Monday, July 28, 2014

confession of a male concubine

i dont know how long we have been lying down that time. all i could remember was the gentle rhythm of your snore and how i patiently followed the shadows in your wall.

i dont know if i have ever told you how i love looking at your window. amazed on how competing sky-rises have missed blocking such a rare urban sight from the inner view of your room: a moon set.

always finding a certain feeling of loneliness when the shadows have finally disappeared. its time for me to go back home.

i recalled the conversations we had last night after i asked you if feelings bother someone alike when it comes to sex.

you answered. it will be stupid for someone to equate sex with love. you have sex just to answer an urge. you fall in love to build something way more lasting, something more secured (i silently laughed at the last word).

i became silent. the answer could definitely put any hoping soul to their respective places and from their i already knew my part.

i pulled my pants up. hoping it will hold without my missing belt on. but it could only last for the next 12 steps before i have to pull it up again.

a close friend once told me how annoying i could be when i start talking and thinking about life's technicalities. its funny that i have thought of this while asking myself why shoes are designed to fit a specific side of the feet while socks don't.

if one should not equate sex to love, then why are there people who question love just because of sex?

its interesting how people paradoxically put confusing weight on the topic of sex and love. some will say its situational and practical while some say its selfish.

but if someone had sex with another other than his/her partner would that mean s/he doesn't love his partner anymore?

is relationship and fidelity exclusively anchored by sex, by love, by both or by something we always deny to matter?

our social contracts have told us that this is how it should be while the rest of our consciousness would clamor it should have been another way around.

before i could finally close the door, i took one last glimpse at you. your body at your side, pushing your legs to your center, hugging and looking for that warmth. honestly, i always liked this part; for this is the only time you are vulnerable. the only time i can be the one who leaves you behind.

i just hope that later, by the time the one who truly owns that bed space returns, s/he will feel my warmth on those sheets as it hugs across your body. just at the very least, s/he knows that i exist.


Victor Saudad said...

on that last paragraph...

you could just leave your undies behind.

wanderingcommuter said...

hahahaha... thats a good idea. LOL

kalansaycollector said...


bwisit! said...

"is relationship and fidelity exclusively anchored by sex, by love, by both or by something we always deny to matter?"

hmmm... interesting question. siguro those into poly relationships will have a field day with this question haha. why is it nga? probably we return to our atavistic self when we are in love that's why we are so protective of our lovers? but since man has evolved and can philosophize his actions then maybe we can separate sex from love? do i make any sense? love the post! very interesting. based in your experience ba ito? hahaha

wanderingcommuter said...

kalansay: naks! salamat! hehehe

wanderingcommuter said...

i believe love and sex are significant aspects of the social.

there will always be those questions since it is inevitable for societies to evolve.

i guess thats what makes love and sex interesting because it will be forever changing. there will never be any absolute answers. its always a matter of temporal and personal perspective.

lets just say that its based from a real life experience. hehehe

wanderingcommuter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
♥ N o v a said...

We always want to leave our mark somehow, right? Whether on the sheets, or in their mind, it seems the very basic desire of humans is to just be remembered.

JapaneseAdobo said...

i always believe love never equates sex. you could be with someone you truly love but not sexually compatible with; and have someone you're sexually compatible with but cant seem to have that deeper connection. nice post

Ryan See said...

Why do you wish to make your presence felt? Isn't it supposed to be a secret affair?

I'd like to understand.

Having almost become a concubine myself.

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