a brother's worries

for most of us, we always think how is it like for someone to come out of his/her closet. we always symphatize to the burdens and foreseen consequences of the person coming out to his/her family. we have heard and shared stories of rejection, discrimination and even ostricization. but have you ever thought how is it like for their family to know that their son, daugher, sibling, mother, father, wife or husband is gay? and how they accept and deal with it?
earlier, cris, a close friend, privately talked to me while we were drinking in a popular dining place here in diliman. he told me he wanted my honest opinion about his problem with his sister.
cris is straight. although we were schoolmates from baguio, it was just when i studied in san beda that we became good friends.

he told me that her sister is frequently seeing this woman. at first, she introduced her as her best friend and often goes to their place. but suspicions arouse when he started catching them secretly holding hands, kissing and even locking the room alone together.

cris doesn't need his social sciences degree to know that his sister is a lesbian. although he admits it is still hard for him to accept this, the least thing that he could do is to accept and support where his sister finds herself and her happiness.

source

cris is a very intelligent person and perhaps one of the most open-minded straight people i have met. probably, if it was not him, i have already heard again the tiring worries of growing old alone, being ridiculed, discriminated and even hurt to name a few. but none of it spurred out in our conversation. nonetheless, it was the first time i have seen him that worried.

i have realized that admit or not it is always easier for us to be open-minded, liberal and accepting to things that are deemed socially inacceptable, as we give advises to our friends. but it is different and way harder, if it is one of our family member that is involved.

cris and his family are very close. thus, he is bothered if whether or not he needs to tell it to his parents. for him, they ought it to their parents. they have the right to know. they may never accept or understand his sister's personality, decision and life, but they still need to know. thus, he consulted me.

i advised cris to hold his silence and allow his sister to decide or to take the opportunity to confess it to their parents. coming out is not an easy thing to do, especially in a society like ours that is not expressive (assertive). most of us, live with the line, what you see is what you get. in other words, unlike other western countries, coming out is not a neccesity for filipino homosexuals. for we relate to other people based on what we perceive them to be without any direct confirmation. but ofcourse, this can also be dangerous at times. nonetheless, we just simply know.

indeed, we ought it to our parents and family. but unlike others, because of our close family ties, filipino parents know their children more than anybody else.

i told cris, that not because their parents are conservative, traditional and religious doesn't mean that they are clueless about who their children are. sometimes parents just let things the way they are, for there are just things that are better left unsaid and in the process, they learn to accept it.

suddenly, i saw a wide smile on cris' face, as if it affirmed me that he understood and probably in a way considered.

i grabbed my bottle of beer and softly hit it on his.

then i told him, "probably there may be a million of parents and siblings that are wanting you to be with them. your family is very lucky to have you. cheers to your sister! cheers to you, cris!"