revelation of love

sabi nila, kapag inlab ang isang blogger, madalas hindi siya nakakapag update...

well, totoo yan!

at isa ako dun.

kinikilig ako. tinatamad akong magsulat. dahil mas madalas akong nakakapagsulat kapag nag eemo ako o may problema.

pero ngayon, masaya at inlab ako.

ang hirap humugot ng inspirasyon para magsulat. mas maganda pang namnamin ang kaligayahan kesa isulat...

so, kanino?

inlab ako sa kanilang dalawa.

kay Jason at Melissa... at may palagay ako, kayo din! kahit ayaw niyong aminin!

i love MELASON! big time!

why rent?

lately, i kept on ranting to dabo* and kuya joms how i hated going to work. dabo's usual reply and famous line would always be, "work pays the rent."
then just tonight, i remembered this commercial from the national housing authority, where a woman asked her husband, who was furious with their landlady because of frequent house rent increase,"habambuhay na lang ba tayong mangungupahan?"
although, i am not really a strong believer of the government's endless promises and hypnotic junks, the question moved me in a way.
i remembered a period in my life, where i was so hooked into this business-oriented show in rpn 9, go negosyo, where i would literally wake up before the show begins. sometimes its even out of will. the obssession was not only because of its charming hosts nor the fact that its not favorable to sleep under a hot manila afternoon, but also because the show is really engaging and inspiring.
they have this one episode that i will never forget, where they interviewed a successful filipino entrepreneur (i forgot the name though). the man said that one reason why there are only a number of successful businessmen in the country is because filipinos are "culturally not risk takers". they are more comfortable being employees. since being one, would only require them to work their asses and then just expect their salary every 15th and 30th day of the month. in a way, what he said is actually true and has a point. i thought, probably the riskiest and most common thing that most filipino venture, is opening up a sari-sari store.
for most of us, we are scared of failures and even more afraid with the idea that we may not be able to stand in our feet anymore once we fall, atleast financially.
i would not deny the fact that i am one of them. honestly, i would probably be one of the most unconfident person that you'll ever meet. but please don't give me your alms--- yet.
i eat, drink, and live with "constructive" criticisms all my life, that i already forgot how to accept compliments. this eventually reared me, unconsciously, to be a perfectionist, as much as i want to deny it. i do appreciate the things that i have done. but by the time i would compare it to another person's work, that is the time that i am bombarding myself with the mistakes and flaws. then insecurities will just follow.
a year ago, a friend manage to see the compilation of my art works and liked it.
then she asked, "are you selling your pieces?"
i said "no."
she asked, "why?"
i told her, "would you sell a piece of your memory that already became a piece of yourself?"
she didn't answer my question. but told me that her fiance's family business is into art exhibits. she offered me a venue and equipments for free. but i didn't answer her (as well).
now, burnt out of the things i do at work, i am already considering the invitation. i realized that i need to stop being sentimental about things of my past and begin creating new ones from the things that is ahead of me.


*i don't know why i don't call him kuya? baka kasi offending saka compliment sa kanya yun. since he's older than kuya joms... HAHAHA! its back, DABO, ITS BACK!!!

does age really matters?

one of the saddest things that i have heard recently, is from this infomercial of abs-cbn. it was about a video clip of a child saying, "i don't know what my age is." for most of us, we determine our age from the number of birthday celebrations we had, memories of that day that we have spent with our family and friends and basically, if we know how to count. but for those people who lack all of these, i wondered how is it like living clueless with your own age?
knowing our age greatly affects the choices and actions we do in our life. we use it to plot specific action plans and decisions, in order to maximize the time that we have.but some would say that everyone is actually blind when it comes to dealing with their life and that no one trully knows what is at the end of it or if there is actually one. and in these, i could totally relate.
i am already a degree holder and got myself a job. but i am still having the hardest time whenever i am asked what i really want to do with my life, especially whenever we are talking about careers. i have so many things that i want to do and i still keep on looking for another. probably that is why at the end of the day, i end up confused.
yes, i know i need to focus and determine the things that i believe would make me feel fulfilled and successful. but as of the moment, no matter i squeeze and push myself, i am just lost.
but then i realized that for people who doesn't know their age, aside from the thousands of other factors that are not available for them to outwit their challenges, living is more like walking in the middle of a vast desert: no road and no sign. basically, no idea of where they are heading and to worsten things more, these are kids, vulnerable and helpless.
i feel so selfish after watching the informercial. it made me realize how petty these things that i keep on ranting about. when in fact, ishould feel grateful about the things that i have achieved and possesses.i complain about the degree that i took because the world doesn't provide sufficient jobs for it. when in fact there are billions of other people who can't even send themselves to school. i complain about my work that despite it is well compensating, i don't feel fulfilled, without thinking there are an alarming number of people who are unemployed and devastated with poverty.
ofcourse, these lines are not new to us anymore. probably, you have heard these to our parents and friends for the millionth time. but sometimes you just have to see the actual picture or better yet experience it for us to fully understand the meaning of those statements.
now, i am already 23 years old. although i am aware what my age is, i can say that i am like this kid. someone who still doesn't have a clear idea of what lies ahead. but regardless of this fact, the picture of that kid uttering those words, atleast, gave me an idea where to begin. hopefully, by the time i am able to ride with the current tide, i'll make sure that i will definitely go back to these kids and build them a road. so that they'll be able to have a clearer way to take with their lives even if they don't know their age.

