baler

 “Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea”

- Ana, y tu mama tambien 

this year marks a good start of another way of communing with myself. 

through silent howls and dancing currents

through remnants of everything we have left behind

i have learned more how to commune with you

in vino

"i like you," those were the words i heard as i drew my face near the shadow that grabbed me from my P7 bacardi coke and mojito.

"how about introducing myself first?" i said.

the shadow smiled.

"james, and you are?"

"A"

"pleasure."

A introduce himself as swedish, who was with another swedish friend (who A later revealed to be A's lawyer).

"care for another round of drinks for you and your friends? my treat."

but before i could refuse, A immediately went to the bar to get us a round of tequila. when A went back, all of my friends were already screaming, dancing off-beat and sweating profusely.

it was the first time, i saw them these loose. but i cannot blame them for we have drunk our three nights limit that night.

it was indeed a very wild night. honestly, no one can even remember clearly what happened. everyone has their own story of another.

someone had to carry someone from station 2 to the end of station 1, marking the entire trail of with what he had for dinner.

someone knelt on his bed and peed on his pillow.

someone almost lost his iphone but lucky enough to retrieve it after bravely slipping his hand inside another person's pocket after hearing it ring.

while someone had the chance to touch a couple of guys' 6 packs abs just to decide whose nicer.

it was just crazy.

"wanna go out from here?"

"i think i need to attend to my friend first. he is already wasted."

"you are just a sweetheart."

please. i am just not fond of compliments.

not our friend. hahaha!

"i don't know if i would take that as a compliment though."

"you should and seriously i like you," A repeated.

"just excuse my friend. A has a tendency to reiterate something A wants to point out, especially when the person also has the tendency not to believe it." then C winked.

"i bet you two are really good friends."

then we all laughed. A still insisted but the picture of my friends already slumbering in front of the comfort room was something my conscience could not really bear. but before we called it a night, A requested a favor.

"can i borrow your phone for a second?"

realizing the place to be a bit crowded and it would difficult for anyone to make a quick escape, i handed it over.

it was some digits and an email address. but what really caught my attention was As complete name.

a complete name:

first,

middle

and family name.

then it struck me.

***

honesty is just a breather nowadays, especially in a place where everything was supposed to be kept hidden.

thank you for the smile. appreciate it guys while is still genuine.

the eighth brew

funny how things are going with me so far.

reading my entries several months ago, made me realized how much i have been ranting with how unfulfilling life had been going--- work wise. how monotous it had became that it already became a stagnant routine, almost draining all the life energy in me, making me almost surrendering with such hopelessness.

now, i find myself sitting on an empty hotel bench, infront of a beautiful pool with a turned on jacuzzi above, while having a good smoke, my eigth cup of kalingga brew, and a laptop sitting on my lap to actually boast everything--- just kidding!though back in the metro, i am still trying to desperately ask friends to do my enrollment for it is only up within the week. but time is so rare nowadays, that i cannot afford to include such in the things that i am presently thinking. so i am letting my years of friendship to do the magic.

actually, i still cannot say that this is the best job for me. but i am trying to love it--- enjoying it! besides, its not really common nowadays, to have profession that travels a lot, meeting new faces, hearing different stories and experiencing a totally different breathe.

(huwag lang tayo pupunta sa usapin ng lovelife dahil nanununtok na ako lately sa usaping yan! hahahaha!)

it was our last night in baguio. friends were texting for a meet up, for catch ups. but unfortunately, the demand to prepare for our next trip was that heavy that i have to sacrifice some invitations. it was infact, depressing not to meet friends that you haven't seen for a while--- dear and close friends for that matter.

i guess, baguio already had placed itself within me that it is already hard to set it aside. memories, regardless how minute and embarassing they maybe, constantly haunt and remind you how life slowly molds you to an entirely different individual; whether you like it or not . well, i guess, change is indeed inevitable, never easy and we just have to suck it up--- hopefully, for the better.

the following morning, i woke up by a call in my phone. i sluggishly reached and answered it.

"sir, si malou po ito. nandito na po kami ng driver. san po namin kayo pupuntahan?"

i just told them to meet us in the mezzanine for breakfast. then i asked my partner to use the bathroom and prepare first, while i hurriedly pack my things. after packing, i approached our room window and made a last glimpse to the metro and its rare vacated morning.

then i silently whispered, "someday... someday."

ang tunay na wanderer...

