patience also waits

three years ago, there was a boy who just kept on ranting about almost everything after college. he ranted about how he missed his friends in baguio, how he needed to spend so much just to have a good conversation over stranger after strangers, how he struggled in watching movies alone and keep all his thoughts to himself after the curtains close; and how frustrated and lonely he was walking along empty streets just to go to work, which he didn't even like, every sunday.

like any fresh graduate, he was full of idealisms and ambitions. he wanted to achieve and experience so many things and believed that he can do far more than what he was doing during that time. he was very anxious; as if he was always in battle with time. though he never really wanted to be rich nor famous, he was just simply scared that he might end up not doing the things, even him was not sure what they were. but after countless searches and attempts, he started trimming his options; bothering himself every night asking, what he did wrong and what he didn't do?

countless days and futile nights passed. but the same shadow didn’t let him go. until hopelessness devoured him completely. he just started not caring; and crying. he laid down on his bed and just let time pass and win him over. it was as if its the only thing he know he could do. the feeling was always paralyzing.

until an opportunity came.

there were a number of considerations at first but he still grabbed it. the environment was completely different. even in his wildest dreams, he didn't imagine himself working as one. of course there were times when he got tired and almost gave up. but during those time, he will always go out, waive a cab, pass it along a familiar building and ask himself,

"do you still want to return back to this?," while looking at different (un)familiar faces smoking, talking and enjoying every last seconds of it outside. he will pause and then his answer will make the cab turn back.

never did he realized that most of the things he was worrying about before just started landing one at a time in front of him.

i guess thats what they call patience, a friend told him.

tonight, as he waits for everyone to bid there farewells to him, he thought of opening and rekindling those posts again. he read them from one page to the next and could believe, he actually wrote them.

some he have already forgotten.

while some he remembered though the memory of every thought made this man a stranger even to his own words.

so whats keeping him busy these past months?

mostly work,

about a new company project,

a new team he is handling

and most of all, MORE wandering...