is skin color really matters, nowadays?

disclaimer: the following article would probably be one of my lengthiest post ever. but please just get the gist!

the other night, i found myself hook to this us talk show out of extreme boredom. i got really interested on it because they were talking about racism brought about by skin colors. they've discussed the common notion that the lighter your skin complexion is, the more attractive and advantageous you are in the us.

check here for details of the episode.

the entire audience was extremely furious and yelling "racist" to this woman guest. the reason?
the woman confessed that she kept on telling her 12 year old boy, not ever date or bring a dark-skinned "chick" in her house. well, i guess, we couldn't blame the crowd, can we?

but surprisingly, the woman was also an african-american. although her skin is 'quite' lighter than most of the black audience in the show, or what most south black americans as yellow-skinned.
then everything went worst, when this woman actually told the host, who was also black, that she doesn't want to have dark-skinned grand kids with big noses and full lips. simply because she found them less attractive and intelligent. well, just beat that guts dude.

while watching the show, i just can't stop myself from getting disturbed and at the same time relate their rants to our context. then i thought, is there also a room for racism in the country? or is it just that we don't have the term for it, thus, we (also) lack knowledge and/or sensitivity for its existence in our everyday life?

for me, racism is very obvious in our society. by just mere seeing hundreds of skin whitening product ads and billboards along edsa, we could already tell that there is indeed a prevailing racism against the general filipino population in the country.

but ironically,most of us, don't really feel discriminated with such. the intriguing question is why?
some would actually argue that,
* not all filipinos are dark-skinned---uhuh! good point. but not enough.
**we are raised believing that white is good. while black is bad---huh?
***many of us perceive and agree that whiter complexion as clean. while dark-skinned as the opposite---"...".

first of all, i think that there is a need to understand the concept of race thoroughly. as defined by webster, race is any of the different varieties of population of human beings distinguished by physical traits, blood types, genetic code patterns and inherited characteristics. while racism basically as the belief and practice that directly or indirectly asserts the superiority of one race over another.

filipinos are classified as mongoloids. indeed, we are mongoloids as connotative and retarded as it may sound. we are technically identified as such from the two remaining primary race: caucasoid and negroid, because of our black hair, round dark eyes and medium brown to dark skin.

nonetheless, same with the us, it also goes that not all of us share the same physical characteristics. our rich (prehistoric and colonial) history and the growing (or disturbing) cases of online mail-order marriages and OCWs at present, would actually tell us that country has become the melting pot of all colors of the world. it is even becoming problematic nowadays, what a filipino really looks like or is, if you're going to watch pinoy big brother or any other local reality show or beauty pageants alike.

i get the point that these shows would just like to promote and highlight the diversity of the filipino race. however, it always occur to me that what if such is just a mere excuse for what is in fact a form of racism in our media. or probably, i am just being too pessimistic.

take for example, a friend's experience., she was a singer who i met in baguio and auditioned for a reality singing contest here in manila last year. basically, she blew the judges away with her voice. in fact they even made this aware to her. but one of the judges blatantly told her that they don't actually accept dark-skinned hopefuls. they even advised her to try auditioning to the other stations instead. because they've heard, they were accepting dark-skinned talents.

i felt sorry for my friend upon hearing this. obviously, after that audition she never tried to such anymore.

now, it aggravates me more to watch people, especially those typically pinoy dark skinned talents not passing the audition just for the reason that they don't have that "star quality". probably, even you couldn't also blame them from thinking that the concept of star quality is equated to beauty with/or having whiter or lighter skin complexion.

another case was this little aeta boy i've seen in a documentary show. he was interviewed primarily for the topic of child labor in a sugar cane plantation. but when he was asked what he feels whenever people from work tease him because of being an aeta. he answered that he just ignore them because he believes that he is no longer one (aeta). simply because he is already in the lowlands and has no intentions of going back to the mountains.

like the documentarist, i also felt alarmed and dismayed with what the boy said. i was alarmed about his life. because atleast for me, i believed that a future is always vague and hopeless to be determined or taken by somebody, who doesn't even know himself. where will he even begin?

but come to think of it, you couldn't also blame the poor kid. because for those who are like them in a society where opportunities to prosper are determined by the color of your skin, there is no other way but to deny the bitter fact of their fate, in order to atleast survive.

then i look at my skin before i went to bed that night. it was not that fair nor dark. but in a way, i still couldn't stop myself from feeling fear.

