Tuesday, April 20, 2010

case digest: K vs. the complexity of a relationship


last year, K broke up with her boyfriend for five years. it was something really unexpected after everything she has been through with him. basically, during the time that they've been together, there were countless incidence of infidelity that it even reach to a point that the guy had a child from another woman. not to mention his pending criminal case. but k fought for their relationship despite her family and friends advises of leaving him. the guy was one lucky ass.
until one day K called it quits. she packed her things up and left the apartment without any clear reasons or whatsoever. the guy was dumbfounded. we were also surprised. it was something he didn't really expect. thus, the guy asked for an explanation. he tried various means just to talk to K. he waited from morning to night infront of her office. he chased and kneeled for K in mendiola after classes. he even resorted to desperate measures of threatening K in exposing their private moments and even him commiting suicide.

but K stood firm with her decision. K realized that it was about time for her to move on and find her own sense of happiness: a type of it that is not chained from what her exbf's definition of it. thus, she ventured through the life of singleness again after 10 years. yes, she started young.
eventually, K met this guy. though not as handsome, smart and gifted as his ex, she fell for his sweetness and thoughtfulness. she bragged the times when the guy would pick her up everyday after work. when he would bring her to fancy and romantic restaurants and even that time when he voluntereed to drive K to baguio for a night then went back by dawn. inshort, she was in between the brink of really feeling something genuine and a possible rebound.

but when she was about to risk everything, K then found out that the guy is actually committed to another girl for more than six years now. yes, six years! it also bothered us why K keeps on attracting these kinds of complications. and knowing how smart K was, it was her weakest part she have used again--- her heart. she told us she still wanted to take the risk. thinking probably the guy would change his mind: that him being that thoughtful was a sign that hes really considering their possibilities. and again, i heard that excuse: "Pag mahal mo ang isang tao, lagi mo s’yang bibigyan ng lusot sa mga kagaguhang ginagawa n’ya sa’yo..." i admit, i almost killed her upon hearing her argument.

but after countless nights, we have finally convinced her to drop the asshole. but we didn't expect the depression she experienced afterwards that led to a more depressing event: K almost asked his ex for a reconciliation.

is it fair for expartners to reconcile out of depression or mere loneliness?
is it even just to consider your ex as your 'waiting back up plan' just in case all else fail?
is it even possible for another chance, sprung by desperation, to produce a more successful relationship?

no. one's ex should never be an option out of a frustration, depression or even desperation. its as stupid as marrying someone you've impregnated or voting someone living behind another person's shadow.

i always believe that the human mind tends to drown us with endless possibilites, depending on where we want to lead them and in most cases, we always choose the easiest way/s, without even thinking its consequences or outcomes.

in this case, frustration, depression and even desperation can be viewed as the key players in every single person's hunt for a partner. regardless, how we avoid them, they would always keep on finding ways to meet us in that crossroad and its a matter of outwitting them. not necessarily eradicating these from the formula, which i think is impossible, rather using these for your own advantage.

lastly, no one can really claim that finding that someone is easy but i guess its actually how and the experience of finding their someones are the things that really counts.

*i wonder what the other ponentes can say about this?


♥N said...

is it fair for expartners to reconcile out of depression or mere loneliness?

If after you have been with someone else and you realize that your ex was really not as bad as you originally thought, then I would say it would be fair and ok to reconcile with your ex. But no, if it is just out of mere loneliness or depression, then you would be going back to your ex for all the wrong reasons.

Her statement: "Pag mahal mo ang isang tao, lagi mo s’yang bibigyan ng lusot sa mga kagaguhang ginagawa n’ya sa’yo..." -- it's what true love is all about though, as martyr-ish as it may sound. It's about loving someone without condition, even if that person does not deserve it. It's just too bad that she gives her love to those that are nowhere near being deserving.

Lance said...

I recently heard the same story from a group of friends.. With all the infidelity, neglect for the person's emotions and such kinds of scenarios..but after all the drama of moving to another place, looking for friends' refuge, bullshitting the life of the ex, I still found out that they still ended up together..
hmmpp..but this makes me remember a line from a funny series "How I met your mother" - "..Every relationship has what we call a reacher and a settler. One person reaches for someone out of their league and the other one settles for someone below their's.."
The former usually handles the burden of the emotional distress..

Anonymous said...

"Pag mahal mo ang isang tao, lagi mo s’yang bibigyan ng lusot sa mga kagaguhang ginagawa n’ya sa’yo... - true kase pinagdadaan ko sya ngayun. even if all the evidence is in front of you denial pa din..although i really want to move on and find happiness i can't because i don't want to be alone