Sunday, June 28, 2009

bed thoughts

when rationality is at its peak, its the emotions that fail.

ofcourse, how many times have we heard that everything should be in balance and something in excess is dangerous? but are rationality and emotions something measurable? or how can we even know if one is ahead of the other?
for the past days, i have been swarmed with so many thoughts to the point that i just found myself thinking about them. paralyzing, if i may say. futile, perhaps. and absolutely depressing.

then one morning, i woke up without anything to do, damn stubborn getting out my bed. and out of nowhere i asked myself, when was the last time i cried? for a second, it amazes me to know that i can't even remember it anymore (yan ang tunay na lalaki, my ass!). but eventually, i felt a bit alarmed with the idea. thus, i tried asking myself again, when was the last time i giggled over a romance movie or a book i read? when was the last time i uttered sweet nothings to people dear to me? when was the last time i genuinely got scared because of the loss of someone?

i was just literally there, thinking. trying to recall these things. i felt literally loss because of the absence of answers. then i realized, probably,if we tend to keep on rationalizing almost everything in our lives we end up being numbed about it. and that is as good as an appliance with purpose but without fun.

i admit, i am a person that is so weak when it comes to his feelings. that is why i tend to rationalize things up in order to have a harder shell. but in doing so, i end up just tough outside but empty in the core.
i have thought perhaps if i lavish myself with things without thinking about them to much, whether i'll be happy or get hurt in the end, then atleast i have felt something.

but oh yes, father, i have done the worst so far inorder to feed that craving: to feel something again, i have literally alienated myself in doing something i should have not done in the first place. something very stupid.

but i have realized how A is dear to me. how A cared despite everything that we have gone through. that A chose not to inflict the pain that i am asking simply because A knows i am more than that person i am trying to be that time.

at the end, i have learned that there is nothing wrong with lowering our guards as long as we are wise and responsible enough in owning our actions.

sigh.

now back to my regular programming.

18 comments:

The Green Man said...

I quote:

"at the end, i have learned that there is nothing wrong with lowering our guards as long as we are wise and responsible enough in owning our actions."

Applauded with standing ovation. I can't agree more. :-D

MakMak said...

"at the end, i have learned that there is nothing wrong with lowering our guards as long as we are wise and responsible enough in owning our actions."

Really, there's none. :-)
Why be ashamed of being vulnerable? You just have to be ready for its consequences is all.

ordinary_guy1234 said...

"if we tend to keep on rationalizing almost everything in our lives we end up being numbed about it"

darn! this one is true!

nice one

jamie da vinci! said...

and what a valuable lesson that was. now dont u just wish more people would be more responsible and grow up? sigh.

its a blessing, dear sir, to realize what you just realized. many are obviously not as lucky.

cb :: 林偉文 said...

sometimes i wonder if it's better to be numb than to feel all the pain in the world. i still haven't figured it out but lately, i've been more of the former.

Knox Galen said...

at the end, i have learned that there is nothing wrong with lowering our guards as long as we are wise and responsible enough in owning our actions.

- The moment I lower mine, I end up, almost always, getting hurt.

Victor Gregor said...

i always tell myself (and other people who will care to listen): everything is a risk. :)

DN said...

"then i realized, probably,if we tend to keep on rationalizing almost everything in our lives we end up being numbed about it. and that is as good as an appliance with purpose but without fun."

==========

un ba talaga epekto ng masyadong pag-rarationalize? nakakatakot naman. pero parang tama ka nga... :(

Ely said...

I wouldn't mind doing so, for someone who's deserving...ONLY.

Luis Batchoy said...

And I thought that this post WAS regular programming already! How regular can you get? Weeee

Maxwell5587 said...

i always believed that there are 2 sides in a coin. a 50-50 chance. and most of the time, we always consider the negative side first therefore discouraging us to take that risk.

take a risk, seize the moment, you'll never know until you try. and as they say, "The brave don't live forever, but the cautious don't live at all."

line of flight said...

jung says thinking and feeling are opposite functions of the psyche, yet both operate simultaneous. the more developed one is, the more autonomous the other is. push too far in one direction and the other direction pushes back.

Yj said...

helleeeeeeeer... ang hirap mag build up ng walls para protektahan natin ang ating mga sarili...

kaya i say no lowering of guards....

undies nalang ang ibaba.... mas madali pa....

bwahahahahahaha

blep:P

Najua Scribbles said...

"I learned.."

That's what counts best each and every time. :)

june showers said...

emotions and a kind heart are a liability...sometimes. but to totally dispose of them will reduce our existence to that of a Hun (splitting the word 'human' right in the middle).

intellectually understanding and emotionally reacting are two very different things. we’re still stuck in the duality of mind and heart: the mind calmly understands but the heart still blindly reacts...ooops. we have yet to reach the point where there is no separation between knowing and doing. and while we are still trying hitting the balance we keep erring on either side. which side we are more comfortable with is always a personal choice.

gentle said...

and that is as good as an appliance with purpose but without fun

hehehe! grabe sa statement! di ko kinaya. :)

Anonymous said...

weird no.. you find yourself rational yet the artist in you is screaming!

miss you!

ghwace said...

"if we tend to keep on rationalizing almost everything in our lives we end up being numbed about it. and that is as good as an appliance with purpose but without fun."


---i am going thru this thing right now, arrrggghh..

but ur blog is enough as a realization to me. hoping for the best, on my part!

nice post.. :)