... hindi takot suungin ang mga one lane rough road,
no barrier beside the cliff,

na may countless landslide
over foggy weather na national road!



*i miss writing. kahit kailan napakahirap kalaban ng oras!

*the following are actual photos.

child play: masbate, dangerously beautiful

i looked at my ticket again and read 5:15 AM.

it was already 3:45 AM,and without any sleep, i have decided to go straight to the domestic airport from tomas morato, after having countless bottles of beer (again) with my bedan blockmates. i have been officially baptized as the "ultimate kaladkarin" of the group

i flipped the next page and read another name printed on it. my supervisor instructed me to wait for this guy at the airport and he will introduce himself there.

when i arrived it was already 4:10 AM, and no familiar face was on sight. i tried to contact him and a man with a deep voice answered the phone, apologizing tremendously for being late.

he arrived right after the last call. i already failed to profile him for we immediately rushed towards the check in counter. the clerk told us that we were just in time, the gate was about to be closed. we only had the chance to talk when we were boarding, he introduced himself as M. he also works for the same company as i am but in a different department. he also seldom goes to the office, no wonder he is not familiar.

it actually took me a while before i was able to ask him what will his role be in our current task. he smiled and looked at me.

"i will be your BG," he answered.

i caught myself really surprised. it was actually the first time that i will have my own BG, at least for this project.

he explained that the area is relatively risky for someone like me. though i know how to speak the language, it is still not enough to handle unexpected situations. right that very moment, i already thought of enrolling myself in a martial art class.

***

we arrived in masbate at exactly 6:30 in the morning. we went straight to the hotel we are staying, reviewed my itinerary and proceeded with all the necessary retrievals required.

masbate is a province in between the island of luzon and visayas. but it doesn't have any hints that it is detached from the main land luzon for almost all familiar establishments are present there. it almost reminded me of my dad's hometown, sorsogon, that also made me realize that my ancestors are actually rooted in the island of ticao, another island of the territory of masbate.

i called my dad and informed him that im in masbate. but i never thought that ill be more surprised than him. for the first time, he was really concerned. for the place has a reputation (whatever that means).

then M told me that aside from its beautiful beaches, masbate is quite famous for its insurgencies and numerous ambush attacks. but i was never bothered since our intentions were not something political and besides, the conotation for the leftist groups has never been an issue with me. i know these are just one of those black propagandas.

***

we went to the centro to take a ride going to our area. there, we were given an option to either take the tricycle or habal-habal, (a trip, where 3-5 people are forced to fit on a single motorcyle). of course, i took the tricycle ride for i know it will be bumpy and dusty; and with the equipment i am carrying, falling from a moving vehicle down to a rocky road is the least thing i want to happen.

on our way to the area, i saw a number of passing habal-habal, that made me realize that it is really the most popular and cheap mode of transportation in the area. it costs around Php10 per person while the tricycle can soar 'til Php50, but what really got my attention were the mini buses.

its your typical provincial mini buses, where most passengers are outside the vehicle. there are even kids on top of each. actually, i was a bit intrigued with them. for aside from being only around 8-12 years old, without any adult supervision, each of them were also holding long and dark pellet gun and shot guns. cut soda bottles, attached with a piece of string, wrapped around their heads, covering their faces. their movements could tell me that they were aggresively and anxiously waiting for something or someone.

then i noticed another set of kids that were standing along the bumpy and dusty road, also holding pellet guns. in an instant, they were swiftly clicking their guns and firing at each other. a good ten shots flew at both parties. when the mini bus made a good distance, each party posed a series of aggresive poses, insulting each other, as of resembling to the cracking dance.and the same scene continued as we drove along.

but what made it more surprising, was that no adult riding the bus, reacted nor opposed of what happened. it was as if nothing really happened. and during my entire stay, as i go back and forth to the area, the exact scene repeated over and over again.

somehow, it made me remember the film, cicade de dios or city god.

then i realized, if this is the kind of child play, someone has been exposed to while growing up, no wonder the place has already enveloped a negative reputation.

in such setting, ambush or any violent attack, regardless of how irrelevant they maybe, will eventually be deemed legitimate or ordinary by such society.

ironically that night, we attended a town fiesta activity, i clearly remembered one of the lines the provincial education superintended said in his speech. he describes masbate as dangerously beautiful.

please be reminded that i do not intend to write this entry to throw bad words against the province. i just want to point out an event that seems to be invisible to the locals. i am not questioning any morals nor traditions. perhaps, i am just trying to send an inquiry across, expecting an opinion back.

