfall of the gift was as persevered as i am. until i finally gave up.

now, i wonder who among the guys i have slept with cursed me with it? or if its my own humanity that activated it in me? or perhaps, i will never know for its already too late.

source

so now, i am stuck here waiting outside of that huge and enclossed establishment, filled with all that youthful freedom and excitement that already long forgotten me. trying to resist every seducing stare that would pass by and trying to believe that i am already tired of this endless goose chase. hopefully waiting and wondering for someone who will also have the same gift --- or if its even possible for people like me.