Monday, April 5, 2010

clutter

(i just can't stand writing rant entries day by day. so i decided to gather them up and post them in a single bulk.)

i don't really remember when was the first time i decided to shut myself from thinking of all the things that happened and happening to me for the past months. all i could remember was waking up one morning, being bombarded by what seemed to be a never ending thoughts of problems, dilemnas, and pressures and saw myself just walking pass right at it as if they're just mirages and i didn't really care. perhaps, i am just too tired of thinking; too tired of rants. and as an immediate reaction, my form of self preservation, i just had to pull down that lever--- again.

the last thing i remember was i used to be this inquisitive kid, who kept on asking more than what he could digest. sometimes playful but most of time observant. nonetheless, always believed in the magic of listening. but then he got tired like anyone or anything else. he realized that there are just certain universe that cannot be moved from their orbits and stars that cannot be stopped from falling. so he stopped despite the frustration on his right and desparation on the other. but i know he is still trying. struggling to be hopeful and at the same time learning the boundaries of being realistic and whimsical.

life to him by far, simply became a bitter sweet concoction of career turmoils, romantic turbulences and personal meltdowns, to the point it already numbed his soul despite his body reactions. hes been drugged to learn that at the end, no one would really attempt nor exert more efforts to tumbled down that fortress.

thus, his last resort was just carelessly diving in and moving with the tide, trying to accept wherever it may lead him. i guess its time for him to face his own clutter

and just him for now.

12 comments:

Elias Jayson said...

These too shall pass.

Anonymous said...

And do know that like all clutters, you've got friends who are willing to help you out.

Cleaning party ulet!!!!! kiddin'.. :P

wuv you frend!

(oist, nahawa na sayo si boy complikado sa kaka "frend" mo, word of the week na yan haha)

Galen said...

Clutters are necessary so we can find reasons to shape up and clean up our surroundings.

I deal my clutter alone, and preferably without anyone to help me. That's how you learn to be strong - and yes, even mature.

engel said...

you didn'ts seem to be like this the other night. wonder what happened?

iurico said...

it's one of those days - a glaring reminder - TUMATANDA KA NA RIN!!!

hehe

the geek said...

sometimes, we fight with the tides, too. fighting for the clutter that they wash away, those clutters we are struggling to hold on... and then suddenly, they become a burden...

and you only do what you think is right, you let them be washed away...gracefully...

jeszieBoy said...

i have a lot of clutter. clutters i can't throw off. how do we get rid of them if we are unwilling? ugh. damn hard.

lee said...

aaawww. you'll get through it =)

you've taken the first step by acknowledging it. now, you just have to take action clean it up =D

red the mod said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
red the mod said...

We need the feeling of inadequacy to challenge our convictions, that desperate blandness of being to question our significance, a foreboding sense of disarray to seek focus and direction, an emotional turmoil to triumph over, emerging victorious. Reborn.

We subconsciously seek the pain of reality to remind us the poignancy of our humanity. To achieve that feeling, any feeling, as proof of our existence. Of being here, and now.

When grief becomes too rampant, and the tribulations too gargantuan, know that there is no other way but to go but up. Brave this storm Ewik, for at the end of the tempest a rainbow will brilliantly profess your emancipation. Complete. Transcendant.

Like a phoenix arising from ashen allays. You will be.

Anonymous said...

what you focus on grows..

loves0909 said...

What if there's too much clutter...

Anyway, thanks for visiting mine.