***

another surprising scene in the province were the kalboys.

or kalyeng baboys (akala niyo ha?!).

unlike the domesticated pigs i used to see from the places i have been. the kalboys in masbate are free to wander around the perimeter of its owner. it runs with the dogs, whenever their master call and feed them. they chase each other and sniff things new to them.

i can just imagine how manila or other nearby provinces will look like if such treatment to pigs is enacted. vegans will definitely rule!

***

relatively, there is no night life in masbate. so i decided to just stay in my hotel and think of anything else to do. but i failed. the day was so boring for me, that it lived with the province name, literally. hahaha! kiddin!

paano pa kaya sa trip ko sa panay??? hahaha!

***

after masbate, we rode a fast craft going to sorsogon then legazpi city!

despite numerous times, i have seen mayon, it still never fails to awe me. its even more breathtaking if you'll look at it above.

nung highschool ako at wala pang jolibee sa aming baryo, sikat ka na kapag kumakain ka dito--- sa quick n' hearty. hahaha!

going down the queen

"packed your things. you'll be leaving for cebu today."

then the line dropped.
immediately, i opened my cabinet, sort fresh clothes from the laundry and stuffed it inside a small shoulder bag. no more time for second thinking of what i still need to bring.
in a matter of 5 minutes, i already caught myself hailing a cab and riding inside it.
two hours later, i was already walking along mactan international airport looking for my contact, where she later brought me in a hotel in cebu city.
***

i must admit, it was my first time in cebu. actually, it was my first out-of-luzon trip. alright, it was also my first AIRPLANE ride (roll eyes to geek and toiletots).

***

cebu doesn't have much difference from manila. if not for the language, i can wake up there believing i am still in makati or in quezon city. your manila signs obviously are there: the heavy traffic, rows of commercial establishments, fast paced commuters and of course, the ayala mall.

***

a friend once advised me, never ask in filipino/tagalog in cebu because most of the time, they would answer you in bisaya (he believes, it is cebuano's way of getting back to manilenos prejudices against their accent). he added that i should rather ask them in english. but being me, i still insisted in asking in filipino. luckily, i understood the language eventually.

***

other than food and hotels, the three major businesses in Cebu are:

1. water vending machines; 2. spas; 3. foreigners.

water vending machines

i guess, "ice tubig for sale" is already long gone. in cebu, water vending machines are almost everywhere, especially among busy streets. the concept is you get a sheet of plastic bag, located on the side of the machine; open it right below the water funnel, then drop a peso. then, water will just automatically pour and stop once it reaches it serving level. you then tie a knot above the plastic and bite a hole on the side. then the rest is just gulping.

massage/spas

like, water vending machines, spas in cebu are crazy everywhere. almost every street has one. they offer a wide array of services from full body massage to facials and foot scrubs, and it doesn't even costs that much. usually, it ranges from 150-250 php/hour.

if you try checking online and compare your results to other key cities in the country like manila or davao, you'll learn that the number of cebu masseues and masseurs are winning by miles.
now, it makes me wonder if either it is indeed stressful to live in Cebu or the people are just...

fond of relaxation.

it was also in cebu that i have heard (note: heard, not learned nor found out) the linggam massage.

foreigners

at first, i always believed that the huge number of foreigners are concentrated in Cafe Havanna in Greenbelt 3. but when i went to cebu, it appeared as if the entire Cebu islands were the main branch of Cafe Havanna.
unfortunately, for some of us, it seemed as if whenever we see a foreigner, they automatically register to us as stacks of cash; or whenever we see a foreigner together with a Filipino partner, we immediately connote that that the Filipino is a milker.

you can understand this by observing how aggressive and assertive certain subjects are towards foreigners, especially among malls and bars (particularly in Mango Square).

i guess, this is another part of colonial mentality that we failed to look into in our history and sociology classes.

