nostalgia and dejavu

for you, patience has always been beyond your pace. when you realizedthat time has always been everyone's greatest enemy and noticed thateverything flies faster than it used to be.
you decided to hit the mall after work. hoping you will forget. the place has always been the perfect escape. the haven of everything you've dreamed of. but regradless, how many you have bought and got. perhaps, contentment is just so sly nowadays.
suddenly your cellphone rung. then you thought people are bit more excitedthan you are.
why?
but you were surprised to see his name. the image of a familiar face and memory you have least expected rushed in.
"hey, whats up?"
it was your trained and canned civil voice. the tone you always use before every beginnings and after every goodbyes.
"hey. saw you around the area. do you have any plans tonight? just thoughtof inviting you over for dinner."
you look infront, on your sides and behind. its been a while since you last felt this for someone.
"heard of this diner downntown. do you want to try it? i can pick you up in east wing's entrace?"
"sure!"
you know, you should have hesitated for the voices inside your head were telling you that it was the right thing to do. but the answer just came out spontaneously. it was already too late or was it?
"alright! see you there after 10 minutes."
he was still punctual as before. while you were looking how his car slowly approaches you. it was a concoction of nostalgia and de javu.
you noticed your hand shivering as it reaches for the knob and the scentinside brought out memories you have long tried forgetting. and now youwere finally sitting beside him. he has the same clear face that resonates his wide smile. the same image you fell inlove with a couple of yearsback.
it was as if you were meeting him again for the first time.
in the diner, both of you were enjoying the great food. you felt a bit weird on how spontaneous and care free the conversation was going. you can talk about almost anything except for that.
his phone suddenly rang. he immediately answered it. you can't help yourself from evesdropping. the tone of his voice was familiar. it was sweet to the ears and melts the chest.
you cannot help to tell yourselfthat you missed it--- coming from his lips.the thing you were wanting but trying to avoid was affirmed. he already has a partner. the picture of that someone bothered you. questions rushed in. hundreds and even thousands in a split minute of justpretending you were not listening.
he came back to you as you wished you were the same person he was talking to."just having dinner.
i'll call you when i reach home."
then you recalled, you used to love those lines. it reminded you how he hates making you worried. how he makes you special.
then he ended the call and looked at you with the same familiar smile.
"so i guess, you already have a partner too?"
you were caught off guard with the question. though you know the answer was as simple as yes but you still hesitated. probably because of the hope that you can still be together.
but you know it would be unfair for the both of you. thus, you chose to be honest. he gave you a brief smile then looked at his plate and took a spoonful of the steak he ordered. the you looked at yours and played with the side dish of your salmon. it was one of those expected but ackward silence.
after your hearty meal, he insisted in paying for the dinner. it seemed like he did not really changed. but the same gesture made you question the decision you made a couple of years back. what happened? what were you thinking?
surprisingly, all the reasons have been forgotten. all the feelings and angst have faded. but it left you questioning--- regretting.he asked you, where you want to be dropped off. but instead of answering your place, you opt in going to cubao instead. i guess its just too hurtful for you to end it in your place alone again.
but then you realize, seeing him driving away from you, is more torturing than you thought it would be. and walking alone towards an unclear destination made it far worst.how come he did not remember?you then pull you phone from your pocket and made a call.
the next thing i knew, my phone was already ringing and showed your name. i picked it up and answered.
can you meet me tonight? i am here in cubao, a bit disturbed and alone.
i immediately saw you when i opened the cafe door. a bit different from what i have expected. i felt the weight of your chest in each step i made. your short smile greeted me with your turmoil.

then i warmly greeted him,"HAPPY BIRTHDAY T!!!"

"buti ka pa naalala mo."