marie, marie, marie part 2

the issue of morality has been as old as the birth of religion. it is basically grounded on the definition of 'determining what is right from what is wrong?' generally, we are bounded by it and expected to think, act and live with it for it is believed to promise preservation of order. thus, we are defined by our own sets of moral values.

but as societies change, would moral values follow? or would the right still be right and the wrong would still be wrong? what if morality is even the one that is defeating its purpose, is it still morality?

last week, i met an old friend in a nearby cafeteria to make some catching ups. we haven't seen each other from the last time she left baguio almost five years ago. i've learned that she is already engaged to her boyfriend and thinking of tying the knot probably early next year.

honestly, it was a big surprise for me, knowing that she has been with a lesbian for the longest time before, even before we first knew each other. after her former partner died because of a road accident three years ago, i never heard from her again until now.

i first met her from a common friend in baguio, she happened to be inside the same circle of friends that i have. my first impression about her was, she was always silent, rarely smiles and very reserved. among gatherings, it was actually her partner that do most of the talking, while she would just silently sit beside her and patiently listen. honestly, i was quite hesistant to approach her at first. scared that she would just push me back. but it seemed like i hit the right spot when i was able to strike a subject of her interest and made a good conversation out of it. eventually we became good friends and despite the distance that we have, we constantly get in touch with each other once in a while.

it was just that day that i have also learned that she was actually a very religious person even before she entered college. she was an active member of their christian church up to the present and have a very strong groundings with her religious beliefs and moral rootings.

in the middle of our conversation, she opened herself back when we were in college. she confessed that despite loving her former lover, she still regrets it because no matter angle she looks at it, no matter how hard trying to justify it, she still end up tagging it as immoral.

she added that she was young then, naive, and just like any freshman college student who had been sent far away from their parents, she exaggerated her independence and tried almost everything including loving the same sex. she claimed that independence vagued her morals and if not for that accident that happened, she would have not realized it. honestly, at the back of my head, i couldn't stop myself from thinking, that she could have been blaming what they have to be reason of that accident, that it is a punishment. nonetheless, i didn't bother to open the idea up, instead i asked her if she did love her?

an ackward silence cut the distance between us. as if she was trying to dig the answer from the deepest recesses of her consciousness but something was pulling her back. until she finally struggled to spurt it out and said yes.

the answer was basically enough. i no longer hesitated to throw any follow up questions anymore. from that moment, as much as i wanted to, i could not claim that i completely understood where she was coming from. but the moment i saw her eyes trembling for the first time ever, i felt the struggles and the contradictions she was trying to win over.

probably from now, you should have known that i am a great believer of respect. respect begets respect, as i usually say it. nonetheless, respect is also not always something that requires two or more individuals. for most of us, although we are actually aware of it, we sometimes tend to take it for granted. respect begins from one's self. in order for one to give out his respect or even claim it, one should learn how to respect his/herself first, and that atleast for me, is the true meaning of morality.