top 10 outcomes after a nasty break up

10. the emo eater

what better way to channel depression than eating? after months or even years of depriving yourself from food; through counting calories, measuring oil consumption, and just munching an imaginary grain, nothing is more rewarding than grabbing a half gallon of ice cream or a humungous block of chocolate, without the words LITE, NON FAT or NO SUGAR in their label.

never thought that true love could cost this much effort.

and if you also noticed, for most new singles, sweets are the top options in the list.

why?

well, duh?! obviously, its to neutralize the bitterness. hahaha!

9. the new hairdo

this is a classic and probably the most immediate thing to do for people who come out from a break up. i remember, i once wondered how come barbershops and salons are such big businesses. eventhough having a haircut is not that expensive compare to other countries.

source

then i realized three things: first, thats how big the broken hearted population is in the philippines. second, perhaps, thats how fast most people drop their partner off (its as witty as saying your partner is as cheap as a haircut). and lastly, thats how expensive having a divorce in other countries. no wonder we don't have such law, lalo tayong magihirap kapag nagkataon.

8. the bitter

i think this is a give away. but come to think of it, coming from a nasty break up is not always a bad thing. people coming from one happen to have a good chance in becoming either the new charantia endorser or even a good ampalaya substitute. and to top it all, recent studies show people who have quite a number of nasty break ups have a lesser chance of getting diabetes.

the downfall of it on the other hand, is they tend to make your beer awfully bitter. so cover those bottles guys!

7. the sentimental seeker

these are the type of new singles, that you will think are already fine from their break ups. since they are already making scenes and pulling all the attention from a partying crowd. but suddenly, you will just catch them staring at something from you or from other people. then the next thing you know they are already bursting in tears.

"that was the same underwear i gave him! huhuhu...though the garter in that is still tight. but still..." attach more huhuhu's here.

note: such also apply among people, places, animals, gestures, activities, sex, movies, songs, do you still want more? the signs are endless, you know.

6. the network switcher

whenever an unregistered number sends me a message, my immediate reaction is always a big "OMG! who is it this time?"

for some odd reasons, this is one of the most common things most new singles do after their break ups. odd because: first, whats the point of changing your cellphone number if you memorize your ex's number by heart? second, why take all the effort of hiding, if your ex knows where you live, where you work and knows almost all of your friends. besides, you were the one who excitedly introduced him/her to them, right?

and lastly, are you really that conceited to assume that your ex will still contact you for a second chance? dream on! you're the one who cheated asshole!--- okay that was purely me. sorry!

5. the prodigal friend

when you thought s/he is already out from your BFF list in the grounds that s/he never texted, called and even met you up anymore, after tying the commitment knot to that irrationally possesive-paranoid-psycho, here s/he comes crying and asking for your shoulders again. reaffirming completely all the reasons, you've said a million times, why s/he should not commit to that person.

obviously, s/he will be the same person again, afterwards, like the way you used to know him/her. s/he will text, call and meet up with you just like before. you're almost inseparable.

but hey! don't you just drop that wall yet because believe me, there is a big chance that this will happen again anytime soon. so whoever, invented the line, a friend is always there no matter what happens, must probably have friends who doesn't trust him/her at all. or probably, i am just ranting again.

4. the new bob ong disciple

almost a year ago, i have officially tagged bob ong as the ultimate emolord of the philippines (ofcourse, that is next to dabo, who is the ultimate emopotent and jake, who is also diligently climbing the chart), after receiving a large volume of forwarded quotes from his books, even up to now.

interestingly enough, i have also noticed that most of my contacts who keep on forwarding his quotes are either friends who just recently came out from a relationship or friends who are still effing single because they haven't moved on yet, considering it has been years.

now, i wonder, is bob ong already married or atleast have a partner? but what i wonder more is, how tragic his lovestory could be? it could have been more tragic than the hamlet to come up with these what seemed to be hopeless and lovephobic lines. what do you think?

3. the revenging player

i always believe in karma but in the ground that it should be through the natural cycle of life. thus, i disagree to those who live with the line, eye for an eye.

but for some new singles, revenge could actually be sweeter and juicier than their ex's best sex, did i rhyme it right? but the more disturbing part is, if they can't get it from the ex, then they will get it from others.

in other words, instead of sharing the love in the world, they would share the misery of falling, literally falling, just to get even. from there, the vicious cycle goes on.

so for those, who are desperate enough to feed on new singles for the belief that rebounds are easy catch, then think again. for it may be you who are into their bait.

2. sympathy fisher

these are new singles that practically don't do anything exept emitting negativity in a 100 mile radius, worst than the one dropped in nagasaki.

actually, i don't really have problems with such for i understand that this is a natural after effect for anyone who just came out from a relationship also known as bitter after taste.

but sometimes, negativity for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even midnight snack is just extremely exhausting. it drags all the happiness in you to a point that you are already colder than cold cuts, forgotten to be thawed and clueless what the word warm and love means. okay that goes too cheesy.

but if you are a book worm and saw that movie from one to six and looking forward for the last. then probably you already have a good picture what this people looks like. and yes, it starts with the letter D.

1. farewell bloggers

and to wrap things up, i personally decided, to put this one in the top of my list. for almost four years of blogging, i noticed that this is quite rampant among bloggers.

it seemed like its a growing trend among online writers to have their blogs, regardless of what they write, to be somehow the story of their lovelives. the whining feeling of being single through poems eventhough they're such a bad word players, the adventure of dating and even hooking up by either chic writing or eroticism, and the glorifying feeling of finally falling in love just to make their readers envious of what they're having.

but what they didn't know is that once the relationship ended its their blogs that suffer the most.

and ofcourse, that puts his readers down too. but give it a month or so, perhaps a wild imagination of words and associating it to that blogger, you'll see that that blogger already had a new one or probably just took a hiatus for all you know.

well take it from me folks, i know. I JUST KNOW!

so who are you among these? huwag magdeny! hahaha!