Thursday, August 20, 2009

top 10 outcomes after a nasty break up

10. the emo eater

what better way to channel depression than eating? after months or even years of depriving yourself from food; through counting calories, measuring oil consumption, and just munching an imaginary grain, nothing is more rewarding than grabbing a half gallon of ice cream or a humungous block of chocolate, without the words LITE, NON FAT or NO SUGAR in their label.
never thought that true love could cost this much effort.

and if you also noticed, for most new singles, sweets are the top options in the list.

why?

well, duh?! obviously, its to neutralize the bitterness. hahaha!

9. the new hairdo

this is a classic and probably the most immediate thing to do for people who come out from a break up. i remember, i once wondered how come barbershops and salons are such big businesses. eventhough having a haircut is not that expensive compare to other countries.


then i realized three things: first, thats how big the broken hearted population is in the philippines. second, perhaps, thats how fast most people drop their partner off (its as witty as saying your partner is as cheap as a haircut). and lastly, thats how expensive having a divorce in other countries. no wonder we don't have such law, lalo tayong magihirap kapag nagkataon.

8. the bitter

i think this is a give away. but come to think of it, coming from a nasty break up is not always a bad thing. people coming from one happen to have a good chance in becoming either the new charantia endorser or even a good ampalaya substitute. and to top it all, recent studies show people who have quite a number of nasty break ups have a lesser chance of getting diabetes.

the downfall of it on the other hand, is they tend to make your beer awfully bitter. so cover those bottles guys!

7. the sentimental seeker

these are the type of new singles, that you will think are already fine from their break ups. since they are already making scenes and pulling all the attention from a partying crowd. but suddenly, you will just catch them staring at something from you or from other people. then the next thing you know they are already bursting in tears.

"that was the same underwear i gave him! huhuhu...though the garter in that is still tight. but still..." attach more huhuhu's here.

note: such also apply among people, places, animals, gestures, activities, sex, movies, songs, do you still want more? the signs are endless, you know.

6. the network switcher

whenever an unregistered number sends me a message, my immediate reaction is always a big "OMG! who is it this time?"

for some odd reasons, this is one of the most common things most new singles do after their break ups. odd because: first, whats the point of changing your cellphone number if you memorize your ex's number by heart? second, why take all the effort of hiding, if your ex knows where you live, where you work and knows almost all of your friends. besides, you were the one who excitedly introduced him/her to them, right?

and lastly, are you really that conceited to assume that your ex will still contact you for a second chance? dream on! you're the one who cheated asshole!--- okay that was purely me. sorry!

5. the prodigal friend

when you thought s/he is already out from your BFF list in the grounds that s/he never texted, called and even met you up anymore, after tying the commitment knot to that irrationally possesive-paranoid-psycho, here s/he comes crying and asking for your shoulders again. reaffirming completely all the reasons, you've said a million times, why s/he should not commit to that person.
obviously, s/he will be the same person again, afterwards, like the way you used to know him/her. s/he will text, call and meet up with you just like before. you're almost inseparable.

but hey! don't you just drop that wall yet because believe me, there is a big chance that this will happen again anytime soon. so whoever, invented the line, a friend is always there no matter what happens, must probably have friends who doesn't trust him/her at all. or probably, i am just ranting again.

4. the new bob ong disciple


almost a year ago, i have officially tagged bob ong as the ultimate emolord of the philippines (ofcourse, that is next to dabo, who is the ultimate emopotent and jake, who is also diligently climbing the chart), after receiving a large volume of forwarded quotes from his books, even up to now.

interestingly enough, i have also noticed that most of my contacts who keep on forwarding his quotes are either friends who just recently came out from a relationship or friends who are still effing single because they haven't moved on yet, considering it has been years.

now, i wonder, is bob ong already married or atleast have a partner? but what i wonder more is, how tragic his lovestory could be? it could have been more tragic than the hamlet to come up with these what seemed to be hopeless and lovephobic lines. what do you think?

3. the revenging player

i always believe in karma but in the ground that it should be through the natural cycle of life. thus, i disagree to those who live with the line, eye for an eye.
but for some new singles, revenge could actually be sweeter and juicier than their ex's best sex, did i rhyme it right? but the more disturbing part is, if they can't get it from the ex, then they will get it from others.

in other words, instead of sharing the love in the world, they would share the misery of falling, literally falling, just to get even. from there, the vicious cycle goes on.

so for those, who are desperate enough to feed on new singles for the belief that rebounds are easy catch, then think again. for it may be you who are into their bait.

