silence

there we were lying on the floor beside each others' body, catching our breath as we share the same stick. its been a while since i saw your face. i almost forgot the mole beneath your jaw line and the way your eyes just stare blankly on such occasion.
its been six years, J and here we were again, together. sharing the same thing that was up to now remained unknown but we never mind talking about. all we know was, we were doing it despite the absence of reason.

suddenly, words came out of those lips that i have longed to touch.

"have you ever thought of settling down?" that was probably the most emotional question you have asked from me.

"probably," i answered.

"if we already have our own, will we still do this?"

"i guess not for it is simply unfair."

"i guess so too."

then silence walked inside the room without our notice. the same silence that keep on reappearing whenever we are together, haunting us as to hold our tounges inside our chests.

"if ever, will you be my best man?" he asked again.

"spare me," i answered while struggling to hold my tears from dropping unto his arms.

then silence began craddling us to slumber. as the day broke, all i could do was to accompany him as we walked out of the gate. just like the usual, i never bothered asking when will we meet again and just let fate decide for it.

two years later, i found you again. but not through a message from my cellphone or any cross roads like before. i saw you from a social networking site. i eagerly checked your profile up, browse almost all of your pictures and finally, closed the entire window.

i shut my eyes infront of my screen recalling each of those photos that in a way told me how you were. but beyond that, your eyes were full of colors and your smile was something i have never seen before.

all i could do was to smile and catch my tears as it fall.

oh, i just miss that silence.

*i must admit there are still moments from which the silence i have created within myself for six years is still haunting me.