the true man

since its woman's month this march, i have thought of writing down something related with it.
even before i have learned how to put deodorant, i have already vigilantly boycotting one specific deodorant brand.
i was in elementary when my nose first fell inlove with this refreshing but musky scent my uncle used to wear. but i wouldn't say that everything that came in next was history, dont'worry. my uncle was living with us during those days in manila while finishing his college years. i so like the scent that i dropped using my cologne that time, atlantis. then i was secretly sneaking into his room whenever he goes out and excessively spray it out all over my body. admit or not, wearing cologne during those years makes you stand out in the class.
eventually my uncle noticed that his month use of the product dropped to a week or couple of so. so he confronted us and asked us who was using his deodorant. it was actually the first time i heard of the word and realized that it was not something that you spray on your entire body rather it was something that you put in your armpits. from then on, i just can't wait for my body sweat just to realized later the true essence of the saying: be careful of what you wish for.
nonetheless, i didn't confess of course. aside from the fact that i was stealing something, my uncle would probably running his nuts out hearing that i was using his deodorant spray as a cologne.
but it was not that reason why i started boycotting the brand it was because of its commercial advertisement that i saw a couple of months after.
when i was in highschool, i had this girl seatmate in which i really had a big crush on. we were both transferee and don't know much people at school. so we were virtually inseparable until all of a sudden our class escort, who was for me, the epitome of narcicist-go maniac freak up until now, courted her. eventually, we don't hang out together. he was always tagging along where our class escort was just to find out how a**hole that guy was.
one day, i overheard his circle talking about them and find out that our class escort happens to have girl friends for each of the highschool in the area. i was so mad and could not believe that there is actaully a person that could do that thing. my friend eventually learned about this and decided to broke up with him. but that didn't stop there.
when my friend and our escort broke he began spreading rumors that it was actually my friend who courted him and insisted herself to be his girlfriend. being the diplomatic me, i didn't raise a fist fight. instead, i wrote nasty things about that guy inside the men toilet and even wrote his home phone number at the backseat of a public bus that goes across the entire region. just don't ask me what did i write about him attached into his number. i just don't want to switch the sympathies that i have already established.
the incident was probaly be my launching point of being gender sensitive and knowing the concepts of machoism etc.
a couple of months after the incident, the commercial advertisement of axe aired on local tv. if i remember it correctly, it was man walking a long a street. then after the man put on the deo, women he came across with became hysterical and chased him. somehow, i could clearly see the face of our escort on him and it made me flare.
but the personal angst towards him transgressed into a more bigger setting when i reached college. i can say i began to be more consciously aware and sensitive regarding gender matters.
i feel that airing such commercial ads puts the women back on the position that they are struggling to break away. it is like saying that men is always in control against women by a matter of a spray or two with the deodorant.
it boost the macho ego sexuality in every man and creates a false notion that using the product would enable them to fulfill their sexual pleasures. i really find it very insensitive for the part of the woman. as if the ad is commodifying them into a thing that is controllable and has the purpose just to abide with what the man says.
i am man and i am doing this not because i wanted to brag that i know this social things. but because i have a mother, sisters, aunts and even girl friends who deserve the proper respect that they are giving to me.
for me, a true man is someone who respects others and is willing to make a change into somthing that he finds wrong.

tv spoiler: coffee prince

i don't watch telenovelas. but last weekend was an exception. i've spent my entire day off to watch one.

i remember that before i swore that jewel in the palace would be the last telenovela that i am going to watch. but due to persistent suggestions of my friends to watch another korean telenovela, coffee prince, i just found myself buying a copy and watch it for the entire weekend.
probably whoever coined that term, peer pressure, wasn't able to make it and say the word twice.

the story is about a girl who carried over the the responsibility of being the head of the family after her father died. she works for various jobs from doing food delivery, teaching taekwondo for kids, stitching eyes for stuffed toys,peeling chestnuts and literally everything that could earn her money. then he met a turning 30 year old, arrogant, happy-go-lucky bachelor who was being forced by his dying grandmother to get married and settle a business. it started with a very bad acquaintance and with the physical characteristics of the girl, she was mistook for a boy. eventually, there stubborness somehow made them work well along until the guy was forced by her grand mother to take over an about to crumble coffee shop and triple the investment in a three month span for him to prove himself. obviously, he employed the girl. but the main twist was the coffee shop only employs males to follow the name of the bar, coffee prince. afraid of being fired, the girl kept her identity and remained pretending to be a boy. what she didn't expect was she found herself falling for the guy and same thing with the guy to her.

almost everything about the story has the same ingredients. in particular with the highschool formula: the more you hate, the more you love. but what was nice about it was it tackled a lot of gender issues that transcend from the limitation of heterosexual relationships. it depicted not only the issue of the abused women. but also tackled the emotional male, the tendencies to fall in love with the same sex, and the inevitability of society to accept such relationships.

at the end, it just came into me that it is possible that the original draft of the story intends it as a man-to-man relationship. but since the majority of the target audience are still heterosexuals, they adapted it into the format that would still be watched by the general public. nonetheless, it was still able to execute it with effecient gender sensitity and atleast exceeded my expectations.