2. sympathy fisher

these are new singles that practically don't do anything exept emitting negativity in a 100 mile radius, worst than the one dropped in nagasaki.

actually, i don't really have problems with such for i understand that this is a natural after effect for anyone who just came out from a relationship also known as bitter after taste.

but sometimes, negativity for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even midnight snack is just extremely exhausting. it drags all the happiness in you to a point that you are already colder than cold cuts, forgotten to be thawed and clueless what the word warm and love means. okay that goes too cheesy.

but if you are a book worm and saw that movie from one to six and looking forward for the last. then probably you already have a good picture what this people looks like. and yes, it starts with the letter D.

1. farewell bloggers

and to wrap things up, i personally decided, to put this one in the top of my list. for almost four years of blogging, i noticed that this is quite rampant among bloggers.

it seemed like its a growing trend among online writers to have their blogs, regardless of what they write, to be somehow the story of their lovelives. the whining feeling of being single through poems eventhough they're such a bad word players, the adventure of dating and even hooking up by either chic writing or eroticism, and the glorifying feeling of finally falling in love just to make their readers envious of what they're having.

but what they didn't know is that once the relationship ended its their blogs that suffer the most.

and ofcourse, that puts his readers down too. but give it a month or so, perhaps a wild imagination of words and associating it to that blogger, you'll see that that blogger already had a new one or probably just took a hiatus for all you know.

well take it from me folks, i know. I JUST KNOW!

so who are you among these? huwag magdeny! hahaha!

45 comments:

GENE-use said...

can relate sa number one. HAHA. i had a blog that spoke of one person for three long years. at nang natapos ang lahat, goodbye blog. delete to the highest level. haha.

eniwey... nakakatuwa naman to :D

Gilbert said...

Di sa pagiging defensive, pero di ako nakipagbreakup kaya ko end yung blogging. unang una kelangan may syota ka muna bago ka makipaghiwalay! hehe

umepal lang kasi yun yung comment mo sakin :)

Nice post though, sigurado ako madami tatamaan dito.

line of flight said...

it makes you wonder what kind of narcissism drives someone to incessantly talk about themselves in the manner you describe in No. 1.

bwisit! said...

pano na lang yung mga umiinom ng bunggang bungga? hehehe. one of these days someone should hunt bob ong down and interview him...

Lance said...

patay na ako..tadtad ako ng tama sa post na ito..LOL

Dhon said...

I can Relate to almost all.. except the last one....:)

MakMak said...

Buti na lang fairy tale ending ako palagi. Wahahaha! :-)

Ako nga lang yung villain sa story.

Hehe. Pero may nakalimutan ka - after the break-up, usually, may mga tao na dun lang ulit naaalala yung mga kaibigan nila. :P (Bitter? Hahaha.)

Doc Mike said...

pakilagay na din ang pagpunta sa Bed? hahaha!

ACRYLIQUE said...

haha! Great compilation. Tumpak na tumpak! Ang daming gumagawa nung number 1. kaya wag na wag i-dedicate ang blog sa magiging ex mo. :)

dencios said...

pinagsasaksak ako ng post na ito.

Tristan Tan said...

All except one - I don't change networks, period. Naka-plan kasi. Haha.

Trip said...

funny. u came up with 10 items when in fact it is only number 1 that u really want to highlight. am i right? hehehe

♥nova-san said...

I guess we all can relate to each outcome in one way or the other. Going through a break-up can be devastating, and sometimes just trying to figure out who are you as an individual when you're so accustomed to being part of a couple, well, it can be overwhelming. We try each and every action we can to "get over" the breakup or give the illusion to others that we are better off as a result of the breakup. So we get our haircut, go on a diet, do all sorts of things to let everyone know how fabulous we are.

Cute post!

Eternal Wanderer... said...

I'm always brigth and sunny after a break-up...

ETCHOZZZZ

wahahahaha

wanderingcommuter said...

gene-use: nanghihinayang naman ako sa blog na yun. sayang! anyhow, thanks for dropping.

gilbert: hahaha. hindi daw defensive. sige na nga... natatakot na nga ako sa mga comments eh.

lof: hahaha... severe. believe me. hehehe.

bwisit: hidni ko na kayang idescribe ang sarili ko sa pag inom eh. may kilala akong kilala si bob ong. pero ayaw niya sabihin kung sino. tsk! mahilig ka din pala pumunta sa gloria jeans! hehehe.

lance: siguro may medical insurance ka naman. hehehe.

dhon: sana hindi din mangyari yun sa iyo. hehehe.

makmak: talaga lang fairy tale ang lovestory mo ha? hehehe.

meron kaya yung prodigal friend.

doc mike: hahaha. sa mga PLU ba yun? hahaha. generally speaking ako eh. nyahahaha! pero nafefeel kong based from experience ang comment mo. hehehe

acrylique: korek,. dapat sa iyo lang at importante din huwag magsyosyota ng blogger din. hehehehe!

dencios: sana insured ka, hahaha!

tristan: hahaha. or siguro may extra sim ka! hahaha.

trip: hahaha. mambubuko ka talaga! kahit kailan! che! ayoko ng magpangalan! hahaha.

nova san: perhaps all in all, its basically how we look for our ways to move on. whatever that is the point is as long as we our now able to step forward and drop it of... miss you, nova!

wanderingcommuter said...

eternal wanderer: sabi nga ng boss ko dati, echosera ka! hahaha!

