version 3.2

it has been more than two years.

two years since the last time i wrote something personal.

reading back my old entries made me realize what an entirely different person i am now. i just turned 32 and i am just glad that i followed a blogger's friend advise of not shutting this blog down way back.

blogging is not as big as it used to be. many blamed micro-blogging or twitter killed it. while some believed that there was just too many distractions now online that many cannot last staying in just one webpage for more than 3 minutes.

eventually, many bloggers, including myself, unconsciously turned their backs away from their blog pages and found different outlets to express themselves.

but once in a while, you find yourself typing that familiar URL address and wondered how it felt like again. how it leads you to other peoples lives and rekindle their stories and conversations you have made. how you imagine how they look like behind their blogs and the truth and lies from their stories. until like a warm stream of gushing water, it overwhelms you. it out-powers you with so much memories and nostalgia until you tell yourself you cannot take it anymore.

yes, writing an entry nowadays is like opening past wounds.

for some reason, i am scared to rekindle past emotions as it may mixed up with my current content. i fear that past mental muses will haunt me again and lead me to that deep abyss of complications. i am terrified with the thought that after all these years, i find myself back to where i first started.

perhaps it was just recently when i was resolved that i am indeed a very emotional person: that my arts and thoughts were linked on how i managed and struggled myself internally. thus, i learned how to suppress my emotions, evade those moments of deep thinking and just taking everything as it is.

i restrained my politics and avoided others. i refused to listen to other peoples' struggles as i find nothing new about it. i stopped holding a pen to draw or write poems. simply speaking, i grew old and had different priorities; made myself distracted and for some reason i liked it.

but eventually it makes me realize there is something wrong, lacking or missing. so you tend to force yourself to face all these again and see how it goes from here again.