***

when riding jeeps, people from cebu don't rely on the signage. they rely on the number-letter on top of each vehicle: 13C, 4B, 12L etc. as if they are map coordinates.
there are also cases, from which, when you ride a certain jeep going to a certain destination (for instance, 4C). but you will be needing to ride a different jeep (12L) to go back. or that was just me being dumb with directions again. hahaha!

***

after almost 4 months of no rice diet, operation: no rice diet was suspended in cebu. who can resist their presentation? and it only costs 2php.

but i guess, the bottomline is, you cannot fully enjoy cebuano food without rice along with it.
especially the cebu lechon and POCHERO aka BULALO (don't expect Cebu's pochero with tomato sauce).

***
looking for popular place to eat, friend suggested this place, where they serve the best grilled and raw food. so i hailed a cab and told the driver,

"manong, SHOOT-TO-KILL po tayo!"

i swear, i saw him laughing at me (eto pala ang feeling nang nadidiscriminate dahil sa accent). ***
i really enjoyed going to Cebu. infact, the supposed to be 5 days stay was extended to 13 days. i consider it as a working vacation, since our job there is to pose as a tourist. and they are planning to send me their again for a 2-3 month project. but if offered, im thinking of declining. for me, the time frame is just too long.
personally, cebu is for vacation, not for work.

but then again, kung malaki ang food allowance at may prospect love life baka ma- 'let me think about it ako.' hahaha!

random summer thoughts

the summer heat came in early this year. so we decided to hit the beach earlier too...

its been a while since i've been to this so called mecca next to malate. and surprised to see how many people were there that time. isn't that peak season suppose to start around mid-march? well, i guess we should thank global warming for that.


***
though most of the beach tourists were filipinos, i was just surprised to see how many foreigners were there. no surprise to koreans, obviously, since they're everywhere (no pun intended). there were even a number of bars along the shore that seem to be cafe bola in greenbelt. foreigners sit there from sun rise to moon set. well, i guess, someone from the DOT is really doing his job.

***
i just miss the beach. despite the scorching summer heat that really whips the skin, the sea was surprisingly soothing and chilly. its even interesting to see how the beach strips off the hesitation from everyone. some were flaunting how gorgeous their bodies look, while some just didn't care.

***
the place was generally serene, calm(ing) and inspiring... too inspiring that im already thinking of getting into shape again.

so who i am with? i'm with some close online friends...

and the most popular among them is this guy...

can you guess who this guy is?

the tits clue should already be a give away. hahaha!

giving up???
alright, one more clue...

so who's your guess???


.

..


...










TAMA!!! he's my inspiration in getting back to shape!

ANLABO NOH???!!!

hahahaha!!

walang connection!


kaya nga random di ba?! hahaha!

enjoy your early summer ovulation este heat pala, guys!

*photos courtesy of pedrong kawali.

repost: saan nagwawaksa ang mga tula?

sa alaala,
doon ka nagsimula

isang buwan, isang linggo
at tatlong araw
ang gunita mo'y patuloy na umaalingangaw

binilang ko hindi ang oras
kundi ang alimuong lumandi sa buwan
hinintay ang sandali na maubos ang mga butil

na umaamba
sa kawalan na nakatulala

habang pinupukol
ang pagsayaw ng nagdududang dalampasigan

kinabisado ko ang pagluha ng mga bato,
inaalam ang pinagmumulan nitong nanunuot na lansa
habang kinakalas ang taling kumanlong sa bukas

teka,

hindi ko pa nais na masaksihan kang muli
palapit sa aking pagnanasa

pakiusap,
huwag mo ulit yakapin ang aking pangungulila
dahil alam naman natin, sa iyo pa rin nagwawakas
ang aking mga tula


*mula sa aparador ko'ng amoy naptalina
linikha noong ika-pito ng abril, 2006

**alay sa isang matalik na kaibigan at sa kanyang pagsasarado ng humigit kumulang tatlong taong relasyon.

are these for real?

noong una, ito lang ang paalala nila:

pero ngayon lumelebel at chumi-cheesy na sila:

may mga supporters pa.

love (heart) emo

hulaan niyo kung sino si dabo dyan.

may prize ang makahula. hahaha!

pero above all, super nabother ako sa news clip na ito

shit andami kong friend

ang hindi mapapatay kung ganun.

buti na lang! hahaha!