Arvin U. de la Peña said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
engel said...

^how could you comment after that?

wanderingcommuter said...

hahahaha! umilag ka na lang...

Dhon said...

kapag magyari yan sa akin.. Ill echo your post!

Kiks said...

wow prolific pa rin after all these years.

wala pa akong nararanasang nasty break up for the simple reason na...

now i know where or whom to turn to pag meron na. ;-)

so ilang beses kang nagfarewell sa bloggers mo?

Jay Vee said...

aughts!!! :(

hahaha

wanderingcommuter said...

jayvee: nakailag ka ba? hehehe dapat pala may warning ako sa intro ng post.

kiks: hahahaha.... once lang naman. pero hindi yun dahil sa broken heartedness. hahaha

Aris said...

humorous yet truthful and insightful! friend, ang galing mo talaga. bow ako sa'yo. :)

Goodboi said...

Although I never had one, the nastiest for me I guess is to fret about the break up all day in bed, with full blankets on. Right?

Xall Percé said...

I lol'ed when I saw the briefs. I have that same brief, same color, same style...

ELAY said...

mukang ako dito ung emo eater and sentimental seeker. haha nice post...

jericho said...

hoy.. ilan ang ginawa mo dito? hehe

The Scud said...

sa #6 lang ako naka-relate. haha. i read a few months back that bob ong is not one person but a group of persons. totoo ba?

PrincheCHA Fiona said...

syet ka, ihateyou! :p

The Green Man said...

OUCH!!! Sapul mo ako tol. BULL'S EYE!!!

Yj said...

papa Ewik, bakit sa dinami dami ng nabanggit mo, wala man lang number diyan na pwede kong i-associate ang sarili ko....?

wahahahahaha

huwag ka ng kumuda.... hihihihi

KRIS JASPER said...

Well, Im semi retired for the last 2 months.... But my lovelife is ok (defensive). LOL!

jayvie said...

i would have to agree on all of these. Ü

true, after a break up, meddling with your hair is something you would want to do, as if washing away the bad memories with your hair. and of course, to have a new look, too Ü

Clipped Wings13 said...

hahaha. love it.. my score is 7 out of 10...

there were other things I've done that were not in the least..

can't help but laugh when I read it from 10 to 1..

I like the ice cream part... you dive your spoon in.. savor each scoop. to realize the answer wasnt at the bottom of the container..

Clipped Wings13 said...

sorry I mean "list" hehe not least...

Victor Gregor said...

i agree with line of flight. i've been thinking much about that lately, too.

parteeboi said...

10? Ahehehe. Although I'm not YET single, but this relationship that I am with right now is just too not normal that I don't know howto describe it anymore.

It's killing my some parts of me at the same time giving birth to a me that I didn't know that I could become.

argunn said...

"neng.. di ako tinamaan. try harder"


(sabay punas sa balikat ng kuko ko sa kaliwang kamay, sabay tingin dito, tapos a cold stare for you.. atsaka sabay ang famous "tseh" ni princhecha fiona.)

"erik, di mo kailangan mag-derivatives, simpleng addittion lang yan. tseh!"

theLastJedi said...

' geezz.. im a little bit of all that.. and perhaps more..
- poignant and sharp your post was, so easy to tell that it comes from somethin' deep and personal..
' juz keep it up.. make urs a proof that a blog shall exists with or without a lovelife.. =)

xxxborgexxx said...

medyo busy nga di na'ko nakakapagsulat :(

ordinary_guy1234 said...

hahaha nakarelate ako sa number 7 haha

pero hndi nmn undies ang ibinigay ko. nyahahaha

isipipis said...

hahaha! kapatid, asintado mo.

i couldnt have worded it better.

the donG said...

hahaha... bob ong as emolord. isang book palang nababasa ko sa kanya.

jinnakexds3 said...

well actually tinamaan ako on one of those things that you said on item number one. but i'm not gonna say which it is.
anyway the blog i have is just to release something i feel or vent out or stuff like that. but what you wrote is true :)