reopening the close season

*a week worth of blog hiatus. school load killing my muses!

its been a long time since i last saw her. and honestly, i no longer remember when it was, where we were, what she wore nor which side her last smile to me leaned.

all i could remember was, everything that we were--- before that. when we were still in college. when we used to share the same bed, same plate, and even the same shirts and pants. and most especially, when we found our comfort from each other's differences.

so it was really an indescribable delight when i heard a familiar screech while i was working on some illustrations in a nearby coffee shop. it asked me in a very thin and almost intolerable voice, "kamusta ka na??!!!"

it was her. it was really her. blankly staring at her, felt like i have been teleported back to the past. as if time had forgotten to include her from the trip all of us is supposed to take. she didn't change a bit. she has the same smile, the same hair dance and even the same stance. and it was when we went to our kamustahan, that my initial reaction was confirmed. she is still single, no suitors and as we used to joke it, hymen still intact.

but if theres one thing that really caught my attention from what seemed to be an almost endless conversation that day, was this story she told me. when her friends actually asked her, if she still wants to be a woman in her next life. and she answered, "NO. i prefer to be a man." ofcourse her friends followed up,

"so you mean, you want to try the "other dish" without having what you could have right this very moment?"

"who said i am changing my menu?"

basically, my friend has this very absurd believe that nowadays, it is easier for men, compare to women, to get a fellow men for a partner.

"where did that came from?" i asked after laughing at the top of my throat.

***

three days after, i then overheard H telling Q, who is on the verge of losing hope with the love hunt, that there is so many men in the metro that you wouldn't really run out of one. infact, there are even some who got two or more for their fun.

come to think of it, he has point. the realization started to sink in, as if the universe took a sudden pause from its order, to connive on this idea in me.

well with the problem of over population that our country is currently facing, indeed, its impossible for someone to ran out of a potential partner. but the real question here is, how to fish that "one" out of a pen of a million jumping anyones?

the difficulties of finding a partner don't really reside on the absence of a possibility rather it is from how an individual take those chances for granted.

some say, you have to be rigorous and never lose hope in finding him/her. thus, one put him/herself in this what seemed to be an endless pile of date buffet. doing ocular inspections, sorting out the enticing, interesting and attracting one from the nots. then try if it will suit one's pallete and if it will even last.

while some argues that you just have to wait for that invisible hand or that wheel of fate to place it infront of you.

but personally, i would rather go with the former rather than depening on the latter and miss and regret something that i haven't done a thing. you see, i want to believe that i could be so clueless and insensitive sometimes--- alright, make it most of the time.

for my friend's case, i can offer her a hundred reason why she can't land herself with a partner despite having the looks, personality and brain. she may either be looking in the wrong place, may have a very high requirements, or she maybe doing nothing at all.

but i believe that regardless of sex and gender, it is indeed easy to get a partner. but determing what kind of it is the one that really matters.

nowadays, one can get laid easily over a bottle or two. some can even get it at the back of of bus; seats or even on the walls of a public urinal. the possibily is endless and with the aid of technology, it can even be not a problem at all.

but looking for a long time/life partner, however you may define it, in aspects of commitment and set ups, is an entirely differnt thing.

i think looking for love is difficult simply beacuse of its worth. i may sound too idealitic or romantic on this, but for personally, this is where i want to put my nose on.

come to think of it, it can also be practical depending on how you look at it. for i know a good number of people who find it difficult to let go, despite the depletion of love and passion to their partners, simply because of the "investments" they've put in the relationship.

it is pratical because it avoids decisions and regrets out of whims and immature arguements. it is pratical because it tends to remind someone of the hardships he have gone through to have this, before crossing the line of infidelity or even unforgiveness as the result of the prior. it is practical because in the end, it is no longer the love or sex that will bind the two, rather it is the companionship or friendship they have built before and during the time they've known each other.

lastly, i guess the whole love hunt is indeed a part of a process. though there can never be a concrete formula for love, the struggle of finding it contributes to the totality of the entire experience. and at the end of the day, we will then realize, that everyone still deserves his own fair share of life--- whatever that may be.