Thursday, November 15, 2012

discreet and fear

"hindi ako takot, discreet lang ( I am not scared. I am just discreet)"

way back, i always believed that the reason why some gay guys chose to be discreet is because they are simply scared. they behave and act based from what is expected or to simply put it to blend in, which is probably the most effective means to protect one self.

but would it be possible for someone to be discreet without being scared?

perhaps, i am one of those fortunate enough to have walk this route of life and met people not everyone has the chance to: or perhaps they have, but failed or refused to recognized them.

many would argue that life is simply composed of bilinear concepts. two fundamental elements that compose life: good and bad, black and white, man and woman. several years ago, the introduction of a wide spectrum brought about the introduction of several colors, which in turned caused massive arguments, even until now.

but what makes it surprising is how an emerging concept sprout even in between these struggling spectrum.   its as if it is continuously giving birth; as long as there is someone who will contemplate about it. many societies have discovered various preferences from gay to transvestite, transgender, bisexual, asexual to straight-acting, tripper, top, bottom, versatile, effem, butch, fairies and it seems like the classifications are endless. its interesting how from labels it transgress to preferences. how it creates political mistakes, modern sensitivities and even quasi-confusions bring about argument, debates with the end goal of introducing newer perspectives. its interesting how life will no longer be limited to just two, three, seven nor any definite number  that it has finally reach a range wherein it will eventually becomes endless as long as people will continue to contemplate and understand or even there mere denial.

hence, many would argue that you do not need to cross dress nor to be flamboyant  to say you are gay, which could probably be the same as saying: you can be discreet without being scared.

however, the mere claim of being "discreet" connotes several meanings. by definition, to be discreet is to be hidden. regardless, of reasons, the mere recognition of being one would mean that s/he is uncomfortable of revealing something. but i guess, this would not necessary say that someone is already scared.  or probably i am just contemplating on the statement too much, which was simply uttered out of the loss of a better term.

or am i?


Anonymous said...

very nice input :)kudos to you sir!

rudeboy said...

Discretion is the quintessence of propriety.

Does being "discreet," as far as the term is used in the LGBT community, necessarily imply that one is afraid? In most cases, I would say yes. The "discreet" or closeted are fearful: of being found out, of being censured for being found out, of the social stigma of being labeled bakla, of all the repercussions of being identified/outed as gay in society.

Having said that, I'm a little saddened that the term "discreet" has been co-opted to mean "closeted" or, gawd, "straight-acting." Can one be accepting of one's sexual preference and still be discreet? Yes. Can one be openly gay and still be discreet? Absolutely.

Except that of all the ways of being gay, it is the loudest that naturally sticks to the public mind. A real shame, that. As you yourself said, ewik: there is a rainbow of ways of being gay, and the loud, fierce, brassy bitchy drama queen is, while valid, a stereotype that not all gay men aspire to.

But that's another conversation that's best conducted over booze and/or coffee.

ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ said...

i struggle with this. i am baffled, considering my published scholarship and my former militant activist and the fact that i'm married to a man, would ever confuse someone into thinking i were straight or open to listening to homophobic rhetoric. yet, unless someone has known me for 20 years or read my entire oeuvre, no one ever assumes i'm gay (unless they are openly gay). then, when some people enter into homophobic rhetoric or compulsory heterosex discourse, i wonder if anything other than full self-disclosure undermines my own integrity -- as sometimes, i don't feel self-disclosure is warranted.

wanderingcommuter said...

rudie: so can we say that being discreet is actually an act of breaking stereotypes rather than a personal defense manifestation against something that could hurt the id?

wanderingcommuter said...

flight of line: i think its always an issue of expectation. regardless, on how we tell ourselves or other people not to be defined by expectations, our unconscious still tell us otherwise.

in other words, i guess, we just have to live and deal with expectations by the moment. :-)

kalansaycollector said...

hmm i guess discreet and fear are kinda sisters. lol
why hide something if you are not scared to share it?

discreet as preference... another color to our fab fab rainbow.

rudeboy said...

@ ewik: It can be both a stereotype-breaker and a personal defense mechanism.

I wish it were more the former than the latter, though.

JM said...

anlalim brad :)

tama ka, anlawak na ng spectrum ng definition ng pagiging bading. a few years back i found myself struggling with the notion of my, er, gayness, kasi alam ko ndi nman ako ung type na nagdadamit babae or ung kinagisnan nating definition ng isang bading, ung tipong parloristang bading. tsaka naattract din ako sa babae. so hirap ako to classify myself. it's only now that i am making headway into analyzing myself and my sexuality.

um, sharing ba ito? haha!

what i think is this. discreet is not actually one of the many classifications of gays, but it's a way of handling it. let's take for example two gays, ung isa mas malambot so mas halata. pero both don't flaunt it. i think both are being discreet about it. it's just that dun sa isa mas halata.

i also think discreet had just been attached as a label, if you might call it that, to those of us who are also attracted to fellow men but hindi halata.

and i think it's both ways. one can be discreet because of fear of being outed. or discreet just because ndi rin nya trip to broadcast, pero will not deny if asked.

disclaimer: the above are just my opinions. i don't declare them as universal truths. if someone is offended, my apologies..

ash said...

discretion, is the youth of homosexuality.
straight-acting, is a preference of homosexuality.

ash said...

another perspective:
discretion, is a personal preference
straight-acting, is a perception of personal preference.

Girl on Fire said...

I remember asking a friend kung ano tawag niya sa sarili niya.

I remember him telling me, "what you see is what you get..."