how far will you go for sex?
for most of us, the word may still hold a great amount of sensitivity in discussing it to someone else. i must admit that when i thought of writing this article. in a way, i am still having doubts and hesitations in pursuing it. but i then realize that sex in all of its meanings and connotations have drastically move inside our day-to-day conversations without even us knowing it. for instance, whenever me and my friends go out, i noticed that sex is always a good launching point of a good conversation. it is like confessing all your known sins to a priest, it has this light feeling inside that lifts one's self when you share this to someone you are comfortable with.
i have told myself, if i would still enclose myself to my conservative beliefs. then when would be the right time to break away from it?
yes, i admit. sex is no new word for me. as early as 15, i was already acquainted with sex and the rest of the things that would follow it. it was during that age when i was devirginized (another sensitive word) with a friend---one of the closest if i may say.
for two years it remained that way. then suddenly everything changed when we began to be more curious about things that we're known to us as jokes. but the teasing began to shape a new meaning, cannot blame us we were just teens. basically, we have suprisingly done it in the most bizaare places you could think of. in the classroom, in the beach, in my room and places i have already forgotten.
unfortunately, the excuse would not hold long. since we have continued doing it for six years. for some, the worst thing was, we indirectly decided to remain on that relation the whole time or what is commonly known as fuck buddies. never thought of moving it in---romantically. because we knew, it would be suicide for us to discuss the set up that we had. we never knew to each other if we understand exactly what we were doing. if there really is such a thing, the first time we have decided to be friends.
i started noticing that everything turns entirely different when we go out as friends from going out as "f buddies". we laugh, joke around and talk about various interests we share in front of friends. but it abruptly changes, once we were left alone with one another. thus, selfishly hurting, it continued and even up to now. since we haven't formally end it because to think about it we haven't formally started it as well. as most cliche lines would start, at first it would be this, it would be that... but like cliche lines those are the things that we need to shy away and dwell more on deeper thinking. because of the obvious reason that what sex really intended was something we have failed to see and understand.
most of the time. sex is a liberation of not only to one's self but also against societal repressions. it is the breaking away from the conservative norm of tradition and morality or probably the other way around. nonetheless, like any other form of liberty, it is also anchored by responsibilities and obligations (that i think no need to further elaborate). simply knowing that most of us tend to exaggerate such liberation beyond our limits.
in my experience, to sum it up. i've learned that sex should not be equated with love. most of the sensual sensations brought about sex are not romantic in nature. in which, if you are open to dig in deeply there is a thick line between sex and love. the boundaries should always be visible and we should never fail to recognize it. come to think of it, probably this might be one of the reason why most people deemed it as a sensitive or taboo matter. probably because most of us, easily gets hurt due to this.
then i realized, how frail being human could be?! and how naive we are to respond to such weaknesses.
for a moment, i sighed because i knew in inside, i am indeed missing an old friend.